Hi all! My friends and I had a heated argument about how to build a relationship with a man. For some reason, there is an opinion among them that if, figuratively speaking, you put him on a pedestal and please him from all sides, devote your life to him and the children, then your loved one will never leave such an idyll. Numerous examples of directly opposite situations do not convince. Well, I’ll try once again to logically and consistently explain how not to get attached to a man and at the same time be happy in family life.
Do not make yourself an idol
You and I have already talked a lot about the psychology of relationships, including how it differs and why a person is happier and more successful in a relationship. Now let’s take a closer look at why you can’t become too attached to a man.
- You can strangle with your love. When too much love, attention and care is poured on the chosen one, he becomes uncomfortable. More precisely, at first it may be pleasant for him, but he gets bored very quickly. He is not a baby who needs constant mother's care, he is a free person. And if the beloved has already erected an altar and installed her hero there, then somehow there is not enough freedom.
- You can become too dependent. Nothing lasts forever in this world, so never put all your eggs in one basket. If your whole life is focused on serving your adored husband, then what will happen to you in a situation when he suddenly stops being around? And there are many such situations - from an accident to a breakup. Will you have where to work and live, with whom to communicate and what to think about if your idol disappears somewhere?
- You can become a burden to him. A friend of mine once said about a girl who was in love with him: “I know that she wants to be with me. And I even like her. But I can not. You see, Anya, she’s like a pile of stones that just overwhelmed me. I don’t need one like that!”
- You can become too jealous. Being attached to a man, needing him like air, you will demand more and more attention from him. And all the time that he spends not with you, you will consider stolen from you. You waited for him all day, and he dared to go with his friends! Or - oh horror - to mom!
- You can stop being desirable. A woman must be conquered; this is written into the subcortex of men. And when a woman, like favorite worn out slippers, is always available, the attitude towards her changes. She is no longer an object of desire, but an object of everyday use. Do you need it?
Become an ideal partner
So how to learn to behave correctly? What can you do to ensure that peace reigns in your relationship? Here are some tips:
- Be financially independent. You must have your own source of income. Even if you live happily ever after and die on the same day, and this source is not useful for independent survival, it will always remind you of freedom of choice. Your man will always know that you stay with him because you yourself want it, and not because otherwise you will die of hunger.
- You should not only have work, hobbies and friends in common. And what will be left for you in the event of a breakup? Donut hole?
- Always learn. No, I'm not encouraging you to get three higher education and a doctorate (although this is probably not bad either). But to develop, learn something new in different industries, from cooking and interior design to latest developments in nuclear physics and genetic engineering it is simply necessary not to turn into a whore, whose whole world comes down to TV series, manicures, knitting blouses, cooking borscht and meeting her husband from work in a starched apron.
To become free – and therefore needed
In Lewis Carroll’s brilliant book “Alice Through the Looking Glass,” the Queen tells Alice: “... you have to run as fast as you can just to stay in the same place! If you want to get to another place, then you need to run at least twice as fast!”
So here's to just staying interesting woman, and not just an attachment to your husband and the stove, you need to constantly “pump up” yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and socially. This will help you avoid becoming a vague and uninteresting gray biomass. To not just stay, but to become better, you need to put in a lot more effort.
Take care of your body, go to exhibitions and the theater, read books, and fiction, and specialized. If you can't learn from books, take courses in person or virtually. For example, project Universarium offers a huge amount free courses and open lectures - from astronomy and chemistry to philology and cooking.
And only by becoming free, independent and interesting to yourself and those around you, do you have a chance to be close to the man of your dreams. Precisely because he wants to be with you, and you don’t hang on him and don’t let him take a step.
Happiness and good luck in your personal life! Subscribe to updates and be sure to share useful publications with your friends!
Attachment to a person is a feeling that arises as a result of strong sympathy or love and devotion to a specific person, and accompanied by the presence of intimacy and the desire to maintain it. However, this state of affairs is not always positive, because a strong attachment to a person can replace love or arise even without its presence, and then this clinginess acts as a painful dependence and a pathology of personality development.
What is attachment
The mechanism of attachment development initially determines human survival, since without the help of adults, a human baby is not capable of survival. To maintain these relationships and provide oneself with appropriate living conditions, attachment is formed to parental figures who ensure physical survival, emotional development, knowledge of this world. Further, becoming more and more immersed in society, attachments are formed to teachers (if he attends a kindergarten), and then to other adults, then children. Forming such attachments to those closest to the environment can be safe when there is emotional connection, the parent listens to the child and an environment is created that promotes confidence and adaptability in personality formation).
But they don't meet that way nice options development, one of which is avoidant, and occurs if there is emotional neglect on the part of the parent to the needs of the child, and the behavior and availability of the parent turns out to be unpredictable, then the child grows up annoying, focused on external assessment and devalues close relationships. The most destructive form of primary attachment is disorganizing, when the child is constantly suppressed or intimidated, which leads to inaction or great difficulties in establishing contacts.
It was revealed that people who had difficulties in forming attachment are no longer capable of establishing open relationship, they do not form a heartfelt attachment, which indicates disturbances and can lead to antisocial behavior.
A feeling of attachment accompanies every person, is expressed towards places, objects, food and people, a certain course of events and specific relationships - everything that a person gets used to and that brings him joy can be called attachment, but it is different from need. It is possible to live without attachments, but with them it is more comfortable, more joyful, not so scary (depending on what the attachment is to and on the basis of which it was formed, such sensations complement), but it is either impossible to live without needs at all, or it is difficult and affects the health and general tone.
Attachment to people can be in all types of relationships - love, friendship, parenthood, and in any of the options, the basis is the desire for intimacy with the object. Some of these bindings are quite strong influence for further personality formation. So, depending on how the attachment with the mother is formed, relationships with the entire society will be formed, basic trust will be present or absent, and certain relationships will be laid. The way the first heartfelt attachment is formed influences all subsequent intersexual relationships, the scenarios played out by a person, the ability to open up and trust. If traumatization occurs at these two levels, then the consequences are reflected on the entire personality, and it often becomes possible only with the help of a psychotherapist to avoid destructive influence on the further course of life not only of the person himself, but of the people he meets.
A strong attachment to a person that acquires pathological characteristics is called dependence and usually occurs when there are already existing disturbances in the formation of attachments, or in the presence of facts of emotional or physical abuse.
A healthy attachment is characterized by flexibility, the absence of any benefit, and the absence of painful and negative feelings in the absence of an attachment figure. Those. a person is able to calmly experience separation, endure the unknown location and occupation of the person to whom he is attached, and the option of ending this relationship causes sadness, but not a critical level, pain and a feeling of the meaninglessness of life.
With a healthy attachment, there is a flexible personality adaptation that allows both participants in communication to breathe freely, giving resources to rely on and notice other areas of their life. With a painful addiction, such flexibility is lost, and the world narrows down to one person, the variability of behavior disappears, it becomes extremely important to constantly be near or control the object of sympathy, while other areas of life, including both partners, suffer significantly. An important marker of a painful relationship is a feeling of pain, fear and a manic desire to prevent separation by any means, even if the relationship does not bring happiness, even if the partner wants to leave.
Attachment does not arise overnight; it takes time to form, therefore, the more you communicate with a person, and the more emotional interaction and events significant for mental life arise in this communication, the more likely attachment is to arise. A super-strong attachment is characterized by intense passions, which often makes it similar to love, but the differences are that painful attachment fetters, while love liberates. It is in order not to lose their freedom that many try to avoid attachments and close relationships, thereby ending up in a counter-dependent position, where there is also no freedom, since there is only one choice - not to become attached.
Is attachment to a person good or bad?
Attachment simultaneously affects several spheres of human manifestation - feelings, thoughts, actions, self-perception. For such a multifaceted concept, there cannot be one answer in its assessment from the point of view of good and evil. Without attachment to another person, it is not possible to form social communication, adaptability in society and provide oneself with mental comfort. If there is no attachment to parents, then the entire course of personality development is disrupted, just as if there are disturbances in the formation of attachment to others important stages. Being a social being, the ability to maintain contacts and the desire for rapprochement are indicators of a person’s mental integrity.
Attachment to another gives a feeling of support and security, thus you can get the necessary support if internal resources are insufficient. People become attached to those from whom they can receive approval and help, non-judgmental acceptance, and satisfaction of existing needs. And providing a good relationship with the environment, which is important for successful survival in the world, attachment reflects a somewhat childish model of interaction with the world. If you look at all the expectations from the object of attachment, they are addressed to the parental figure, on whom the child, one way or another, is dependent. In adulthood, any attachment carries a certain amount of dependence, and only the level of maturity of a person can regulate Negative consequences this. If autonomous mental regulation is not formed, then any attachment will quickly develop into dependence, and instead of receiving support, the need for control will flare up, instead of the desire to have a mental and good time together, with benefit and emotional resources for both, fear of loss and the desire to chain the other will begin to appear. near.
The theme of addiction about the loss of flexibility in attachment, the deprivation of freedom of both the person himself and the one to whom he is attached is similar to drug addiction. The analogy with drug addiction is the most successful, since in the long absence of another person (subjectively long absence it may seem like a day), when there is no way to find out the location of the object and receive a dose of attention from it (for example, when the entire mobile operator network is turned off), a state begins that reflects drug withdrawal. The emotional pain of losing or the possibility of losing an object is felt physically and does not allow you to fully exist.
If you manage not to slip into an infantile position of dependence, then attachment takes on an adult and mature form of its existence, manifesting itself as love, where there is a full-fledged observation of all aspects of your life, no tearing pain occurs when the object moves away, and the object of attachment itself is used not only for the purpose of getting something emotionally valuable for yourself, but more for energy exchange and caring for another. Thus, everything depends on the maturity of the individual and the degree of flexibility of this feeling.
How to get rid of attachment to a person
Usually, attachment is formed when you receive your need from another, most often it is internal strength, calmness or cheerfulness. So it’s worth learning to develop these states on your own, becoming an autonomous station of emotions for yourself. Sports, yoga, various spiritual practices and psychological groups help a lot. Create sources of happiness for yourself everywhere, because by expecting joy only from the presence of one person, you yourself form a toxic attachment and drive yourself into a dead end. Sitting within four walls in the blues, waiting for your soul mate to free yourself, and only then allowing yourself to be happy, is the right road to addiction and destruction of your relationship.
It makes sense to get rid of attachment when it begins to destroy your life and you should start by returning what was lost. Usually, the first thing that fades into the background, giving way to a person, is your favorite things and activities, so remember what brought you joy, or better yet, look again for activities that you could do while immersing yourself in the process. Besides interesting activities, start expanding your social circle - call old friends you forgot about while immersed in your affections, go to an event and meet new people. Expand your social circle, then you can receive the emotional benefits that you receive only in those relationships from everywhere, and most likely more easily and positively.
Attachment to a person remains psychological problem, therefore, when you feel a craving for your object, think about what exactly is missing right now (other loved ones can give you a feeling of security, you can get a feeling of being beautiful in stores from sellers, even warmth available). Usually, with such an analysis, some kind of emptiness emerges, only you can fill it, be it boredom or, because no matter how much you plug your own holes with others, they do not disappear.
Guys and girls don't know how get rid of attachment to a person and what you really need to do to forget a person. Often people use some ineffective techniques and, as a result, return to attachment again and cannot do anything about it.
In this article, psychologists will tell you how to get rid of attachment to a person , what and how to do this in order to forget the person once and for all and not be attached to him. After all, getting used to a person happens quickly, but getting out of the habit, oddly enough, is quite slow and not pleasant.
Do something you love more
In order to forever get rid of attachment to a person and not only, you need to find a great favorite thing for yourself and do it all your life. This will allow you to remain happy, enjoying every day and not be attached to anything or anyone other than your favorite thing. Be a free person and find something in life that you are ready to always do and at the same time not only receive money, but also pleasure and joy.
Communicate with other people too
If you become too attached to a person of the opposite sex, to a friend or girlfriend, then the only way To get rid of your attachment to a person means to start communicating with many people. When your attention and energy are concentrated on one person, then a correspondingly larger part of you is in the person to whom you are attached. By starting to communicate with a large number of people, you will divide your energy into parts, which will allow you to not become attached to anyone anymore, since your energy and thoughts are scattered among all people, and not just one. Find out:.
Find your joy in life
Frequent causal attachments there is a lack of happiness and joy. We become attached to those who bring us joy and happiness. To get rid of attachment to a person, find your own joy in life without the help of others, then you will not need anyone to feel happiness and joy. You need to communicate with people, but, feeling happiness and joy within yourself that is independent of others, you will never be upset or suffer.
Find another love
If you are attached to a guy or girl and can't get rid of it, then don't do it, keep dating. But if a person does not reciprocate and your feelings do not make sense, then you should find the person who will like you, and you will like him. This will allow you to get rid of one person and become attached to someone who is attached to you, then your relationship will never fall apart and will last forever.
Learn to relax and meditate
Become more cheerful
You need to start smiling, laughing and enjoying life more often, because it is not eternal. Attachment is due to the fact that you are not able to please and amuse yourself. Learn to do this and then you will get rid of attachment to a person and everything else. After all, everything you need for a successful and happy life, stored inside us, in the subconscious. Learn to communicate with yourself and then you will always be in good mood and you will be attached to yourself, and not to others.
But remember, by nature all people are interconnected thin threads and are tied to each other by strong and powerful ropes of common energy, so there is no point in living alone, communicate, help your neighbor, love, appreciate and respect everyone who surrounds you, then you will notice that it is your environment that changes as soon as you change.
psycho- olog. ru
Read the article and draw your own conclusions regarding all the words written.
Until we understand and feel what attachment is, we cannot understand how to get rid of attachment to a person or object.
Attachment can be so strong and imperceptible at the same time, that it really affects our whole life.
Attachment is emotional support from a person or an object in order to improve one’s own well-being.
We can only be attached to good emotions and good feelings. Very many people become attached to their “other half”, alcohol, tobacco, tasty and unhealthy food, laziness. Some people become attached to the Internet and TV because they are sources of good emotions and security.
There is nothing wrong with affection or love. That's why there is no need to beat yourself up or scold yourself because of this. This is how it happened. You become attached, and there is nothing wrong with your attention being focused on enjoying something or someone. We enjoy life and that's completely normal.
Dependence on temporary
In life, many have had attachments, for example, to the opposite sex.
We become attached, and we feel good as long as the object to which we become attached allows us to receive from it those emotions, pleasures and feelings that we like. But absolutely every person and every object in this world is temporary. This means that it exists now and may not exist tomorrow.
And the problem is that ATTACHMENT = DEPENDENCE.
Of course, we don't want to be dependent. We don't want to depend on anything, but we still want to enjoy what is temporary. Any relationship is temporary. Money, a job, your favorite TV show, your favorite clothes, a car are temporary. Having lost it all, we are upset and want to quickly learn how to get rid of it. love addiction.
Sooner or later the object will disappear. Entire cities and people disappear, new ones appear. Or people simply leave, don’t want to have a relationship with a person, and new ones appear.
Everything in this world comes and goes. Therefore, initially treat everything as temporary.
Analysis and self-exploration
By looking carefully inside yourself, you can see the source and the place that allows you to get pleasure.
Ask these questions right now in relation to your loved one, car or apartment.
Imagine this object or person and ask yourself:
- What will happen if this person is not there? Will I worry, suffer and be afraid of this?
- Why will I worry? Why am I afraid of losing this in my life?
Answer - this is the fear of losing comfort, pleasure, fear of not feeling loved and becoming lonely. This is the fear of stopping receiving the pleasures that we now receive with this person.
This happens because if we are deprived of all this externality, we will not feel so good. Our mood will fall because we internally seek sources of pleasure.
This happens because our society does not take care of itself. Our society has other trends, other fashions. People live by money, they live by the idea of fame, popularity, security, but all this does not bring happiness, does not bring independence and peace. This does not give anything most important to a person. And at the level of feelings, all this results in inner emptiness, depression, addiction, worries, fears of losing. A hasty search begins for a way to help get rid of attachment to a person or object.
My video
Is it true that a girl’s favorite things that were once given to you reinforce your addiction to her?
What to do in case of a breakup?
I talk about this and much more in my video.
Letting go of attachments: stop taking your condition from outside
People can be very rich on the outside, but on the inside they are very empty.! I'm not saying to throw away everything external, let it be - it doesn't bother anyone.
Just stop boosting your mood with external objects and paraphernalia.
For example, the idea of a guy having a girlfriend makes him feel better every day. He needs to stop thinking about the fact that he has a girlfriend from the very beginning of the day. Maximum free yourself from the idea that you have something in this world. Find a small moment in your head that allows you to enjoy and discard it. You just stop thinking about him. You just stop enjoying it.
Do it all little by little, not all at once. It's like a diet.
You will feel worse at first. But it is necessary. Throw away attachments from your life, no matter how hard it may be at first.
Live by the idea that you are already okay. You keep throwing away and removing attachments from your life.
You have a loved one, but you should not extract emotions from him in order to improve your fortune.
Over time, you will learn not to think that you have it. At the same time, you will not be afraid of losing it. Ultimately, you will be able to get rid of love addiction. You no longer need to suck fortunes from somewhere, because your condition is already better. Thanks to self-development, you find the reasons why you depend on something, throw them away - this increases your inner state, your inner self-esteem. You begin to love yourself more and be more independent.
Why condition is not the main thing
"Happiness is a state, and the person has no control over the condition.
Freedom is understanding, to which by chance and desire you can come.
When you are free, you cannot be unhappy, and you are no longer interested in experiencing happiness - since this will be just another feeling against the backdrop of your freedom.
Therefore, freedom is much more fundamental and limitless than any happiness.
And it is precisely this kind of freedom that is happiness.”.©
Attachment is a habit receive good fortune from outside. But wealth shouldn't be your priority. The condition is always changing and always different. You shouldn't depend on it or get too hung up on it.
Conditions come and go. You don't have to take it from outside, take it from within. The condition should not be based on external factors.
Everything is temporary: you are already full and independent on your own
Then you will notice that everything in your life is no longer yours. Even your wife or husband is no longer yours, because you no longer want him to be yours.
You are no longer sucking the feelings out of your partner. You still exist, you still love each other.
With this understanding, your relationship improves.. But you are no longer afraid of losing a person. Therefore, you know that now your condition does not depend on a person or an object in this world.
Nothing in this world can make you feel better.
Not because you become insensitive. On the contrary, because you fill yourself with such feelings and states, which do not depend on anything external.
You begin to truly love yourself, becoming an independent and happy person.
Realize that pleasure is not happiness!
Someday you will still lose everything. Everything is subject to time.
Therefore, everything will definitely go away from you. Either we or our loved ones will leave.
In 100 years, we and everything we use now will not exist. So, what’s the point of getting attached and expecting that it will be with us forever?
Don't be stupid no need to strive for external pleasures.
We are just living this life now, enjoying it. We see how it all happens, we create, we love, we do things, we relax.
The meaning of life is love! And love is the meaning of life. But love is not attachment, it is not fear! This is independence! Love is, first of all, love towards yourself.
And any fears and worries appear primarily due to a lack of self-love!
Love yourself more than you love yourself now.
The most common model of relationships is dependent relationships - with a fixation on a partner. We were taught this way - to live differently, to love another, to idealize another, to curse another too... The focus has always been outside, not inside. It's hard for us to imagine that there's anything wrong here. And yet, it is precisely the focus on the personality of another, and not on ourselves, that brings us a lot of suffering and pain. After all, when two people deepen into a relationship, it is quite predictable and guaranteed that at some point they will open each other’s deepest wounds and press on the most sore spots.
What causes our dependence in relationships? And what is she hiding underneath? How “inevitable” is our suffering?
If you smiled and thought “well, this is not about me,” do not rush to close the topic. The symptoms of dependent relationships are opaque and insidious; it requires focused awareness and the courage to see them in your life. For example, you are thrown either cold or hot - from a feeling of being chosen and superior to complete self-abasement. Or just about, and there will be a need for approval and support from others in order to feel that everything is going well. Or periodically there is a feeling of powerlessness to change anything in the current relationship, which is slowly but surely killing both. Or you often seek salvation in alcohol, food, work, sex or some other external stimulant to distract from your experiences, inability to experience a feeling of true intimacy and love. And the role of a martyr is given to you especially gracefully and naturally... Then take a look, don’t be afraid, look in the face of what may have been repressed from your consciousness, that you long years they denied or even “didn’t realize” their addiction.
Features of manifestation of addiction:
- A person defines who he is (his identity) only through relationships. He cannot imagine himself without a partner. In relationships, it is as if he is complemented to the whole, but at what cost - by renouncing himself. He looks at others as the source of his happiness and completeness of existence. If I'm not happy, he holds someone else responsible for it.
- A dependent person is constantly dependent on another person: on his opinion, on his mood, on whether he approved or frowned, and so on.
- It is very difficult for dependent individuals to separate themselves from their partner. The loss of a partner is unbearable for them. Therefore, they strive to increase infantile interdependence, rather than reduce it. They thereby reduce their importance and sabotage their freedom. They also constantly undermine their partner’s freedom.
- Such people are characterized by the inability to perceive and respect the separateness, uniqueness, and “friendship” of their loved one. They, however, do not perceive themselves as separate people. This is the source of much unnecessary suffering. When one person says to another: "I can not live without you",- this is not love, this is manipulation. Love is the free choice of two people to live together. Moreover, each of the partners can live alone.
- Dependent people are looking for a mate, trying to solve their problems in this way. They believe that love relationship will cure them of boredom, melancholy, lack of meaning in life. They hope that their partner will fill the void in their life. But when we choose a mate, placing similar hopes on her, in the end we cannot avoid hating the person who did not live up to our expectations.
- They are unable to define their psychological boundaries. Addicted people do not know where their boundaries end and where other people's boundaries begin.
- They always try to make a good impression on others. They always try to earn love, please other people, and wear masks of “goodness.” In this way, dependent people try to control the perceptions of other people. But at what cost - betraying your true feelings, needs.
- They do not trust their own views, perceptions, feelings or beliefs, but they listen to the opinions of others.
- They try to become necessary to other people. They often play the role of “rescuers”.
- They are jealous.
- They experience difficulties alone.
- They idealize their partner and become disappointed in him over time.
- Not connected to their dignity and intrinsic value.
- They experience despair and painful loneliness when they are not in a relationship.
- They believe that the partner must change.
Addiction is a relationship with a fixation on another person.
Codependency in adults occurs when two psychologically dependent people establish relationships with each other. In such relationships, everyone contributes part of what is necessary for him to create a psychologically complete or independent personality. Since neither can feel and act completely independently of the other, they tend to stick to each other as if glued to each other. As a result, everyone's attention is focused on the personality of the other, and not on himself.
Strategy of the addicted lover
A disproportionate amount of time and attention is spent on the person targeted by the addiction. Thoughts about the “beloved” dominate the mind, becoming an overvalued idea. Characterized by obsessiveness in behavior and emotions, anxiety, self-doubt, impulsiveness of actions and deeds, difficulty in expressing intimate feelings. He, as a rule, does not know what he needs specifically, but desperately wants his partner to make him happy (as in the fairy tale: "go there, I don’t know where, bring something, I don’t know what"…).
The love of an addicted person is always conditional! Mixed with it are fear, jealousy, manipulation, control, claims, reproaches from unjustified expectations.
There is no trust in such relationships. Without it, a person becomes suspicious, anxious and full of fears, while another feels emotionally trapped, it seems to him that he is not allowed to breathe freely. There is jealousy - fear of loneliness, low self-esteem and dislike for oneself.
The addict is in the grip of experiencing unrealistic expectations in relation to another person in the system of these relationships, without criticism of his condition. Expectation is the first, weak form of “demand”... And demand is, in fact, aggression. Directed - at yourself, at the world, at life, at another person.
A love addict forgets about himself, stops taking care of himself and thinking about his needs outside of the dependent relationship. The addict has serious emotional problems, which are centered on fear, which he tries to suppress. The fear that is present at the level of consciousness is the fear of abandonment. By his behavior he seeks to avoid abandonment. But on a subconscious level this is a fear of intimacy. Because of this, the addict is unable to tolerate “healthy” intimacy. He is afraid of being in a situation where he has to be himself. This leads to the fact that the subconscious leads the addict into a trap in which he chooses a partner who cannot be intimate. This may be due to the fact that in childhood the addict failed and experienced mental trauma when showing intimacy with his parents.
In my understanding, love between two people can only take place when each of them has turned into a spiritually mature person, and it can only be truly deep and beautiful when the relationship comes from freedom.
- Love is freedom, but not the kind of freedom that does not recognize obligations. Love is responsibility, obligations that you yourself voluntarily observe, and freedom of choice that you give to another person. It is important that our love does not become a suffocation for loved ones. Respect your obligations to your loved one, but at the same time allow him to breathe freely.
Nobody belongs to anyone! The partner is not my property. He is a person, a soul who has decided to walk the path with you so that together you can grow. It's not always easy to let someone you love go free, but there is no other way. Life wisdom tells us: the more freedom we give to another, the closer he is to us.
- To love is to be there when needed, and to step back a little when the space becomes too small for two. "When two devastated souls meet, they are immediately tired of each other, their relationship is doomed"(Jigme Rinpoche).
Partners in such close relationships move closer and further apart during their dance, they are not always psychologically together and may still quarrel and argue with each other, but they do so impartially and with respect for each other's needs and feelings. This becomes possible through trust and awareness.
- Relationships of Freedom and Love are fundamental security. When two people learn to be independent, whole, autonomous people, they no longer need to defend themselves from each other, control (themselves and their partner) and manipulate. Love means that the person next to you can be real. He is allowed to be weak, allowed to doubt, allowed to be ugly, allowed to be sick, allowed to make mistakes. Loving a person more than the actions they perform. To be someone they know will never betray. We love and love just like that, for no reason, because we cannot help but love. We love out of abundance, not out of fear and insufficiency. We love not to possess, but to give, to give away what overwhelms us.
- Relationships from Freedom and Love are always maturity and awareness. This is the deepest work on yourself, first of all. Love is like death. Through the experience of love, a person is reborn for a new life: he dissolves his ego, frees himself from it. Love - I am ready to give up my selfishness.
That's what it is highest degree freedom - first of all, internal! When you yourself are free, you respect and appreciate your partner’s freedom. You become a source of freedom...
"Immature people, falling in love, destroy each other's freedom, create dependence, build a prison. Mature people in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy any dependencies. When love lives in dependence, ugliness appears. And when love flows with freedom, beauty appears"(Osho).
If you are in a dependent relationship, your attention is focused on the other person, you feel happy only next to him. You are ready to do anything just to get it, because otherwise your world is empty and gray. If you choose to gain inner integrity and maturity, look for a way out and don’t find it, there is simple technique- gratitude technique!
Take time for yourself. Stay alone with yourself, with your Soul. Ask yourself a few simple questions and answer them sincerely.
- Why do I thank this man?
- What attracts me to him?
- What happens to me when I communicate with him?
- In what ways are we similar?
- Where is he expanding me? What can I learn from him?
- Why can't I still erase his contact?
- What can I keep from this connection? Which lessons?
- What connects us at the Soul level? Why do we both need this connection and this experience?
- What is the most valuable thing in my life now because of this experience?
- How did he protect me when he didn't choose me? What are my good thoughts about him?
- What kind of person have I become thanks to my relationship with this person? What in me, which was in the shadows of my consciousness, has found light?
- Can I move on on my own? Bless him and let him go? Do I have love and gratitude in my heart for this person? If not, why not? What is still unfinished between us? How much time do I give myself to complete this? Do I choose to sacrifice another piece of my life to something that is already in the past?