The apartment became empty, my soul was sad. And there is only one thought in my head - how to bring my husband home.
Don't make new mistakes
There is always a chance for the husband to return to the family. The beloved is also noted in the passport as legal spouse, and we have the right to communicate with him. There is no need to wave your passport at a meeting in an attempt to reason with him. Or constantly call, beg for forgiveness, try to pity them. The seal can be easily removed if the wife behaves too aggressively. And pleas, instead of sympathy, can cause contempt and neglect.
Running around your girlfriends in search of support and help is also not an option. Firstly, each person has his own view of problems. What suits one often harms another.
Secondly, one of the friends may start hunting for someone else’s husband. And he’ll also say nasty things about his wife. And we ourselves in our hearts are able to tell about the faithful what strangers do not need to know.
Try not to yell at your spouse or throw tantrums. Aggression is not the best companion in building relationships. All you will achieve with this behavior is to assure your husband that he did the right thing. Gain strength and courage to behave calmly in this situation.
There is no need to tearfully beg him to come back, do not humiliate yourself. He will feel sorry for you, but pity is not love. Make it clear that you are not someone who is easily broken, that you are strong and wise woman. This will at least earn your husband respect.
Do not blackmail him with children, an apartment or other common values. Men hate being pressured. Even if you force him to return, then normal life you won't have it anymore.
Don't ask him about your rival. He's in love. Foaming at the mouth, he will defend his mistress and remember all your sins. Don't torture yourself.
Don't try to take revenge on your husband by cheating. First of all, you won't feel better. Secondly, if your husband finds out about this, he will no longer want to return to you. Men take their own infidelities lightly, but women do not forgive them.
It’s better to be alone for now and figure out why your spouse left. And then make an action plan. It will also depend on the reason for the breakup, the situation in the family before leaving, and the character of the husband. Each case requires different actions, but there are general principles.
To get your spouse back
Try to look at marriage relationships from the perspective stranger. It is advisable to consult a psychologist for this - it is difficult to be impartial in such a situation. It is necessary to understand whether what happened is a pattern or a spontaneous outburst of emotions.
Perhaps the marriage had been cracking at the seams for a long time, but we refused to admit it and did not try to do anything. If so, then everything is natural. Breakup would happen sooner or later as a natural stage of a relationship. The couple needs to understand how much they need each other. And then all that remains is to wait and maintain good relations.
If you still want to return your husband to the family, he should know that his other half is yearning and waiting. Otherwise, the spouse may decide that he is not needed. And not to return, even if he himself goes crazy in separation.
There are other possible reasons for the rupture. The couple lived as usual: they discussed family problems, argued, quarreled, reproached each other for something. But formerly a man he was angry, he could remain silent or shout, but he did not leave.
It turns out that the intensity of emotions has become too strong. Who is to blame for this is not so important. It is necessary to keep a man from rash actions. In this state, he is capable of filing for divorce. Or start an affair to let off steam and get revenge. Then it won't be easy to get the relationship back. This means that you need to find your husband, treat him kindly, and apologize. Even if he gets angry at first, he will begin to calm down and will not commit reckless acts.
When family relationships collapse, it is especially important not to forget about the children. They suffer the most from the fact that dad is no longer around. Overcome your own weakness, become a support for them. But under no circumstances turn her against her husband. Children really need a father. Losing love and respect for him is too difficult a test for a child’s psyche. Let them see each other. In addition to taking care of the children, this is another point in our plan to bring my husband home.
During the breakup, try to become the same person you were before meeting him. After all, he was once madly in love with that woman. Take care of yourself, devote more time to caring for your appearance. Go visit your friends, visit the fitness center, update your wardrobe. You do all this for yourself, not for him. You just got free time to regain the chic that you had before you got bogged down in family life.
Be confident in yourself. When meeting with your husband, behave in such a way that he understands that he has offended you greatly, but do not act like a victim. Smile, talk calmly, but slightly aloof. Now he is probably expecting a violent reaction from you - accusations, screams and tears. Show that you have pride and live quietly without him.
During your life together, you probably have developed a common circle of friends and acquaintances. When your husband leaves, friends are divided into two camps: some are on your side, others are on your husband’s side. Don't lure mutual friends over to your side. Do not ask them for details of his personal life - this will become known to your husband and will only turn him away from you. Communicate with everyone as if nothing had happened. Avoid talking about the breakup - you probably have other topics to discuss.
Make new acquaintances, surround yourself interesting people. Go to the movies, theaters, and some events without it. Look for opportunities for entertainment, fill your life with new events. But you shouldn’t start romances yet. First, make sure that your husband cannot be returned. Or that there is no longer a need for his presence nearby.
Don't think about running around to fortune tellers and psychics. Their services are expensive and their services are questionable. As a result, in addition to an empty house, we will get an empty pocket.
The best tactic is to wait. If a man lives with another girl, he will not necessarily be better off with her than with you. The first romantic feelings will soon subside. They will be replaced by gray everyday life: dirty socks, tasteless dinner, each other’s unpleasant habits. You lived with him for a long time and probably learned to make his life comfortable. You know exactly what he likes for breakfast, how many suits to pack for his business trip, what medicine to give him for a runny nose. Your opponent does not have such advantages.
He is accustomed to an established life, and building new family- means getting used to the new rules. Not every man can survive such stress. So in most cases, husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses return home.
In any case, for a man to want to return, you need to talk to him. Calm, friendly, frank. If the spouse is too offended or enraged, he may not have such a conversation. There is no need to insist. Please try again after some time. The main thing is that he can at least listen without answering anything. And it’s important for a woman to choose Right words. Let's say it will be a monologue, but the husband will remember it. He will comprehend everything, draw conclusions and, most likely, return to his family.
The return of a man is possible even after a divorce. The main condition without which further development is impossible normal relationship- this is forgiveness. Only if you sincerely forgive each other can your family exist. Omissions, insults and mutual reproaches are the first path to defeat.
If your husband is having an affair
The husband does not leave, but you know for sure that he has another. He deceives you, and you feel like you are losing your man. You shouldn’t tell your husband that you know everything. Otherwise, you will either have to suppress the offense and continue to live with him, or demand a divorce. But you want to return your husband to the family.
First of all, stop being self-deprecating. You are not scary, stupid or fat. The husbands of even the most beautiful women take mistresses.
Don’t try to follow him, read SMS, ask your friends about who your rival is. In any case, he will find out about your behavior, and this will cause him either pity or disgust. And if it comes to a showdown and he has to confess everything to you, it will be difficult to contain his emotions. This will be another pebble in your garden: you are a nervous hysterical woman, and she is a gentle, wise woman. If after all these events you stay with him, then he will understand that you cannot live without him, and will cheat, almost openly.
Having learned that your husband is having an affair, it is better to leave somewhere under a fictitious pretext. Give vent to your emotions and cry a lot, and act calmly when you return.
All you need to do now is draw his attention to you. Change your habits. If his evening delays usually end in interrogation, start ignoring them. If you have been busy with everyday life all day, then you should rest and devote more time to yourself. Don’t constantly think about how to get your husband back, just live for yourself.
Take care of your appearance urgently: change your hairstyle, clothing style. Don't forget about the sexy underwear. But if you previously chose black satin sets, then try on something red or pink with lace. Let him see you by chance in new underwear before you go out. This will make him think that you are interesting to someone other than him. Jealousy is enough serious reason in order to leave a successful relationship on the side for a while, and seriously take on the wife “slipping away” from her hands.
Just don’t really have a lover just to take revenge on the offender. Maybe this will shake some of the men, but usually they do not forgive betrayal. This could be a great reason to break up with you officially.
Think about the mistakes you make in your life together. Maybe you are putting your husband down too much. Or maybe you seem so helpless and inept to him that you only irritate him. You know your husband very well and can understand what was wrong with you. Try to change internally - it will not go unnoticed.
It is unlikely that a man will leave you during this time. Usually, such decisions take a very long time to be made. Unless you push him by kicking him out of the house. Let him remember that you are the same woman he fell in love with many years ago. This should be a powerful incentive to look at you in a new way - especially if you change internally in better side. And you yourself will be able to decide during this time whether you need this person, or you can calmly let him go to a new attachment.
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Only advice from a psychologist, selected for a specific situation when the husband left the family, will tell you how to behave, how to survive what happened without harm to yourself. However, some general recommendations still exist.
How should a woman behave after her husband leaves?
1. Crying is allowed. splash negative emotions– the key to a woman’s somatic health. Relatives, supporting a woman in a situation, can advise her to “calm down,” “control herself,” and “don’t get depressed.” All this is true, but not at the first stage of addiction. Immediately after your husband leaves the family, you need to cry.
2. Think about the children. Or rather, about the resources for their life. The point is that such a moment is discussed with the husband in a calm manner. Therefore, you need to take several steps:
- If a woman is angry, learn to restrain herself, then arrange a meeting with her departed husband.
- If she still has no idea how to build a future life without him, she should meet in a common area, outside the walls of the house where the family lived.
- Until all the tears have been cried, you should not make an appointment.
There is still a long way to go before forgiveness and acceptance of facts. But following the first two tips will help speed up the stage of accepting that the husband has left the family and will create the feeling of some kind of backup path.
How to behave if your husband leaves the family and does not want to communicate?
1. Don't take revenge. Fight thoughts of retaliation against your spouse. Everyone will be rewarded according to their deserts (everyone remembers this). Alone with yourself, you can admit that the irresistible desire for the triumph of justice seems to be eating away at a woman from the inside. You can - and it is best to do so - discuss all these thoughts with your spiritual mentor. From the point of view of a psychologist, such thoughts are inevitable and natural, but the psychologist will also keep the woman from realizing them.
2. To help herself in the fight against sinful thoughts (and with another goal that is designed for the long term), a woman should not do it as soon as possible. So, there is no need to tear or burn photographs, spoil videos, especially when children are captured, or destroy your husband’s things. While your mind is clouded from resentment and pain, you can commit actions whose results you will later regret.
Some time will pass, calm will come, but the memorabilia will not be returned. Then, it’s better to put away the things you hate at the moment and put them away from view. And then, quarrels can be temporary. No one excludes the possibility of reconciliation and that after some time.
3. “Time heals” is a common phrase, its essence is controversial, but there is also a rational grain.
- Some people believe that it is not time that heals, but rather the one who replaces the lost energy heals. Some people believe that time helps you forget. Some say that time only makes things more painful. Most likely, such judgments are based on personal experience.
- One thing is obvious: with the passage of time, everything that happened will be perceived from a completely different perspective. And, yes, it will become easier - it doesn’t even matter whether someone replaces the man who left, or whether the woman is distracted by creativity, otherwise she will realize herself. A woman’s task is not to push back such a moment, not to rush it, but to patiently wait for the approach of a qualitatively different state of consciousness.
By the way, it is at this stage that the desire to take revenge, to get angry, to seek the truth, to prove one’s own innocence recedes. Perhaps you should encourage yourself by promising that...
From life. Alena was going through a divorce from her husband. He changed completely imperceptibly, quickly - she had not prepared in any way for his departure. As they say, like a bolt from the blue, the husband left the family. It was very difficult for Alena, especially since she had to communicate with her husband when he came to visit the children. In her youth, the girl experienced a breakup with a man whom she loved very much. She remembered that there comes a moment when everything passes. Day after day she waited for this moment.
Each person perceives the fact of calm in his own way. Some are sad, some are happy. To be fair to yourself, you should probably expect indifference. One that is perceived as day or night, like sunrise or rain in autumn, one that exists here and now. This means the woman was healed.
If the husband left the family for another woman, this is not a reason to become hysterical and think that life is over. Exists correct tactics behavior that will help avoid stress and solve the problem with dignity. It is worth deciding what to do after the breakup of a marriage, whether it is worth returning the departed man and how to do it competently.
Why did my beloved husband leave the family?
Lack of sex
So, the first reason a man leaves the family is a simple lack of sex. “Headache”, “tired”, “not in the mood” - sound familiar? It will pass a couple of times, and then the man will instinctively look for another partner, and if he likes everything about her, he can easily leave soon. This also includes routine in sexual relationships. And by the way, it’s a woman’s job to keep this fire going! Games, flirting, erotic lingerie, romantic evenings are not canceled in marriage! Cover all sexual fantasies of each other, otherwise your partner will cover them on the side. How to find out what he dreams about in bed? Ask!
Woman “turns on mommy”
This has already been “written and rewritten”, and still women do it. Not only do they not “let go” of adult children, everyone is fussing, not allowing the children to develop independently, but also the husband too! A man, believe me, can do everything on his own: wash his socks, clean the house, cook food, and look after the children. It is this “mommy syndrome” that pushes a man to leave in order to realize himself as a man in the family, and not to be a “doormat” under the wing of a super - caring wife. I know men who can only cook scrambled eggs on their own and don’t know how to turn on washing machine, and this at the age of 80! Nightmare! And subconsciously they don’t sleep with such a “mother”, the man will avoid sexual relations with such a woman.
We tried to change it for ourselves
We get married in the hope that we can make him what we want. Will not work. A man is a person, with his own principles, habits and beliefs. And the older a man is, the more conservative he is. Choose what you like and what suits you. You don’t go to the store for boots, but buy felt boots? When you change a man, he will freak out, get angry, and this will affect the relationship, incl. and sexy. This is from the series: I want the fish to become a cat, and immediately!
Insults flow like a river
If a woman humiliates and insults a man (even if he deserves it), especially in public. A man will not stay long with such a woman.
I stopped looking after myself
Also, one of the reasons why a husband leaves is that a woman is not well-groomed, including in everyday life. In fact, it is very important for a man to see a well-groomed, beautiful, attractive, sexy, cheerful woman at home (dirty robes, torn clothes, unwashed hair, etc. do not add beauty). Why, if a woman is a model (on the catwalk or fashion model) and a man knows about it, does he try to win her without often thinking about what her character is, her state of health, etc.? Because this is recognized beauty, and because... a man loves to achieve and conquer - that’s the object. A man sees first of all the picture, the beauty, and nothing can be done about it, you have to live up to it.
A man in a skirt, not a woman
It's no longer a secret that men like feminine women(the same as for women - courageous men). If a woman is used to deciding everything herself, “putting pressure” on a man, commanding, then he turns into a weak-willed creature and gets used to it. For him now his wife is like a rival. She's a man! What kind of passion is there already? In another case, if he does not want to obey commands, he quickly leaves for another.
Bad character
In the flower-candy stage of a relationship, each party shows their best qualities. When the marriage has already been formalized, they forget about this and open up “to the fullest”! Disappointment sets in: I took the wrong one, married the wrong one... If a man, for example, does not smoke, and a woman really likes smoking and is not going to quit, this can cause a divorce, although everything is fine in all other areas. This case is from my practice: 16 years of marriage with a really good relations and sex, but the woman could not sacrifice this smoking habit, and the man simply hated and could not stand cigarette smoke. The marriage broke up only for this seemingly insignificant reason. This includes alcohol abuse, not to mention drugs, even soft ones.
Mismatch of life principles and priorities
There are some beliefs that are easy to change, and some life principles, which usually remain with a person for life. Beliefs: for example, drinking 2 liters of water a day is stupid. After attending any training or going to a normal doctor, the belief changes in one minute and the person is already a supporter of drinking water. Principle: for example, I will never steal someone else’s thing, I do not use drugs under any pretext, I constantly learn new things and improve, I eat only food that strengthens and supports my body (this is the principle of health), I do not allow myself to humiliate, etc. If there are global discrepancies in principles, the marriage will definitely fall apart.
Relationships with relatives
There are people for whom relatives play very important role in their lives. Example: eastern countries. If your man is from this category, and you can’t stand his relatives, you’ll have to come to terms with it, just limit your time communicating with them. Quarrels with his relatives can also lead to a cooling of feelings.
What to do after your spouse leaves for his mistress
And now the woman is left alone, what should be the algorithm for her actions? It all depends on the specific situation. If a man does not have a new girlfriend, it is better to behave as follows: occasionally meet in a common company or at parties, while looking chic; invite your husband to your place so that he can pick up the remaining things and at the same time remember the warmth hearth and home; if the couple has children together, spend time together emphasizing the importance family values; if a man is seriously offended, there is no need to ask for forgiveness; you should prove through your actions that the woman has repented (show how upset you are, say that you will improve). Psychologists emphasize that a man’s departure does not mean a final separation. But if he already has a mistress, it will be more difficult to return his partner. How to behave in this case?
You need to proceed as follows:
- There is no need to speak ill of the homewrecker;
- When meeting a man, you should look perfect;
- You also need to find a suitor for yourself in order to awaken your spouse’s jealousy;
- You need to behave distantly and coldly, without showing your inner pain.
If your lover comes back and then leaves, and this continues for many months, you should indicate your position. The woman must emphasize that such a guest marriage does not suit her. She can find herself a boyfriend, saying that she will be able to live without a spouse. Psychologists confirm that the husband’s constant departure and return is a sign of his indecision and unpreparedness for divorce. The spouse is not ready for separation even if he is slow in submitting documents to the registry office. If a man is in no hurry to write a divorce petition, there is no need to rush him. A girl can send her husband romantic sms, occasionally intersect with him - do everything to make the thought of breaking up seem stupid to him.
What should you not do after your husband leaves your family for a younger woman?
Abandoned wives try to fix everything before the husband has completely lost interest in her. But this tactic is correct only if the man has not carefully thought through his departure in advance. It is quite simple to return a husband who left in the heat of the moment, offended by blackmail or his wife’s refusal, but it is no longer possible to change the situation in the event of a planned departure from the family with any persuasion, tears or promises.
Here's what we shouldn't do after our husband leaves the family:
- Look for a meeting with your husband, call him, write messages, start a showdown on the topic: “Who is to blame?” and "Why did he leave?" Such activity of a woman will never lead to desired results. Haunted Husband ex-wife, begins to feel like a “hunted game” and tries to run away from it at all costs. Indeed, some ex-wives manages to bring her husband back to the family, but this is only if she does not forget about her self-esteem.
- Feel sorry for yourself and cry, cherishing your loss. There is no need to make yourself a victim and consider your husband’s departure to be the end of the world. Try to calm down and not get depressed. The sages say: “When the first door closes, the second one will definitely open.” What you now consider a great misfortune may be the beginning of another relationship, much happier and more meaningful.
- Give up and stop taking care of yourself. There is no need to give up, because after parting with your loved one, life goes on. hair salon, Gym, beauty salon, solarium, swimming pool must be visited according to the previous schedule. Any activity that interests you will distract you from sad thoughts and help you forget your ex-husband.
- Take revenge on your ex-husband. We do not recommend threatening or trying to take revenge on your husband and his new passion. Such actions will not give anything good, but they will become a reason for your ex-husband to affirm the correctness of his decision to leave you. Do not try to reason with the rival to whom your husband left. She is different and she will not understand you.
- Explain to everyone the reason for her husband’s departure and tell all sorts of nasty things about him. After all, before he left, he satisfied you, and you did not complain to anyone about your life, so why now do you so want to be pitied and condemned. Be strong and don't pay attention to the rumors. Your personal life may be of interest to many, but there is no need to discuss it with work colleagues, friends and neighbors.
- Immediately look for ways to meet other men. Before starting a new romance with another man, you must understand that if you did not please one, then there is a high probability that the second will not appreciate you either. You should not step on the same rake twice. Now you must build your relationships with men more competently; you don’t need to associate yourself with a dishonest person just to make your ex-husband jealous.
To get your husband back, try using the alienation method. You must completely distance yourself from your spouse. Your communication should be dry and for business purposes only. Do not call or write anything unnecessary, no interest in his affairs and life, no discussions of your spouse with friends, no random and unnecessary meetings. At the same time, do not interfere with his communication with children, if you have them. Just don't be present at these meetings. For example, let your child go for a walk with his father, or leave the house yourself during this time. Do not respond to his attempts to start a conversation and do not give in to provocations. Most likely, your husband will be hurt by your coldness and aloofness. He expected completely different behavior on your part after the breakup. At some point, your spouse will make attempts to start a conversation and discuss your future relationship. Don’t rush to answer him, move on with your life, enjoying life, not paying attention to your spouse.
Soon his patience will run out and he will have a decisive conversation. At this moment you must be decisive and firm as never before. Don't live up to his expectations - don't shed tears, don't give any concessions, and definitely don't have any make-up sex. Your conditions must be clear, no conditionality and no bargaining on his part. If you make any attempts to make counter-demands, break off the conversation and leave. Yes, your conversation will be difficult and tough. But as a result, your eyes may be opened to the person who was with you long years. You may not want to return it at all.
Should I bring my husband back?
A woman asks questions: how to live, how to survive a breakup, what should I do? He is trying to return him to his family. But, if you still have thoughts about whether it’s worth returning your unfaithful spouse or whether it’s better to start new life, then honest answers to some questions will help resolve your doubts:
- Do you really think your future happiness with your spouse awaits you?
- Are you ready to learn certain lessons from the difficult situation in which your marriage finds itself?
- Are you ready to learn and change, to take your relationship to a new level?
- Are you ready to completely forgive your spouse and not blame him for your future life together?
If the answer to all questions is positive, then fight for the relationship. If at least one answer is negative, you should not cling to the past. Start a new life.
Each of us cherishes dreams of strong family, so often the departure of a spouse becomes not only a sudden, but also a frightening event.
Sometimes a woman herself closes her eyes to the approaching denouement, sometimes she is really confident in the strength family relations. Many people are lost in a situation if their husband has left home: the advice of a psychologist will help them structure their behavior correctly and avoid hysterics and scandals.
No matter how the separation situation is resolved: whether the husband returns to the bosom of the family or leaves his once beloved wife forever, it is important for a woman to preserve herself and survive the situation as calmly and restrainedly as possible.
How to behave after your husband leaves
After a man leaves, you should carefully analyze the reasons for the separation, even if he simply decided to temporarily live separately. One should never indiscriminately consider the man himself to be the culprit for leaving: it is likely that the reason is the behavior of his wife, family troubles or infidelity.
What is most important if the husband left home: the psychologist’s advice is as follows - to maintain one’s own dignity and create an image of unbrokenness in the eyes of the spouse. Be that as it may, he must remember his wife not as begging or crying, but as sensible and understanding.
ADVICE! Practicing psychologists recommend using the visualization method: write everything on a piece of paper probable reasons care that depends on both partners.
Awareness of the mistakes made and identification of situations that could have caused the conflict can be considered half of the work on establishing, if not rebuilding family life, then, at least, a normal relationship with her departed husband.
It is important to begin analyzing your family life not rashly, but after the first pain has passed and the opportunity to think sensibly appears. After all, in any breakup there are always two people to blame: there is no need to shift the blame onto the second participant, just as there is no need to consider only yourself to blame.
Sometimes women prefer not to think about what to do if their husband leaves the family and just go with the flow. However, such a position is futile: letting go of the situation without trying to correct what has been done means admitting your own helplessness or admitting your guilt.
How to behave correctly after a breakup?
You can often hear a woman say: “My husband left me: how to get over this?” In such a situation, a woman’s feelings and experiences should come first.
- Don't try to take revenge on your spouse by cheating on him or finding a new man. This act will be a selfish attempt by a capricious girl to attract attention.
- Don't try hard to get your man back. There is no point in putting pressure on him, arousing pity, blaming or threatening him - thereby women push their departed husbands even further away from themselves.
- You shouldn’t share your “grief” with everyone around you., putting your spouse in a bad light. Complaining about your husband is a wrong decision that will not give positive result, but will only provoke his discontent.
- Find an outlet for yourself. There is no point in becoming depressed or looking for shortcomings in yourself - all your strength should be directed to creation and improvement. A new hobby, a favorite job - these are the activities that will allow you to become happier, and therefore more successful and calmer.
- Maintain the ability to love and be loved. Feelings for your ex-husband will remain pure and bright, even if they are never mutual. But it is very important to preserve kindness and mercy, the ability to forgive those who have stumbled and allow love to unite the family again.
In a family with children, if the husband leaves, it is important to maintain “neutrality.” You cannot turn children against their departed father, shift the blame onto them, or manipulate them in an attempt to return their spouse to the family. Children should understand and feel the love of both parents, and their peace should be strong, regardless of the relationship between the parents.
ADVICE!Inevitable meetings with children are another option to try to improve relationships and let the departed man understand that he is still loved.
For strong women There should be no questions about “what to do if your husband left you”: self-sufficient personality will proudly accept any blow of fate.
Survive and endure difficult situation, draw the right conclusions and take the path of creation and love - this is the true path real woman, wife and mother.
The worst thing happened. Advice from a psychologist on how to survive if your husband leaves your family for another is now an urgent need for you. And there is no need to torment yourself and scroll through pictures of your former life together in your head over and over again, try to understand, explain how this could have been prevented, if this, if this. Don't blame yourself. There's no need to get angry. All these emotions will overwhelm you like a hurricane, but don’t give in to them. This will pass.
A psychologist's advice on how to survive if your husband leaves your family for another begins with the fact that you need to pull yourself together. Cry, if you want to cry, break the dishes, in a word, let your emotions come out. But do not commit any rash actions that you will later regret, and do not try to return the person who left you. And then, after you throw out your pain and negativity, pull yourself together, sit down, take a deep breath and try to understand why your husband left you? Don’t invent anything, don’t beat yourself up, clearly separate facts from interpretations. It's not easy, but you have to do it.
At the same time, make sure that the process of introspection is constructive. Don’t isolate yourself and your inner journey; many manage to live in this state for years, and it’s scary. For me personally, when I found myself in this terrible situation that I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through, Konstantin Dovlatov’s “100 days” courses helped me a lot. Having understood yourself, you begin to understand what is happening to you. You find reasons and solutions for what to do next. This may sound somewhat cynical, but a severe crisis is the most best time in order to rethink and reassemble yourself piece by piece, to learn forever not only the literal lesson that life gives you, but also to learn to hear the Universe and respond adequately to it.
It's darkest before the dawn
Of course, no one has the right to advise you how to behave. This state can only be experienced in practice, sensually, existentially, and not just in the head. After all, you are alive and well, life does not end. You have suffered severe psychological trauma, but this is not the end. In a word, the first thing you need to do is pull yourself together. It is necessary to understand that our memory is designed to remember only the good, abstracting from the bad.
Restore an objective picture of what happened in your now ex-husband relationships. Take paper and pen and write down all the bad things you remember: qualities, actions, words. Completely reconsider your relationship, starting from day one. For this purpose, you can use meditation or special psychotechniques, for example, recapitulation from end to beginning, from consequences to causes. One way or another, find recurring situations and emotional complexes, identify what caused them and who, roughly speaking, is to blame.
Another classic piece of advice on how to quickly recover if your husband leaves your family is to change your appearance, at least to a minimum, for example, new hairstyle and update your wardrobe. We women are designed in such a way that external changes very strongly influence our internal state - so take advantage of this our psychological feature for your own benefit! You also shouldn’t sit at home all the time and fall into despair. Combine daily reflection and recapitulation of what happened with physical activity, increase it if your life lacks one. Sign up, for example, for fitness, start running in the morning, you now have a lot of free time, and you not only can, but must devote it to the one and only You! You really deserve it.
Do not feel sorry for yourself under any circumstances and suppress any sympathy beyond the limits of symbolic respectful expression. Pity humiliates a person and makes him helpless. But you are not like that. You will now take control of your life and this tragic situation will make you wiser than you have ever been before in your life.
Don't think about revenge. Don't talk to your opponent. Don't think about her. As well as about your now ex-beautiful. Rise above it. Let them rejoice and go their own way, and you be above this. You are already above them, because they decided to hurt you. And you will overcome it and any life challenges that the Universe will give you, because you are strong. And live with this awareness every day.
What to do next
A psychologist's advice on how to survive if your husband leaves your family for another is applicable, of course, not only at this very moment. difficult period. After the initial emotions subside, you will find that your hands are freed up and a lot of time has been freed up. Be sure to find something to do. In addition to the above mentioned mandatory physical activity- even if it’s the gym or going to the pool, sign up for some interest groups, find a hobby. It's never too late to do this! Start getting interested in ceramics, delve into theater or film art, visit the Philharmonic, chat with friends, find new people to communicate with. The fact that you have suffered a personal trauma is not a reason to withdraw into yourself. Vice versa! This is an opportunity to open up to life and, with joy and surprise, discover new facets of it that you had not noticed before, being absorbed in a relationship with someone who ultimately betrayed you.
Don't make one of the most common mistakes abandoned women make. If you have children, do not turn them against their father. And in general, try to protect them as much as possible from all the wounding facets of the interpersonal conflict that occurred between you and their father. After all, the child’s psyche is very labile and vulnerable, trauma from negative experiences during the period of separation of parents, it can remain with the child for life. Resolve the issue of children with your husband in an adult way, without involving the children. Take full responsibility for this moment.
It would also be an excellent step, if you have the opportunity, to take a vacation and go, for example, on vacation to another country. You will unwind and relax, cope with stress more easily and put your head in order. At the same time, of course, you shouldn’t rush into holiday romances as belated revenge on your now not-so-cute ex-spouse. You rest for yourself and gain strength. A change of environment is one of the best ways to do this.
Who is guilty?
In any conflict, both sides are always to blame; only the degree of their guilt and what exactly it consists of differs. Do not completely shift the entire burden of blame for the breakup onto your spouse. It is likely that you have a share of your contribution to this unpleasant, but not fatal, situation. Find out by being brutally honest with yourself as you review your relationship and its painful ending. If you are truly guilty of something, accept it. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them again. I repeat, you should never blame yourself, be tormented, or, on the contrary, shield yourself. It's all emotions. But life is built from completely different bricks. Think calmly, even if the subject of your thoughts is as hot as hell.
In a word, be on top and do not lose your dignity. The psychologist's advice on how to survive if your husband leaves your family for another agree on one thing: you need to learn to live for yourself and understand what is most important for you. Not as for half of a union, but as for an individual. You need to become aware of all your deep psychological currents and ways of reacting, all the archetypes that are attracted to you, all the lessons that are given to you. And here, if you want to really quickly and fully work out your internal problems, need professional help. Not only me, but also hundreds of other women, some of whom I now communicate with, were helped by Konstantin Dovlatov’s “100 days” courses. They not only help solve difficult everyday situations, but also leave a general feeling of renewal, returning the taste of life in finding oneself and discovering the world. You live and think, if everything is arranged so interestingly, what is next in this life, what other miracles are still hidden and are just waiting for me to appear? That's where we stand, my dear friends.