Hello! I’ve been with my husband for 4 years, there is no vaginal orgasm. Before I start, I get excited, but when the process itself begins, I don’t experience any sensations AT ALL and never have! It’s like they’re injecting you with something and that’s it. Why is that? Why are there no sensations? Why no orgasm? There are no psychological problems. There were no more partners. Why could this be and what should I do? Thank you.
No matter, Moscow
ANSWERED: 09/18/2014
You and your husband need to visit a sexologist! The problem is solved! Good luck and love to you! http://vitamed-tver.ru/secsolog/ ; http://www.liveexpert.ru/e/sexolog69?src=inv_ebtn_474142.
Clarification questionANSWERED: 09/25/2014
Hello! In order for there to be a vaginal orgasm, an erogenous zone must be formed in the vaginal area; if it is not there, then there is no orgasm. In your option, you can wait (the chance of experiencing a vaginal orgasm increases with age, with a regular partner, in a comfortable environment), or work with a sexologist to remove possible blocks and obstacles, negative beliefs (if any), forming an erogenous zone (there are also some secrets), and in general, of course, such issues are resolved at an individual reception. Only then can you understand the reason. Contact me - I will help. Good luck! http://nlp-ti.ru/stati/
Clarification questionRelated questions:
| date | Question | Status |
|---|---|---|
| 10.12.2013 |
Hello! The problem is that after giving birth, my sexual desire for my husband decreased and gradually disappeared. No one wants to go to bed with him. I love my husband, but I don’t feel excited at all. We've been together for 10 years. Orgasm with him is quite rare, clitoral. But in the process. I just feel good. I often imitate an orgasm, because if I say honestly that I don’t feel anything, he gets offended. I have a small child (2 years old), and problems at work. Eternal fatigue - at first I wrote it off... |
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| 21.04.2014 |
Good afternoon The question is very delicate and quite painful. The husband does not experience pleasure from sex, i.e., he experiences orgasm and has no problems with erection. Regular sex also masturbates from time to time. According to him, he has had this since adolescence; if I understand correctly, it is male frigidity. We tried different kinds of sex, but it was no use. How to deal with this correctly? I want to not only have fun, but also give back. |
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| 18.07.2015 |
Hello! I have a very delicate question. The fact is that I have been married for almost 2 years and my husband is my only sexual partner. But during the entire time that I was with him, I only experienced a clitoral orgasm. I feel almost nothing pleasant inside, although my husband tries. We are planning to have a child in the near future, he had tests done and everything is fine with him. But I am very worried about this delicate matter. What if something is wrong with me? Or could this affect the baby? I don't even know which one... |
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| 14.11.2015 |
I’m 20 years old, I’m engaged and my wedding is two years away. I’ve never had sex before, and not long ago my future husband began to arouse me in a dry way. I felt so good that I wanted to lose my virginity. I had an orgasm like this for a month already. I heard that you can’t excite a girl like that. otherwise she won’t be able to get pregnant, that’s a shame, well, I’m still a girl |
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| 05.02.2018 |
I have been sexually active for 7 years with the same partner, now my husband. He is always more active than me. I can easily go without sex for 2-3 weeks, I do not show the first initiative, I am not active during sexual intercourse. However, by all indications, I have a normal libido since I get an orgasm from the first act every time. That is, it’s quite easy to arouse, but “appetite comes with eating,” it doesn’t happen that I suddenly want it and take the initiative. Only if you haven't had sex for a month. Also... |
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| 11.02.2017 |
Girl, 20 years old. My husband and I have been together for 1.5 years, he is second in terms of sex, there was a guy before him and we had sex 6 times and that’s it. I have sex with my husband without a condom - I feel his penis, a sensation of friction; when there is practically no sensation in a condom, as if there’s just something in me and that’s it, zero buzz |
Many people ask this question. But mostly these are young people who have recently entered adulthood. They are surprised to discover that sex, which everyone talks about so much, does not bring as much pleasure as they expected from it. What's the matter? “Am I frigid?” - the girls ask themselves. “Am I okay?” - the young men are worried.
Is it really okay with these people? As experience shows - absolutely! Unless, of course, you count cases of exceptional pathology.
So, the lack of sensual pleasure in sex has many reasons. Let's name a few main ones:
- real frigidity, that is, sexual coldness,
- sexuality that has not yet developed, masquerading as frigidity,
- infection in the body
- abnormalities in the functioning of the endocrine, genitourinary, nervous systems,
- psychological factor.
There are very few truly frigid and asexual people. In fact, almost all young people do not begin to experience orgasm immediately after the start of sexual activity. Oddly enough, two centuries ago a woman’s coldness was considered a virtue. Now in modern society, on the contrary, deliberately emphasized sexuality is cultivated and actively exaggerated: people, like the pioneers of the last century, should always be ready to give each other pleasure. And everyone forgets that sexual relations are the subtlest sphere of human relations, in which certainly no one owes anything to anyone. But public opinion dictates - be prepared! And young people begin to panic: I can’t, I’m crazy!! Although in fact it is completely normal.
Much depends on how the very first contact went, how affectionate and attentive the partner was, how caring and tender he showed. It is very important not to stumble upon rudeness and selfishness for the first time, an open desire to receive pleasure unilaterally, without paying attention to the partner. Because sometimes it is from such seemingly insignificant little things that a person becomes pinched - both physically and psychologically - and is subconsciously afraid of repeating an unpleasant experience. Hence the coldness and lack of sensation.
If everything is in order in this regard, but there is no pleasure or thrill, perhaps the person has not yet studied his erogenous zones enough and does not know which button to press to get sensual pleasure. Such things come with experience.
Even a naturally passionate woman does not always experience orgasm. And a man who is strong in masculine terms does not have to be “half past twelve” every time he sees a busty blonde. Because, whatever one may say, if there is no emotional fulfillment in a relationship, if there is no tenderness, love, sex is like an empty vessel - it is cold and uncomfortable, there is no fire in it, that same fire of love that warms not only the heart, but also the body.
The reason may also be the partner’s elementary ineptitude. Let's say a young man is madly in love with a girl and is so blazing with passion that he is unable to restrain himself and begins sexual intercourse without any foreplay. Of course, as a result, the “unwarmed” woman does not experience anything. She didn’t have time to tune in, relax, or light up. The same can be said about a man. It can be repeated once again: it is not an automatic machine and cannot always start halfway: whether it is fatigue after a hard day at work, poor health, stress received the day before, a quarrel with a loved one, a sleepless night - everything affects the body of even a completely healthy person.
Sometimes it happens that you don’t like something, but a person is embarrassed to talk about it. The result is the same clamp, which also leaves its mark on further contacts. Don't be afraid to talk to your partner, don't be afraid to say everything you like and don't like if you don't want negative consequences.
All in your hands!
From the book “Thousands... of questions and answers on gynecology” (2008)
What are sexual disorders?
Sexual disorders, or sexual dysfunction, are problems associated with any phase of the sexual response to sexual intercourse that prevents a woman or couple from experiencing pleasure and satisfaction from sexual intercourse. Unfortunately, there are many conflicting rumors and myths about women's sexuality and their ability to obtain satisfaction during sexual intercourse. Women often hide their feelings towards sex, blame themselves and are accused by men of indifference, frigidity and other problems. However, a woman's sexual dysfunction is a problem for two, a married couple, and often has a psychological basis. Statistics show that sexual disorders occur in 31% of men and 43% of women, and are a very common problem among the adult population. As a survey conducted in the United States in 1970 showed, more than 50% of women cannot experience orgasm during intercourse, and from 30 to 50% of men experience problems with potency. Talking about sexual problems is becoming very popular in society, which is supported by the media. Therefore, to some extent, having a personal sexologist (as well as a psychotherapist) has become fashionable in many developed countries.
What are the phases of the sexual response cycle?
There are four phases of the sexual response cycle:
- Arousal (the first level of sexual response, indicating the first signs of sexual arousal).
- Plateau (the second level of sexual response, during which physical arousal increases).
- Orgasm (menopause and release of sexual arousal).
- Resolution (resolution, satisfaction).
What is libido?
Libido is the desire for sexual intercourse, which includes sexual fantasies and thoughts. Synonyms for libido are “desire”, “sexual desire”, “desire”, “passion”.
What types of female sexual disorders are most common?
Some of the most common sexual complaints among women are:
. decreased sexual desire, coldness, frigidity (30‑40%);
. lack of pleasure and orgasm (20-40%);
. pain during intercourse, vaginismus;
. insufficient vaginal hydration.
Sexual dysfunction often develops gradually and depends on the sexual constitution, the personal characteristics of women and the interpersonal relationships of spouses.
What are the causes of sexual dysfunction in women?
All causes of sexual disorders in women can be divided into two main groups: psychological and physical. Psychological reasons include:
. Stress
. Irritability
. Concerns about sexual intercourse
. Relationship problems with your husband or partner
. Depression
. Guilt
. Exposure to previous sexual trauma (rape, deviant sexual intercourse, sexual violence)
Physical reasons include:
. Systemic diseases (diabetes, neurological diseases, cardiovascular diseases, kidney disease, liver diseases)
. Hormonal imbalances
. Menopause
. Alcoholism
. Drug use
. The use of a number of medications (antidepressants, COCs, etc.)
What are the differences in men's and women's reactions to sex?
Very often, men blame women for coldness or other sexual problems, not realizing that the sexual reaction in men and women can be different, despite the same phase of sexual reaction. Women usually go through sexual phases more slowly than men. Men can experience all four phases within 4-5 minutes. It takes a woman 10 to 20 minutes just for the first two phases to get an orgasm. Only half of women reach orgasm within 10-12 minutes. At the beginning of sexual activity, when there is sexual desire, a feeling of love between partners, orgasm can be achieved within 1 minute in 25% of women after insertion of the penis into the vagina.
Does penis size affect female response?
Numerous studies have proven that the vagina adapts to the size of the penis during sexual intercourse and the subjective sensations of pleasure and intensity of orgasm are not related to the size of the penis. During an erection, the size of a tense penis decreases. Contrary to popular belief, there is no relationship between penis size and male sexual potency. The obstacle may just be a penis that is too large in a woman with a narrow vagina.
Does the size of the clitoris affect sexual sensitivity and orgasm?
The size of the clitoris does not affect the frequency of orgasm in a woman.
The sensitivity of the clitoris is approximately 3-5 times higher than the sensitivity of the head of the male penis, but the occurrence of orgasm and satisfaction during sexual intercourse depends on many factors.
If a woman doesn't have an orgasm, is she frigid?
On average, 1 in 3 women does not experience orgasm in the first year of marriage, and only 30% regularly achieve orgasm during one sexual encounter. This may be due to the inexperience of sexual partners, psychological (fear of partner dissatisfaction, fear of pregnancy) and other factors.
What is decreased sexual desire?
A decrease in sexual desire can occur in both women and men, but it is women who are most often accused of being “cold.” However, there is a very famous expression: “There are no frigid women, but there are inattentive men and lazy women.” True frigidity is extremely rare. Sexual desire and arousal decrease in the presence of chronic diseases of any location, depression, pregnancy, chronic stress. Socio-economic factors can suppress sexual desire: changing or losing a job, financial problems, having small children in the family, living with parents or other relatives in the same apartment or house. Strict upbringing, childhood psychological trauma, and strict control by parents can leave a negative imprint on a woman’s life and be the cause of her sexual disorders. An unpleasant situation and a crisis in intimate life awaken old unconscious fears and prohibitions, which are the cause of sexual problems.
What could be the reason for the lack of orgasm in women?
Anorgasmia, or lack of orgasm, has the same reasons as a decrease or absence of sexual desire, and most often occurs due to the inexperience of sexual partners to bring each other pleasure. It has been proven that 90% of women experience orgasm during masturbation. This means that true anorgasmia, when erotic receptors do not respond to stimulation, is extremely rare. Lack of orgasm can be the result of premature ejaculation in a man, interrupted sexual intercourse, insufficient psycho-erotic preparation of a woman for intimacy (due to the lack of foreplay), or incorrectly chosen position. Due to the lack of sexual education and old traditional views on sex, a woman is most often a passive sexual partner, providing only parts of her body to satisfy the sexual needs of a man, as a result of which the erogenous zones (both genital and extragenital) do not receive sufficient stimulation. Typically, a man determines the frequency, rhythm, and form of sexual intercourse, being an active partner. Sometimes the lack of orgasm can be associated with disorders of puberty.
For what reasons can a woman experience pain during sexual intercourse?
There are many reasons why a woman may experience pain during sexual intercourse.
. Inflammatory diseases of the reproductive system (vaginitis, cervicitis, abscess of the Bartholin gland, inflammation of the appendages)
. Other diseases of the reproductive system (endometritis, ovarian cysts, uterine leiomyoma)
. Vaginismus, primary or secondary (pain due to fear of sexual intercourse)
. Lack of hydration (lubrication) during sexual intercourse.
What are the reasons for insufficient vaginal hydration?
Insufficient production of “lubrication” during sexual intercourse most often occurs due to a woman’s unpreparedness for sexual intercourse (lack of desire, arousal), in the presence of inflammatory processes in the vagina and vulva, while taking a number of medications, with atrophy of the vaginal mucosa (postmenopause, radiation), in the presence of vaginal scars.
How is a woman with sexual dysfunction assessed?
For many years, the issue of female sexual dysfunction has not received the attention it deserves. They were usually accused of “natural coldness,” while sexologists and sex therapists dealt only with issues of male sexual dysfunction. Most clinics specialize in the diagnosis and treatment of male sexual dysfunctions. Female sexual dysfunction is a problem for a married couple or both partners. To exclude a number of causes of sexual dysfunction, a woman may be offered to undergo an examination by a gynecologist, laboratory tests to detect sexually transmitted infections, and an ultrasound. Interviewing the woman and her partner can help the doctor choose the right direction for diagnosing and treating sexual dysfunction.
How are female sexual disorders treated?
In most cases, female sexual dysfunction does not require medication or other treatment. Explaining to a woman and her partner the causes of such disorders, teaching sex techniques, eliminating psychological causes helps in solving the problem in most cases of sexual disorders.
All types of measures and treatment can be divided into the following groups:
1. Teaching the anatomy of the genital organs, their function, changes that occur in the body with age, the rules of sexual behavior and sexual reaction.
2. Encouraging the use of means that increase arousal (watching erotic films, reading erotic books, erotic lingerie, masturbation, new sex positions and techniques, vibrators and sexual toys).
3. The use of stimuli (music, light, decorations, new places, erotic fantasies, sexual experiments).
4. Encouraging non-sexual relationships (a man’s help with household chores, raising children, creating trust, respect and understanding, walking together, traveling and visiting public places, etc.).
5. Reducing pain (treatment of inflammatory processes, surgical removal of tumors of the vagina and uterus, training in relaxation techniques, use of lubricants, medications, hormones).
Can a woman take Viagra and are there such drugs for women?
Women should not take Viagra, which was created to improve male erection, due to its ineffectiveness for the female body and the presence of many side effects. Attempts to create “female Viagra” are being carried out by many pharmaceutical laboratories around the world, but so far have not been successful.
anonymous, Female, 19 years old
I have been sexually active since I was 16 years old, after my partner took my virginity, the pain continued for about a month, maybe even more, I don’t remember, there were no sensations, I told my partner that there were sensations, we’ve been living like this for 3 years already, I hoped that the sensations will appear after a while, but thank God the pain has passed, and nothing else, I feel his presence inside, I even learned to work the muscles inside myself, it’s still useless. In some poses, when he’s behind me and I’m arching, if he goes deep, it actually hurts, and this is not the only pose in which I feel discomfort, not always, but it happens. On a psychological level, everything is fine with me, there is caresses before the act, at the beginning of the relationship, there was excitement, passion, but now everything has become boring, due to the fact that this activity is no longer particularly interesting, there is probably no excitement if sex per month, then it’s somehow more interesting, and if it’s every day, it quickly gets boring, but at the beginning of the relationship, now, nothing has changed, I don’t feel anything, well, there have certainly been no orgasms. But if he does cunnilingus, I get an orgasm, the feeling is not expressed when I touch the clitoris, but if I try, in this case I get an orgasm. I’ve already read a bunch of sites, my hands give up, I don’t know what to do. There are already scandals in relationships due to the fact that there is not enough sex, that I do not pay attention as a man, I will never offer the first one, and I don’t know what to say to him. If I tell the truth as it is, then we can put an end to the relationship. For him, if a girl doesn’t get a “high,” so to speak, from him, then there’s no point in trying, it’ll all be over. I want to know if I can hope for something else? I saw a gynecologist, she examined me, didn’t find anything bad there, she said that the uterus was downward, and that’s why I have pain during menstruation, I don’t know why she said this, but maybe that’s the reason? In general, this is a cry for help!
Good afternoon, I am not entirely competent in problems of the sexual sphere; there have been cases when a consultation with a gynecologist aggravated an already tense situation. Curls and similar conclusions do not fundamentally affect the receipt of sexual pleasure, since sexuality is the harmonious work of all organs and systems of the body, which in turn developed in a favorable psychosexual environment, which, unfortunately, is rarely observed; more often there are many preconditions that complicate sex life. As a rule, in a situation where there is no opportunity to openly discuss the problem, relationships become very tense, and any reason can lead to a break, as dissatisfaction increases in everyone. If this is not stopped, the consequences can be sad, for all participants. Hoping and screaming are not the best attempts to solve a problem. Your case is not completely hopeless, you have an idea of what an orgasm is and even under certain conditions, you can experience it. It remains to figure out what reasons prevent you from doing this under the desired conditions; from experience I will say that this is a complex of both psychological and physiological components, and also to eliminate mistakes in partner “skills”. Having understood the reasons, you can move on to harmonizing sexuality, both yours and that of the couple. I can say affirmatively that your problem can be eliminated in a short time with face-to-face treatment. If this is not possible, then we will decide in absentia. My contacts are listed below. Sincerely, sexologist Gulko Oleg
anonymous, Female, 22 years old
Hello. I'm 22 years old and have had 4 regular partners. With all of them I achieved only clitoral orgasm. Without clitoral stimulation I cannot achieve orgasm. There was such a problem with my last partner that he did not feel anything inside at all for some time (although previously all my partners completed sexual intercourse and were satisfied by all visible indicators). Now somehow everything has evened out. (We were inclined to believe that I needed a warm-up). I have never had any problems with libido; I almost always have the desire. (5-6 times a week). But still, I don’t feel my partner as strongly inside as, for example, the previous one. I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old, at first I simply rubbed against various objects, and later I began to achieve orgasm with a stream of water. Could this be the cause of my internal sensitivity problem? A few more questions, I can blow air through my vagina, sometimes after intercourse I have a feeling of bloating and sometimes air comes out, does this indicate weak vaginal muscles? But at the same time, when I masturbate (with my fingers), I squeeze my fingers very tightly at the entrance to the vagina.
Good afternoon, The symptoms you described indicate that your intimate muscles have lost their tone and can no longer tightly grip your partner’s penis. You need to engage in training using Kegel exercises with vaginal balls or a muscle stimulator. As for the clitoral orgasm alone, this happens because you have not yet awakened the sensitivity of the deeper erogenous zones. The ability to experience an orgasm is the same skill as the ability to walk and talk, believe it or not, but our brain also needs time to understand how to learn this. You have not yet “taught” your brain to understand how to experience an orgasm from stimulation of the main erogenous zones (clitoris, G, A, K, U points) and they are still in a sleeping state, that is, their sensitivity is extremely low and the brain cannot interpret correctly their stimulation. I advise you to awaken your sensitivity by stimulating, during masturbation with a vibrator and sex with a partner, not only the clitoris, but also the deeper erogenous zones of the vagina; over time, they will become more receptive to stimulation and it will be easier for you to experience a vaginal orgasm from sex with a partner. A female orgasm is not only a mechanical irritation of the external genital organs, but also a corresponding state of the woman’s psyche and hormonal system. For example, during ovulation, you become more easily aroused and get an orgasm faster, but during ovulation it is almost impossible to get an orgasm because your hormones are lower than normal levels. Also, if you are upset or very excited about something, you will not be able to concentrate and relax, hence the lack of orgasm, so pay attention to small details and the right mood for intimate relationships. A relaxed and excited state + the appropriate period of the cycle + awakened erogenous zones + intimate muscles in good shape and orgasm will not take long to arrive. You can learn more about everything from the webinars and courses of our center; in the search, type Sex Education Center Secrets.