Sometimes a guy’s ex-girlfriend does not remain in the past, but constantly appears in your relationship with him. What to do if she is too intrusive? Or are you jealous in vain and in fact the communication between your man and his lost love is quite friendly? Let's deal with TOPBEAUTY.
You have found yours, which meets all the parameters you need. And here it seems, happiness. But no: his ex-girlfriend appears, which, naturally, darkens your idyll. Before you get jealous, think about whether this is really such a problem as you pictured to yourself. Perhaps there is nothing wrong with their communication.
When a guy's ex-girlfriend is not his enemy
There are cases when it is difficult for two people who have been together for a long time to break an already formed emotional connection. Both may already be married, but they still call each other, just to find out how things are going, what’s new, etc. If it doesn’t last for hours and your man doesn’t lock himself in the bathroom, then why waste your and his nerves? Let them continue to communicate periodically. You will turn into suspicious and suspicious if you start scandals.Psychologists say that communication is formal when the sensual part has already been experienced and left behind. But don't take it as if your man still loves her. And don’t be offended that he’s glad to hear her, not everyone breaks up with scandal and tears.
But you have the right to start a conversation with your loved one and find out what is happening between them. It is harmful to keep everything to yourself; you also need to conduct a dialogue like an adult. Don't tell your loved one that you don't trust him. On the contrary, say that you don’t doubt him, but you have concerns about his ex-girlfriend’s plans: does she want a second chance? Listen carefully to everything your boyfriend says and continue to carefully keep your finger on the pulse. It never hurts to know who is calling him and why. Moreover, if your significant other sincerely says that the communication is friendly, then there is minimal reason for concern.
When a guy's ex-girlfriend is a potential threat
Unfortunately, not all people understand that the relationship with them is over and nothing can be changed. There are those who continue to fight for their happiness and don’t even think that they cause a lot of discomfort to others. We are talking about those same annoying ex-girlfriends from whom you cannot hide: they call, write SMS, they can even keep watch at home or work, call relatives and friends.This behavior can develop into manic behavior; such people do not need to give any reaction. They perceive any gesture in their direction as hope for a relationship. So you should absolutely not answer calls or SMS. In the end, you can blacklist a person.
It’s better not to quarrel with such women, because it’s unknown what such a person might do: scratch the car, waylay someone somewhere in a dark alley, or even worse. It’s just like in school: if you ignore the kids who pester you, they will get bored and find another object to pay attention to. It’s the same with a guy’s ex-girlfriend: in the end, she will choose a new victim. Moreover, if you get married, you have children, she will understand that the situation is hopeless, she is not welcome, and will disappear from your life.
Question for a psychologist:
Hello. My name is Alena. I am 22 years old. Have no children. We have known this young man for 3.5 years, and we have been living with him for 7 months. I first met his friends, and then him. His name is Oleg. He took my number from his friends and we started talking and hanging out together. Then we stopped communicating because I started living with another guy Andrey, I lived with him for 2 years. Oleg constantly wrote and called me all these 2 years, but I told him not to call me anymore. And he only began to write messages in contact and on the phone. Just finding out how I was doing. And when the guy started beating me, I made up my mind and left him. Oleg helped me with housing, I began to live with him in a room that he rented, and he lived with his sister. And then Oleg and I started a relationship and we began to meet and live together. At first everything was fine, but then his girlfriends started calling him. Because of this, we quarreled with him. He reassured me and said that they were just friends. His mother also told me that he and his friends had known each other for a very long time and that they were just friends. I calmed down and we measured each other. And everything was fine.
But for the past 2 months his ex has been calling him and writing in his contacts. He and his ex-girlfriend have been separated for 2.5 years. He sometimes went to her page and tagged photos. And he notes her photos because he is interested in how she lives - that’s what he tells me.
I started asking about my feelings for her, he said that he didn’t love her and wouldn’t return to her. I believed him.
And yesterday she wrote to Oleg in contact that she was pregnant and broke up with her boyfriend and asked my boyfriend to help her pick up the crib from the store and assemble it. In general, I'm all on edge. I'm very jealous. I asked him not to meet with her. And if they do, I will leave and not disturb them. I just think that he will remember the time when they were together and a relationship will begin. And he will simply forget about me.
He said that he would not let me go and that he loved me. And if I tell him about her, he will help her out of spite. He doesn't like it when I start to blow his mind. Now I’m very nervous, I won’t survive if he lies to me and quietly goes to help her.
I love him, we feel good together, but our relationship doesn’t work out.
It seems to me that we don’t understand each other, if our relationship is like this at the beginning, what will happen next.
Psychologist Marina Aleksandrovna Wildt answers the question.
Hello, dear Alena!
I really sympathize with you in your difficult situation.
Unfortunately, I won’t be able to say exactly what really motivates your young man, since I don’t have enough information in general.
Your boyfriend owes his ex-girlfriend absolutely nothing and you understand this yourself. But there is a human component that is responsible for helping people in some situations. So, your boyfriend can simply help his ex-girlfriend, but of course not in the role of her friend, but out of old friendship and so on once or twice.
I advise you to tell your boyfriend that you don't mind him helping her with the crib once. You also want to go with him to see her. You, as a woman, can support her in her difficult situation.
If your friend’s reaction is positive and you go together, then most likely he has nothing to hide from you and he has no intention of resuming something with his ex-girlfriend. If this idea seems strange to him, then you can most likely assume that he is not being honest with you.
What conclusion you draw for yourself can be determined by your friend's reaction to your proposal.
Why is she coming back?
You won’t be able to drive your ex away if you don’t understand why she actually showed up again. The most likely reason is “she still loves him.” Most likely, this means that the relationship was not properly ended, and she simply cannot leave without putting an end to it. The second reason is resentment and the desire to take revenge. If the young lady decides that she was unfairly and undeservedly abandoned, she will certainly try to bring the scoundrel back - in order to abandon him herself. Third option: about an ex-girlfriend who became his friend. It's nothing personal, they're just friends. Oh well. And the fourth case is the most difficult. It's called "ex-wife". It's complicated. However, we have detailed instructions for you for each type of ex.
Instructions for eliminating an ex in love
The worst thing you can do is become friends with her. Because a woman in love is capable of anything. She is really capable of being friends with you, then getting herself some boy and being friends with your “families”, and then one fine day you will find her in the bed of your sweetheart, and none of you will understand how this could happen. So all you can do is make your boyfriend call it a day.
Most likely, this will be a difficult conversation for both you and him. Essentially, you are forcing him to go and hurt the young lady who is already suffering. Most likely, he will assure you that you made it all up (ha ha!), that he doesn’t have any feelings (but his ex does!) and that you just need to stop making things up (well, well). Insist on your own. Let it all end.
The most important thing is that you should never try to talk to your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend yourself. You'll feel sorry for her, of course. You will think that she is, in essence, a great girl, she was just hurt by love. You will want to caress and comfort her. And then - see point 1.
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Instructions for eliminating a resentful ex
It is important to understand from the very beginning that this ex does not need your boyfriend. At all. She is not at all going to take him away forever - she is going to take revenge. She hates him - and you, by the way, too, even if you appeared in his life after their breakup. And since she hates you, you have the right to start hostilities. Everything is fair, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, yeah. So, her main problem is that she feels humiliated. Your task is to turn off pity and finish it off. The easiest way to do this is by allowing her into the inner circle.
Turn on the violet girl mode, offer friendship, invite you to visit. Let the reason for celebration always be something connected with you. Invite your friends and their significant other. Let them make toasts in honor of your love and glance in the direction of their ex with poorly hidden pity. The more actively she attracts his attention, the more pitiful his looks will be. If you have a couple of girlfriends who firmly believe in the inviolability of love bonds, be sure to invite them too: they will also look with contempt. And yes, naturally, you should tell them all and ask for support. There is nothing more humiliating than being in the company of women who are ready to tar and feather you. The ex will run away with her tail between her legs. And you catch her, of course. Persuade him to come again. Whisper a secret that you have a botanist friend who has never had a girlfriend, and he really wants to meet such a bright person. Finish it off, in general.
Instructions for eliminating “just a friend”
First, you need to decide whether you really intend to get rid of it. Because in fact, friendship between exes exists, and there is nothing wrong with it. But attempts to destroy someone else's friendship can lead to you removing not only your ex, but also your loved one from your life. Think again. If these warnings do not convince you, then act.
Your task is to really make friends with her. Get as close as possible. Under no circumstances should you compete with her, you should not try to become like her and thus survive the scoundrel. What happened between them cannot be replaced by anything, because it already happened. Different, not like with you. A girlfriend is not the woman he loves; he looks at you differently. You can't replace her, but you can take her away from your boyfriend. Yes exactly.
Become best friends. Spend as much time as possible with her - go to the cinema, go shopping, have breakfast in a cafe, bake pies together, make an appointment with the same manicurist and read books together. Start a common hobby. Make sure that she has no time left to communicate with your boyfriend, let her communicate with you. And try to sincerely make friends with her - this is important! Otherwise, she will continue to be friends with both of you. Then there are two options for the development of events: either you really become friends and you forget about jealousy, or you still make her your friend, and not him. And at this moment you can quarrel with her forever. Shattered.
Instructions for eliminating your ex-wife
The most important issue is children. If he and your sweetheart do not have children together, feel free to follow one of the above instructions. If there is, accept it: the ex will not disappear from his life until the children grow up. And if he disappears, so much the worse for you: it means that your man is ready to give up children - well, why do you need one? Another thing is that
, Comments to the guy's ex-girlfriend disabled
Boyfriend's ex-girlfriendHello! This situation has developed, perhaps, which I myself am aggravating... but still.
I've never asked my boyfriend about ex-girlfriends. But it so happened that our mutual friends and his mother (at different times) told me that he was dating a girl.
Some time ago I noticed that my phone was ringing in front of me - it hung up or said that they were in the wrong place. I decided to see who it was calling, it turned out that it was that girl. (You see, I looked on my mobile phone, this is of course embarrassing, but female curiosity takes over, and on the other hand, fear).
I found out that she herself was already married. But why call him so insistently? I don't know if he called back. I haven’t talked to him about this topic, and I don’t know if it’s worth it? and if we talk, then where to start?
Hello.
Here you need to look at how much this communication bothers you. If you are very worried, then it is better to talk, because the more you hide your feelings, the more problems there will be in the relationship.
Apparently, it is difficult for your boyfriend to break the emotional connection with his ex-girlfriend. Usually, when a relationship breaks down, communication also declines. Continuation of intensive communication, even friendly, indicates that the emotional connection is not interrupted, which can have a bad effect on your relationship with him. If your boyfriend ended his relationship with this girl less than a year ago, then his feelings for her may not have fully passed yet; this is a natural, although very painful period for you.
It is important to listen to what the guy himself says about the relationship with his ex-girlfriend. If he sincerely believes that this is purely friendly communication, then everything is not so bad. If you have reason to believe that there is something more in this communication, and he hides it from you, this is worse. In any case, I don’t recommend starting scandals or setting ultimatums, but it’s worth asking him to communicate with her less often.
If a guy says that the girl calls him and sends SMS, but he doesn’t call her back, then remember that he may not pick up the phone and add her number to the blacklist. If he picks up the phone when she calls and answers the SMS, it means he himself is taking a step towards her. If a guy says that the relationship is exclusively friendly on his part, it means that he has the power to make this communication less frequent, since it bothers you. Think about what frequency of communication you can handle at first, and suggest it. Remember that no matter how much his ex-girlfriend is in love with your boyfriend, he can (although perhaps not immediately) agree with her on how often they can communicate.
If you see that your boyfriend is not making any effort to stop or reduce communication with this girl, and even more so, if he hides from you that he continues to communicate with her, then you should think about whether to continue the relationship with him, so how they can bring you a lot of pain.
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