- Andrey, tell us how you celebrated birthdays as a child?

Andrey Burkovsky: Grandiose! This is my favorite holiday. In our family, there is a tradition of leaving a gift next to the birthday boy’s bed in the evening, so that when he wakes up in the morning, he will immediately be happy. This is what my parents did, this is what I do now for my children and wife.

- Have you ever been disappointed - for example, you dreamed of a bicycle, but your parents gave you a book?

Andrey Burkovsky: Certainly. Exactly with a book! I was upset, but my mother explained that we should be happy with any gift. By the way, I had a bicycle - a red Kama.

- Do you prefer surprises or order what to give to your friends?

Andrey Burkovsky: I love surprises. Nowadays there is a fashion: guests invited to a husband’s birthday call his wife and ask what the birthday boy would like. It happens that the wishes of spouses diverge... So, one of my friends was given a bunch of gifts for the house: a mixer, a food processor... He was, of course, surprised (smiles). Fortunately, my wife Olya knows my tastes well.

- Every round date is an occasion to take stock...

Andrey Burkovsky: This is a thankless task. And what are the results - I’m only thirty! I am still a very young man (smiles).

- Did you know that you would live in Moscow and become an actor?

Andrey Burkovsky: I had no concrete ideas about the future. Like all children, I wanted to grow up, do something interesting, start a family... I don’t like planning at all, I prefer to live for today.

- Did you enter the Moscow Art Theater School-Studio in 2010? How much time is left to study?

Andrey Burkovsky: Last year. I am studying on a course with Igor Yakovlevich Zolotovitsky and Sergei Ivanovich Zemtsov. The first two years were very difficult, we worked day and night. In addition, since my second year I have been playing on the main stage. In the new season he is busy in the plays “Primadonnas”, “The Pickwick Club”, “An Ideal Husband”. We are currently preparing two premieres, one of which is the play “No. 13”. -Vladimir Mashkov puts it.

- What do you think is the most difficult thing in the acting profession?

Andrey Burkovsky: Copper pipe test. -Many people fail and change before our eyes. It passed me by. By nature I am a critical person, first of all towards myself!

- Tell us about your family...

Andrey Burkovsky: This will take four hours. My wife’s name is Olga, we met on the train. We got married in 2008, the celebration was amazing! And then Olya gave birth to a girl, Alisa, and a boy, Maxim. That's it in a nutshell (smiles).

- Are you a holiday person at home or do you have enough humor at work?

Andrey Burkovsky: Of course, I try to be cheerful at home too. Another question is that it doesn’t always work out: studying, filming, rehearsals... Sometimes you want to come home, hug your wife and children, and just sit together.

- Do you have enough time for children? Or do you only see them sleeping - in the morning and in the evening?

Andrey Burkovsky: I try to find time. Recently we went to the sea with Max. Everyone was surprised: “Perhaps your mother went with you? Well, at least a nanny? People were shocked. And so we just went and went together. This was our best vacation! It seems to me that Max is daddy’s son, but mom might read it and be upset (laughs).

- How do you celebrate your children’s birthdays?

Andrey Burkovsky: So far these dates have been few, but Olya and I organize bright holidays every time. Our friends come, bring their children, it turns out noisy and fun. I always attend such “parties” with pleasure; it’s interesting and easy for me with children.

- What, in your opinion, is the most important thing in family relationships?

Andrey Burkovsky: Be able to find a compromise. As for life and work, the opposite credo is closer to me: you cannot compromise, first of all, with yourself. This is what my director friend said, and his words sank into my soul.

Interviewed by Lyubov Ilyina

(Based on materials from Panorama TV)

Today in Russia, more and more families are deciding to limit themselves to one child. This is largely due to objective material difficulties, but sometimes the reasons lie on a completely different plane. And I propose to those who have doubts from the second group to discuss all the pros and cons of the situation when the child is the only one.

Family with one child

In most cases, the only son or daughter receives maximum parental attention and care. He does not have to go through difficult periods full of jealousy due to the appearance of new family members, or share his favorite toys. It is extremely rare for an only child to feel disadvantaged in some way, because parents invest in him to the maximum financially.

It is a common belief that in a family with one child you can only raise an egoist, but this is not entirely true. With an adequate approach to education and timely immersion in society, one can teach one to yield, and take care of younger ones, and treat adults with respect.

The only inevitable disadvantage for a child growing up alone is loneliness. Considering the busy schedule of modern parents, it is obvious that they do not have much time left for walks with their own child, inviting his friends and peers to visit, or organizing interesting events. Increasingly, only children are surrounded not by real company, but by pictures on a TV, computer, or tablet. Naturally, it is impossible to communicate with them, and a feeling of isolation gradually increases, unfamiliar to children who always have brothers and sisters nearby.

The nuances of raising an only child

A common parenting mistake is expecting too much. If there is only one child in a family, they usually demand a lot from him, they start developmental activities early, they try to raise him ideally, according to books. For grandparents, the baby often becomes their only grandchild, which means their expectations increase exponentially.

Try not to put too much pressure on your own child. Always clearly distinguish between what you are doing for him and what you are simply realizing your own ambitions. Give your child a happy childhood full of games. He will still have time to take on heavy workloads at school and university. After all, even there you will probably expect success from him and will try in every possible way to emphasize this.

If we return to the financial issue, there are two options, as parents think. Abstract: “We want to give the child the best,” may be a good attitude. It’s scarier when there is a specific plan like:

“Our daughter will go to a private kindergarten, the best gymnasium, and at the same time to 3 sections. Namely, she will definitely take up swimming, music and drawing. And, of course, after graduating from high school, we will pay for her education at Moscow State University. It's all too expensive."

Such a plan is no longer about caring. It frightens with its specificity and disregard for the child’s interests. What will you do if your child wants to leave after 9th grade to go to college to study “Acting” and simultaneously perform in the theater?

Family with two children

The advantages of a situation in which there is a brother or sister are on the surface. Children are not familiar with the feeling of loneliness, are well socialized, grow up more emotionally balanced and gentle, and are more resistant to stress. Younger children develop faster when looking at an example before their eyes.

The idea that with two children there will not be enough resources (including financial ones) is not entirely true. In fact, this makes it easier for parents to give up overprotection and the ideal development plans described above. Less busy children can demonstrate their abilities earlier and develop them with greater pleasure.

But not everything is so smooth. You should think again before having a second child if:

1. Only one of the parents wants it. For example, the husband insists, but the woman still shudders from the memories of labor pain and sleepless nights in the first months.
2. There is a clear understanding based on previous experience that the spouse will not help in any way in raising her, and the mother does not yet have enough of her own resources.
3. The second child is planned, just “to be.” It’s even worse - “to have a boy and a girl in the family” - because it is impossible to plan the gender, and if the “wrong” child is born, a sad future awaits him.
4. I don’t want another baby with whom I can share love, but a nanny for the eldest in the future, when my parents are gone (this is important in families where the first-born is a bedridden invalid).
5. There is hope that the second child will become the “glue” for a falling apart family. Regardless of whether he copes with the imposed role, the consequences will be disastrous.

The second child should appear in a family where he is sincerely expected and loved. Only in this case will he be able to grow up happy himself and become a good friend to his firstborn.

The nuances of raising two children

If you want both to be happy, learn to raise them in a way that avoids jealousy. If you constantly use the elder as an example, the younger will not be able to feel significant enough. If you begin to overindulge the younger one, the older one will feel unloved. And it is useless to explain that he was spoiled in the same way as a child: he no longer remembers it.

Let me emphasize once again: if your spouse is fixated on having a child of a certain gender (often a boy), think three times whether you should give in to him at all. There is a possibility that the relationship with his eldest daughter will become cooler, and he will completely immerse himself in raising his youngest son.

You still gave in, and that’s what happened? Be patient. Explain in detail the consequences of choosing favorites in the family. If necessary, contact a family psychologist.

Maternal fears and what lies behind them

We will not consider situations in which women are afraid after an unsuccessful experience with their first pregnancy, which was associated with many difficulties. This is too broad a topic. Let's look at a couple of other common reasons for doubt.

Own childhood experience

Most often, adults are guided by their own memories in many matters. The search for an answer to how many children are enough to be happy is no exception. You can hear the following phrases:

1. “I didn’t have any brothers or sisters, and it was so lonely, I don’t want that for my child.”
2. “I had a little sister who got all the attention and my parents didn’t like me, so I’ll have one child.”
3. “Mom always regretted that she did not give birth to a second child and looked so unhappy. I don’t want to regret it later either.”

Everyone in their own way, based on their own experiences, is right about something. And yet, you should not be guided only by this when deciding how many children there will be in the family, because they will receive their own experience, different from yours.

Fear of not loving

Many caring mothers who adore their firstborn have thoughts: “Is it possible to love someone so much? “They put off planning for a second child for a long time out of fear that he will feel disadvantaged.

I would like to reassure you: most likely, you can become a wonderful mother to both of you. Surely, before the birth of your first child, you also did not fully imagine what feelings you would have, but now this endless love fills your heart and warms the baby. And every day it becomes more and more. When you have a second child, it’s as if you have a reserve supply of love that is enough for everyone.

Finally

The decision about how many children should be in your family is your personal matter. In this matter, you should not listen to the advice of loved ones if you are not psychologically ready to change something. At the same time, it is important to distinguish real fears from far-fetched ones, so that years later you will not regret that you never decided to have a second child.

No matter how difficult the first pregnancy was, no matter how many complaints came from young mothers: about toxicosis, heartburn, pain, fatigue, it seemed what a terrible state pregnancy was, but very little time passes - six months, a year, the firstborn grows up a little and the mother thinks about second. Yes Yes! Again about this terrible feeling that they are ready to experience again and again! These women are amazing creatures.

When is the best time to have your second baby?

The first question that may arise when planning a second pregnancy is when can you give birth to a second one? Experts recommend not to rush into getting pregnant again; ideally, at least two to three years should pass after the birth of your first child. During this period of time, the mother’s weakened body after the first pregnancy and childbirth is able to fully recover. In addition, postponing your next pregnancy for several years will benefit not only your body, but also your first-born, because then you can extend the period of breastfeeding your baby, which will undoubtedly have a beneficial effect on his health. While when a new pregnancy occurs, it is more difficult to continue breastfeeding: the body has to “work on two fronts” - spend energy on developing a new life and maintain the proper composition of milk. As a result, it may turn out that the mother will be left with nothing: the older child will independently refuse the breast due to the fact that the milk has become tasteless, while the unborn child may suffer from a lack of necessary substances, the consequence of which may be malnutrition. The mother herself can acquire a whole range of diseases, one of which is anemia.

In addition, when observing pregnant women who give birth the same age, doctors were able to find out that during repeated pregnancy, women experience toxicosis not only in the first half of pregnancy, but also in the second, and iron deficiency is also likely. In later stages of pregnancy, there may be a risk of miscarriage or premature birth. And since the pregnancy period does not always proceed well, babies are born weak and underweight. That is why it is better not to rush into giving birth again.

If, on the contrary, the interval between the first birth and the second is long and amounts to more than ten years, then in fact the second pregnancy can be called the first. Over such a long period of time, the body has already forgotten all the skills of childbirth. And in most cases, the general health of an older mother is no longer as good as before. And therefore there is a high risk of pregnancy with unpredictable consequences. Often women over the age of 35 have gynecological problems, such as uterine fibroids, endometriosis and others, which can also affect the course of a second pregnancy.

Experienced mom

Many doctors note the fact that mothers who give birth repeatedly are much more responsible and disciplined than first-time mothers. They do not need to be regularly reminded of the obligatory observance of the correct daily routine, nutrition, and rest; they follow diets on their own, spend a lot of time in the fresh air, regularly visit the doctor, take all the necessary tests on time and undergo examinations on time. Repeated women are psychologically prepared for changes during pregnancy. It is during repeated pregnancy that mothers become more relaxed, are not embarrassed by their interesting position and happily show off their belly to others.

Experienced mothers are much less nervous and afraid during pregnancy. In addition, the experience gained during the first pregnancy helps the mother to better navigate during the second pregnancy, to better feel and understand the unborn baby.

Features of repeat pregnancy

Repeated pregnancy is quite problematic to hide from others for a long time. Since the abdominal muscles, as well as the ligaments that hold the uterus in place during the first pregnancy, are stretched, during the second pregnancy your belly will increase before your eyes. That is why the expectant mother, during a second pregnancy, is recommended to wear a prenatal bandage from the 20th week, which will relieve the load on the spine and legs. For many women with a second pregnancy, a prenatal bandage is a mandatory attribute not only at work, but also at home, during rest and rest.

Another feature of repeat pregnancy is that mothers who gave birth feel the first movements of the fetus already at the 18th week of pregnancy, since mothers who have given birth again already know what exactly to listen for, while first-time mothers may confuse fetal movements with peristalsis intestines.

If a woman had toxicosis during her first pregnancy, it is possible that during the second pregnancy the symptoms of toxicosis will intensify. In addition, if during your first pregnancy you were diagnosed with “high blood pressure”, “protein in the urine”, or you were tormented by edema, then during your second pregnancy you need to regularly take blood and urine tests, measure blood pressure, follow a diet and monitor possible excessive weight gain, observe the salt and water regime. And of course, it is necessary to warn the doctor observing you about past problems, he will help you avoid them, tell you what needs to be done, and that the pregnancy went smoothly.

During the first pregnancy, the fundus of the uterus, or as they say, the abdomen, descends approximately two weeks before birth, i.e. If the child prepares for the final stage in advance, then during a second pregnancy, the lowering of the abdomen is more difficult to notice: the baby’s head is pressed against the mother’s pubic symphysis immediately during childbirth.

During a second pregnancy, the cervix may be shorter. But only a doctor can determine this, and the doctor must also check how tightly it is closed. Closure of the cervix should be complete in any pregnancy, no matter what the number.

If during your first pregnancy there was a Rh conflict, then subsequent pregnancies will make you worry. After the first pregnancy, antibodies remain in the mother’s blood that tend to destroy the red blood cells of the fetus and can develop hemolytic disease of the child. To avoid this, you need to go to a specialized hospital for examination and further observation before conception. Mothers will have to take a monthly blood test for antibodies, use an ultrasound to monitor the amount of amniotic fluid (there should be no polyhydramnios) and the size of the placenta, which should not be thickened. All these problems can be solved if you know about them in advance.

Most importantly, if a woman knows in advance about possible complications during pregnancy, she is less nervous, and this, in any case, has a beneficial effect on the course of another pregnancy. But the expectant mother needs to be nervous and worry as little as possible.

Often, women's second pregnancy is much easier than the first. This fact can be explained by the fact that children are of different sexes: it has been established that in women expecting boys, toxicosis, for example, occurs less frequently. Sometimes children from different fathers behave differently.

Some mothers are convinced that the first pregnancy is always “overstayed”, while the second, on the contrary, is a couple of weeks shorter. But this is just a delusion. Childbirth occurs at the same time as before.

Repeated pregnancy after cesarean section

If your first baby was born as a result of a caesarean section, the mother should think about getting pregnant again no earlier than a year later: it is necessary to give the scars on the uterus a chance to heal. However, if you want a second baby, then you should not delay the second pregnancy: it is believed that over time the scar loses its strength and elasticity. The optimal difference between the first and second pregnancy should be 2-3 years, but preferably no more than 5 years.

It is the strength of the scar on the uterus after a cesarean section that will become the main problem of a second pregnancy. Even before conception, the expectant mother needs to undergo an ultrasound examination, which can objectively assess the condition of the scar.

C-section scar tissue is different from the inner layer of the uterus, the myometrium. As a result, if the site of attachment of the fertilized egg becomes on the anterior wall of the uterus, close to the scar, then theoretically this can lead to various unpleasant consequences, for example, subsequent fetoplacental insufficiency. But only theoretically: the placenta is an organ with great compensatory capabilities. For example, she can “grow” another additional lobe, which will provide the fetus with everything it needs. Therefore, if the problem is only in the scar, then the placenta will cope with it. In addition, a pregnant mother can always count on the help of doctors who, during each visit to the antenatal clinic, will do the appropriate examinations: ultrasound, fetal biometry and placentometry, in which case any deviation will be immediately noticed. The mother herself also needs to monitor her well-being; it is especially worth paying attention to painful movements of the fetus, which are often associated with scar dehiscence. However, even a very difficult pregnancy in a hospital setting, doctors will be able to “hold out” until the functional maturity of the fetus.

The time when after a caesarean section a woman was categorically forbidden to give birth in the future is behind us. Nowadays, it is not uncommon for not only a second baby to be born through Caesarean section, but even a fifth one. As they say, the main thing would be desire, but you can cope with difficulties.

Preparing our eldest child for a new family member

In addition to preparing for the upcoming happy event of the mother herself, the spouses need to prepare in advance for the arrival of a new family member and an older child. This is a rather important moment that needs to be approached competently. You need to prepare your child for the arrival of a brother or sister gradually throughout pregnancy; the most important thing in the preparation process is to let the child know that he is still loved. This moment is very important for the older child; he should not feel that with the appearance of a little one in the family, he will be loved less. If the child feels this, then the birth of the baby will be as long-awaited an event for him as for the parents themselves.

The course of pregnancy is laid down in the genetic program of the female body. But, fortunately, modern doctors have learned to intervene in certain aspects of this program. If your doctor has information about your first pregnancy, and ideally managed it himself, he will help prevent possible problems during a second pregnancy, and this only means one thing: very soon you will have a healthy baby.

There is probably no need to cite the sad statistics of childbirth in our country, despite the government’s “optimistic” assurances of guaranteed financial assistance to mothers who decide to have a second child. Let's try to give convincing arguments to those mothers who want to give birth to a second baby, but are hesitant.

One of the first benefits of having a second child is... your invaluable experience. If sleepless nights, colic, colds and other “pleasures” after the birth of your first child caused you panic, now you will feel much calmer and more confident. And if the difference between the children is significant, then the older child will be able to help you to the best of his ability. By the way, psychologists say that with the support of an older child, the baby develops faster.

You probably have a lot of things left over from your older child. Even if the first child is a boy and the second is a girl, then you will not have to buy a stroller, crib, playpen, toys, etc. And this, you see, is a considerable saving of money. At the same time, keep in mind that you will no longer spend money on extra clothes or shoes, since you will know exactly what the child needs today.

Psychologists note an interesting feature: mothers with several children are more efficient and punctual than mothers who are childless or have one child. Moreover, such mothers already have decent experience, allowing them to instantly pacify a raging naughty boy. To this should be added diplomacy, persuasion and teaching skills.

After the birth of her first child, any mother wants the baby to talk, walk and eat on his own as soon as possible, but time seems to stand still. Few mothers remember when the first child cut his first tooth, when he took his first step, etc., but the most detailed information is retained in memory about the second child. And all because the mother lives by the principle “there is a time for everything” and wants her baby to remain a cheeky toddler smelling of milk longer.

One should not discount the fact that both children also gain invaluable experience. For example, an older child helps his mother and younger brother or sister, learns responsibility, kindness and other positive qualities. And the younger one develops faster and, like the older one, acquires communication skills.

And one more thing: it’s nice for you to have a brother or sister, so don’t deprive your only child of this pleasure!

The SM-IVF clinic has been effectively treating infertility in women for many years.

I am pregnant! What awaits you and what no one warned you about Natalya Fofanova

19. One child is good, but two is better

If you already have a child, then you are practically an expert in this matter. You can change diapers without waking up (which explains why your baby looks like a disheveled Sikh in the morning), and you don't get freaked out when an umbilical cord stump lands in your coffee. This time it's your first-born son (yes, that guy who always hangs around you asking for food) who will be in a difficult position. There will be some troubles, of course, but don't worry. The main thing is that your first child understands that you have enough love for everyone. Here are some tips on what to do and what not to do in a large family.

Worth it: send the children to spend the night with their grandmother to get some rest and feel independent.

Don't: Go on a tour of the orphanage and ask the elder: “Well, what do you think about it?”

Worth it: Let the first child prepare the nursery for a younger brother or sister.

Don't: Ask your elder to find a new apartment for your expanding family.

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