Swedish family life through the eyes of a Russian woman
A little about Vera (that’s what all her Swedish acquaintances, neighbors and colleagues call her, shortening the beautiful poetic name Venus for simplicity). When four years ago I found out that my college friend had married a Swede and now had a sonorous Swedish surname, I was at first amazed: “Well, friend...”. Then I frantically began to remember what associations I had with Sweden. Only the poetic and historical came to mind: “Hurray, we are breaking! The Swedes are bending..." And one more thing: “Destroyed like a Swede near Poltava...”.
However, when I found out that my other friend, who always claimed that she was an inveterate “bachelor” and her destiny was to live only for a child, marry a Finn, I was no longer surprised by anything, having quite specifically understood one thing: life at any age can be cool change, it is full of surprises and surprises. And it’s wonderful if people find each other and become happy.
I was especially pleased with the genuine high relations Russian mother-in-law with Swedish son-in-law. Venus’s mother did not understand not only Swedish, but also school English, in which at first (until she learned Swedish perfectly) her daughter communicated with her husband. In turn, Ove, the calmest and most polite person, a true Scandinavian, did not understand a word of Russian. So the mother-in-law and son-in-law constantly smiled at each other in the sweetest way. And no hackneyed anecdotal problems, not the “mother-in-law-in-law” theme. Ideal situation!
Having decided to tell readers about life in Sweden, the author chose the topic that is closest and most understandable to everyone - the topic of family. So what is she like? Swedish family? What can we learn from them, and what can they learn from us?
Most Swedish families - Samba
The Swedish family is not what you think... Most men and women in Sweden live in unregistered marriages, these are the so-called “sambu”. (The literal translation is “cohabiting”). Why? Firstly, the rights and responsibilities of a “sambu” are exactly the same as those of a legal husband and wife. Secondly, an official divorce (its procedure) costs 
It is quite expensive and usually takes a long time if the family has children together. And so - no problems! The matter is resolved quickly and without hassle.
A woman in Sweden is socially protected, which gives her the opportunity to choose a life partner more than once, and without harm (as the Swedes themselves think) to the children. The question of who to live with, dad or mom, is decided by the children themselves. And most often they live, for example, two weeks with dad and two weeks with mom, or with mom, but Saturday and Sunday they stay with dad. Or vice versa. The issue is resolved individually in each family and with mutual consent there is an optimal option that is convenient for everyone.
Mom and dad rent separate apartments based on the number of children, i.e. so that each child has his own room. It can be a two, three, four, or five-room apartment, preferably in the same area - for ease of communication. Rented apartments are state property. Almost no one has their own (cooperative or purchased from the state) apartment.
None of the Swedish women knows such a thing as “proof of paternity of a child.” All dads pay child support regularly. If a woman from another country is married to a Swede, she can easily address a question about alimony for her child to a special commission, the representative of which writes a letter to the child’s birth father in another country and asks in a gentle form: “Are you able to pay alimony for your child?” , currently living in Sweden? If not, then Sweden will take on this responsibility.” And if place of residence dear dad unknown, the issue is resolved even faster and still with the same result. It's that simple! Allowance for a child under 18 years of age, plus alimony, plus a discount on rent (if the income for each family member does not meet the standard) - you can live!
When I first met a Swedish woman who has four children, all with different dads, I was shocked. It turned out that this phenomenon is quite common and does not cause any negative emotions among others.
Our neighbor solved the problem of changing his family quickly and simply. He took a pillow and blanket and moved into a neighbor's house, where he lives to this day. This did not cause any special fuss. Former and current wives or samba meet at joint family holidays. Everyone is satisfied and happy! Or does it just seem that way?
MOM SPANKED - CALL THE POLICE
Children in Sweden are a privileged class. Corporal punishment has been completely eradicated here. When one day in a store, back in the first month of my stay in Luleå, I lightly spanked my Misha (editor’s note: the author’s son from his first Russian marriage), who asked to buy something, everyone who saw it looked at me in horror, and my poor Ove (ed. note: the Swedish husband of the author of the article) immediately blushed, took me outside and said: “Don’t ever do that!”
It turns out that all children in Sweden know by heart the police telephone number, which they can call for help if they suffer even the slightest violence from their parents.
Children have their own separate rooms, in which they are complete masters, i.e. they do what they want. So, for example, in the room of a five-year-old boy, I saw toys, books, and games scattered everywhere in such abundance that there was nowhere to put my foot. When I asked who would clean it all up, my mother replied: “When there is absolutely no free space left, he himself will understand that all the toys need to be collected.” In the rooms of teenagers there is the same picture, only instead of toys there are discs, cassettes, cans and bottles of Coca-Cola and so on. In the room of my husband’s youngest son (12 sq.m.), five or six teenagers gathered every evening. I can’t say what they were doing, because parents don’t look into their teenage children’s rooms. One condition must be strictly observed - silence in the house after eleven o'clock in the evening.
Here's another example: a son asks his father if he and his friends, one of whom is already 18 years old and has a driver's license, can use the car. Dad's response: “Yes, please. The keys are on the table. But by five in the morning the car should be standing still, because I have to work in the morning.” (By the way, a driver’s license, or rather, the money to get one, is the most common gift for an eighteenth birthday). And where do you think the company went? To another city, 100 kilometers away, just because one of the girls needed to change her blouse. And this despite the fact that gasoline in Sweden is very expensive.
On Saturday nights, parents drop off their teenage children to parties and then wait until twelve o'clock at night for the call to pick them up. And no displeasure: children should have a personal life, as the Swedes believe. In addition to parties, mothers and fathers take their children to sport sections. Almost all girls and boys go in for sports (although sports sections are paid, and the pleasure is expensive). The most popular sports: football, hockey, slalom, swimming.
Well, who does the housework: does the laundry, cooks, etc.? All housework is democratically divided between husband and wife. But a more typical picture family life is this: a man cooks food, and a woman repairs cars. The process of washing dishes is simplified to the limit and does not require effort and time, just press a button dishwasher, and they, cars, are in almost all houses. Washing machine also does its job, but preparing food from semi-finished products is not difficult. And such an activity as ironing is almost an obsolete phenomenon. The most necessary things are being ironed - those that are “going out”. By the way, when I told my Swedish friends that women in Russia iron bed sheets and all the intimate details of the toilet (sorry, panties, for example), thereby raising a perplexed question: “Why? And how do they (Russian women) manage to do all this?”
I'M MEETING A WOMAN. PREFERABLY FROM RUSSIA
IN last years Mixed marriages became common. Women from Russia and Thailand are especially popular among free Swedish men. (Thailand is the most popular holiday destination for those who have the means to do so). And more and more often advertisements of this kind are flashing in the newspaper column “Dating Service”: “Young, without bad habits... (etc.) meet a woman... (etc.), preferably from Russia.”
With the establishment of friendly relations and ever-expanding joint cooperation, our beauties are actively winning the hearts of Swedish men. In Luleå alone, with a population of 80 thousand people, about a hundred women from Russia live, and I know more than half of them. True, I can only call some of them happy.
Most Russian women found Swedish husbands or samba thanks to the International Dating Service, the Internet and all kinds of intermediaries. One of the few happy women She frankly told me that she paid an intermediary two thousand dollars to meet a Swede, but, thank God, she was not mistaken in her choice and was truly happy.
What is the reason? Why did the majority of Swedish-Russian meetings not take place? married couples? Question for thought. The attitude of Swedish women towards Russian women is wary, in any case, it remains so until closer acquaintance and personal contact with each specific representative of Russia. What causes this?
In one of the local newspapers I read an article, the author of which, calling for active cooperation with Russia, exclaims at the end: “Isn’t it time for us to stop being afraid of Russia? At first we were afraid of the atomic bomb, now we are afraid of prostitution...” Well, how can you not be afraid if this has become a real disaster for northern Sweden? Having taken over the territory of Norway and Finland, this “business” began to actively develop here too. The authorities, the police, and the people are concerned, because the penetration of prostitution automatically entails the penetration of drugs and cheap vodka of dubious production and quality.
How to deal with this phenomenon? An active discussion broke out on this issue on the pages of newspapers. The men shrug their shoulders. And most Swedes do not condemn women from Russia, but Swedish men. As they say, there is demand - there is supply. That’s why the attitude towards you, who came from Russia, is initially wary: aren’t you one of those people?
SPOUSES HAVE DIFFERENT WALLETS
I will touch on the material side of family life. To live not worse than neighbors(and everyone strives for this, because there is a standard that must be met), both husband and wife need to work. In most families, it’s like this: spouses have their own separate bank accounts. Food, telephone, electricity are paid jointly. As for everything else (clothes, cosmetics, etc.), everyone withdraws money from their account. Quite normal occurrence It is considered, for example, when in a restaurant a husband and wife receive separate bills from the waiter and each pay from their own wallet.
As for the material support of children, it completely stops as soon as they (the children) leave the family and begin to live independently. And this happens early, as a rule, when teenagers reach the age of eighteen. They rent small apartments, sometimes teaming up in pairs to pay less rent. No money - they ask for financial assistance to the appropriate social service(if, for example, a teenager is still studying in a gymnasium, this is grade 10-11 in a Russian school) or they borrow money from the state, and the payment of this debt stretches over 10-20 years, depending on their further financial situation.
And parents? IN best case scenario They can borrow money, but the day for repayment of the debt is negotiated. If you don't return it on time, you won't get it next time. This is, in general terms, a standard Swedish family. What is good and what is bad about it is a moot point. As for my Swedish-Russian family, they live 90 percent according to Russian traditions. Well, I don’t want to become Swedish! But, in my opinion, I took the best from the Swedish family to heart.
Vera Aspenfjell
There is such an almost fairy-tale country in the world. Where capitalism coexists with socialism, Scandinavians with Arabs, and Lutherans with Orthodox.
- The Kingdom of Sweden is located on the Scandinavian Peninsula, the north of the European continent. Formally, the country is ruled by the King, in fact the Prime Minister, who is elected by parliament (Riksdag).
- The name of the country comes from a combination of two Old Norse words Svea and Rige, which means “country of the Sveans”.
- The capital of a country with a constitutional monarchy is the ancient city of Stockholm.
- In 1995, Sweden joined the European Union.
- Most residents live in communes of up to 2,000 people.
- The Swedes are considered the main nation of the Scandinavian Peninsula. In addition to the titular nation, the Kingdom is home to Sami, Finns and other nationalities.
- A big problem for Sweden has been the endless flow of immigrants. Every eighth resident of the state is an immigrant. Currently, obtaining a residence permit is very difficult. There are significant restrictions.
- The country can rightfully be considered multicultural. The Swedish government is trying to achieve harmony and equality various groups population.
- The bulk of immigrants live in Stockholm, Gothenburg and Malmö.
- The official language of the state is Swedish. The majority of the population of the Kingdom is fluent and English language. The country even has television channels broadcasting in English.
- The languages of national minorities are also developing: Sami, Meänkieli, Finnish, Gypsy and Yiddish.
- The bulk of the country's believers belong to the Lutheran Church, which is separated from the state. In Sweden there are also orthodox churches, Muslim mosques and synagogues.
Swedish families
It is interesting that the origin of most Swedish surnames is, in one way or another, related to natural theme. And at birth a child receives the surname of the mother, not the father.
Women love independence, while men are silent and decisive. Equality and decency reign in Swedish families. Parents in such families are very caring and attentive to their children.
When you first meet Swedes, you get the impression that these people are reserved and taciturn. But this is only at first glance. IN friendly company, among familiar people they open up from a completely different side, becoming friendly, hospitable and cheerful. How can they not have fun, Sweden is one of the few countries in the world where “socialism with a human face” exists. The Swedes managed to unite the collective and individual beginning in man, and the whole state benefited from this unification. The population lives in a classless society. Despite the fact that Sweden is a fairly rich country, its workers pay very high taxes to the treasury. And boasting about your wealth is not held in high esteem here. Swedes are modest and reserved. In families, as a rule, both husband and wife work. Otherwise it is very difficult to survive. Raising children for Swedish mothers goes in parallel with their professional activities. This is a fairly emancipated country.
It is not necessary to officially register a marriage in Sweden, even if a child appears in the family. Such “informal” families have all the rights and enjoy all the usual benefits as registered families.
Education in Sweden is free.
Family traditions in Sweden
In Sweden, national traditions are cherished and revered. And all holidays, as a rule, are associated with preparing delicious food. There are also extraordinary holidays, like Cinnamon Bun Day or Sticky Almond Butter Season. It's impossible not to love it.
If you are going to visit a Swedish family, then under no circumstances be late. They don't like it. Give flowers to the hostess and a bottle of good vodka to the host. At the table, sit only in the seat indicated to you, which you will find using the name card on the table. If you do not come alone, then be prepared for the fact that you may not be seated next to you. Swedes, like Russians, love to make toasts, so you can prepare a couple or three original toasts. It doesn't hurt to leave on time either.
Holidays in Swedish
Officially, any Swedish worker has five weeks of vacation a year, plus days off and holidays. They devote this time to relaxing in nature. They go to the forest for a picnic, fish or pick mushrooms and berries. In the Swedish forests, special paths are laid out for tourists, on which there are houses where you can warm up and have a snack. Even the King of Sweden is a big fan of hiking.
You can also relax on the islands, in the fiords, not far from Stockholm. These islands are generally uninhabited. Real fishermen go there to indulge in solitude while fishing and think about the future. In these waters you can catch not only fish, but also shrimp, crabs and crayfish.
The Swedes are very careful about their nature and always carefully clean up their trash.
Cozy country good people, beautiful nature - that’s what makes it worth visiting at least once in your life fairy kingdom Sweden.
Olga, 27, told the site how she lived in an apartment with two men, each of whom was her lover.
When I was 22, I got a new boyfriend. Let's call him T. He came to our city from another country to enter medical school, but did not pass the competition due to his poor knowledge of Russian and stayed for a year in preparatory courses.
From the moment they met, T. behaved very modestly and was noticeably shy. He even blushed when he accidentally touched me. It all looked very funny. I think he himself didn’t really understand how beautiful he was: Blue eyes, long black eyelashes, a little dark skin. I told him he looked more like an actor than a medical student, but he probably thought I was joking. Our dates were the most chaste. In my opinion, he kissed me only at the third meeting, and then on my initiative. I definitely wanted more. About a month into our platonic relationship, I couldn’t stand it and asked to go to his house.
It was winter, I was freezing and directly offered to go to him. He refused, saying that he did not live alone, but I insisted, and we took a taxi. He rented a beautiful three-room apartment in a new building. I filmed not alone, but with a friend from his hometown- A. The friend was over 30, and he had been living in Russia for several years. T. introduced us to each other, and I immediately really liked O. He was very open and sociable, unlike the shy T. There was football on TV, they were showing some match that they both wanted to watch, and I had to keep them company.
We drank beer and chatted about something. At some point, I felt O.’s palm on my thigh. He seemed to accidentally touch me, but did not withdraw his hand, but began to lightly stroke me. If we were alone at that moment, I would have gladly kissed him, but I came with T. and decided to kiss him. He was taken aback, but responded to my caresses. I kissed him again and again, and O. continued to stroke me without T noticing. At this point the “party” ended. To my disappointment, T. did not invite me to stay with them, but called a taxi home. I don’t know what exactly I expected, but obviously not such a conclusion.
The next time I was back at their house, T. and I finally broke our “vow of chastity” and had sex. It wasn't that bad, but it definitely wasn't great. While T. admitted that I was almost his first, I imagined in my fantasies how I would go out into the kitchen in only a T-shirt and meet O there. I didn’t. Although he knew that I stayed with them.
I spent the night in this apartment more and more often, and it began to seem to me that I had invented the story with football and secret caresses, because O. simply greeted me and, at most, asked if we needed to buy anything for dinner.
One weekend they had a party at their house. I drank too much and, when I ran into O. again, I dragged him into the bathroom. He closed the door and kissed me. We kissed for quite a long time, and I still remember how great it was. I wanted him so much that I agreed to his offer to come to them when T. was at school. In general, that’s how O. and I slept together and started dating behind T.’s back.
O. was super in everything, but you couldn’t expect romance from him. None tender words, confessions, compliments. Just sex, although very cool. T., on the contrary, bombarded me with messages with poems in English, constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how much he loves me. I think he had no idea about anything until one day he found O. and me kissing in the kitchen. He cried, asked me to confess whether his friend and I had something or not, and I told him almost everything. She announced that I liked O. and I couldn’t choose one of them.
I expected him to get angry and send me to hell, but T. asked me not to leave him, said that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I jokingly said: let’s try to live together, so that it would be easier for me to decide. And he agreed! So I settled in their living room.
This whole situation has me in in a good way worried. I felt femme fatale, I wanted to try something new, and I was ready to experiment. Now I think that O. was not happy with my move, but then this thought did not occur to me.
We didn't have any rules or meeting schedules. Everything happened naturally and without conflict. Sex with T. even got better, perhaps because he continued to be jealous of me. But O. wasn’t jealous at all, he kept acting a little distant, which attracted me more and more.
We did not have any domestic problems. They bought food, I cooked, and the cleaning lady kept it clean. It used to be funny to hang our clothes after washing, as if I had two husbands.
We lived together for almost six months, even T. managed to get used to our trio, although he continued to be nervous. I think he was a little prone to mental masochism, which is why he didn’t leave me. I partly understand him, because I myself suffered when O. brought other girls home. This happened infrequently, but it hurt my self-esteem.
In general, T. and I suffered in our trio, but O. simply enjoyed life. I didn’t give him a showdown, I just made fun of his tastes when it came to female beauty.
It all ended when I realized that he was serious with one of them. How serious could this even be in the case of O. The girl began to stay overnight with us several times a week and even tried to make friends with me, being sure that I was only dating T. I tolerated this, but one day O. refused me sex , said he was not in the mood. And this was the end of our already not very cheerful romance. The situation began to seem like a farce to me: T. is running after me, I am running after O., and O. is not running after anyone. He does not care. I left them without explanation, I simply said that I was no longer interested in continuing. O. calmly said goodbye to me, T. offered to rent an apartment and live together. I did not agree, and we broke up, although he tried for a long time to win me back.
The phrase “Swedish family” has been filled with piquant connotations in just a dozen years. Through a threesome marriage, the progressive Swedish youth of the 60s of the last century decided to demonstratively tell the world that traditional relationships, like everything conservative, were morally outdated.
The fashion for “love triangles” lasted only a decade; the modern Swedish family looks quite traditional, and does not at all strive to maintain the image brought into fashion by hippies. Official Swedish marriage can only boast of newlyweds of the same sex.
A little history
Meanwhile, the first public “Cupid de Trois” happened not in Sweden at all, but in conservative Spain, where King Charles, Queen Marie Louise and her beloved Prime Minister Don Manuel long years coexisted peacefully under the roof of one palace. An avid hunter, Karl kindly turned a blind eye to the queen’s long-term passion, and the queen turned a blind eye to her lover’s numerous adventures.
Russia also had its own famous “Swedish family” - rumors about the Brik couple and Mayakovsky at one time excited all of Moscow. Perhaps it's almost the only case public recognition general relations in our country, in most cases, Swedish families are in no hurry to publicize their status. And although they certainly exist, very little is known about them.
What is a Swedish family?
The concept of a Swedish family is essentially a family of 3 people. Most often this is love triangle, but sometimes others happen geometric figures, and one of famous examples– again, I was in Sweden, where the popular group ABBA was not only famous strong friendship, but also by changing partners.
It doesn’t matter who is being duplicated: husband or wife. It is important to understand that a family of three is not at all an ordinary family with a bench; each member of a Swedish family has equal rights.
How are Swedish families made?
Of course, a Swedish family in Russia is not an official family. It often starts with a threesome, which eventually turns into family sex. Girlfriends or friends of an established family who start out as “coming for sex” leave a toothbrush, passport and themselves in the apartment. But threesomes are an optional attribute of the Swedish family.
Sometimes a family of 3 people develops because of “ housing issue" For example, if a young man brings a lady of his heart to a house that, in order to save money, he rents with a friend, then the chances that the neighbor will leave or join the family are quite high.
Swedish family: pros and cons
The Swedish family causes bewilderment among many - how can three of us live, sharing the love of one person between two, freed from jealousy? Of course, if the couple managed to free themselves from the sense of ownership, then the Swedish family also has its advantages:
"Swedish family". It sounds exciting. It seems as everyone knows, this is when one husband lives with several wives, or several husbands with one wife, or in general several couples lead a common household and have common children.
But the Swedes don’t even know
The concept of a “Swedish family” arose in the USSR in the 60-70s of the last century, when rumors about hippies were spreading from behind the Iron Curtain. These liberated flower children lived in communes, jointly resolved all economic issues, and simultaneously had sex with each other. Why it is Swedish, and not Spanish or Norwegian, is not very clear, because such communes are made up of young people who reject the boring values of the older generation and live under the slogan "make love Not War" existed in many countries of sexually liberated Europe. The idea that Swedes are universally sexually liberated spread in the States in the 50s, and even the term “Swedish sin” arose. Probably the reason was that Sweden did not agree to join NATO, so the United States tried to deliberately create the image of a morally corrupt country, although Sweden was indeed democratic in gender relations. It was one of the first countries in Europe to conduct bold experiments in the field of sex education for schoolchildren. In the 60s, for the first time in the world, the Swedes made a sexological popular science film, maybe it was then that such fame was established for them.
It is possible that the insanely popular group ABBA, a cute blonde and a brunette and their two men, with their love songs, and it was rumored that they all lived together, were partly to blame for the emergence of the term.
At the same time, the Swedes themselves are not familiar with this term; they do not even understand what we are talking about. When you ask them about this, they are surprised and then laugh.
Is this what they say about us in Russia? Wow! Well, there are lovers, of course, but for it to be considered common for everyone to live together, well, that’s not the case.
The Swedes actually once practiced communal family arrangements, but they quickly went crazy and are now quite chaste.
A little history
There is an assumption that the term “Swedish” appeared because it was considered normal for the Vikings to share a bed with more than one woman, as well as for a girl to have a couple of husbands. And if you delve into history, this invention may well be Soviet. I quote Lenin, 1904:
Liberation... of sensuality... will help release... energy for the victory of socialism.
After the October Revolution, marriage was considered a bourgeois relic, and there were even sex communes. An example is the Russian commune created by Dzerzhinsky’s decree in Bolshevo (1924), where about a thousand boys and girls aged 12-18 lived in common barracks. They are still the largest known Swedish family in the world.
Swedish family or polyamorous relationship
According to statistics, about 30% of marriages in monogamous Russia break up due to infidelity. Maybe it's the natural polygamy of people? The topic of Swedish or open marriage (polyamory) in Lately quite attracts attention.
Is the Swedish family debauchery or utmost honesty between partners? People in loving polyamorous relationships consider it acceptable to have the same relationships with others. The fundamental difference from swing, polygamy and other similar forms is the openness and voluntariness of all partners.
Participants in multiple-choice families claim that it gives them greater sexual satisfaction and more fulfilling active life. Such people are most often very attractive in appearance and sociable, feel more satisfied with life physically and emotionally, and are better fulfilled in terms of relationships. A Swedish marriage makes household responsibilities easier and gives a feeling of security and trust (no one lies or cheats behind your back).
Is it possible that such marriages will be allowed in the world? The main difficulty from the point of view of the law is children; there have been precedents in the world when members of Swedish families were deprived parental rights. But last year in Canada, a family of two men and one wife were legally recognized as the parents of a joint child. They filed lawsuit, after it turned out that only two parents could be documented. The judge decided the case in their favor, recognizing that there was a gap in the law that violated the interests of children born in such families. Society is changing and family structures are changing with it,” he said.
In Holland and Brazil, such marriages have already been officially recognized. Their adherents believe that since same-sex families are recognized, then polyamorous marriages should also be legislated. Modern legislation is based on the fact that marriage is possible only between two partners, although the modern monogamous form of marriage often no longer satisfies many people, and they are forced to hide their other life from others due to the rejection of this by society.
It is difficult to say whether this form of family life will be acceptable in the future or not. What is clear is that human relationships are capable of accepting different shapes, and what suits some may not suit others at all.
What is polyamory
The Swedish Sex Education Union (founded in 1933) defines polyamory as sexual and/or romantic relationship between more than two people. The symbol is an image of a heart and an infinity figure eight.
In the rest of the world, such a family is called ménage à trois - literally translated “household for three.” Just fucking with others and entering into a multiple union are completely different things. In practice, a Swedish family is a cohabitation of several people together, and all partners (and there can be any number of them) must know about each other and agree with this form of relationship. Moreover, group sex is not necessary, relationships can be asexual, they can be love and affection, and friendship.
Many sexologists believe that relationships of this kind will become more common over time. Most countries only legally recognize the relationship between two people, but that's all. more people They consider monogamy outdated and allow sex with someone other than their partner.
In multiple marriages, people are more and more likely to normal relationships discuss what is acceptable and what is not, for example, how many partners you can have, where the boundaries of infidelity are, how to behave in public, etc. Although, of course, it cannot be said that polyamory is better than monogamy, and there is also no evidence that monogamous marriage better than a Swedish family. Just don't compare. Having only one partner and loving him does not at all mean being limited and closed, but preferring open relationship does not mean being free and enlightened. These are simply different relationship formats that suit different people.
How is this different from banal betrayal? Honesty and voluntariness (if a friend cheated and claims that she is polyamorous, then this is nothing more than an attempt to get out of it). Similar type joint marriage becomes increasingly attractive mainly due to mutual respect and openness. Actually, this does not mean that everyone can do whatever comes into their head, the point is that the partners are honest with each other and do not hide anything. Betrayal is not sleeping with someone else, but keeping silent about it or lying. To tell the truth, it’s somehow more honest than a seemingly decent monogamous couple who cheat on each other on the sly.
How can you love several people at once? Most often, polyamorous people answer - how do parents love all their children equally, or - isn’t it possible to have several close friends at once?
If a person has realized that he is polyamorous, but is already married (monogamously, of course), then it is best to openly talk about this with his partner. Unless, of course, he is afraid that such a conversation will end in scandal and divorce.
Advantages and disadvantages
Many guys think, “Wow, that’s cool!” when they first hear about such a relationship. But a family of this format is, in fact, a family, and not just sex. The bed is very important, but the main thing is everyday life.
Let's imagine a family of one woman and two husbands. They bring in twice as much money and there is always someone to fix the outlet, or cook food, or have great sex. And with good competition, lethargic husbands will blow dust off their spouses and fight for the right to give a gift.
Or vice versa: there is one husband, and several wives. One bakes pies, the other looks after the children, shirts are ironed, shoes are polished. , they push each other away in their desire to please, they fuss over the breadwinner, they don’t interfere with watching football, they clean the fish for beer...
“But on the other hand, there are also two mothers-in-law,” and two mothers-in-law will double harass one daughter-in-law. You will have to do much more washing and cooking. Yes, and not much modern woman agrees to share his beloved with another. Men can get along with each other, but what about two women? They can quarrel and fight, and not everyone can stand the sight of their beloved wives fighting. Again, you have to dress them, put them on shoes, take them to the sea, and God forbid you deprive someone! Many men dream of something like this, but somehow they immediately forget that pleasing one in bed is not a question, but several at once, and not just once, but constantly? It’s only in the movies that the male lies like a plume, and the beauties please him and caress each other along the way. In reality, each of them wants to receive satisfaction. Several wives, of course, are a pleasant thing, but several dissatisfied wives are too much!
Yes, there are pros and cons. It is difficult to always give equal attention to all partners; most likely, someone will feel left out, or the participants will begin to compete. On the other hand, if everyone is comfortable, then this type of relationship can keep such an alliance peaceful and strong for a long time, especially if there are warm relations, affection and deep friendship.
Famous "Swedish families"
- His Majesty King Charles IV of Spain and Queen Maria Luisa of Parma plus their friend Don Manuel Godoy.
- Philosopher F. Nietzsche plus P. Reu and their friend L. Salome;
- Psychiatrist K. Jung, his wife, plus their friend Toni Wolf;
- Admiral Nelson plus W. Hamilton and wife;
- Artist M. Ernst plus poet P. Eluard and his wife Gala (E. Dyakonova);
- Poet Nekrasov and the Panaev family;
- Poet Mayakovsky plus the Brik family;
- The family of the writer and poet Ivan Bunin plus their friend G. Kuznetsova.
Which countries welcome
Polyamory is NOT polygamy. Polygamy or polygamy is prohibited in many countries (and in Russia), so Muslims legally marry once, and bring the rest of their wives to the mosque for the ceremony.
Occasionally, a marriage based on polyandry occurs, when a woman has two, three or more husbands, accepted in Nepal and on some islands.
There are countries where it is acceptable to have several wives - these are Myanmar, Nigeria, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Emirates, Brunei, Egypt, South Africa, Congo.
The legislation of some countries does not seem to allow polygamy, but it is quite acceptable, especially for religious reasons. In the United States, the Mormon sectarians are still fighting against polygamy, but they are still alive and well. Australia, UK and France recognize polygamous marriages for Muslim migrants if they came to these countries with their wives. Lebanon, Pakistan, Morocco and Algeria officially prohibit such marriages, but new wife can be adopted into a family if there is written consent from the first. The only Asian non-Islamic country where you can have many wives is Burma. Most countries in Africa and Asia, except Tunisia, Benin and Eritrea, do not encourage polygamy, but turn a blind eye to it. In Jordan and Djibouti you are allowed to have a maximum of 4 wives. In Mauritania, the eldest wife has the right to refuse her husband’s desire to have another wife once. In Singapore, you can get married again if the court allows it.
Books:
- “The ethics of whoredom” by K. List, D. Easton - about morality and publicity.
- “The 19th Wife” by D. Ebershoff is a detective story from the life of Mormons.
- “Malville” by R. Merle – love and post-apocalypse.
- “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” by M. Kundera is about the duality of bodies and souls.
Movies:
- "Love", Gaspar Noe.
- "The Dreamers", Bertolucci.
- “3rd Meshchanskaya”, Abram Roma.
- "Jules and Jim", Francois Truffaut.