When he loves but does not pay attention. How to make a guy pay more attention to you than his friends. OH! He does not love me

Hello Irina!
We have been dating for 1.5 years. But my boyfriend does not pay enough attention to me and almost does not care. I, like, probably, any other girl, want to receive flowers, gifts, albeit very small ones, the main thing is that from the bottom of my heart. And he ... until you say, he won’t even think. Here, for example, March 8. My dad and brother run for flowers in the morning, buy something in advance and make a surprise on the holiday. From my friends, I constantly hear: "oh, mine gave me something, and mine made such a surprise .." etc., and I sit and keep silent ... because. MY slept until two in the afternoon, until I pushed him with tears, because. at 3 o'clock we had to go on business ... and only in the evening did he bring me the last withered flowers ...
We live in different districts of Moscow, we often see each other, and almost always at his place. But until you tell him: "Mish, meet me," he won't even think... "What, you can't get there by yourself!?" I have become very irritable lately, tk. Situations like this just make me angry. I don't even know if it's my own fault. Or maybe I want too much? I am always with people with all my heart, especially to my loved ones! I try to do everything! I notice all sorts of little things (“yeah, he doesn’t have a scarf for the winter, I need to buy ...”, etc.). You always want to do something nice for your loved one, but he ... somehow is in no hurry. Although he swears in love, he says that he wants kids. But such neglect...

Elena, Moscow, 22 years old

Answer from an art psychologist:

Hello, Elena!

They treat us the way we allow others to do it, and how much we love ourselves, respect ourselves, keep a balance between “give and receive”. Our partners are our mirror. A mirror of those internal problems that need to be addressed. We choose those who help us see these problems. Perhaps your young man, by his behavior, signals to you that it is time to start learning to love and respect yourself, build your personal boundaries, increase self-esteem, and strike a balance between give and receive. Maybe you shouldn’t (like mom) notice “all sorts of little things (“yeah, he doesn’t have a scarf for the winter, you need to buy ...”), but think a little about yourself and remember that you are a woman. Do not try to do everything for him (“I try to do everything!”), Leave something for yourself. Give the man the lead. And now he does not need to strain himself if there is a person nearby who is trying to do everything for two (at least emotionally). As a rule, such people do not say thanks for their excessive attention, but, on the contrary, eventually lose respect for them. Remember balance! Excessive altruism (I will do everything, I will give everything) is also unacceptable for harmonious relations, as well as a selfish, consumerist position (everything is just for me).

Sincerely, Fuzeynikova Irina, art psychologist

Every second girl complains that her young man does not pay her due attention. What's the matter: are our men so cold, or do we demand too much from them?

Of course, any woman needs to feel loved and be the best for someone. If she does not feel herself the very best for her man, it torments her. And it's not even about compliments (not all men can speak beautifully, and the words of some representatives of the stronger sex may mean nothing). But attention ... it is manifested not so much in words as in actions.

Take a look at your man. Perhaps he does not call you a goddess, does not swear eternal love and does not stand all night under your windows, hoping to see your silhouette. But he buys you presents, he drags heavy bags of food from the supermarket, he cooks you his signature dish on weekends. And this is how he shows his attention to you.

You take it for granted and reproach him for not taking care of you, that you are not in the first place for him. And then it's his turn to be surprised. He sincerely does not understand what lack of attention you are talking about, because in order for you to spend this evening together, he abandoned his friends, football and beer! And now, instead of having a good time, you begin to reproach him for the fact that for your sake he is not capable of anything.

Men and women show love in different ways. For example, you cooked him breakfast in bed, gave him an erotic massage, walked his dog in the morning so that he could sleep more. He bought a dishwasher to make your job easier in the kitchen, and he got on the phone with your mom to please you. All this is a manifestation of attention, care and love.

But we, women, expect high-sounding words, beautiful compliments, armfuls of roses, and songs under the moon from our men. But you must admit, if your loved one serenaded you every day, but at the same time did not even serve you tea when you are sick, would you need such a manifestation of attention?

If you lack romance, talk to him about it. A loving man will listen to your words. But do not expect drastic changes, it is better to set an example yourself. Arrange a romantic evening or invite him to visit some romantic city for the weekend. And learn to appreciate the efforts of the person you love, because he really tries.

Men. You so often say something about a woman's intelligence when she says something like this:

I am indefferent for you!

I don't care enough! It's necessary, how dare he! Hasn't called me all day. While I think he should, he just needs to want to give me attention as often as I want that attention from him! So that there is exactly as much attention as I need in order to live in peace! And do not soar your brains with questions: what is he and where is he, and why does he not always think about me. How do I about him.

Why do I always think about him, huh? And he is not always talking about me??? Here are the men, all the same, they only think when they want sex. Or they don't think at all. Why everything seems to be fine: he is nearby and there is a relationship, but such garbage is in my head ... Nothing is done normally when HE is in my head. And something all the time does not suit something all the time is not right, something is not clear. In the end, you come to him, and he is at a loss. "I? Little attention? Where did you get it from?"

Yes you are right. It is not normal.

When I first heard the concepts of "species role" and "behavioral program", I was extremely discouraged. It turns out that I did not understand such an obvious! And when I heard about what thoughts women with a visual vector have in their heads, I felt a little ashamed and very funny. Yes, guys, sorry. Well, what is it fooling the head! Yourself, first of all.

So… What am I talking about? About “little attention”, and about why we need men. And we them.

A man wants to give, and a woman wants to receive. In simple words:

The main thing for a man is to pass on the ejaculate and his gene pool to the future. For a woman, to get ejaculate and ensure the survival of whoever comes out of it. To do this, a man stomps after a mammoth, and a woman waits for him in a cave. If he is able to provide her with a benefit, then he gets the opportunity to fulfill his main task - to sleep with her and pass on his gene pool. No other way. So it goes.

Although sex is given to us not only for procreation (this is a separate issue), but nature has left everything as before. Here the female monkey will not "give" without a banana. Didn't you know?

What is a sense of life? In bananas!

A man rushes about, or moves slowly all in prudence, or tramples on the spot, or quickly runs ... around the planet Earth. For what? For bananas! He has a specific role. Depending on what set of vectors a man has, he behaves in a certain way, chooses a certain way to get banana money, manifests himself:

skin vector- logical thinking, constant striving for change, leadership, property and social superiority, flexibility of the psyche, the ability to adapt to changes.

anal vector- thoroughness, prudence, analytical mind, painstaking, even meticulousness, the ability to accumulate and process information, stability, monogamy.

urethral vector- advancement into the future, a man-fire, an eternal fidget, is responsible for his "flock", puts her interests above his own, always at the head, does not know how and cannot obey.

muscle vector- visual-effective thinking, hard physical labor, cohesion with the team, diligence.

These are the so-called lower vectors. A vector means a direction, a certain behavioral program. What vector, such and specific role is given by nature, that is, this is how nature directs us in order to ensure the survival of the whole society. So that everyone does what he tends to do, what he can do. Therefore, there are no universal people who can do everything, any kind of activity. Well, perhaps a unique multi-vector one.

There are also upper vectors: olfactory, sound, visual, oral. But it depends on the lower ones what kind of libido a man has, what kind of sexuality he has.

Man's task

The main thing for a man is not to lose the right to a woman. And he can acquire this right only by realizing his specific role. A woman, on the other hand, does not have a specific role, her task is to get an ejaculate and raise offspring (for everyone, except for skin-visual women).

Here the leather worker suddenly became a complete social zero and cannot earn money, but there is nothing worse for him! But the anal man remained a nobody and did not find himself in the profession, he sits and whines on the couch about injustice! And the urethral man lowered all his ardor to parties and drank himself! And the muscle man was left without physical labor!

For a woman, his pheromones are no longer so attractive if he does not live up to her expectations (the desire to receive bananas). She doesn't want him. Either she regrets, in a visual way, or she cannot quit, she is used to it in an anal way, and still remains nearby.

So. While we, visual women, want attention, they, men, are concerned about their right to us. They need to confirm it by fulfilling the tasks assigned to them by nature. Fulfillment of their specific roles. Therefore, they look at relationships differently. We, women, do not have a specific role and all our focus is on men, and they are busy with their own affairs and for them this is primary.

Another thing is when he really pays little attention, because he is busy with other women, or is not busy with business. Well, for example, an unrealized skinner is looking for new sexual adventures in order to put a tick in a notebook, and thereby make a substitution, deceive nature. His task is to use the desire for change and novelty in achieving success, earning money, developing and improving at work. And instead of this, he directs the desire for novelty to women and thus proves to himself that he has a right to all of them, allegedly raising his natural rank. Cruel delusion. You can't fool nature

The task of a woman is to inspire

And here is our task, ladies. Although times are changing, and now a woman is developing much faster than a man. More and more women are making progress in their studies, even going back to their university and high school years. More and more women are developing their brains and, along with men, are doing the work. Not so long ago, women began to experience a real orgasm, which, by the way, develops the brain.

The more a man is realized, the more he needs an orgasm for the development of the brain. I want an orgasm - I go to the savannah for bananas. Without bananas, the female will say “Bye!”, Not “See you!”. He told her on the first date: "Let's each pay for himself." And somehow immediately ceases to be sexual for her. Why would it? Nature intended it that way. That's it.

OH! He does not love me!

Women with a visual vector sometimes think that there is no love. No, and that's it. Pays little attention! Everything seems to be fine, but there is no love between us.

Only a person with a visual vector feels love as it is. This is due to its species role. His emotionality has its own special meaning. But when she has no way out, then a person feels a lack of attention. Whereas all your ability to feel the strongest emotions can be directed in the right direction - to compassion, responsiveness to people. And not to receive - for yourself, attention.

Emotional blackmail in a relationship is evidence that a person is not realized in a visual vector. So, dear ladies, while you are sad about the fact that there is little love, the guy simply may not have such an ability - to love in the full sense of this verb. Either he does not have a visual vector, or he has one, but is more developed and aimed at bestowal, and not at receiving: love me, you pay little attention, look at me, call me all the time, tell me every second how you love me, or I will hysteria, well, etc.

Confessions from an alarmist

Before the system-vector psychology, I had so many moments when I “encrypted” for myself what was not there. And now, sometimes, there is such a temptation. But I clearly understand why this is happening. In the end, it turns out that everything is fine. The same feelings, a person in bewilderment cannot understand why you have a sour mine. And you, a woman, have little attention. It's time to understand each other, to really understand, and not to think out what we don't know for sure.

Now I understand every thought. I am aware of my every lack and analyze where it comes from. With such a skill, relationships are easier, but, of course, there are no magic wands from everything in the world. Relationships are a joint work, exclusively by mutual desire and consent.

Women want male attention, they don't get it, they suffer and write letters to me.

For example, these are: A woman wants more warmth, words and signs of attention, that is, expressions and outward manifestations of love from a Man. The man is cold and not used to giving it all away, is silent, but says that he loves and freaks out, when some signs of attention are required from him, he withdraws into himself. A quarrel and resentment begins on both sides. He is as cold as an Iceberg in the ocean, and she wants love). What should both do? P.S. Verbal requests do not help.«.

Or like this: He does not talk about his feelings, I want him to do it sincerely, and not when I pull them out of him. I feel that our relationship lacks this emotional utterance, in connection with his past experience. I am very emotional, I lack emotions from him, I stop feeling that I am valuable to him, it hurts me. Please tell me what to do about it«.

The easiest way, of course, in this situation is not to talk with women, but with their men.

Take this person aside and say, well, don’t be a beech, learn a dozen warm phrases and manifestations of attention, hammer them into your phone’s reminders and do it as soon as the reminder pops up. Let's say you're driving home from work - and here you have a reminder "Buy flowers for your wife." Stopped, bought, brought home, handed.

Another time, the reminder "Tell your wife you love her" blinked. He said he kissed.

The third time, the reminder reminded me of "Hug your wife right now." Went and hugged. If at that moment my wife was not at home, I wrote an SMS, saying, my beloved, I missed you, so I want to hug you.

And that's it. The wife is happy, she does not write various questions to Zygmantovich, she does not complain about your coldness. Beauty!

Alas, this method will not work - women write to me, not men. The solution is for women, not for men.

Therefore, I will try the proven method - I will clarify. It often happens that the clarity that has appeared, when everything is on the shelves, seriously reduces tension and suffering.

Let's start with the main thing - men are usually less attentive to relationships than women. For most women, relationships usually come first. For most men, usually - on the third (gradation is somewhat arbitrary and does not apply to everyone, but only to the majority).

A woman usually worries and worries about relationships. A man usually worries and worries about the business (in the broadest sense - about what he does outside the family). Relationships, wife and children - for him they go a little after the case (although, what is important, most often the case is not for him personally, but for the family). But for a woman, it's the other way around.

This is normal - men and women are complementary, that is, complementary. Our union allows us to close more than one by one.

However, this is where the problems come from. Women expect one thing from men and get another. Men expect something else from women, but get a third.

Which exit? Of course, take into account the peculiarities of each other.

It is useful for men to know and remember that relationships for women, due to the peculiarities of socialization, are usually immensely important, they come first on the list of priorities.

It's good for women to know and remember that relationships for men are usually somewhere in second or third place on their priority list. This knowledge and “remembering” seriously makes life easier.

A woman wants attention for two reasons - biological and psychological. Biologically, attention is pleasant. Stroking, scratching, hugging, affectionate intonations - all this pleases.

Psychologically, attention means - you are the only one for me, as before. And a woman, I remind you, does not want to be loved, but the only one (the link to the note about this is at the very bottom).

Therefore, when a woman talks about attention, she can say it “out of joy,” because she wants amenities. Or she may say “out of fear,” because she is afraid that she has ceased to be the only one for a man.

As a rule, they say mostly “out of fear”. And when they speak out of fear, requests sound like accusations, hints sound like reproaches, questions sound like visits. Because of fear.

Exit? Deal with your fears - what is happening inside your head that you began to be afraid of. Let's say, maybe you imagined everything for yourself, but the man, as in a joke, just doesn't start his motorcycle? Maybe what you consider coldness is actually just thoughtfulness?

It’s easy to see a man’s love - does he strive to make your life easier? So he loves. Does he come home? Brings money? Helps with different things? So he loves it for sure. So what if he doesn't say, deeds are more important than words.

Dear ladies! Before you suffer and grieve, look at what is happening with a sober look. Is the man reaching out to you? Is talking to you? Hugs you? Comes to your house? Sleeping with you? Buys you a bag, boots and a sixth iPhonePlus? So, maybe this is a manifestation of his love and emphasizing your uniqueness for him? Maybe it's important? Maybe look at it and not your fear?

Let's leave these questions unanswered - as rhetorical ...

By the way, about how to overcome fears and increase psychological stability,.

And I have everything. Thank you for your attention.

Here are some more posts on a similar topic:

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A woman gets little attention from a man: 105 comments

Anyuta
Or maybe the lack of warm words and signs of attention is due to the low level of culture of relations (on the territory of our country in particular)? I would like to know your opinion. From my own experience: out of four married couples living next door to us, three regularly sort things out with screams and swearing ...
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Or maybe the lack of warm words and signs of attention is due to the low level of culture of relations (on the territory of our country in particular)?
  _Yes, definitely. I wrote about it separately, here -
Larisa
Pavel, well, what a good fellow you are! I regularly read your notes, write about real problems, put everything in its place, it helps me a lot personally, but it’s not always possible to follow your recommendations. Thanks a lot! About not enough love is written perfectly! To the very point!
Catherine
And if the husband appears at home at 8-9 o'clock and is at work all weekend? How then to be? And at the same time he says that marriage was created for joint housekeeping. And I don't want to get feelings on the side, and for him to get it.
Catherine
Paul,
and if a man is NOT “reaching for you? Is talking to you? Hugs you? Buys you a bag, boots and a sixth iPhonePlus?” In my experience, a woman wants warm words and confessions just when a man does NOT do real warm actions. In order not to face the truth, the woman asks: dispel my doubts, say at least in words, it doesn’t cost you anything.
By the way, if what I have listed does not happen, does this mean that a man does not love? Well, to be honest, here's your opinion. It is clear that it is impossible to judge unequivocally and one should first hear that very man. But still?
Elena
Pavel, good afternoon!
I read with great interest all your articles, listen to webinars.
Thank you very much for your indifferent attitude to RELATIONSHIPS))
All your articles are very timely for me, and make life much easier for me and my husband.
Helen
Pavel, what kind of joke about a motorcycle? (Sorry, my husband tells me everything I need, regularly :))
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  A page from my wife's diary.
  Saturday evening. My husband is acting strange. We agreed to meet in a cafe for a cup of coffee ...
  Went shopping all day with my girlfriends, thought he was upset because I was a little late. He didn't comment on it.
  The conversation did not work, he was silent all the time. She offered to move to a quieter place so that we could talk calmly. He agreed, but remained silent.
  I asked him what was bothering him and he replied that everything was fine. She asked if it was my fault that he was silent and only grumbled in response. He said everything was fine and I didn't have to worry about anything.
  On the way home I told him that I loved him, he smiled and continued to steer. I cannot understand his behavior and I do not know why he did not answer my confession.
  At home, the feeling that my husband got lost in some kind of fog did not leave me, and did not want to be found. He sat motionless and stared at the TV, and seemed very far away and lowered into the water.
  Finally I decided to go to bed, my husband came into the bedroom about ten minutes later and, surprisingly, responded to my caresses, we made love, but still he seemed strangely absent.
  I decided that I couldn’t bear it any longer, and that I needed to discuss all this in detail, but I noticed that he had already fallen asleep. Crying, I fell asleep too. I do not know what to do. I'm sure he has a different one. My life is a disaster.
  
  Page from her husband's diary
  Saturday evening.
  The motorcycle broke down this morning, but we had a good fuck.
Ludmila
And what to do if, due to a lack of attention from your husband, you experience loneliness and uselessness? How to cope with this (work, courses, sports, although distracting, cannot replace hugs and kisses, which are so lacking). I understand that a man’s business (in my case, it’s really a business) is in the first place, the car is second, the wife is third, but I really want to spend more time together, at least on weekends. But alas, on the weekends, my favorite car, on weekdays - business, on holidays - my beloved mother. It turns out I'm even in 4th place. And yes, I forgot about fishing and friends. Total, legitimate 6th place. How to learn not to ask a husband for what he cannot give?
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Lyudmila, some individual work is required here -
2. Michael
  > I understand that a man’s business (in my case, it’s really a business) is in the first place, the car is in the second place, the wife is in the third
  And imagine that you have to prioritize what is more important for you: come to work / do business on time or spend more time with your husband? If you do not come to work on time, you will be fired, you will have nothing to buy food, pay rent. It turns out that work is a part of your Self, and not separate concepts like “friends” or “mother”. It is the same with your husband, because if he quits his business, he will be forced to sit on your neck, will you feed him until retirement?
3. Dina
  the same garbage. girlfriends advise to have someone on the side. I can’t. and sometimes you want it so badly.
Pauline
Pavel, your posts have the ability to sweep the garbage out of my head.
Thanks, the article is very helpful - as always.
With the help of you, I make the atmosphere in my family calmer and happier. Thank you very much.
Tatiana
Pavel, why then does a woman need a relationship with a man at all?
If a relationship is always a priori less important for a man than for a woman, then it will always be a one-sided game. This is not an equal contribution to relationships - when a woman invests everything she can (relationships for her are the greatest value), and a man - only on the residual principle of what is left after work, friends, parents and fishing.
With this approach, she will always lack attention, because attention is a limited resource. She will always feel second (third, tenth) grade, which, in fact, is happening, and that is why women talk about lack of attention.
If a man is not ready to overestimate his attitude to relationships, then the woman has to either reduce the value of the relationship for herself and pay less attention to the man - but then the relationship generally becomes in jeopardy, we remember that the man doesn’t really need them, since he’s about a third of them puts a place in life - or do not enter into them. Entering into a relationship and constantly suffering that you and your relationship with you are not appreciated is also not an option, I think.
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Pavel, why then does a woman need a relationship with a man at all?
  _Firstly, it's nice 🙂
  
  Thirdly, I understand your confusion and resentment (?). I will write a separate note on your questions. Wait, it will be 🙂
2. Victor
  And really - why?
  "an egoist is a person who loves himself more than other egoists"
  according to your scale of value for a man, they are placed as follows (correct me if I'm wrong)
  1. Work
  2. Friends
  3. (probably) Parents, hobbies,
  4. Wife
  The wife, of course, is not satisfied with her place and wants to take the first place. The desire is understandable.
  Now let's look at the situation from a different angle. Will friends tell their husband in an ultimatum form to move their priority to the first place? Parents and everything connected with hobbies push friends off the pedestal with work? I strongly doubt because these subjects (or objects) understand the objectivity of such a ladder. Work is a means of subsistence and a way of self-expression of the individual. Friends are the result of a long evolutionary selection of those with whom a given person is comfortable and even necessary to contact. Parents - their place in the life of ANY person is beyond doubt. Hobbies are physical and psychological unloading, necessary for everyone, regardless of gender and age. Why is the wife so low located? What if you work together, for example? And if you have a lot of mutual friends (which is not uncommon!)? What if your hobbies overlap or overlap? And if the relationship with his parents is not only beneficial for him, but also for you? Yes, in this way you have a chance to take ALL 4 lines of the rating! What, but it turns out? Then maybe you just don't have much in common. House, life, children. ALL. Then why be surprised?
  PS Still hooked phrase
  "when a woman invests everything she can, and a man - only according to the residual principle"
  how you famously exposed a man allegedly investing LESS than a woman. And where is the scale? Let me explain. For example, a woman invests very little in relationships (in absolute terms), but everything she can, and a man invests only half, but this “half” is 2 orders of magnitude larger, again in absolute terms. if you like, then translate this, for example, into hours and minutes. A woman can invest only an hour and gives it all away, and a man can 3, but invests only half, but 1.5. Why did I write this? Yes to that. that some people like to juggle words and facts to manipulate others. IMHO.
  ZZY Pavel, as always, thank you so much for your work!
Mikhail Beskorovayny
“A woman worries and worries about relationships. A man worries and worries about the business (in the broad sense - about what they do outside the family). Relationships, wife and children - for him they go somewhat after the case (although, what is important, most often the case is not for him personally, but for the family). But for a woman, it's the other way around. © Pavel Zygmantovich.

It's funny, not earlier than yesterday, I watched a whole movie called "Locke" ("Locke" in the original) with a mention of this thesis. I won’t retell the plot, it’s long and tedious, and the film itself as a whole is stretched out, it could have been put in 20 minutes.

The scene from there, it seemed to me, clearly illustrated the above thesis:

The protagonist goes to London, believing that it would be right, took and told everyone the truth, already had a fight with his wife because of infidelity, already had a fight with his boss because of leaving the project on the eve of the important event for pouring the largest foundation. At the same time, he believes that any situation can be corrected, tries to establish contact with his wife, and is still managing the project by phone, trying to find the phone of an authorized person to solve the truck corridor problem.

Dialogue with wife:

“I would like to hear that you will be waiting for me, and I can return. That we can talk, talk about everything, and then fix anything. I really want to know that I can come home tomorrow, talk to the boys, well... business as usual. We can go for a walk, something like that, have a drink, talk about it. I want to know that I'm not going one way. I want to know that I will go back when the sun rises.
“Ivan, let me ask you a question: Do you still need this phone to block roads?”
- Yes…
“Well then, goodbye Ivan…”
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Thank you, great illustration 🙂
2. Veronica
  In this film, the hero goes to a maternity hospital in another city at night, where his mistress gives birth to him - for some reason you didn’t mention this))). He told his wife about this by phone, which was a big surprise for her))). She began to become hysterical, so most of the illogical phrases, so to speak, are connected precisely with her hysteria and the resulting shock. And to be honest, I don’t understand at all how you can equate the behavior of the hero’s wife, invented by the author, with the behavior of real women. This is just a feature film, where for the brightness of the plot everything is exaggerated to unrealistic proportions ...
Olga
I do not agree with the opinion of the respected
author.
A man in that case behaves as it is written in the article, when this particular woman is not very important to him. Or tightly - as he believes - attached to him. Indeed, then he will not “invest in relationships” - you don’t need to invest in something that has no value or you will always have it anyway. And the only way out for a woman is to increase her significance. To have a very interesting, exciting job with a high income, an equally exciting hobby, a bunch of friends, and so on. That's just in this situation, she will not have to humbly beg for crumbs of love and attention. And even vice versa - he will have to behave in such a way that she would like to carve out somehow an hour for common leisure with him.

Since this is not the first article from which I have an extremely unpleasant impression - I pray: tell me how to unsubscribe from the mailing list? VK unsubscribed, but here I don’t see the magic button. I will be extremely grateful for your help.
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Since this is not the first article from which I have an extremely unpleasant impression - I pray: tell me how to unsubscribe from the mailing list? VK unsubscribed, but here I don’t see the magic button. I will be extremely grateful for your help.
  _There in each letter there is a link at the very bottom - to unsubscribe from the mailing list. Can't you see her?
2. Nellie
  A job with a high income, an exciting hobby and a lot of friends does not guarantee that a man will beg for a woman's attention. He can easily leave and find someone who will find time for him, and he will not beg for him.
  P.S. From my own vast experience as a practicing psychologist and a successful lady in all respects.
Anonymous
It seems that everything is written correctly, deeds are more important than words ... But personally, I am sorely lacking in words and some completely unpractical deeds. The same colors and all sorts of romantic follies. And the work of the husband, which ensures a comfortable existence, incl. I'm already starting to hate it. The common hobby, thanks to which we got together, is gradually relegated to the background: my husband is no longer interested, and there is no time and effort left after 9-10 hours of thoughtful programming. I also work 8-10 hours a day - not because I love work very much and not even because we need another income, but at the insistence of my husband. And I really need words and all sorts of romantic "nonsense" just because I already get sick of everyday manifestations of love: "brings money, feeds, clothes." And it seems to me that many women are familiar with this: they want to feel like a woman, and not a domestic cat that you can feed and scratch in between times, and that's it.
What to correct in such a situation: yourself (break on the knee and “not wanting”) or a man (force to speak and create romance)? And how to do it?
Solnce
And what to do in such a situation: he buys everything, takes care of it, left his wife for me after 30 years of marriage, we already have children, we have been together for 10 years, but recently I found out that he still has a mistress, he has been with her for 3 years, she is 20 years old (she has been married for a year) I am 30 years old. I'm at a crossroads. He said that he needed peace at home and that's it. I don't even know if it makes sense for me to stay with this person. ..
Olga
The essence of the relationship between men and women is very well shown in the film "8 Women". 8 women “hung” on one unfortunate man - mother, daughter, wife, mistress, etc. And everyone wants something from him - attention, money, support ... Isn't it too much for one? In the end, they killed the man.
In Russia, the ratio is no better than in France. In general, female insatiability and greed are well shown in the tale "About the Fisherman and the Fish." Women, unfortunately, do not know how to appreciate what they have, they want everything at once. Relations with your husband do not suit you - get a divorce and look for romance.
An example of female "gluttony" is Princess Diana. She also wanted everything at once - to be a princess, a princess of hearts, to be at the very top of the social ladder, the mother of two wonderful sons ... For complete happiness, she needed to own her husband's heart ... I think women need to moderate their desires a little. Ask yourself: What does my relationship with me give my husband? What does my relationship with my husband give me? Draw conclusions. And not to be like the unfortunate Lady Dee or our old woman, who wanted to become the “mistress of the sea”, but remained with nothing. Love, of course - "Goldfish", but it also has a "shelf life". To all unsatisfied and satisfied ladies of happiness in the New Year!
Lena
Pavel, here we are with a guy temporarily separated due to circumstances, what do you think about the phrase “I feel bad without you”? She just flies off my tongue, really describes what is happening inside. And the guy cannot say that he is ill, it’s sad - yes, but not bad, he “does not suffer and does not get sick.” I'm somehow offended, as if there is no response to my feelings. Can you explain this briefly? Thank you in advance!
Lena
Phew! Alive and healthy, like a tub of water on your head, thank you! 🙂
Lena
Alyona
Yes, this is all nonsense, for men, relationships are also very important. It’s just that men are more self-confident, therefore, when they marry a woman and live with her for a long time, they generally stop worrying about the fact that they need to pay attention to her. What for? They are just 100% sure that she will not rock the boat now, especially with a child. Therefore, you can safely score and go about your business. But if a woman, for example, demonstrates that not everything is so great, a man also begins to worry and flutter, like a woman. It’s just that women flutter all the time because of their self-doubt, which glossy magazines, articles about what women lose with age, etc., in every possible way cultivate in them (us). and so on. I think that in a couple of hundred years, when women become more independent, we will finally cease to be treated as puppets for serving and pleasing men, and this issue will be removed from the agenda. It's all about realizing your own worth. And, it seems to me, such parsley with peasants in Russia comes from their lack. If the number is equalized, women would want to spit on all this. And think of a motorcycle. So forward to a brighter future ;)
fatina
He buys bags, boots, is silent about love, does not hug .... relations are in third place, this is not a man, but some kind of ghoul, sorry. I can buy my own things, even flowers.
Natalia
On the one hand, yes - relationships are not as important for him as they are for me, that's why there is little attention)) everything is fine! And then it starts - or maybe there is little attention from the fact that another girl has a lot of it now? ... and that’s all)) and again she wound herself up, she herself was offended, she was upset herself, it’s good that she didn’t write to him about it)))) and I already had it - in the end I was offended, we had a fight, since it turns out that he was on the set in another city. I sincerely understand his contemptuous attitude towards instant messengers, I don’t like them myself, but with rare meetings (once a week somewhere) at some point it becomes necessary for me, and he is cold and laconic.
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  And then it starts - or maybe there is little attention from the fact that the other girl has a lot of it now? ... and that's all)) and again she wound up herself, she was offended, she was upset
  _And don't cheat 🙂
2. Veronica
  Once I even regretted that I was not a lesbian), since it seemed that only a woman would understand what I needed. But over time and experience, I realized that there are good, caring men, but, unfortunately, there are not enough of them for all of them .. (((
Maria
Hello Pavel, tell me how to be. Recently, our relationship with a young man began, but since he has his own business, he sorely lacks time for me, we both miss him, but he has no days off, no full rest, and I am with him I don’t live together, what to do and how to experience such moments, or does he just not care about me? Thank you.
Pauline
Good afternoon, I stumbled upon your article out of hopelessness, looking on the Internet for what to do, how to understand his "silence" or as indifference. After reading your article, I still think about indifference to myself. We started dating 1.5 months ago. At meetings, everything is super-duper. At first he tried, thought out where to go, what to do. He is nr. He is a very positive character, but he is a bit dry. He writes rarely and very laconic, without greetings and how are you, how are you feeling, etc. I am an impatient girl and sometimes I will write myself and sometimes I myself will offer to meet. When meeting a meeting, everything is super, but it seems to me that now is a time when it is interesting for you to spend time as much as possible to learn more about each other. And he's not very interested. It seems to me that more is possible. You write to him how are you, and in response you get that everything is fine and you won’t wait for an answer.! Is this indifference????
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post Author
  Good afternoon
  
  No, this is not indifference. These are such features.
Laura
OK then …
And if your loved one does not work but plays games all day long? … from night to morning And he remembers you only when he wants to eat or drink?!
Yasna
Well, how about in such a situation, when a woman’s world does not revolve around a man, full of her own affairs, but HE doesn’t like that she doesn’t run after him like a dog while he is busy with dances? Well, i.e. he doesn't like it when everyone is in their own corner. She suggested that I take the initiative myself, change something that I don’t like, and that’s it ... silence. So everything suits. And I hesitated to show this initiative, so I left, tired, in my corner, to do more interesting things. Quiet, no complaints. So I'm still unhappy. And I don't have one. Many people themselves do not know what they want - this is the problem of uncomfortable relationships. To think that all women are narrow-minded chickens, occupied only with relationships, is also narrow-minded. Full of developed women, with diverse interests. But since a woman lives with a man, should he at least give some signs of life? Minimum at least, so that there is an exchange of energy or something. Swimming and macrame are wonderful, but it will not pay back a woman for the lack of male energy, and sometimes she needs just a little bit. And the feeling that you live with a corpse. And there are a lot of such corpses. Nobody asks for hyperactivity from them, they often just want an adequate minimum (if the woman, of course, is also adequate). And many men are even lazy. This is from the shortcomings of education and the lack of a culture of relationships. Because in the family of parents, mutual attention was also not the norm. Plus, a lot of people, both men and women, are simply psychologically illiterate. It’s not that they don’t understand the characteristics of the opposite sex, they don’t know themselves. Yes, there are hysterical and indefatigable women who really always have little attention, but the “corpseness” of many men cannot be justified either.
Valeria
Every time I remind my man that I would like more attention, because now I have to live at a distance. Takes a little attention. (I have to remind you again). And this is sometimes annoying, and makes me (which is also annoying) think that my good man is not so good at all. Eh. Yeah. What are we different. Tired. Such trifles, but then I cry and do not sleep at night. How not to put relationships in the center of the table? I don't understand. She is busy all day long, but he is constantly in her thoughts. And that's it. 🙁
Galina
Good afternoon
Thank you for the article.
Now on maternity leave with a young son. And the attention of her husband began to be greatly missed.
On this occasion, "I take out his brain." He takes a position, you yourself will calm down later, all women are on maternity leave, these are your oddities, it makes no sense for me to do something, etc.
In general, I agree with the article. A woman (like a man) can only influence herself. And perhaps to endure a period is the most effective.
But I am very offended (although I am not a supporter of offenses, but it is difficult to shut up feelings).
I sincerely do not understand why it is difficult for men to do what you write about - buy flowers, call a reminder, etc. After all, it is obvious to them that a woman needs this now. But since a man does not need it, he does not bother.
And I understand that most likely, somehow this period will pass, I will go to work, I will be able to devote time to a hobby. But already now I feel that the worm in my soul will remain - when I felt bad and needed more attention - they left me.
The fact that a woman should not get hung up on a man, deal with herself, get distracted by a hobby, I understand and agree.
But why can't a peasant buy flowers, hug him once again, when he clearly understands that this is necessary, will help, please?
And I don’t understand the acceptance from the series “I have it like that” - buying flowers is not building a house, etc., you don’t need a lot of resources, there would be a desire.
And it is embarrassing that this desire is not there. Well, in third place is the relationship of a man, so what. I have washing dishes in general in the tail weaves - I wash it. And not just on holidays.

How to be? We have been dating a guy for 3 years, we have been living for 7 months. I want to be both a girlfriend and a friend to him. I try to join his interests, I discuss any topics of his conversation with pleasure. drink two, go to cafes and bars, catching new and new girls every day). I get out and meet with his cold, tired expression in the evening. I spoke, discussed it with him.

Margo Ekaterina
Your article helped me so much! So simple and so clear! I re-read when I start to drive and become easier, straight from the soul! It seems to me that soon I will remember by heart😂
Elena
Hello. Here you write: (I quote) “A man reaches out to you? Is talking to you? Hugs you? Comes to your house? Sleeping with you? Buys you a bag, boots and a sixth iPhonePlus?” You know, personally, I can only answer positively to 2 questions: yes, he comes home, and, yes, he sleeps with me (he only sleeps, he doesn’t sleep intimately). The answer to the rest is this: my husband absolutely doesn’t reach out to me, doesn’t hug, doesn’t kiss, doesn’t care, doesn’t ask when I’m sick, how I feel. And to give some kind of advice to each other, this is generally on the verge of fantasy. As well as the fact that he gives me gifts "once a year." After all, earlier he called affectionately (zaya), and said that he loved. And now for a long time there is no affection, no warmth, no care, no support from him. What if we are completely different?
Ksenia

"The guy pays me little attention" - many girls state with regret. But in order to understand the situation, it is necessary not only to be offended and make claims, but to find out the true reasons for such an attitude, and then eliminate them.

Why do feelings cool

What to do if the guy is farther and farther away, pays little attention, and in general it is not clear that young people meet or just sometimes talk on the phone. To begin with, you need to try to pull yourself together and sensibly assess the situation. Only by getting rid of the oppressive feeling of resentment and anger, you can really look at the current situation and come to the right conclusion. Here are the standard reasons for the cooling of feelings: 1. The girl overdid it. This means that she shows her feelings very obsessively, and without noticing it, she gets bored. 2. The guy turned his attention to another. Unfortunately, there are both monogamous and those who are chasing every skirt. Perhaps the guy decided to achieve the location of not only one girl.

The guy is busy with work, career, other issues. Girls do not always think that besides her, he also has everyday duties, work, his own seed. Perhaps he has problems at work or his mother is ill. Yes, a lot can happen, because being his girlfriend does not mean at all that you can claim all his time. 4. The girl exaggerates. If you calculate, then there are only 24 hours in a day, of which a normal person sleeps for 7-8 hours, then about 16 hours remain for work and personal life. Of these, a modern person spends 8-9 hours at work, gets to work and back about 2-3 hours, and only 4 hours remain. If the guy lives on his own, then the rest of the time can be spent on household chores - cooking, washing, buying food. Well, what is left? Yes, almost nothing - everyone eats up everyday problems.

Therefore, before making claims about insufficient time spent, you should turn on the brain and be in the shoes of your boyfriend. If, with the modern rhythm of life, you spend weekends together, you also manage to meet in the middle of the week - then this is not so little. It is clear that if relations develop so much that a decision is made to live together, then more attention will be paid to each other, but such a responsible step is not taken in a hurry.

Men and women perceive the world differently, and their thinking is fundamentally different. Often the stronger sex does not even realize that they are offended. Therefore, it is better not to hold a grudge, but to speak frankly and discuss ways to solve the problem that has arisen. If a guy devotes little time, what to do? It is worth finding out if he thinks the same or is it just your opinion. Maybe he doesn't even know it. And it’s better to constantly refresh the relationship so that the beloved not only devotes time, but voluntarily spends all his free time with his beloved.

How to spend more time together

You can always take matters into your own hands. In order to be together more, it is worth trying to do this. If a guy spends a lot of time at work, get a job with him. You can learn a lot by working together, but you should separate your personal life from your professional life, otherwise both will soon be fired for non-compliance with professional ethics or poor performance of duties.

If the guy lives far away, rent an apartment in his area or live together. So, the time that is spent on household chores can be spent together. However, you should not turn yourself into his cook and cleaner, it is better to divide the housework equally.

If a guy rarely invites you to the cinema or other places, you can think over a cultural program and invite him first. To make the evening successful, you need to know exactly his taste preferences.

If both the guy and the girl are very busy, try to arrange dates. Then the rest of the cases will be transferred to working days, and it is possible to spend the days of romance together. However, this does not mean at all that it will be possible to meet only these days. Sometimes spontaneously escaping together from all problems is very useful. It's also a good idea to ask your boyfriend to help you with your weekend shopping. All day together guaranteed. Or ask for help re-pasting the wallpaper. You will also spend at least a day together. At the same time, check it for professional suitability.

Over the years, relationships fade even in very strong alliances. People who live together until the golden wedding say that in order to live together until old age, you should never go to bed without reconciling. You always need to ask each other for forgiveness and be able to yield.

How to diversify relationships

So that relationships do not become insipid over time, they constantly need to be worked on. Most often this has to be done by a woman. For men, the weaker sex should always remain a mystery, and they, in turn, know. that a wife is a neck, that is, she does not care to twist her husband. In order for the guy to always be turned only towards his girlfriend, it is necessary to implement a whole plan to strengthen the union.

A woman should take care of her body, intellect and state of mind. You must always be fit and energetic, because men love neat figures. You should learn how to choose the right clothes, do makeup, take care of your skin, hair, nails. You need to train your brain, read useful books, keep abreast of all the events of the modern world. There should be something to talk about with a girl.

Relationships can always be saved with humor. A well-chosen joke will defuse tension, and a person with a sense of humor is always a godsend for communication.

A woman must respect herself. Every person is worthy of respect, and no one has the right to humiliate others. If a guy not only pays little attention, but also doesn’t put his chosen one in anything, you should think about the future of such a relationship. A real man will always appreciate his beloved, you should remember this and not waste time on tyrants and bores.

Turn disadvantages into advantages. There are no perfect people. They love not because the legs are from the ears, but just like that. If the girl is unlucky and she is not the owner of a super figure, you can still look great with the right choice of wardrobe and good posture. Disadvantages are just the features of a person, his zest, something that does not fit into the generally accepted norms and canons of beauty. But what would happen if all people were cut according to one pattern? That's right, boredom.

Enjoy life. In order for relationships to always be on a level, you should learn to enjoy life. I don’t have enough money to spend an evening in a restaurant - you can spend a romantic evening by the lake in the park, you can’t see each other - great, you’ll get bored more, you’ve gained a little weight after the holidays - everything is fine, sports will help, but by the way, rounded shapes are in fashion now.

Do not load the guy with problems. This does not mean that it is worth completely protecting him from resolving issues. This means that at certain moments it is better to just forget about household chores, work and other fuss for a while and be together.

Arrange a holiday. Why not? It is not necessary to wait for some calendar holiday, you can arrange it right here and now. For example, arrange a holiday of jokes. Every joke must be answered with a joke. A good evening with laughter will defuse the situation and cheer you up. Or arrange a dinner, but not at home, but on the roof of a high-rise building. You can come up with a holiday of water and go together to the pool or water park.

Relationships between men and women do not have one pattern of development, as many people as there are so many options. If it really seems that the guy began to devote less time, you should not immediately sound the alarm, everything in life is explained more than easily. A woman should be able to switch, not burden with problems. A date where work issues are discussed is unlikely to add romance to a relationship. A beloved and unique companion must be wise and, if relationships are very dear to her, take timely measures to save them.