The confrontation "mother-in-law - daughter-in-law", in my opinion, belongs to the category of problems with the status of "eternal". Probably, the inability of daughters-in-law to get along with their mother-in-law and dislike between two women, by their will common man became one family, was born at the moment when the grandchildren of Adam and Eve decided to get married. That's when it all kicked in...
Why is it so difficult to get along with the mother-in-law
Nothing has changed since then. Although there are no such statistics, it seems that the phrases: “and where did my son dug you up!”, Or “well, you have a mommy!” are pronounced at least every minute on our planet.
Inside the family there are always stumbling blocks, especially between the older and younger generations, when the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law try to get along in the same family. A daughter-in-law for a mother-in-law and a son-in-law for a mother-in-law is more of an application to own child and grandson, a stranger in his family.
Naturally, the older generation is interested in adding this stranger to their family, subjecting him or her to their own "processing", in order to level all differences between him and himself. Otherwise, a stranger can take their own child out of the family, subjecting them to their “harmful” influence.
The more the mother-in-law is afraid of the “leaving” of her adult child from under his care, the more pronounced the need to keep her son or daughter around her, the more friction will arise in the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship.
When parents cannot “separate” themselves psychologically from their adult children and continue to consider them a “continuation” of themselves (that is, their part), their interference in the life of a young family is most often destructive and it will be almost impossible for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along.
Why can't mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along
Quite often, parents justify attempts to subordinate the life of a young family to their own rules with their anxieties and worries. Like, “I’m worried about you and your child, that’s why I’m here and put things in order for you.”
Such a mother-in-law naturally believes that the daughter-in-law should be grateful to her for the fact that some part of the housework is done “for her”. At the same time, the daughter-in-law's disagreement with the distribution of responsibilities or her desire to do something in her own way are considered something frivolous and "childish".
In fact, the dominant mother-in-law enters into a struggle with her daughter-in-law for spheres of influence, and this struggle is most often carried out on the territory of the latter. Often the most active "fighting" takes place under the guise of Help, and the most dangerous weapon in the arsenal of means of the dominant mother-in-law is the accusation of Ingratitude for this very Help.
But why? On this score, women are surprisingly unanimous. Here is what most of them say about their relationship with their mother-in-law:
1. Jealousy
“Because women who have sons are subconsciously jealous of their chosen ones. How stronger jealousy, the more difficult it is to achieve the location of the mother-in-law.
“Most women, regardless of age, are owners. The mother is jealous of her son for another woman (that is, for the wife), and the wife, in turn, for the mother, since the mother is also female.
“Jealousy, definitely. Every woman wants her beloved to belong only to her, this desire is aggravated if the spouses live with their mother-in-law. Yes, and by nature, women are always rivals, even if they are mother and daughter, and especially with mother-in-law.
“Many women find it difficult to build a good relationship with their mother-in-law because women themselves are rivals. This female friendship almost never happens, if it exists, then you rarely see it. In addition, the mother-in-law is often jealous of her son for the daughter-in-law.
“I believe that in relations with the mother-in-law, women compete with each other. Single mothers are more jealous, because the man with her was in the form of a son - even if it was like that, since it didn’t work out differently. And then some one came and ... the man was gone with her. What used to belong to the mother now belongs to "this one". The mother begins to be jealous of her son, and in order to justify jealousy, she begins to look for flaws in her daughter-in-law and bring to the attention of her son - she is like this, like this and that, well, what did you find in her?
Jealousy in general is a rather complicated phenomenon, and if at least it is possible to analyze it, then it is problematic to deal with a jealous woman and re-educate her. Theoretically, a mother's jealousy of her child's wife is absurd: after all, she will forever remain his mother, and his wife - his wife. Neither of them can take the place of the other, no matter how hard they try. Then why, where does jealousy come from?
Psychologists believe that in relations with the mother-in-law, this kind of jealousy is most often “sinned” by mothers either with an imperious character, or those who have invested all their strength in “raising blood.” And these are not always single mothers - there are a lot of examples around married mothers who, until retirement, take care of their own son, as if they were an unreasonable little one. And it's not about maternal love, which is customary to sing and set as an example, and in own problems and complexes.
Not realized socially, such women are trying to rehabilitate themselves as super-caring mothers. She devoted all of herself to the child, she gave the last to him! She refused this and that ... And he took it and married "this one"!
2. Lack of your life
Now mom will have to build her own life, her own. Learn to live for yourself, your own interests and concerns. And where to get them? The dishes are washed, the socks were darned last year. She has no friends, no hobbies either. She has no feelings for work, and even if her mother is retired ...
Beautiful story about how she denied herself everything, “in order to pay for Mishenka’s education,” no one is impressed anymore. There is only one thing left - to try with all your might to keep "Mishenka" near you by simple manipulations
“Come urgently, the pressure is 300 to 55” and sighs “again, she didn’t really iron your jacket!”.
She still wants to have an obedient son, whom, if it’s impossible to lead into a circle by the hand, then at least you can regret about “living with this, underground”. It turns out that love, even holy - maternal - must still have certain limits.
To be not all-consuming and insane, but reasonable and wise. And certainly the mother must understand that the boy grew up and fell in love with another woman. And it's great! It's time to live for yourself, create, do what you love. So, by the way, this is what happens in those families where the mother at any age continues to live a full life and realizes herself.
Who manages to get along with the mother-in-law
“My mother-in-law is a golden person. Partly because we rarely communicate with her (she lives in another country). But even when she arrives, she never tries to interfere in our relationship with her son or in the process of housekeeping. I think if we lived in the same city, there would be no problems either.
Maybe this is due to the fact that this is my husband’s second marriage, the first wife was reluctant to make contact with his parents, and as they say, they learn from mistakes and everything is known in comparison! In addition, she is a rather busy person and she has no time to fool someone's head.
It also happens that it is the daughter-in-law who “opens her eyes” to the “victim mother”, after which she is surprised to discover that it is possible to live without victims!
“I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. We found with her mutual language, and oddly enough, I just taught her to love herself. She is all her family life lived with men: husband and two sons. "Everything for them!" was her motto. This was especially true for sons. I just showed her that in addition to her sons, there is also herself in this world.
You also need to take care of yourself, take care of yourself. I introduced her to all sorts of creams, masks, etc. And she liked it. Very often she says that I was sent to her instead of a daughter, whom she dreamed of, but which did not happen in their family.
It is noteworthy that in this situation no one tried to play the role of “proud and offended in better feelings". After all, my mother could stately say: “I am not such an egoist as some! To spend 50 rubles a year on their cream-masks!”; and the daughter-in-law did not look down on the "downtrodden aunt who does not understand life."
Perhaps this is mutual understanding. Which, as you know, is based on the mutual desire to find that same common language. Mutual, but not one-sided!
“In relations with the mother-in-law, everything depends on whether the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law want to come to an understanding. Usually it all comes down to different views for life. Often, mother and daughter cannot find a common language, what can we say about two completely strangers?! Especially if they stand to the death for their convictions on the subject of how they should live and what their son or husband should be guided by.”
“In fact, many women do not build relationships, do not meet each other halfway. I believe that it is possible to find an approach to any mother-in-law, this requires time, desire and the ability to compromise, after all, she is also a woman.
“Build relationships with your mother-in-law day after day, the main thing is your desire to be friends and everything will be fine! Don't hang your nose and be a diplomat, sometimes it's easier to give in than to butt a stubborn wall.
A good desire to act peacefully and diplomatically, of course, seems very attractive. It's just that it's a little disturbing. After all, it’s very noble to “step on the throat of one’s own song” for too long, to give up one’s desires and habits for the sake of world peace, but ... Where do neurosis, depression, obesity and tachycardia come from then?
Yes, everything comes from the same place - from a long and persistent desire to please everyone except yourself. Save the situation, save the family, take pity on the nerves of another person... At the same time, saying to yourself “be patient”, push your own pain into the farthest corner of your soul and desperately believe that it will not break out of there with an unexpected tantrum, nit-picking your own child or an obsessive headache ...
So close to the very role of the “sacrificial mother”! Think before you put "all of yourself" on the altar of a peaceful family life... with his mom.
The appearance of a daughter-in-law for the mother-in-law is tantamount to the appearance of an invader. Not so with the mother-in-law - the sphere of self-realization of the son-in-law, as a rule, is outside the home. So he is not a direct competitor to her. The mother-in-law has to share influence on her son with a strange woman. Every sensible mother comes to terms with the fact that this will happen. But the daughter-in-law begins to create her own house. And further relations between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law largely depend on how much of the usual rights of the hostess remain with the mother-in-law.
Parade of Sovereignties
The topic of communication with the mother-in-law is close to every woman. Out of 100 women, only 2 will sincerely say that they live well with their mother-in-law. The rest either quarrel or feel difficulties in communication in one way or another. It is especially difficult for those who had to live with their mother-in-law in the same house. After all, as you know, two housewives cannot get along in the same kitchen.
As a rule, the mother-in-law constantly sticks her nose into the affairs of her son and daughter-in-law. She tries to educate, teach and even "protect" them. Often such mothers-in-law come across who try in every possible way to breed and quarrel a precious son with a hated daughter-in-law. In general, the mother-in-law huge selection reasons for quarrels and petty disagreements.
And all why? Yes, because every mother-in-law considers herself an expert in all household chores and childcare features. She is not interested in your opinion on this matter. And even if you come across such a mother-in-law who seems to be a quiet, not scandalous old woman, do not flatter yourself, all relatives are good at a distance. You will have many reasons for conflicts.
How to get along with the mother-in-law, we establish life
If the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law have to live in the same house, a lot of issues need to be resolved. Cooking every day or a week ahead? Save money on food or clothes? How often to wash bed sheets? When should the child go to bed? How many minutes a day should a child be allowed to watch TV or play on the computer?
Hundreds, thousands of questions are solved by the mistress of the house. And there can only be one owner. Suppose you can share the budget and the refrigerator. But you can not divide the son (husband) and son (grandson), daughter (granddaughter) and noisy guests. Who will become the mistress of the house and what should the second woman do?
The situation is aggravated by the fact that the good housekeeping of one of the women in no way reconciles them among themselves. The better one does, the more the other feels left out. The “better” the daughter-in-law, the harder it is for the mother-in-law to accept her. “I was not good for them, but this one, therefore, is good. I mean, I was a fool, and this one is smart. I raised three children, and she will tell me what to feed the child and how he should be raised. In a house with an “ideal” mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law feels superfluous. “So bring up your children, and this is my daughter.” “You never know how you did all your life, but my mother did differently.” "I'm not your daughter for you to raise me."
Very important demarcate territory in order to live with your mother-in-law without swearing, she must know that you must have personal space. For example, your room with your husband, which she can enter only after knocking on the door. Of course, at first she will resist, tell you about the meaning of life, but over time she will get used to it.
From the very first days of our life together, don't let her raise her voice, to command you, to teach. Stop all attempts. Otherwise, if she realizes that you can be manipulated, then it will be difficult to correct the situation later. Treat her the same way she treats you. It’s good if you manage to share the food, she cooks for her husband, and you cook for yours.
My second mother
There seem to be two ways for a daughter-in-law to get along with her mother-in-law. The first one is traditional and very difficult - to become her "obedient daughter." And the difficulty is not only in giving up power. And the fact that our world is changing too quickly. I remember how my friend fought with her mother-in-law, who constantly cooked milk porridge for her grandson. And my grandson was allergic to milk! The mother-in-law was then an old woman. But the idea that a child might be allergic to milk completely did not fit in her head.
Second way- build your relationship with your mother-in-law as with a woman whose interests intersect with yours, and this is for a long time. Like with a friend or co-worker, for example. Help another woman fulfill herself in common interests but in the adjacent area.
It often happens that a woman, not having the strength to do it herself, claims to lead. This happens to daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law. (And also with all people in the world.) And, of course, this should not be allowed. Calmly and confidently stand on the fact that the one who does decides what, how and when. You can offer him help or advice, but you can not insist. If you want, ask yourself. As soon as you begin to teach too persistently what and how you should do, invite the person to take up the implementation of the recommendations himself.
And it is best to divide the areas of responsibility in the house. For example, in the kitchen - one indisputable authority, and in relations with children - another. Arithmetic equality is not required.
Do you think that you are absolutely irreplaceable? This, fortunately for everyone, is not the case. If it begins to seem that without your personal intervention in all the little things of family life, everything will immediately collapse, it's time for you to go on vacation for a month. Preferably in places where there are no long-distance telephones or calls are too expensive.
Does not help? It's time to go to work or change it to a more responsible one. Wouldn't you like to realize yourself in some other business, besides cleaning, cooking and checking lessons? Free up time for this by transferring responsibility to another woman for what she is capable of and likes, but for you it is unprincipled. Separation of areas of responsibility is a difficult and nerve-wracking business. But two mistresses in the house, each of whom considers herself responsible for everything, is much worse.
Get along with the mother-in-law and establish good relations needed from day one. But at the first opportunity, leave with your husband away. As the practice of most couples shows, relationships improve when all families live separately!
The first thing I would start with: set myself up for love. When I'm suffocated by negativity towards someone, I always say to myself: Lena, stop. Every person has two sides. Now you only see the bad. Let's look at this man from the good side.
Most often, the soul softens after this, and even shame for oneself appears. And as a result, pity for the person whom I rotted in my eyes and saw only the bad in him.
This is a wonderful state that helps to find the truth. That is, not their own truth, but the truth of both sides. After all, as you know, two people are ALWAYS to blame for a quarrel. And the one who is smarter is more to blame.
After that, I tune in to the position of a proactive person. Not a reactive one who REACTS to the situation, responds with his actions to other people's actions, but a person who paves his own path, along which he needs to be followed.
So. We live together. There are pros and cons. We will leave, there will be pluses and minuses. The ideal, when there are only pluses, does not happen in life.
In order to define your actions, you first need to decide on a goal.
By all appearances, your husband is doing well in his parents' house. Yes, and you are not so bad. Only the situation with homework hinders. Apparently you have no complaints about the father-in-law.
And the mother-in-law, just a tired woman, to whom life gave the joy of rest for a minute, and then quickly took it away. She was offended. But not on you. And that it will be hard for her again. Get the situation right. How long have you been housekeeping? And for how many years she fed, watered, raised, and even worked.
She's just tired. And he can't find the strength to go back.
When you have children, then you, too, as she will cook, clean, wash. Because this is YOUR family. And this is a very strong motive.
And the mother-in-law with the father-in-law is not your family, so the motive is weak and you are on strike.
But for the mother-in-law, you are not her family, and your husband is now, as it were, more yours than hers, so her motive is also not strong.
What a summary: neither you nor your mother-in-law are ready to do all the housework.
What to do? You can, as you have already tried, "leave the ball to each other." Such a decision only leads to conflict. What did you actually come to.
And now a simple psychological move.
Never! never criticize a person. No husband, no daughter, no friend, no one! It causes resentment defensive reaction and guaranteed conflict.
You need to DISCUSS ACTIONS.
The child is not a slob who always has dirty hands, but: look, his hands are dirty, they are dirty, let's wash them. Don't forget to wash your hands when you get dirty. And I'll give you some hints until you yourself remember.
Technically it looks like this: Sit down at the table. Place a sheet of paper in front of you. And "draw" mentally the problem on the sheet. The main thing: no people.
Morning. Cost Cooking, cleaning.
Evening, dinner, cooking, cleaning.
Saturday, shop, market, laundry, big cleaning.
You can draw this on paper in a circle. And in the second, larger circle, draw the people to whom this applies.
Get four people. Who decides all these issues? For one person, anyone, too much. It's easier for two. For four, just lightly))).
Gather the whole family, put a piece of paper on the table, warn that no one can talk about a person, but can only talk about a person’s actions. He does not talk about the past, but only talks about the present and the future.
Here are the cases before us. We all use it. We are a party of four. Let's write the cases in a column and put each one in the columns. And now what affairs in whom cause what emotions.
Washing dishes? Me - 2, mother-in-law - three, father-in-law, husband - 4. Oh, the husband is less disgusted than others to wash the dishes. The husband is washing the dishes. Etc.
Another way.
At the moment when you love and pity your mother-in-law, call her to whisper. Confess that in the heat of the moment they did not take into account how hard it is now for her to drag four adults on her. Tell me what's hard for you. Agree on how to divide the responsibilities between two. She cooks, you clean, she does laundry, you shop. Moreover, arrange a joint conspiracy against men: why serve such bullies? Let's wisely, like a woman, teach them to wash dishes, take out the trash, go for potatoes.
I do not know the peculiarities of your family, but I know for sure that when positive attitude you will come up with your own scenario that will not only help you overcome the crisis, but also give you a chance to improve what you have: get closer to your mother-in-law, for example. And your husband will appreciate you more, and this is in big life not so unimportant.
And if you separate, you will lose both.
Unless each of you will cook two servings less. But EVERYBODY will do the full range of things. What were they fighting for? And as a result, a complete set of housewives for everyone. And so there is a chance for each of you to make your life easier.
A daughter-in-law often has to wonder how to live with her mother-in-law in the same house, without quarreling.
Help with this advice from psychologists.
Life under one roof - psychology
You moved into your mother-in-law's house - and here there will almost certainly be problems especially the first time.
- Mother-in-law is on her territory. She feels like the mistress of the house. There are her rules.
- The mother-in-law got used to a certain rhythm of life, and the young couple disturbs the prevailing atmosphere.
- Two mistresses Difficulty living in the same kitchen. Most likely, the mother-in-law will be critical of the daughter-in-law. Perhaps she thinks she wants to do good by giving advice, not always realizing that this can annoy her son's wife.
- Most of the husband's mothers unhappy bride. This is due primarily to jealousy, the fact that the son no longer belongs completely to her.
- The ability and desire of both parties is important compromise.
It often happens that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law try to interfere with their man, hoping for his support.
He is forced to be between two fires, loving both women, and it is difficult for him to take one side without offending the other.
How to get along in one apartment?
A few simple rules help make life easier:
To take a break from the constant presence of your mother-in-law, spend time with your husband together - rest, restaurants, walks in nature.
How to find a common language?
Your mother-in-law has a lot of knowledge, and you may well learn from her this experience. Ask her to teach you how to cook some delicious dish. She will be pleased that you ask her advice.
If you have just moved into an apartment, do not immediately begin to actively defend your rights, let your mother-in-law get used to the fact that you now live in their house.
However, it is important to make it clear that you are now complete family member, you and your husband have a personal space, in which it is not always correct to interfere.
Joint business unites. Offer your help in cleaning, rolling vegetables, in the country.
If you live together, then you will have to help your mother-in-law with the housework, since now you are a full-fledged member of the family and live together.
The mother-in-law is a mother who loves her son, and like any mother, she experiences, because now another woman has captured his attention.
She will have to put up with with the presence of a daughter-in-law, but this does not always happen. Some mothers do not want to compromise, accept their son's wife, and no action, no attempt to establish contact helps.
How to tolerate my husband's mother?
Annoying mother-in-law, we live together: what to do? Your job is first and foremost learn to deal with your own emotions. The other person is not responsible for your state and mood, just as you are not responsible for his feelings.
Try to disengage if your mother-in-law constantly pesters you. In the end, you are not obliged to respond to her accusations, screams, complaints. You can pretend to listen, but it is not necessary to perceive and memorize information at all.
It is likely that without meeting an answer and resistance, the woman herself will soften after a while and wants to make contact.
An excellent reception is to try to find in the mother-in-law. There is something positive in every person. Perhaps your mother-in-law is an excellent teacher or a good cook, or maybe she is a creative person.
Find positive qualities in her and then it will be easier to communicate. Ask her about the years of her youth, how she met her husband, let her tell about her son's childhood.
Good memories soften people. If you tune in to the same wavelength with your mother-in-law, it will be easier for you to find a common language.
Another way- build relationships as if you are employees working in the same territory. In this case, you do not need to show vivid emotions- joy or anger, you simply organize communication on a business basis.
You meet in the morning, have breakfast, solve joint issues, keeping business style communication. Over time, relations can become more friendly, when the mother-in-law understands what her daughter-in-law is like, how successful she is in family life.
Learn to stand up for yourself. Once feeling weak, the mother-in-law will take advantage of this, and each time her pressure will increase. At the same time, she will begin to criticize you already openly, discredit you in front of her son, pointing out any of your shortcomings.
That is why it is important to build relationships with relatives from the first day of living together.
However, the ability to stand up for oneself does not mean scandals, high-pitched conversations.
On the contrary, your speech should be as calm and convincing as possible. Let your mother-in-law know exactly what you don't like and why. Be sure to include a reason and not just: I don't want to.
How to diversify family life? you will find on our website.
I can’t live with my mother-in-law: what should I do?
It also happens that conflicts between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law happen daily. It is no longer possible to live together - the husband, children, wife suffer. The mother-in-law in every possible way survives the daughter-in-law from the house, gets into relationships, trying to destroy them.
Trying to remain calm, to be patient, does not lead to anything. In this case, the most acceptable option is to move to another apartment.
The health of your family should be in the forefront, so if the situation is out of control, then it is better to find a separate accommodation. You can rent an apartment or take out a mortgage.
If you have been as calm and reasonable as possible all the time, then a tactical step would be to speak in raised tones.
One day, your emotions will heat up so much that you need to throw them out.
speak openly, what does not suit you, show your anger that has accumulated inside.
Tactics are not suitable for everyone - it is important to take into account the nature of the person and his possible reaction.
After such violent manifestations mother-in-law can finally reach that there are moments that you do not like.
A short and sharp conflict should be single and not develop into a habit.
How to convince a spouse to settle separately?
The husband does not want to move out from his mother - this is a big problem.
A woman wants to live with us: what to do?
The mother-in-law has decided to live with you, and of course you don't want that.
Such a desire most often arises in single women or those who want to completely control their son even after he has married.
What to do in this case:
- let the son directly explain to the mother that this is impossible;
- explain to her that you have your own rhythm, your own life, and you have the right to independence;
- a young family should live separately from their parents - this is one of the factors of family happiness;
- talk to your husband and say that you don’t mind if your mother comes to visit, but you don’t want her to live with you for specific reasons - these reasons must be voiced;
- if the decision is made, and the husband’s mother moves in with you, try to calm down and think over the tactics of communicating with her - do not give her the opportunity to take power in your house into her own hands, immediately set boundaries.
How to survive it from our house?
If the mother-in-law appeared in your house and stayed there to live, set boundaries immediately.
Do not let her command you, change the arrangement of things in your house.
It is not necessary to roll up scandals, it is enough to calmly talk about what is here your territory and mistress you.
There are more stringent measures, for example, turn on loud music, go to bed late, invite guests often, that is, do everything so that the mother-in-law feels maximum discomfort.
The main thing is to do it in such a way as not to offend anyone, but at the same time make it clear to the person that he is superfluous in your house and does not fit into your lifestyle.
One of right ways — talk directly. You need to decide on a conversation, and it’s better if your husband supports you. Explain to the mother-in-law that you appreciate and respect her, but the young family wants to live separately.
In communication with the mother-in-law, the main thing is - be patient, remain calm and not react to provocations on her part.
How to get along with mother-in-law? Psychology and rules of behavior of the daughter-in-law:
Perhaps this is so, but our ancestors lived from time immemorial with their parents, children, grandparents. Four generations lived in one house!
And they lived - they did not grieve. I think there were quarrels and problems, but where without them, we all have the right to defend our opinion and do something in our own way.
Housing problem spoiled us, this phrase was said a long time ago about Muscovites, but it is relevant for everyone to this day. Perhaps even more than before.
What to do if you are a self-confident, self-sufficient young woman with a variety of modern views and requirements for the world, and you have to live with your husband's parents? And they are stupid old senile, have strange habits, talk nonsense, teach them to live, constantly check how the daughter-in-law wiped the dust and believe that they are right, and no one else. How to get along with them, to establish contact?
About myself, I can say that I was lucky with my mother-in-law. I live with her and sometimes I feel almost maternal attitude towards myself. They advise me, but carefully, they help me, they give me a rest and think about myself. Life with this person is more than comfortable for me.
My advice may not suit someone, but someone else will gladly pick it up.
1. First, have patience. The mother-in-law is a living person, she lived her life, she was taught differently, she grew up in different conditions. You may disagree with her in some way, but you simply have to listen to the person and think “maybe she speaks correctly?”
2. The second aspect is caring for her husband, her son. I think it cannot be otherwise if you love him. To herself, she will appreciate all your actions and understand that her son, her flesh and blood are in good hands. I already wrote an article “How to become a good wife?”. In my opinion, all the moments described there are caring. For another woman, they may be different.
It is also necessary to take care of the child, if there is one, and of her, of the mother-in-law. Even to find out how she feels is already a concern. If she is tired, do some housework for her, go to the store.
3. If I have already started talking about business, then I think that their implementation is an integral part of a successful life with her husband's parents. It is necessary to clean up after yourself, your husband, sometimes after them if they are tired or feel unwell. At the same time, I think you should not go too far with the initiative, and remember one rule: "You are not the mistress here, and you will command in your kitchen."
4. Remember that this person is much older and has lived a life, so you will often have to listen to her opinion. There are things in which a young daughter-in-law is simply an amateur, and her knowledge is purely theoretical, therefore, here you don’t need to argue with your mother-in-law, but you need to listen. And if you really want to do it your own way, decide it not in the course of hostilities with her, but somehow in her absence. Remember, a person who already has adult children is clearly subordinate to his own regime, the rules that have been established over many years, it is difficult to retrain her and convince her of something. Therefore, be more flexible, because with your charter you don’t go to someone else’s monastery.
5. Learn from her because she probably knows a lot of recipes delicious meals. She knows what she loves and, more importantly, does not love your husband, where to buy, get what, knows some household trifles that you have not yet learned. If a person understands that you are interested, then he will trust more of his secrets, and it will simply be easier for you in everyday life.
This is the little that will help someone to alleviate own life and not turn her into hell, and perhaps someday you will be able to call your mother-in-law mom.