20.09.2011 08:49
Not so often we write about children. But in vain! You need to follow the children, write them down, and then read them out, preferably aloud!
Morning. Mom is painting. Yegor (4 years old) is lying on the couch.
Grandpa comes in
- Something you, daughter, do not look very good, are you sick?
Son in response:
“Now he’s getting better and getting better.
Bought grapes for Zhenya (2.5 years old) Treated dad, mom. We say:
- Do you need to treat your grandmother?
- Come on, she'll eat soup later.
Mitya (4 years old): "Mom, is the president of the country like a circus director?"
Sasha (5 years old) climbs on the bike and snaps his fingers on the steering wheel and sits motionless. Mum:
Sasha, why are you sitting?
I'm waiting for it to warm up.
The apartment was poisoned by cockroaches. Little Dasha (3.5 years old) runs and screams heart-rendingly:
- Mom, mom, there's a cockroach in the kitchen! - Big or small? - Mom asks with interest.
- Mom, he's a boy!
Senya (4 years old) is asked:
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- A bird!
- But why, Senya?
- And they can pick up and eat from the ground!
Mom, let's buy me a sister or a brother!
- No, son, they are very expensive.
- Yes? Well, then it’s better to give birth yourself, it’s free!
Vasya (4 years):
- Mom, give me a tangerine!
What about the magic word?
He (embarrassed and questioning):
- Abracadabra?
Roma (5 years old) asks her grandmother:
- Bab, I want a big drum! Buy it!
- Romochka, the drum is too noisy. He will interfere with your dad's work...
- Honestly, it won't! I'll wait until my dad goes to bed and then I'll start knocking!
Grandfather gave Kostya (4 years old) a gift and asks:
- Do you even love me, granddaughter?
The granddaughter enthusiastically rustles the wrappers and nods:
-Yes.
- But as? Strongly overpowering?
Kostya is distracted from the present and shakes his head:
- No, I love my mother so much. And a little bit of you.
Petya (5 years old) watches how his mother washes the window with his old bonnet:
- Mom, did I wear this when I was a girl?
After dinner, mom calls Katya (4 years old):
Let's brush our teeth!
- And where will we go with washed teeth?
Mom tries to dress Kirill (4 years old) for a walk, but the boy gets naughty and interferes. Unable to stand it, my mother says with irritation:
- Come on, take your hands off!
- Where will I take them? They are embedded in me!
Evelina (2.5 years):
- Grandma, my heart hurts!
- How does it hurt you?
- Hiccup!
Mum:
- Can I give you a sausage or a sausage?
- Sausage. I fell in love with sausages for sausage.
And I fell in love with soup for porridge. And porridge is already for sweets.
Kostya (4 years):
- Dad, I don't want to wash my hands, well, I don't want to.
- Child, there is such a word "must!"
Kostya (almost without a pause):
- Dad, there is such a word "no need!"
Andrew is 2.5 years old. Before the New Year, my mother prepared a whole bowl of Olivier and stands over it, bending her fingers:
- So-and-so, I put the sausage in the salad, cut the potatoes, peas ...
Andrey (quietly-quietly):
- And I poured compote there ...
Anfisa (4 years old) dreams:
I want to be a bee!
- And why?
- To sleep in the winter, and eat for free in the summer ...
Danya (5 years old) eats a cutlet.
Mom, is this cow patty?
Yes, this meat is called beef.
Well, why are you like this? Maybe she was ruthless.
"And where do you dress?" - strictly ask from the screen.
"Where-where... In the corridor!" - Sonia sighs skeptically.
If you have small children, carry a notepad with you! Because such phrases that kids sometimes give out must be written down. At a minimum, there will be something to remember and something to laugh at when the child grows up. In the meantime, we invite you to read the statements of other kids, the comicality of which will blow your mind. Good mood guaranteed 😉
Son (3.5 years old) crawls on the floor on a pillow.
"Why are you messing up your pillow?"
- This is my saddle, I ride a horse.
Angry, I lift the pillow in order to put it on the bed, and a tortured cat crawls out from under it. It turns out he was a horse.
I wake my son up in the kindergarten in the morning. Vova:
- Mom, lie down next to me, I'll tell you something.
I lay down, he settles comfortably under the side and continues to sleep. Silence. But I'm interested!
- Son, what did you want to tell?
I haven't figured it out yet...
Traffic cops stop the car. In the car, father and 6-year-old son. The father comes out and ingratiatingly holds out the documents to the traffic cop with the words:
- Good afternoon, comrade inspector, here are the rights, here is the insurance, here is the registration certificate, here is the technical inspection, everything is in order, everything is as it should be ...
At this moment, the son opens the glass and loudly asks:
- Dad, where are the goats?
Andrew is 2.5 years old. Before the New Year, my mother prepared a whole bowl of Olivier and stands over it, bending her fingers:
- So-a-ak, I put the sausage in the salad, cut the potatoes, peas ...
Andrey (quietly-quietly):
- And I poured compote there ...
A five-year-old nephew is asked what he wants to be:
– Danya, do you want to be a pilot?
No, they break...
- Well, then the captain?
No, they're drowning...
- And then who do you want?
- Will I make mattresses?
- Why?
- Did it - lay down, did it - lay down ...
Leo is 6 years old. We go with him to the neurologist. Lyovka is naughty - the doctors are tired of him. I tell him:
- This doctor will not do anything to you, he will only talk.
- Is that all?
- Well, maybe it will knock with a hammer, but it doesn't hurt.
We've arrived, let's go. Doctor:
- Hello, Lyovushka!
- Hello! Well, where is your ax?!
Son is 15 months old. I can't ride public transport because I'm dying of laughter. We go in, sit down, the son chooses a nearby young man, smiles sweetly and says:
- Dad!
Many "dads" got off at the nearest bus stop...
Veronica and mom are riding from the Christmas tree. They were stopped by a traffic cop for a minor violation and issued a fine. Veronica says: “Do not swear at mommy: take all the sweets from me, become kind, kind and will not pester people with all sorts of nonsense.” Veronika Merzlikina, 5 years old
Kirill (2 years 1 month) on the street saw a man coming out of the entrance and, without unnecessary greetings, he addresses:
- Did you go for a walk?
The man was taken aback:
- Yeah
- Did you wear a hat?
- Yes.
And put on mittens. Cold. Very cold.
Mum:
- Son! Who taught you these bad words?!
A son:
- Santa Claus, when he tripped over my bike at night!
Children's karate section (children 4-5 years old). Conducted by: Andrei Mstislavovich and Gennady Miroslavovich. Of course, children cannot pronounce Andrei's middle name, so they simply call him "Andrey", which Gennady makes fun of, they say, he did not deserve it.
History itself: an open lesson. Break. One of the kids separates from the crowd and goes to the "sensei". Hesitating, he asks:
- Gennady Mimosralovich, can I go to the toilet?
When Andrei's laughter subsided, Gennady gathered all the children and said:
- From this day on, I'm just Gena for you! And nothing else!
Role-playing games. Masha is about two years old. Our mother is a goat, Masha, of course, is a kid. The unsuspecting dad enters the room and hears the commanding voice of his daughter:
- Goat! Pour juice!
You should have seen his eyes...
We came to church, we pray, people sing (read prayers). Yarik (2.5 years old) passes by and looks attentively at the women.
- Aunt, don't! It is necessary: geese-geese, ha-ha-ha, you want to eat, yes-yes-yes ...
A curtain.
Denis comes home from school and says to his mother:
- Mom, the teacher told us to bring blood from the nose!
- And what should I bring?
- Nosebleeds!
The funniest sayings of young children.
Maxim, 3 years old
Parents: Maxim, if you eat, you will grow big.
Maxim: Parents, are you big already?
- Yes.
- Why are you eating?
Yana, 5 years old
Yana brings me a plate to wash and says: "Please, Your Quantity!" I collapsed with laughter. I mixed up the words "Majesty" and "Number".
Tanyusha, 5 years old
Mom scolds: Daughter, why are you not listening to me?
Tanyusha: Mom, I want to listen to you, but my heart, so disgusting, won't let me.
Ivan, 5 years old
Recently, to my joking question why he wants a sister so much, Ivan replied: “To get me toys from under the sofa!”
Natalia, 3 years and 8 months
- Mom, when I was sitting in your tummy (she knows that I was in my mother’s tummy, and then she was born), was it dark there?
- Yes, my daughter, it's dark.
“Didn’t the folder lead the light there?”
Xenia, 9 years old
The wife found that Ksenia had locked herself in the dressing room, and reprimanded her:
- Why did you close? You don't live here alone!
Ksenia in perfect calmness answers:
-… That is why!
Elizabeth, 9 years old
Lizonka ate a chocolate candy. Grandpa says: "Treat your little sister, don't be greedy." Lisa holds out her chocolate-stained pen to her two-year-old sister and says: “Here, lick it.”
Pavel, 3 years old
Pavlusha is 3 years old, and he was sick. Dad is on a business trip, talking to mom on the phone, mom is happy, laughing.
Pavlusha, so seriously:
- You can't be happy! We are still sick!
Aina, 5 years old
They sent Aina to visit her aunt, she comes from there all smeared with condensed milk, I tell her: “Daughter, then you ate condensed milk without asking?” And Aina replies: “No, mom, it was my aunt who fed me condensed milk without asking!”
Philip, 9 years old
For dinner, I fried white cabbage. Sonya, 6, says indignantly: “I want cauliflower! Where is my cauliflower? Philip, 8 years old, decided to joke: “Mom didn’t have time to color it! Eat this!"
Karina, 6 years old
- Karina, what do you want to work when you grow up?
- A shopkeeper. Sell bicycles, scooters and toys to children.
Lisa 6 years old
Lisa was 6 years old. I put her to bed and say: “Here is your bear, hug him and fall asleep soon,” and she answers me so sadly: “Mommy, will anyone alive sleep with me today?”
Matvey, 4 years old
In the kindergarten there was a test for flat feet. The children took turns getting their bare feet into a basin of water, and then leaving footprints on the rubber mats. The nurse used the traces left to determine the presence or absence of flat feet. In the evening, my son happily rushed to meet me and announced with delight: “Mom, I have a FAT FOOT!”
Sergey, 3 years old
The son in the garden constantly fought with the boy Vanya. At home, they had an explanatory conversation that it was impossible to fight in the kindergarten, in extreme cases, you can hit back ... Once again he comes from the kindergarten, we ask: “How are you, didn’t you fight today?”
- No, he says, he didn’t fight with anyone at all and didn’t fight Vanya either, I just caught up with him, squeezed him in a corner and fought back for a long, long time ...
Ivan, 5 years old
We go with Vanya to the kindergarten, we are in a hurry.
Me: Let's cut a corner here - we'll get there faster.
He: And how will people live here if we cut the corner?
Ekaterina 4 years
I work as a design engineer.
And then one evening after work, at dinner, my three-year-old daughter Katyusha asked me: “Mom, what did you do at work today?” I answer her: "Drill." To which my daughter asks me a counter question: “Why didn’t you work?”
Radomir, 4 years old
We play with our son (he was 4 years old) to the hospital. He, of course, is a doctor, I am a patient.
Hello, what hurts you?
- Hand.
- Which?
- Left.
- Which is your left hand? (still confused, where is the right, where is the left).
- The one on the left - I do not give up.
The doctor is confused, but not for long.
“I think you have them both on the left.”
Yaroslava, 7 years old
My daughter was 7 years old, she is a compassionate girl - she will bring a wounded bird, then a homeless kitten, then a puppy. Everyone was treated, fed, housed. But everything has a limit.
- Yaroslava, so that no more birds, cats, homeless dogs would be brought home. Understood?
- I understand ... Mom, what if I meet a homeless horse?
Alexey, 5 years old
We go home with Alexei from the kindergarten. He asks: “What is sugar made from?” I told him for a long time about beets and sugar cane. Lyosha listened to me carefully and again asked: “Why then did my grandfather say in the morning that he went to donate blood for sugar?”
Dasha (2 years 5 months) has been watching The Wizard of Oz every day for a week now. This was followed by a conversation with my mother about anatomy. Dasha asked where the heart and brains were. After the clarification came the question:
- Mom, what about your brains?
Alla (6 years old) after reading the book "Doctor Aibolit" walks and says:
- Doctor, disabled doctor,
He sits on a tree...
Misha (4.5 g):
- When I grow up, I will become an athlete.
- What sport will you do?
- I will climb.
He builds from the Lego constructor, something does not work out, he groans.
- Misha, what are you groaning like an old grandfather?
- Yes, I'm helping the hamster to poop.
He calls some things "by their proper names":
- despairs are tea leaves;
- chicken (emphasis on "a") - this is a chicken leg;
- tangerines - tangerines;
- Dad, remove the prosecutor's office from the computer - about the keyboard;
- plays astronauts: "I'm in a state of sky"
After watching "The Tale of the Golden Fish" Dasha (2 years 5 months) says:
- And the bear bought himself a new trough, he doesn’t have a typewriter (washing machine)! ..
Dasha, it's hard for me to explain to you about politics!
Dasha (2 years 5 months):
- It's hard to explain to me!
2 years and 10 months Natasha on the phone says:
- Something our Dasha fell ill ...
Dasha (2 years 10 months) put her head in her hands and sighs:
- Something I'm sick, mom!
Dasha (2 years 5 months):
- Mom, do you have a pillar man?
Mom is silent and chuckles. Dasha:
- Well, how about it, daddy! ..
We are standing with Dasha (2 years 1 month) in front of the park. A timber truck passes by on the road. I'm talking:
- Dasha, look, the car brought the trees.
And she answers me with a condescending expression on her face:
- No, mom, the trees are out (pointing to the park), and the LOG car was lucky, the timber truck is called ...
They brought me to a concert at the Music Hall: “Listen, mother, would you take me to Kirkorov, otherwise I don’t develop any motivism from such concerts ...”
Spinning in front of the mirror: “Yes-ah-ah-ah, even though they didn’t allow me to wear nylon tights, here’s my dress, what a ring, what curly hair, and in general I’m beautiful!”
We walk on the site, quarreled with the boy, he says to her:
- Yes, you, tailed! (Veronica has long hair).
Veronica frowned. Boy:
- Come on, call your mom!
Veronica:
- You know, boy, my mother would say that you are stupid, but I'll tell you: you are a fool!
Our daughter turned 1 month old and guests came to us - a family with a child, four-year-old Pavlik, who was promised to show the baby.
He looked at her and asked his mother:
- Why is she so red and why does she have no teeth?
Zhenya (5 years old):
Mom, my tooth hurts.
- Tomorrow we will go with you to the dentist. Mom, my stomach hurts too. Let's go to the animal doctor tomorrow.
Before going to the market on Saturday, we usually make a shopping list. And so our Alla somehow decided to "help" and wrote such a list herself: "Sweets, watermelon, chocolate ..."
Allochka approaches somehow and joyfully declares:
- And I can already reach the other world with one hand!
- ???!!! we react.
Then, of course, everything cleared up: in the house, all the switches for light bulbs are low, under the height of children, and in the corridor there is one switch, located standardly high. And now the child, finally, got to that switch, that is, "to the other world" ...
Dad, does Santa Claus have a wife?
- It seems not.
- A daughter?
- Uh ... Also, no, perhaps.
- Where, then, did his granddaughter Snegurochka come from?
The child complains to friends in kindergarten:
- It turns out that Santa Claus is a greedy and miser.
- But why? - children are surprised.
- Imagine, instead of his gift, he put a box of chocolates under the Christmas tree, which lay in his mother's closet ...
A six-year-old girl wrote to Santa Claus: "Give me a puppy, please!", but another gift was waiting for her under the tree on New Year's Eve.
The older brother, comforting his upset sister, gives her valuable advice:
- Next New Year, ask Santa Claus for a little sister. I think then he will give you a puppy ...
Mum:
- Son! Who taught you these bad words?!
A son:
- Santa Claus, when he stumbled on my bike at night!
Nastya is 2 years 10 months old. Dad often buys Nastya Kinder Surprise. We come from a walk. Dad came home from work earlier and meets us in the hallway. Nastya slyly narrows her eyes:
- Something "Kinder Surprise" smells!
Nastya is 2 years old. We walk through the village in the summer, dogs bark in the yards near the houses. Nastenka says:
- I'm afraid of them!
Mom reassures her:
- Do not be afraid, they are behind the fence, at home and tied.
Already in the winter we are sitting in the kitchen, someone is knocking behind the wall. Nastenka asks:
- Who is this?
Mom answers:
- Uncle, neighbor.
Nastenka:
Are you afraid of him?
Mom jokes:
- I'm afraid!
Nastya is very calm, but cunning:
- Do not be afraid, mother, he is at home and tied!
Nastya is 2 years 11 months old. She intrigues us:
- I'm having a baby now.
Mom asks:
- And who will be born to you, a boy or a girl?
Nastya says:
- And who wants to be born. Maybe a boy, maybe a girl, or maybe a kitten, because kittens are also born.
Nastya is 3 years 6 months old. Tells us a story:
- And the old man says to the old woman: "Buy me a book." And the old woman replies: "There is no money." "And you, old woman, mark, scrape and sweep over the barns."
Nastya is 2 years 3 months old. Our dad works in Moscow, he comes home for the weekend - to St. Petersburg. Mom asks her daughter:
- Nastenka, did you miss your dad?
Nastya:
- Yes!
Mom asks again:
- When dad arrives, what will he tell you?
Nastya (with a sigh):
- He will say: "Let me sleep!"
Seven-year-old Dana watches a performance on TV by artist Clara Novikova and asks:
- Mom, why is she so annoying?
Here's 10 sweets for you, give half to your brother.
- I'll give him 3 pieces.
- Can't you count?
- I know how, but he still does not ...
Lisa (4 years 2 months old) fell ill and was diagnosed with sinusitis. They took an x-ray. Then this picture was given to the parents to take it to the clinic. In the evening, dad puts Lisa to bed and she asks:
- Dad, why did they give us this photo?
Dad:
- Given away as a keepsake.
Liza:
- Yes? Then why am I here without a dress?
Lisa was 4.5 years old. It was a hot summer. Grandma and Grandpa came to visit. Lisa missed them very much and, naturally, expressed a desire to sleep in the same room with her grandparents. Mom and dad sleep in another room. Night, a thunderstorm is approaching, a terrible wind is rustling, thunder is rumbling. Lisa wakes up with a cry: "Mom!", both mom and dad come running to the cry. Liza cries that she is scared, that she was very scared of thunder and asks to sleep in the room of mom and dad. Mom and dad explain that she is with her grandparents and she should not be scared, to which Lisa replies:
- Yes! There are two of you, and we are alone!
Lisa and her parents went to visit an employee of her parents. After some time, she asked her mother to take her to the toilet. Lisa in the toilet
- Look, mom, here Albina Yakovlevna has a broom, here is a scoop, and this (points to an air freshener) is a varnish for spiders!
Tells a fairy tale about the chicken Ryaba:
- The hen laid an egg...
Looking down his pants:
- And I carry.
About the same Hen:
- The chicken cackles "WHERE-tah-tah?" "THERE-tah-tah!"
Son, why are you eating chocolate so fast? Forgot you have a brother?
- No, I haven't forgotten, that's why I'm in a hurry!
When's your birthday?
- February 29!
- Wow, how lucky you were that it was a leap year! And then after all, he could not have been born at all
Sofia (3 years old) is the only child in the family and really wants to have a brother.
- Mom, what is nostalgia?
- This is longing for something or for someone: for the homeland, for parents, and so on.
- Mom, can I then yearn for my brother.
We went to a convenience store. While I was looking at things, Daniil (2 years 4 months) turned to a clearly bored saleswoman:
- How much goods?!
She was taken aback and could not find anything to answer, except:
- Expensive...
Dad took Danilka with him to work in the office and, as usual, lit a cigarette there.
Danya (2 years 4 months):
- Dad, are you smoking again?
Dad:
- Yes...
Danya:
- What kind of stupid habit of smoking all the time?!
Danyusha, where is the ball?
- Maybe, in my opinion, there, probably ...
Danila 2 years 11 months
- Danny, go make the bed!
- She does not clean - she is wooden ...
When they ate, Danya (3 years old) left some potatoes on the plate.
- Danya, eat up, you leave all the strength in the plate!
Danya (ate):
- Here's mom, now all the power is in my stomach!
10 minutes have passed. Danya takes her pot, sits down and says:
- And now all the power will be in the pot! ..
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New and old funny sayings of children.
Karina, 6 years old
- Karina, what do you want to work when you grow up?
- A shopkeeper. Sell bicycles, scooters and toys to children.
Lisa 6 years old
Lisa was 6 years old. I put her to bed and say: “Here is your bear, hug him and fall asleep soon,” and she answers me so sadly: “Mommy, will anyone alive sleep with me today?”
Radomir, 4 years old
We play with our son (he was 4 years old) to the hospital. He, of course, is a doctor, I am a patient.
Hello, what hurts you?
- Hand.
- Which?
- Left.
- Which is your left hand? (still confused, where is the right, where is the left).
- The one on the left - I do not give up.
The doctor is confused, but not for long.
“I think you have them both on the left.”
Yaroslava, 7 years old
My daughter was 7 years old, she is a compassionate girl - she will bring a wounded bird, then a homeless kitten, then a puppy. Everyone was treated, fed, housed. But everything has a limit.
- Yaroslava, so that no more birds, cats, homeless dogs would be brought home. Understood?
- I understand ... Mom, what if I meet a homeless horse?
***
- I was in the stomach?
- Was.
- Aren't my toys left there?
Elizabeth, 9 years old
Lizonka ate a chocolate candy. Grandpa says: "Treat your little sister, don't be greedy." Lisa holds out her chocolate-stained pen to her two-year-old sister and says: “Here, lick it.”
Aina, 5 years old
They sent Aina to visit her aunt, she comes from there all smeared with condensed milk, I tell her: “Daughter, then you ate condensed milk without asking?” And Aina replies: “No, mom, it was my aunt who fed me condensed milk without asking!”
Philip, 9 years old
For dinner, I fried white cabbage. Sonya, 6, says indignantly: “I want cauliflower! Where is my cauliflower? Philip, 8 years old, decided to joke: “Mom didn’t have time to color it! Eat this one!”
***
We sit and have dinner. Anya whines:
- My stomach hurts.
Me, annoyed:
- Because you take in your mouth all sorts of filth!
Anya, without looking up from her plate:
- Actually, you cook it...
***
We are driving in the car, the navigator is working. You can hear: “After five hundred meters - the exit!” Polina (2 years 10 months), horrified:
- Who will eat?!
***
Vasilisa (1 year 8 months) found chalk and eats it like candy with pleasure. I tell her:
- People don't eat chalk!
To which she replies:
- Only children! - and continues to eat further.
Maxim, 3 years old
Parents: Maxim, if you eat, you will grow big.
Maxim: Parents, are you big already?
- Yes.
- Why are you eating?
Yana, 5 years old
Yana brings me a plate to wash and says: "Please, Your Quantity!" I collapsed with laughter. I mixed up the words "Majesty" and "Number".
Son (6 years old) asks:
- Mom, give me something sweet.
- There is chocolate, candy, cookies, sugar, finally. What will you be?
- Give herring.
***
I sent my son to the store.
- Buy sour cream, and buy bread for change.
Came back with no purchases.
- Where are the shopping?
- There was no sour cream.
- And the bread?
- Where can I get change?
***
Dima (3 years 9 months) unwraps a candy.
- Dim, will you share with me?
- No I can not!
- Why?
With a happy look
- Because I'm a GREED!
- Is it good to be greedy?
- Well, - chewing on the candy, - not bad!
Ivan, 5 years old
Recently, to my joking question why he wants a sister so much, Ivan replied: “To get me toys from under the sofa!”
Natalia, 3 years and 8 months
- Mom, when I was sitting in your tummy (she knows that I was in my mother’s tummy, and then she was born), was it dark there?
- Yes, my daughter, it's dark.
“Didn’t the folder lead the light there?”
Matvey, 4 years old
In the kindergarten there was a test for flat feet. The children took turns getting their bare feet into a basin of water, and then leaving footprints on the rubber mats. The nurse used the traces left to determine the presence or absence of flat feet. In the evening, my son happily rushed to meet me and announced with delight: “Mom, I have a FAT FOOT!”
Sergey, 3 years old
The son in the garden constantly fought with the boy Vanya. At home, they had an explanatory conversation that it was impossible to fight in the kindergarten, in extreme cases, you could hit back ... Once again he comes from the kindergarten, we ask: “How are you, did you fight today?”
- No, he says, he didn’t fight with anyone at all and didn’t fight Vanya either, I just caught up with him, squeezed him in a corner and fought back for a long, long time ...
***
Tyomka was 6 years old, his wife scolded him for something, he sits, pouted.
The husband comes up to him and asks:
- What, Timokha, is your mother strict?
To which the child calmly replies:
- Dad, it was your choice... But I got this one...
Tanyusha, 5 years old
Mom scolds: Daughter, why are you not listening to me?
Tanyusha: Mom, I want to listen to you, but my heart, so disgusting, won't let me.
Pavel, 3 years old
Pavlusha is 3 years old, and he was sick. Dad is on a business trip, talking to mom on the phone, mom is happy, laughing.
Pavlusha, so seriously:
- You can't be happy! We are still sick!
Ivan, 5 years old
We go with Vanya to the kindergarten, we are in a hurry.
Me: Let's cut a corner here - we'll get there faster.
He: And how will people live here if we cut the corner?
Ekaterina 4 years
I work as a design engineer.
And then one evening after work, at dinner, my three-year-old daughter Katyusha asked me: “Mom, what did you do at work today?” I answer her: "Drill." To which my daughter asks me a counter question: “Why didn’t you work?”
* * *
Sveta, 5 years old:
We talk with children about why people need clothes:
- In winter, so as not to freeze, and in summer?
- In order not to be dishonored, - Sveta declares.
Xenia, 9 years old
The wife found that Ksenia had locked herself in the dressing room, and reprimanded her:
- Why did you close? You don't live here alone!
Ksenia in perfect calmness answers:
- ...That is why!
***
Sasha (3 years 5 months old) was playing with a puppy and suddenly started licking the couch. Grandmother saw and began to scold him:
- Sasha, what are you doing! You can’t lick the sofa, infectious germs live on it, you can get sick!
Two days later, my grandmother fell ill and lay in bed. Sasha approached her and asked with sadness in his voice:
- What, granny, licked the sofa?
***
My friend Valya came to visit us. My son (4 years old) asks her:
- Aunt Valya, where do you live?
- Under Moscow.
He elaborates:
- In the underground?
* * *
Sonya, 4 years old:
- Why did they call me Sonya if you wake up in the kindergarten every morning?
* * *
We sit at work. The 5-year-old daughter of a colleague calls, asks to call her mother to the phone. She is answered:
- And my mother is not there, she is in the bank.
A long silence followed by the question:
- How did she get in there?
Children's karate section (children 4-5 years old). Conducted by Andrei Mstislavovich and Gennady Miroslavovich. Of course, children cannot pronounce Andrei's patronymic, so they simply call him "Andrey", which Gennady makes fun of - they say, he did not deserve it.
The story itself: an open session, a break. One of the kids separates from the crowd and goes to the "sensei". Hesitating, he asks:
- Gennady Mimosralovich, can I go to the toilet?
When Andrei's laughter subsided, Gennady gathered all the children and said:
- From this day on, I'm just Gena for you! And nothing else!
* * *
Nadia, 5 years old:
In the morning, leaving for work to the father: “Bye, dad, thanks for stopping by ...”
* * *
We were going to kindergarten, but my son resists, does not want to wear warm pants. I AM:
- Do you want to leave your mother without grandchildren?
He, sighing:
- Well, only for the sake of grandchildren!
* * *
My daughter (3 years 10 months) conducted an educational program for me yesterday:
- The groom is the one who buys ice cream and kisses, and the husband is the one who nails the shelves at home and eats.
Alexey, 5 years old
We go home with Alexei from the kindergarten. He asks: “What is sugar made from?” I told him for a long time about beets and sugar cane. Lyosha listened to me carefully and again asked: “Why then did my grandfather say in the morning that he went to donate blood for sugar?”
***
Child (9 years):
- Mom, why is Aibolit painted in all children's hospitals? He's a veterinarian!
***
My daughter and I went to the doctor. The doctor showed pictures of a cow, a pig, a sheep and a horse, and asked them to name these animals in one word.
- Cattle!
The doctor laughed and said that, in fact, it is correct, but you need to say "pets." Daughter without hesitation:
- That's two words!
***
The four-month-old youngest tries unsuccessfully to crawl on the bed. Nearby, a three-year-old senior flops down on his stomach: - Look, worm,
how real boas crawl!
***
A young mother, a nurse by profession, quite often takes her son (4-5 years old) with her to work, and in order to observe the internal
hospital routine, sewed him a white coat and cap. The child, imbued with the rules of this routine, got hold of shoe covers somewhere and
gloves. I put them on, tied a gauze bandage, and went straight to the operating room. To a strict question: - What else is this? He replied with
a feeling of great pride and enduring dignity: - I am a microsurgeon.
Glory (9 years old):
- Again, at school, they sorted out the relationship with Maxim! I told him that he was marginalized and declassed lumpen. And he - that I'm a loser.
***
The six-year-old son does not understand anything of what his one-year-old brother says, and asks: “Mom, are you sure he is Russian?”
***
Ilya (8 years old) comes home from school. I'm asking:
- How was your day? How are things at school? Did you ask in class today?
I see that my son's answers are somehow evasive and vague. I decided to go ahead:
- Come on, give me your diary!
A short pause, then a cautious phrase:
- Mom, are you sure? Our relationship hasn't been very good lately...