Why can't you kiss a child on the lips?
The babies are so sweet, so funny and loved! I just want to cuddle, smack, tickle. Many mothers show their love so much that when they kiss the forehead, nose, cheek, they don’t see anything wrong with kissing the lips. But no matter how innocent a “smack” on the lips may seem, doctors warn: it can be dangerous to the baby’s health.
Kissing on the lips means running the risk of infecting a child with an infection, which is very common in our mouths. As a result, the baby can acquire a whole “bouquet” of diseases, such as herpetic stomatitis or tonsillitis, herpes of the lips, etc. After all, children have not yet fully developed immunity, their body is not yet able to fight back infections. It is not surprising that after visiting relatives and copious kisses on the lips, a child may develop ARVI. Moreover, the kisser can be outwardly absolutely healthy!
Dentists also talk about the dangers of kissing on the lips between children and adults, warning that this can even transmit tooth decay to a child.
It is sometimes so difficult to get away from obsessive kisses, but to be on the safe side, you can use Viferon® Gel before such a warm meeting with your family. With the gel, the child's immunity will receive proper support and kisses and other expressions of love will not harm the baby.
After all, you need to kiss the child. A child needs at least four strong hugs and kisses per day for life, eight for health, 12 for growth. Total - 24. By the way, this does not mean at all that you need to count with a calculator. Don't be afraid to give your son or daughter a little extra affection. Children who are not kissed grow up unsure of themselves, with low self-esteem, anxious, and with a lot of complexes.
And from a kiss, including from a mother, information is transmitted to the child to the brain, and it produces the following hormones:
1. Adrenaline – increases heart rate;
2. Oxytocin – helps develop a feeling of affection;
3. Dopamine – needed to process emotions and pain;
4. Serotonin – affects a person’s mood and feelings.
You can also show your love to your baby in many other ways: interact with him, praise him, encourage him, hug him, talk to him and, of course, kiss him, but not on the lips! Sometimes it’s enough just to lightly touch your hand, stroke your head, ruffle your hair, and sometimes more warmth and affection are contained in just one gentle look!
Now let's check it, write in the comments:
The safest kiss for a baby is all of the following kisses EXCEPT (answer options):
1. Kiss on the crown
2. Kiss on the lips
3. Kiss on the cheek
4. Kiss in the ear
5. Kissing hands and feet
There are contraindications, consult a specialist.18+
Photo credit: Maria Evseyeva/Shutterstock
To kiss a child on the lips or not, is it possible to bathe children of different sexes together, is sex in the same room with a child possible or taboo? We talked about these and other controversial issues in raising children with child psychologists.
Experts advise:
Can parents kiss their child on the lips and up to what age?
Maria Kiseleva: “There is no definite answer here, some will say “under no circumstances,” others will say “what’s wrong, because babies have all the places for kisses.” Each family decides in its own way whether to kiss their children on the lips or not, and a lot here depends on what kind of families the parents grew up in, what was allowed and what was forbidden. If, after all, it is customary to kiss a child on the lips, then let it be only mom and dad, and let other relatives kiss him on the cheeks or forehead, since the mouth is a very intimate area. And the second point that is important to consider: after about a year and a half, the baby begins to express his desires or unwillingnesses, this also applies to kisses from his parents. The child may already express his reluctance to be kissed, scream and break free, it is important to notice and listen to this.”
Danil Parnikel:“Different cultures have their own set of spoken and unspoken rules regarding kissing. In Russia, a kiss is most often an intimate gesture.
When can you kiss a child on the lips:
- If the baby is not yet 3 years old (approximate age, 3 years is the age at which role-playing games begin at home and in kindergarten).
- He himself asks for this. For example, when you put him to bed or wake him up.
You should not kiss a child on the lips:
- If he is already 3 years old and goes to kindergarten, he communicates and plays role-playing games with other children (“mothers and daughters”, “policemen”). The child can include you in this role-playing game, turning the gesture of intimacy into a kind of ritual of receiving love from the parent (like “dad from mom”). The child uses various tricks to get attention and love; the adequacy of the methods is determined by what the parent allows.
- If he himself asks you not to do this. Even if the child does not explain the reasons, subconsciously he feels that “something is wrong,” “only couples do this,” “I’m already an adult.” Your child is trying to grow up, and hindering him in these attempts is not useful.
- If the child painfully insists on this and demands compliance with this ritual. Instead of complying with the requirement, you should pay attention to the possible reasons for this behavior.”
Is it possible for parents to walk around naked in front of their children?
Maria Kiseleva: “It all depends on the culture of the family; before, both adults and children washed in the bathhouse. If this is customary in the family, then the child may learn from his parents that walking naked is in the order of things, and will do the same in other situations. Therefore, it is important to explain the social norms that exist in our culture. If children of different sexes grow up in a family, they will still see each other’s gender differences. And here the healthy attitude of parents towards their own sex, towards the opposite sex and towards their body is of greater importance.”
Is it possible to take a bath with a child? Is it possible to wash children of different sexes together?
Danil Parnikel:“You can wash yourself in the bathroom with your baby; it’s a wonderful pastime that charges you with positive emotions. Over time, your preschooler may ask you to leave him alone because he will begin to feel shy. And he will ask for help only as a last resort, for example, when he cannot dry himself with a towel. It is important to pay attention to such signals, so your child sets the boundaries of his intimate life.
If your grown-up child does not ask you to leave and you do not notice any discomfort in him from the presence of an adult in the bathroom, you must set the boundaries yourself. For example, you can tell your child that he can now try to wash himself as he gets older. An important nuance is the gender of the child and parent. It is logical to assume that boundaries between mother and son, father and daughter will appear earlier. We cannot name a specific number when it is definitely not worth taking a bath together, however, if we are talking about the presence of a parent of the opposite sex in the bath, we recommend continuing this practice until 5-6 years, no longer.”
Elena Petsh: “Children up to 3 years old can preferably be bathed together. After 4, some children already develop a feeling of shame. At five, almost all children show embarrassment towards someone of the opposite sex. This is fine. Children should not be forced to undress in front of a brother or sister of the opposite sex. This is a violation of the child’s intimate boundaries.”
Is it possible for parents to sleep in the same bed with their child and, if so, up to what age?
Maria Kiseleva: “If it’s convenient for parents and the child, then it’s possible. Age is again regulated. Some children at the age of three go to sleep in their own bed, and some at the age of five come running to their parents’ bed if they dream of something terrible. If an adult child persistently demands that he be allowed to sleep in his parents’ bed, then it is better to sort out this situation with a psychologist and find out what the reason is, since the reasons can be different.”
Is it possible for parents to kiss/hug in front of their child? Is it possible to have sex in the same room with him?
Maria Kiseleva: “You need to kiss and hug, children see and understand in this way what kind of relationship there can be between a husband and wife, what tenderness and care are, how love is manifested. Should you have sex in the same room if the baby is sleeping? The realities of our life are such that often a young family has one room or a small one-room apartment at its disposal, so the choice is small. Of course, if there is an opportunity for privacy, then this is better for both the child’s sleep and the parents’ sex life.”
Danil Parnikel:“In this case, the answer depends on various variables, such as how soundly is the baby sleeping? It is important to remember that a child may wake up and witness his parents having sex, and this may be very frightening for him. The nature of sexual relations is unfamiliar to preschoolers; it may seem to them that “dad attacks mom at night.” Add to this darkness and defenselessness, and the child can worry about what he saw for a very long time. Love each other, but taking into account the risks and responsibility for your child.”
What should parents know about their child's sexual development?
Alexandra Chernysheva:“There are several key points that parents should remember:
- Children begin to become interested in sexual issues at the age of 1.5-2 years, when one day they learn that boys differ from girls primarily anatomically.
- At the age of 6-7 years, children come to the realization that their gender is “forever”; until this time, they are in the illusion that with age everything can change.
- Adolescence marks the peak of experiences associated with accepting a gender role. Obviously, the reason lies in final puberty: from girls and boys, children turn into young men and women and become physiologically ready for the onset of sexual activity, and therefore potential parenthood. However, puberty is not always the achievement of sexual identity - acceptance of one's role, a feeling of comfort from being its carrier. Accepting a gender role - a social male or female position - is a much more subtle and vulnerable process than just puberty.
- It is natural and normal to be interested in the topic of the birth of children in preschool and primary school age, as well as sexual issues during adolescence.
- Children are eager to explore their bodies, and exploring their genitals is just part of this exploration process and should not be feared.
- The topic of sexuality is sensitive, so it is worth giving the initiative in the conversation to the child, reminding him that he can always count on an honest answer from the parent.
Maria Kiseleva: “Everything related to questions about the genitals, where children come from, what sex is, getting pleasure, etc., should be told to the baby only if he came with a question about it. And without unnecessary details. In the context of receiving pleasure, you can simply say: “Yes, it can be pleasant,” and that’s all. There is no need for unnecessary details. If unconscious sexual behavior manifests itself at an early age, then you should not focus on it: run up, remove your hands, say something. At first you can just observe, children at three or four years old often explore their bodies, this is normal and will go away on its own.”
Elena Petsch: “At an early age, the concept of “sexual behavior” does not exist. If a child under three years of age strives for affection and tactile contact, this is the need to be in physical contact with the parent. This is a healthy indicator of normal baby development.”
Danil Parnikel: “It is important not to scare a child when you catch him doing an “indecent” activity, because it is the parent’s reaction that shapes the little person’s attitude towards one or another of his actions. And since the experiment was associated with receiving pleasure, it is possible that the “experimenter” will begin to prohibit himself from receiving pleasure in the future. A conversation on this topic will help relieve tension for both the child and the parent, and in this way a common attitude towards this issue is formed in the family.”
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Question: My mother criticized me, I want to consult a professional. My daughter is 4 years old. My mother believes that you should not kiss a child on the lips, because... lips are an erogenous zone. And by kissing her, I develop her sexuality ahead of time. Is it so? Thanks in advance for your answer.
Anastasia Primak, child psychologist, answers:
Hello. To begin with, I would like to say that kisses and touches from parents are an integral part of the healthy development of a child. Immediately after birth, the child experiences a lot of stress from a change in environment; after the warm and cozy mother’s tummy, the child finds himself in a strange and cold world around him. Therefore, it is natural that children constantly need warmth and affection: they smile when you kiss or hug them, they fall asleep better in your arms or next to their mother, feeling such a familiar smell and the beating of the mother’s heart. And how quickly a bump or a cut finger stops hurting after mom kisses that spot.
As for erogenous zones and the early development of sexuality: here, of course, I’m sorry, but I categorically disagree with your mother. Yes, of course, all children have erogenous zones, and naturally at this age they are not yet developed, but your kisses will in no case begin to develop them ahead of time, they will begin to develop independently, and closer to adolescence, in accordance with the laws established by nature . As for sexuality, in girls it is already developed from the cradle. Already at 3-4 years old, they choose their own hairstyle, clothes, try on their mother’s things and try to use cosmetics. And this is again a natural process of development and not the influence of your kisses.
I would also like to add the story of one consultation, when the mother of a seven-year-old child came to me. The child was very aloof, did not communicate with other children, shuddered at every call addressed to him, and at my one attempt to hug him and take his hand, he completely ran away. It seemed like it was a small wild animal. As it turned out later, until he was seven years old, his mother tried not to kiss him at all, and forbade others too. I don’t want to scare you in any way; such situations are extremely rare.
But in conclusion, I would like to say: this is your child, you carried him, gave birth to him and are raising him. And no one except you knows what is best for the child at the moment: to kiss or scold. Always listen to your heart and maternal instinct. And kiss your child as often as possible, and not just on the lips. After all, there are so many wonderful places to kiss: hands, feet, cheeks. After all, constantly feeling your gentle touches and your love, your child will grow up kind, sympathetic and gentle.
Raising children is a complex thing, and how parents show their affection for their child is often a topic of discussion. The most controversial question is: “Is it normal to kiss a child on the lips?” Some psychologists argue that this should never be done.
When it comes to parenting, many dilemmas arise: whether to spank a child as a form of punishment; Is it possible to breastfeed in public places; is it normal to teach them to have the same views as their parents; Is it time to talk to your child about adult topics? What is the best way to express love and affection?
Some people believe that there is nothing wrong with kissing your child on the lips. Others think it's too much. American doctor Charlotte Resnick, a child educational psychologist from Los Angeles, takes a second opinion and says that the mouth is an erogenous zone that is not intended for parents. She warns parents about this all the time because, although it is seen as a sign of love, "kissing on the lips can be too confusing for children."
Reznik is the author of the book "The Power of Your Child's Imagination: How to Turn Stress and Worry into Joy and Success". She explained that children may associate kissing with a sexual or romantic connection between parents and wonder why they do the same to them.
“If you start kissing your children on the lips, when will you stop? This whole situation will become too confusing. Once a child reaches the age of 4-6 and becomes sexually conscious (this is normal), kissing on the lips can develop into something stimulating. Children will begin to have questions: if mom kisses dad on the mouth and vice versa, what does it mean when I, a little girl or boy, kiss my parents the same way? If you ask when to stop kissing your children on the lips, then my answer is now!” she advised.
Such reasoning by Charlotte Resnik was not accepted by many mothers, who compared her arguments with the time when “experts” also persistently argued that riding a bicycle turns girls into lesbians. Resnik’s words were also refuted by clinical psychologist Sally-Ann McCormack:
“There is no absolute certainty that a kiss on the lips somehow confuses a child. It's more like "breastfeeding is confusing." Perhaps someone has such an opinion, but this does not make it so.”
Family therapist and doctor Paul Hockmeyer said:
“It is important that parents maintain and maintain boundaries with their children.”
Dr Fiona Martin from the Sydney Center for Child Psychology is another specialist who disagrees with Resnick. She thinks this is absurd.
“It’s normal and healthy to show love to your children. It’s just your way of telling your children that you love them,” Martin explained.
To take specific examples, there are those who support this practice and those who oppose it. Here's actress Hilary Duff's reaction. She posted a photo of her kissing her 4-year-old son Luke on Instagram.
She did not accept criticism, and answered all the skeptics:
“For those who think that kissing my four year old son on the lips is “inappropriate”, just post along with your reasoning and thoughts.”
Hilary Duff is not the only celebrity who has drawn the ire of netizens. David and Victoria Beckham faced a lot of hate for posting a photo of them kissing their children. Victoria Beckham's post with the words: “Happy Birthday girl... We all love you so much! Kisses, mom" sparked furious debate.
Former England footballer David Beckham was also heavily criticized when he shared a photo of himself kissing his youngest child on the lips.
In response to criticism, David defended his actions during an interview on Facebook Live:
“I was criticized for kissing my daughter on the lips. I kiss all my kids on the lips - he then joked - I don't kiss Brooklyn. She's 18, so this might seem a little strange. We want to show our love to children, we protect them, care for them and support them."
When it comes to this particular problem, there seems to be no right answer.
What do you think about this controversial issue?
Lately, debates have arisen more and more often about whether it is possible to kiss a newborn. Parents believe that in this way they show their love to the baby and psychologists agree with this. In their opinion, it is necessary to kiss a child. As soon as the baby is born, he experiences enormous stress. And this is not surprising, because all this time the child was in the warm, cozy mother’s tummy, he felt protected. Therefore, children constantly need warmth and affection.
According to psychologists, a child needs a lot of tight hugs and kisses - for life, health and growth. If a child does not receive this, he grows up insecure and with low self-esteem. Such children, as a rule, are plagued by an anxious state and a sea of complexes appears.
Is it possible to kiss a baby?
But from the medical side, kissing a child is not acceptable, since they believe that each person has his own individual microflora and it is transmitted by airborne droplets. Simply put, when we kiss a child on the lips, we disrupt his natural balance of microorganisms, creating a risk of disease.
Viruses are easily transmitted through mucous membranes, so doctors prohibit kissing a baby on the lips and eyes. Approximately 90% of the total population has various viruses in their blood, including the herpes virus. The virus is contained in saliva several days before the appearance of rashes on the lips. Therefore, one cannot confidently state that a person is healthy or, conversely, that he is falling ill. Moreover, herpes in children is much more serious than in adults. In young children, this virus can cause a serious condition that often requires hospitalization.
But, in addition to scientifically proven facts, there are also popular beliefs. For example, there is such a sign that by kissing a child, we take away his first word. Simply put, the child will start talking late or will become mute. So, dear parents, it’s up to you to decide. But if there is at least one chance to protect your baby, then you should take it.
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