Each of us sooner or later has to deal with a conflict situation at work. What can you do - this is one of the working moments, to which you need to respond adequately. We will try to get out of the situation with the least loss for you.
Some conflicts can be called constructive. They arise around some production problems and are most often caused by different views of employees at a certain moment. This type of conflict is usually settled fairly quickly: for this it is enough to get together with everyone who needs to resolve the issue that has arisen, speak out to everyone in turn and choose the most successful option.
It is much worse if the conflict arises as a result of personal confrontation. For example, the characters of some people are sometimes so different that they simply cannot work quietly in the same office or even in the same organization. Compatibility also depends on the temperament of people (a choleric person is rarely able to get along with a phlegmatic person), their social status (a prosperous mother of the family, happily married, will annoy divorced colleagues) and much more.
How to resolve a conflict at work with a colleague?
If in some cases the matter is limited simply to the alienation of part of the team, this is not so scary: after all, you come to the office to work, and not to discuss each other's personal lives. It is much worse for those who are forced to fight with undisguised rudeness, rudeness, aggression. In this case, psychologists give the following advice:
- In no case do not sink to the level of those who are rude to you, that is, do not answer them the same.
- If you suspect that this or that employee is capable of rudeness, do not provoke him.
- Do not bring joy to your offenders - they are just waiting for you to burst into tears, write a letter of resignation, fall into hysterics. Do not wait! Whatever is going on in your soul - keep outward calmness, remain well-mannered and restrained.
- If you have no more strength to endure and you really want to scream at the offender, calmly get up and leave. At least to the toilet - to take a breath, wash, powder.
- If a boor has crossed all boundaries and allowed himself an insult, you cannot be silent. It is necessary to pronounce something like this: “Sorry, Marina Andreevna, but I'm not used to talking in such a tone. We will continue after you apologize." Now the main thing is not to react to further attacks. Until he apologizes.
- After each scandal, try to analyze the situation: what if you somehow turned out to be wrong and provoked the conflict yourself? This happens sometimes even to the most peaceful people.
- Refrain from discussing the conflict with friends and from complaining about the offender. After all, by this you will confirm that the enemy’s arrows have reached the target: you are offended, upset, pissed off. This result will make the bully redouble his efforts, because the reaction of the victim was predictable and very pleasant for him.
- If such situations are periodically repeated, continue to communicate with the offender at the level of a business relationship: dryly, restrainedly and as politely as possible.
- If you understand that things have gone too far and a colleague has made it his goal to mock you all the time, talk to your boss. No, this is not denunciation!
The main thing is to present the information correctly. For example, focus on the fact that the company and its success are dear to you, but because of the increased squabbles in the team, there is a danger of reducing work efficiency and losing some customers. Remember that maintaining a normal psychological climate in the team is one of the duties of the boss.
How to resolve conflict at work with your boss?
What to do if you have a conflict with your boss?
If you are guided by the advice of psychologists, then you can adhere to the following tactics:
- Do not "explode", do not cry and do not try in any way to prove how good you are. Without answering, listen carefully to everything the boss tells you. After that… turn around and silently exit the office, carefully closing the door behind you.
- After an hour, having gathered your will into a fist and prepared well-reasoned objections, return to the boss's office. If you really were wrong about something, calmly say that you admit your mistakes and will do everything possible not to repeat them. If the boss yelled at you undeservedly, try to voice the following text: "Nikolai Petrovich, I hope that you have calmed down and now you can calmly express all your claims."
And finally - one more advice from a psychologist: try to fulfill your duties flawlessly so that no one has a reason to accuse you of incompetence.
If none of the advice helps you, if the situation at work continues to be tense, think: perhaps it is worth changing jobs? If you are a truly competent professional, then you have nothing to fear.
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Yesterday I read an article by ELENABUR about "why is my child" ... and immediately I want to write about myself.
Our history is similar
My Danila is almost 4, he plays with his peers on the street in the village ... So I understand everything ... the boys can’t do without a fight ... they have to sort things out ... then mine goes home and roars ... doesn’t complain , and roars from injustice ...
I’ll start in order: a boy and a girl Yulia and Pasha live in our neighborhood, their mothers are very friendly with each other - the children, of course, don’t spill water either ... when they don’t accept me to play together. They play with mine or this one or that one, when they are separate ... Well, that's not even the point ...
I started watching...
I know my little one well, he’s like a dad, we’re offended - you get it either with a shout or with a fist, but directly without any studs in the side, so I try to explain to him.
And more I go out into the street with him ... and if I see that now my fists will be used, then either I distract, or I transfer everything to another direction ...
But it’s so unrealistic, all the time either to sit on the street and do nothing at home, because it’s impossible to ration walks in the village ... or to do something at home and twitch endlessly, listening to children’s howls ... Even with my grandmother they split up and began to take the child away, to the river or to the field ...
With other children, he has no problems in games, they play so well together, build something or knead the earth with water. You can even do something at home ...
So, my observations led to the following conclusions: my little boy doesn’t know how to cheat very much, the straightforward one didn’t even feel embarrassing to me ... and somehow he can’t pry either, well, a person doesn’t know how to be sarcastic. As I understand it, he decided that the only thing left to do was to use his fists ...
My grandmother and I explain to him every time why such a situation has arisen, why Pasha and / or Yulia behave this way, why they say this or that, or sometimes we bring the whole quarrel to naught with some kind of distraction, but this is minutes enough for thirty.
Now I’ll explain the situation Pasha-Yulya ... Moms, as I said, are friends, neighbors, they are the same age, both have three children, they probably have common interests, otherwise they wouldn’t visit each other several times a day. Older children look after the younger children in both families, it is immediately clear that this is a very big burden for the older children ... This is even understandable ... summer, holidays, their friends, etc.
In short, this couple often wanders day and day on their own, they have everything inside, and they swear and fight and kiss ... All in one boiler ...
And then when Danila inevitably appears, a normal game is only enough for half an hour, then howling and name-calling begins, a fight with wounds. Several times it happened with serious ones (they threw them off the porch 70 cm high), well, mine didn’t remain in debt either ... then the roar
I or my grandmother go to calm my child, taking him aside, we lick our wounds, and the neighboring mothers laugh at us, drinking tea in this or that house across the road.
They even said that we are with greetings, and in their village no one runs after children like that, let them, they say, figure it out among themselves ...
For some time, my grandmother and I stopped saying anything at all to our fellow, we didn’t explain anything ...
And then Pasha’s mother came to figure it out, it turns out that when they beat her, it’s a pity, and besides Pasha told her that I call him different words ...
As a result, I turned out to be a shitty mom and an even more shitty teacher, my kid, who the hell knows who. We were told that we had lived here for a very short time to establish order, it turns out that this was after I inadvertently expressed aloud surprise that children go to someone else's house and do not even ask if it is possible to enter ... but they in general, they don’t lead anyone ... parents forbid it there.
It would be possible to arrange a huge garbage dump between mothers and express what I think about this BUT ... I just don’t want to get dirty, get into squabbles ... it’s disgusting, then I’ll live with these people for some more time in the neighborhood .. .children will still play and fight with each other...
I can’t put my head where I need to figure out how to behave in such a situation and how to teach my child to lead. Maybe someone will tell? Please...
There is a family - father, mother and daughter of 7 months. My daughter's grandmother, my mother-in-law, comes to visit my daughter from time to time. And somehow it turns out that he always comes without warning, comes when and at what time he wants and stays until you kick him out, roughly speaking. And I'm already mad.
That is, today she came, although she was with us on Friday. Like tomorrow my granddaughter will be exactly 7 months old, like a birthday, but tomorrow I can’t come today. I didn't call ahead of time so I didn't know what was going to happen. And I, for example, did not expect guests at all and did not thirst. I stuck around from one to six, playing with the child (after all, we come to play, not just anything). Periodically, I took her daughter from her - to feed, put to bed (she herself does not know when the child wants to sleep, and is skeptical of my words until she sees that her daughter has already passed out). Then she cuckooed over the rug, where her daughter was sitting with toys. Well, when I took her in my arms, the mother-in-law, with the words “oh, it’s already dark,” began to get ready to go home.
At first, in a month or two of her daughters, she came in general once every two or three days, until she got several times to closed doors (we went for a walk). Then, apparently, she realized something and began to come once a week. But it stresses me out too. Her visits are a waste of time - after all, she comes when she is not expected! There is no benefit either, playing around, dragging on your hands is not help. And yes, I do not particularly trust her in relation to the child.
In general, from guests to guests is the mother-in-law's lifestyle. She lives alone, there are no relatives in the city, there are only retired girlfriends. And now we have become an obligatory item in the entertainment program: in the morning, some guests, then other guests, then to the granddaughter.
I am terrified of waiting for the summer, I am going to settle in the country, because she will certainly come there, and just as often, and it will be more difficult to smoke her out of there.
I tried to hint that you can come less often, or at least warn about your visits - she doesn’t understand. I didn’t dare to speak directly yet - I don’t want a quarrel, because the cases - they are different, and even the mother-in-law can come in handy.
My husband and his mother have no relationship, practically do not communicate, and in this situation he is not my helper.
What to do? We need to have a conversation, I understand, but how? Or do I want too much? How often do relatives of your children visit you?