In any case, do not rush to get upset and create a scandal. Perhaps there is no good reason to worry. It is likely that your spouse actually stays late at work and works overtime. Perhaps this is due to production problems, which he does not consider it right to initiate you into. Moreover, exclusively caring about you: why should the woman she loves delve into his male problems? He will solve them himself and then talk about his success when everything ends well.
Another likely option: your husband works part-time to earn money for something very important and necessary (for a vacation that you have long dreamed of/for a fur coat/for a new car).
But, alas, there are situations in which other reasons are hidden behind regular delays at work.
Lack of mutual understanding in the family
Most men are completely uninterested in discussing the latest fashion, gossip from the lives of stars and mutual acquaintances, events in television series and “House-2”. Especially if he worked hard all day, honestly fulfilling his male responsibilities as a breadwinner. A man wants to go home and relax: have a delicious dinner - silently and in silence, fall on the sofa or armchair and turn off his tired brain. It’s normal for a man to rest like this. And it’s normal for a woman to wait all day for her beloved to come home from work in order to dump on him a heap of news, gossip, stories about how she spent the day, what she was thinking about, what she’s going to do tomorrow, and so on.
Therefore, if you love each other, find a compromise, for example: first you just have a quiet dinner, and then while watching TV you chat on light topics. If there is no understanding, the wife will chirp incessantly, demanding participation in the conversation from a man who wants the whole world to leave him alone now. And one day, instead of going home, will be late at work for an hour or two to calmly watch a movie, chat with friends, etc.
It’s even worse if a woman constantly finds fault, expresses dissatisfaction with everything in the world and “nags” her husband. Of course, this behavior is not caused only by her quarrelsome character, so internal problems must be resolved immediately and mutually. Otherwise, the man will become so irritated by his partner that it will be a burden for him to see and hear her every day. Therefore, if you recognize your situation, then you should think about whether you have finished sawing the branch you were sitting on?
Constant presence of strangers at home
For a man, his home is his fortress, a safe and quiet haven, his territory. If, when he comes home, he constantly finds strangers there, this perception may be disrupted. And your husband may consider almost everyone to be strangers: your girlfriends, your children’s friends, and even your relatives, including your parents. However, and their relatives too. Family is you, your husband and your children. Everyone else may well be perceived by the head of the family as violating the boundaries of his personal territory. This annoys the man, and as a result, he will begin to return home later and later, so as to be sure not to find anyone.
My husband is late at work - perhaps it’s the alcohol?
An extremely unpleasant and alarming symptom if husband, "late at work", returns tipsy. Alcohol relieves the stress accumulated during the day, but only partially and not for long. The habit of relieving fatigue with a glass or two of vodka or a couple of glasses of beer can lead to alcoholism. If delays at work are related specifically to alcohol, immediately consult a narcologist and take action.
Sad: love is gone
As sad as it may be, feelings sometimes tend to wear out, decay and die. This does not mean that the man is dating another woman. This means that it is difficult for him to be with his wife for a long time, to pretend that everything is in order when everything is far from being in order. In addition to the obligations of a decent person to another person and their common children.
Therefore, if you feel increasing alienation on the part of a man, this may be just a symptom of leaving love. There is nothing to be done about this, unfortunately. Either learn to live together without love or break up.
Offensive: another woman
Yes, alas. Unfortunately, it is often the cause of permanent husband's delays at work becomes an affair on the side. A man may not only begin to come home later than usual, but the number of business trips will noticeably increase, as well as his salary will decrease.
Please note that if your husband suddenly begins to take better care of himself, wears perfume more often, and has an unusual sparkle in his eyes, it is likely that a stranger has appeared on his horizon in whom he has more than just a professional interest. It is worth taking a closer look at his behavior. Strange untimely calls to a mobile phone, a distant look “into nowhere”, avoidance of conversations, lack of desire for sex - all these are alarming signs signaling the appearance of a rival.
But don't rush. Any careless action can destroy a family that can still be saved. For far-reaching conclusions, the husband's suspicious delays at work alone are not enough. Of course, everything else can be further imagined, but it is better to try carefully and delicately to find out the truth. Perhaps the suspiciousness and rich imagination characteristic of women are simply playing a cruel joke on you.
Lately, my husband has been staying late at work more and more often, but this has never happened before. Should we sound the alarm in this case? What could be the reason for these delays?
You shouldn’t immediately throw a tantrum and go to extremes. It is quite possible that your loved one really remains to work and there are reasons for this. Maybe he just doesn't want to let you in on his problems.
Or maybe he’s just preparing a surprise for you and working part-time in the evenings to finally make your dream come true? But the reasons may not be so rosy.
1. There is no understanding in the family. The majority of men have absolutely no desire to be aware of all the fashion news and the latest gossip. Moreover, if he is so tired all day and has talked enough at work that he just wants to have a quiet dinner and lie down to rest or watch his favorite movie. And that's absolutely normal. The woman, of course, wants to talk, because she hasn’t seen her beloved all day.
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To ensure that your husband still returns home, compromise, let him have dinner in peace and only then talk about light topics. Otherwise, he will increasingly stay at work and only because no one will disturb him there. This also includes constant dissatisfaction with your husband; if you constantly reproach him for something, then be prepared for the fact that he will increasingly be late at work.
2. There are always strangers in the house. For a man, his home is a fortress where he is the complete master. When, coming home, he constantly sees strangers there, he no longer considers his home a quiet and peaceful place.
Your husband considers everyone who does not live in the same house with you to be strangers. This even applies to parents. For him, family is you and your children. And he considers everyone else to be encroachers on his territory.
Other reasons why your husband is late at work
3. Alcohol as a reason for constantly returning home late. It is very unpleasant when your husband often returns drunk. It makes sense to think and be wary here. No one will argue that alcohol relieves fatigue for a short time.
But the consequences of such relaxation can be very disastrous - alcoholism. If you notice this in your husband, then immediately go to a narcologist for advice and take action.
4. It's sad, but the reason may be that he doesn't love you anymore. No matter how sad and sad it may sound, even strong feelings can come to an end at some point. Don’t immediately think that what happened was because he met another woman.
It's just hard for him to be around you and pretend that everything is the same. In this case, you have two options: live on for the sake of the children, knowing that he no longer loves you, or simply break up.
5. It's a shame, but he has another woman. Quite often, the reason for a husband’s delays at work is the appearance of his mistress. In this case, the man also increases the number of business trips, and the salary, by the way, decreases.
Watch your husband: if he begins to take more care of himself, which was not the case before, then perhaps he is having an affair. Moreover, if he behaves quite strangely when answering phone calls, often thinks and does not hear you.
Moreover, if at the same time he refuses to have sex with you, you should be wary. Most likely, he really does have a mistress. Take your time and don’t rush in, maybe your family can still be saved.
First, make sure that he really has someone else and only then make any decision.
Good luck to you!
My husband is always late at work: what should I do?
In any case, do not rush to get upset and create a scandal. Perhaps there is no good reason to worry. It is likely that your spouse actually stays late at work and works overtime. Perhaps this is due to production problems, which he does not consider it right to initiate you into. Moreover, exclusively caring about you: why should the woman she loves delve into his male problems? He will solve them himself and then talk about his success when everything ends well.
Another likely option: your husband works part-time to earn money for something very important and necessary (for a vacation that you have long dreamed of/for a fur coat/for a new car).
But, alas, there are situations in which other reasons are hidden behind regular delays at work.
Lack of mutual understanding in the family
Most men are completely uninterested in discussing the latest fashion, gossip from the lives of stars and mutual acquaintances, events in television series and “House-2”. Especially if he worked hard all day, honestly fulfilling his male responsibilities as a breadwinner. A man wants to go home and relax: have a delicious dinner - silently and in silence, fall on the sofa or armchair and turn off his tired brain. It’s normal for a man to rest like this. And it’s normal for a woman to wait all day for her beloved to come home from work in order to dump on him a heap of news, gossip, stories about how she spent the day, what she was thinking about, what she’s going to do tomorrow, and so on.
Therefore, if you love each other, find a compromise, for example: first you just have a quiet dinner, and then while watching TV you chat on light topics. If there is no understanding, the wife will chirp incessantly, demanding participation in the conversation from a man who wants the whole world to leave him alone now. And one day, instead of going home, will be late at work for an hour or two to calmly watch a movie, chat with friends, etc.
It’s even worse if a woman constantly finds fault, expresses dissatisfaction with everything in the world and “nags” her husband. Of course, this behavior is not caused only by her quarrelsome character, so internal problems must be resolved immediately and mutually. Otherwise, the man will become so irritated by his partner that it will be a burden for him to see and hear her every day. Therefore, if you recognize your situation, then you should think about whether you have finished sawing the branch you were sitting on?
Constant presence of strangers at home
For a man, his home is his fortress, a safe and quiet haven, his territory. If, when he comes home, he constantly finds strangers there, this perception may be disrupted. And your husband may consider almost everyone to be strangers: your girlfriends, your children’s friends, and even your relatives, including your parents. However, and their relatives too. Family is you, your husband and your children. Everyone else may well be perceived by the head of the family as violating the boundaries of his personal territory. This annoys the man, and as a result, he will begin to return home later and later, so as to be sure not to find anyone.
My husband is late at work - perhaps it’s the alcohol?
An extremely unpleasant and alarming symptom if husband, "late at work". returns tipsy. Alcohol relieves the stress accumulated during the day, but only partially and not for long. The habit of relieving fatigue with a glass or two of vodka or a couple of glasses of beer can lead to alcoholism. If delays at work are related specifically to alcohol, immediately consult a narcologist and take action.
Sad: love is gone
As sad as it may be, feelings sometimes tend to wear out, decay and die. This does not mean that the man is dating another woman. This means that it is difficult for him to be with his wife for a long time, to pretend that everything is in order when everything is far from being in order. In addition to the obligations of a decent person to another person and their common children.
Therefore, if you feel increasing alienation on the part of a man, this may be just a symptom of leaving love. There is nothing to be done about this, unfortunately. Either learn to live together without love or break up.
Offensive: another woman
Yes, alas. Unfortunately, it is often the cause of permanent husband's delays at work becomes an affair on the side. A man may not only begin to come home later than usual, but the number of business trips will noticeably increase, as well as his salary will decrease.
Please note that if your husband suddenly begins to take better care of himself, wears perfume more often, and has an unusual sparkle in his eyes, it is likely that a stranger has appeared on his horizon in whom he has more than just a professional interest. It is worth taking a closer look at his behavior. Strange untimely calls to a mobile phone, a distant look “into nowhere”, avoidance of conversations, lack of desire for sex - all these are alarming signs signaling the appearance of a rival.
But don't rush take drastic measures. Any careless action can destroy a family that can still be saved. For far-reaching conclusions, the husband's suspicious delays at work alone are not enough. Of course, everything else can be further imagined, but it is better to try carefully and delicately to find out the truth. Perhaps the suspiciousness and rich imagination characteristic of women are simply playing a cruel joke on you.
More information
Good afternoon I need your advice. This is the problem: I’ve been married for six months, the husband works on a 2-by-2 schedule from 10 to 22:00 and is usually home at 23:00, but over the last month he came home 2 times tipsy and at about 1 am. To my questions: (where were you, with whom?) he answers: it doesn’t matter, what difference does it make to you? It’s unpleasant, and what’s most annoying is that he mutes the sound on his phone! And no matter how much you call him, it’s useless, you won’t get through!!! And when I ask: why are you turning off the sound, he answers: I know that you will call and pester me. What and how can I do so that he understands what I’m worried about and stops muting the sound on his phone?
This week there was the same situation: I went home to my parents in another city, called him at about 23:30, he said that he was not home yet, he was late at work (he is a loader and sometimes they are delayed because they arrive late cars, but they need to be unloaded. And I called him, it turned out that he was not at home. I told him: let me call you when you’re home, in bed. He: no, don’t go to bed, good night. I felt it, and maybe I was fooling myself. But it seemed to me that he was definitely not at home. I called him 20 minutes later and here’s the result: he didn’t pick up the phone! I called 2 more times and always the same result. In the morning we called, I understood that he was drinking. I asked: Who did he drink with? I mean, from his conversation, I understood that he was still drinking. at home... What do you recommend I do? How can I teach him to call me back? By the way, in his family it was not customary to call and warn me, he told me this himself, saying: I didn’t even report to my mother, do you really think that I did? Will I call you like a boy and ask you for time off?
Ulyana, hello!
According to your husband, he perceives your calls as control and distrust towards him. In this case, he feels either like a child who must constantly report to his parents, or henpecked. And neither one nor the other position obviously suits him.
Question - What is behind your desire for him to call you back? Is this behavior that was accepted in your family of origin? Is it anxiety that he is spending time with friends somewhere, drinking alcohol, dating another woman? If so, what prompts you to think about him that way? Most likely, this is also a negative experience of relationships in your parental family. Perhaps this is how your father behaved. And in this way you are reinsured. Or you are worried that something might happen to your husband. Then, too, why do you have such concerns?
If you understand the reason for your worries, then you should honestly tell your husband about it, explaining that this is your personal feature. If he treats your concerns with understanding, then there is a chance that he will start calling back. At the same time, when talking with him, it is advisable not to use the word “need”, but to express it in the form of a wish, to say that this is important for you.
The key word here is "respect""If you respect his delays after work, then he will also respect your concerns.
For now, he perceives your calls as disrespect and control.
Wish you all the best!
Smirnova Irina Fedorovna, psychologist in Minsk or via Skype
Good answer 6 Bad answer 1Ulyana, hello.
So you answered the question why your husband doesn’t pick up the phone:
I didn’t even report to my mother, do you really think that I’ll call you like a boy and ask you for time off?
In an attempt to control your husband, you take the position of a mother. Naturally, he gets irritated.
But even when drinking and coming home at night, your husband behaves like a child. By the way, such an imbalance between an irresponsible husband and a hyper-responsible wife is typical for codependent families. He drinks, you try to control him and save him as best you can. You live like this for decades...
Ulyana, in fact, you need to take the position of an adult in relation to your husband. And this means agreeing on what is acceptable in your relationship and what is not. And what will happen if your agreements are not fulfilled. Mutual respect must be cultivated and boundaries of acceptable behavior must be agreed upon. And about sanctions for their violation. And in the future, adhere to the agreements.
Ulyana, good luck to you and the wisdom of an adult.
Sincerely, your psychologist Irina Rozanova, St. Petersburg
Good answer 5 Bad answer 0As you know, only some of us spend a third of our lives at work, the rest spend much more. More and more often, despite the well-known “Don’t live where you work,” office romances not only occur in our lives, but also end in strong relationships and even marriage. Well, that's quite logical. After a certain age, life closes on the following scheme: work - home - girlfriends (friends). Visiting the theater and relaxing with a girlfriend (boyfriend), for example, in Gelendzhik, as a rule, is already regarded as an event. Discos and nightclubs are occupied by accelerators who are fit, if not for children, then certainly for younger brothers and sisters; People usually go to theaters either as families or as women with each other; and, as a rule, men go to football matches with each other. What remains? Many things. And office romance is one of these many things. I will not discover America when I say that if no one likes a woman, then, first of all, she abruptly stops liking herself: she fades, fades, becomes dull, stops looking after herself and generally enjoying life. Such is our feminine nature. But as soon as someone pays attention to such a bored woman, it is as if she is replaced - and laughter rings like a bell, and the gait becomes graceful, and the eyes suddenly begin to shine. From what? Yes, just like that, completely without any self-interest. It’s just that a woman always has to please someone. And where does she like it and who, if not at work and not with male colleagues? She hasn’t been going to discos for a long time, visiting only her married girlfriends, and if she’s not married, then, as a rule, there are no men there. Her life is regulated and scheduled by the hour. But in the service you can flirt, and start a light flirtation, and even start a real romance. An office romance is not only a good incentive to remain a woman and not lose your charm, but also a great opportunity to find your man, tame him and create a happy family with him.
...Men are in no hurry to go home from work. This is almost an axiom. They may run headlong, anticipating a football match or a bachelor party, they may “leave” early to drink beer with an old friend, but they are definitely not in a hurry to go home. Unlike women who joyfully take advantage of every opportunity to run home early. There's always something to do there, right? What awaits a man at home? Responsibilities, questions, requests for help, problems, dissatisfaction, quarrels...
Why do men stay late at work?
No matter how offensive it may sound for us women, for most men, work still comes first. A man's professionalism is something to which they attach great importance. It is clear that we would like to see in this very first place, if not ourselves, our beloved, then at least our family as such. But that's the way they were created. This must be taken for granted. But no matter how confident their explanation of delays at work may sound, it is still some kind of deceit. Everything is far from being as simple as we used to think. But I’ll tell you what, dear, if there is an interesting man next to you at work, ready to work day and night, regardless of time, take a closer look at him, this is an option, really! There are times when a man is equally happy and fulfilled both at work and in the family, works hard and happily rushes home. But such men, as well as such women, are immediately visible. All happy people are alike in some way, you can’t miss them.
Instead of an illustration...
“You have to come to work in order to work.” This firm belief belongs to my friend Elizabeth. She considers herself, as they say, self-made-women and has every right to do so. Because she really “made herself” by arriving in Moscow as a young, seventeen-year-old, naive girl and entering the Plekhanov Institute (Muscovites know how difficult it was at all times). For all her provincial naivety, belief in justice and eternal love, Elizabeth was always convinced: everything should have its time and place. Therefore, having received a position as a leading specialist in a large company, she was committed to career growth. Of course, Lisa was still waiting for the prince, but she couldn’t look for him at work! Time was allocated to personal life on a residual basis. Colleagues treated Elizabeth with wary respect. Men - because such a penetrating power of a pretty woman could not help but frighten the representatives of the stronger half of humanity, women - because, despite one hundred percent external femininity, she never took part in discussions, gatherings and “friendships against anyone”, that , you must agree, it couldn’t help but alarm you. Mikhail worked in the same department as Elizabeth. Both walked through the same doors every morning, both received salaries, both tried to prove themselves as true professionals. Their tables stood side by side, and the young people secretly sympathized with each other. But Elizabeth was firmly convinced that a career was why she came to work at this company, until... (Thank God, on our (women’s) path sometimes we still meet wise women who, at the right moment, say those necessary words that change correct and usual course of events.)
Maya Sergeevna was just over fifty. She was the general secretary and, in fact, the owner of the office. Not a single more or less serious matter could be resolved without her participation; she had some kind of magical power over management and enjoyed fantastic respect from her colleagues. One day, when Elizaveta stayed at work later than usual (she wanted to submit a financial report ahead of schedule), Maya Sergeevna looked into her room.
- Still working? Would you like to take a break and drink some coffee? I've prepared everything.
- With pleasure. – Despite the fact that there was little time, Lisa could not refuse her.
They sat comfortably in the meeting room. The cozy atmosphere, the absence of numerous colleagues, delicious coffee - all this was conducive to a frank conversation. And it really began.
– I see you want to make a successful career?
- Yes, I think I should be able to do it.
- No doubt. Tell me, do you really think that a career is the most important thing in a woman’s life?
– It’s different for everyone. In my life, at this stage, this is true.
– To be honest, many girls get jobs in reputable offices and companies with one single goal: to get married successfully.
– This is also my goal!
– If among dozens of employees you look for a “future general”, that is, a smart groom, determined to conduct a serious business, active, responsible, positive, neat, this is the pinnacle of success for any woman. Take a closer look at Mikhail. He clearly sympathizes with you and is clearly not going to sit in “second roles” all his life.
- And what? Should I bet on him?
– You don’t owe anything. No one. Except yourself. Finding a husband, molding him into what you need, isn’t this the most worthy goal? Don't be stupid, don't miss him, you have a lot of rivals.
– And I have to fight for him?
– Not to fight, but to fight. By the way, you still have good chances. But that's it for now. That's it, I won't say anything more. Yes, actually, I didn’t intend to, it’s just that you reminded me so much of me in my youth. Don't repeat my mistakes. All my life I was proud of my independence and independence, despising those of my friends who preferred to be proud of their husbands. I can do everything myself! But now I understand how right they were, not me.
It was a strange conversation. Maya Sergeevna never spoke to Elizaveta on personal topics again. But this one time was enough for Elizabeth. It’s not for nothing that she always considered herself smart! She took a closer look at Mikhail and to this day does not regret it.
How to find a worthwhile option among colleagues
1. He is an interesting conversationalist; he often approaches you with various questions. True, they are mostly for work, but this is only for now. Nevertheless, you enjoy his company. This is already a serious reason to take a closer look at it.
2. He doesn’t cling to every skirt and treats all women in the office equally. However, he does not forget to congratulate you on your birthday or March 8th. It’s good if he prefers not to discuss the merits and demerits of former, present and future lovers in the smoking room.
3. He wears “your” things. This is a real signal! If you note to yourself that you would also be happy to buy such a backpack, or jeans, or a shirt, or... whatever, then most likely you are on the same wavelength. It may very well turn out that “your” things are just the beginning. What about books, music, films, views on life and all that? Take the time to find out.
4. He is constantly late at work, takes on additional loads, and happily throws himself into “embrasures” of any degree of complexity and danger. What does this mean? Put yourself in his shoes. If he is not in a hurry to get home, looking impatiently at his watch, then... everything is like ours. Either no one is waiting for him at home or the wrong person is waiting for him. Do you know how to wait for your beloved husband from work? Wonderful! It wouldn't hurt to tell him about it. Unobtrusively, but convincingly.
5. He will never allow a secretary girl or a cleaning lady (which is more interesting) to carry heavy things if he is nearby? Darling, we must take it! This is a rarity!
6. Without dissatisfaction or grumbling, he responds to your requests for help with work or to advise something worthwhile. Gradually you can move from help at work to help in general. It’s good if he gets a little used to the fact that you really value his participation and that without him it will be more difficult for you to navigate this complex world. After all, you are a woman, and a woman cannot do without the help of such a strong man like him. Has he quit yet? Good sign. Then let's continue.
7. Does he pay at the cafe when you run away from work with him to drink coffee? Oh, this is just great! However, you should not abuse this and start ordering cognac, chocolates, grapefruit with ice, and so on with your coffee. You set out to find a worthwhile option, and not to dine “for free”.
I am far from the idea of seriously assuring you that all of the above points are a firm guarantee that you will succeed with him. But! If he has no pathological abnormalities visible to the naked eye, if at first glance he is a completely normal person, if you have something to talk about with him and if you like him, then, believe me, such a man is worth pursuing.
Serious Warning
Any man you choose may have many shortcomings and many advantages. However, there is a clearly unpromising option that can only bring you empty hopes, disappointments and pain. I call such men “dissatisfied” married men. Exactly in quotes. Because in fact, they are absolutely satisfied with everything in their family life, and eternal complaints are just “show-offs and umbrellas,” as my friend, who lived with someone like this for seven years, said. Such a man simply binds a woman to himself, initially without intending to give her anything in return. He says that he is “a little married”, that his wife “doesn’t understand him”, that they are going to divorce as soon as the children grow up... Don’t believe it!!! With such “eaters” everything is so clear that they seem almost unworthy of discussion, but in 90% of cases, women, unfortunately, become attached to married men. This can happen to anyone. The main danger of dating a “dissatisfied” married man is that such relationships only lead to a feeling of inferiority. Therefore, light work flirting is the maximum you can afford. There are cunning people who will deceive and claim that they are free. Here are the main signs that indicate deception:
– he doesn’t give you his home phone number;
– he does not meet with you on holidays and weekends;
– cancels dates at the last minute under very flimsy pretexts;
– rarely spends the whole night with you.
Hint him about your interest
One of the biggest advantages of having an affair with a colleague is that you spend most of the day together and you initially have common interests and topics of conversation. Even if both you and he go to work “because it’s necessary.”
A good place to start would be to ask him for some advice. Men adore slightly confused women whom they can help. Just don't whine and lament. You don't really need his help, but what? That's right, attention to you. Looking for advice? Kindly prepare a couple of options from which he will help you choose the best one. The discussion of this task can be postponed until after work. In a cafe, for example, or in a bar. Show genuine interest when you listen to him talk about a given topic. Gradually he will get used to it and will look forward to meeting you.
Use all the additional advantages that working together gives to seduce him. One of my friends began by carefully studying all his habits: how often he goes out for a “smoke break”, how strong and sweet his coffee is, how he spends his free time, what he chats about with his colleagues - in short, everything that can be found out. watching the person carefully. Then it’s time to use the information received wisely. At first, they began to constantly “accidentally” bump into each other in the smoking room. Moreover, she herself did not smoke. She simply held a lit cigarette and talked to him about topics that interested him. The cigarette gradually smoldered on its own, but he didn’t notice it, because he was so pleased to talk to her, he found a wonderful listener in her! After a while, he himself approached her table with the question: “Would you like to rest a little?” Then he suggested drinking coffee together. And when she took a can of good coffee from her desk, commenting that “The one that everyone drinks here is simply impossible to drink! and for the first time she made it exactly the way he preferred, he took it as a sign. She hit the mark with her first shot! And now they happily drink coffee together, go to lunch, leave work and talk, talk, talk. More precisely, he says, and she listens carefully and sometimes (!) comments or answers his questions. At the same time, she does not forget to sometimes (not too often!) be surprised at how much he knows!
How to get his attention
First, let's think about how we, women, begin the conquest and captivity of men? You will not deny that appearance in general and clothing in particular are of great importance when carrying out this operation. As for appearance, there are no obstacles. You can completely change your hairstyle, hair color, makeup, and perfume. Colleagues will only notice that you have a new haircut. However, you should be careful with makeup and perfume. I think, no matter how much you would like to attract his attention to yourself, you should not come to work in the morning brightly made up and fragrant with a heavy, oily evening aroma. The more invisible and natural the makeup, the more tempting and attractive it looks. Provided, of course, that we are not talking about teenagers and young people close to them in age, whose makeup is more like the war paint of warriors of an Indian tribe before the decisive battle. As for perfumes, I will not give any specific recommendations indicating names and manufacturing companies. Everyone has their own preferences. But, it seems to me, the aroma should be light and unobtrusive. There is nothing worse than spending a whole day inhaling the smell that remains in a room after a five-minute visit by, for example, the chief accountant. Believe me, even if he doesn’t mind this smell, during the working day he will listen to so many unflattering (mostly female) comments about your lack of sense of proportion and taste that it would be better for him not to hear it!
Now, as for clothes. We immediately reject miniskirts, deep necklines and other liberties that are permissible elsewhere. Work is work. If you really want to demonstrate your “strong” places, then these are ideal:
– unbuttoned just below the usual button on a blouse or shirt – it seems like just slight carelessness, but how it works!
- unbuttoned just above the usual button on the skirt, making the cut larger. A woman's leg peeking out through the slit of her skirt is something! And the longer the skirt, the more unexpected and interesting the opening picture;
– if you have beautiful hands and ankles, then be sure to wear bracelets in the summer. Thin, slightly too big bracelets on the arms attract attention, and the bracelet on the leg is almost erotic. I don’t know how to explain it, but it really turns men on. One of my friends said: “When I see a thin bracelet, better just a chain, on a woman’s ankle, I take it as a signal: “Pay attention to me!” There is a zest in such a woman, a devilry so light that it immediately turns my head!” ;
- the hairpin, which, in the opinion of most men, quite logically ends on a woman’s leg, strikes them in the very heart. In terms of impact force, the classic hairpin is comparable only directly with the cupid's arrow. No matter how fashion changes, no matter what platforms and varied heel shapes it dictates, the stiletto heel remains unrivaled. It’s like Tchaikovsky in music and Pushkin in literature - for all times!
However, it is not only appearance that excites the imagination of men. The gait, the manner of speaking, the look. By the way, it is the look in the matter of seducing both a colleague and a man in general that is fundamental. Take care of yourself. How do you react to an accidentally caught male gaze? Do you look away, stare at the monitor, and start feverishly flipping through super-important documents? Well, why do that? Try to act differently. Look closely into the eyes of the potential victim, then quickly look away and look again, but this time with a shy, piercing look. It’s very good to alternate this look of a vamp woman with the naively enthusiastic look of a teenage girl. Who are you, after all, you need to figure out! So let him figure it out for himself, God help him!
It should be noted that not only women love with their ears. But men attach greater importance not to the meaning of a woman’s words, but to how you speak, what notes sound in your voice. As a rule, men do not like high and loud voices, but low and slightly hoarse voices are very sexy. One of my friends, during a period of intense attack on her colleague, deliberately imitated a sore throat and spoke exactly like that: a little hoarsely. And when she heard from him: “Your voice is so gentle and affectionate, I just fly away from it!” – she realized that she was on the right path. You can’t rush in a conversation, you need to act wisely and with balance. Tease a little, praise a little and excite a little. Yes, you yourself know how it happens, it’s as if you listen to the voice of your interlocutor and don’t hear him, but he simply fascinates you with his intonation.
Almost any man is initially confident that he will win in a discussion with a woman. Don't deprive him of this naive confidence! Never argue with the object of your desire! Perhaps the best thing you can do is develop his thoughts. Ask leading questions and periodically exclaim in surprise: “Wow! I never would have thought!” Men call women who listen intently “smart.” Most men like just such “smart women”.
What about business trips? Oh, these joint business trips! How many happy novels and families they laid the foundation for! A foreign city, the absence of the attentive eyes of colleagues and stern bosses nearby, the opportunity to surprise him with your culinary art and the ability to turn a government hotel room into such a cozy home that you don’t want to leave at all (and don’t let yourself leave, right?) - all these are such opportunities successfully catching a colleague, it’s simply a sin to miss them. So long live joint business trips!
There is one more little trick. Men are simply fascinated by the huge number of all sorts of little gadgets on a woman’s desk.
And everything seems to be needed: a stand for paper, a pocket for erasers and boxes, boxes, boxes! Now you can buy quite decent souvenirs that are also useful items. One such “hunter” gave her future “victim” an eraser holder in the shape of an adorable Shar Pei dog. Guess what breed of dog lived in his house? That's the whole point! “Little things determine the success of a business!” - my grandmother said.
First steps, first dangers
Be sure that as soon as you begin not even an affair, but only a very reverent prelude to it, there will immediately be “good people” for whom your relationship is a bone in their throat. And besides this, an affair with a colleague is fraught with many dangers, which we’ll talk about.
1. First of all, be prepared for the fact that if the romance does not succeed, then one of you, most likely you, will have to leave your favorite job and home (or hateful job, that’s not the point!). Mainly because you most likely simply won’t be able to work together.
2. At least for the first time, you will have to “encrypt” yourself from your colleagues. The office telegraph does not sleep. You will have to be encrypted, at least until you are sure of your colleague’s intentions regarding the prospects for your communication with him.
3. The lady from the next department can openly tell you “in secret” that he “doesn’t let anyone through here.” What to say? If you really like him, then no one will be able to pull the wool over your eyes. Look, think, decide. It is likely that she really wants to warn you, and that she simply cannot bear to see your happy faces. If you feel, believe (or want to believe) that this is not so, then it doesn’t matter what the lady from the next department says. If you yourself guessed that he was overly loving, then... again, decide for yourself. There are many examples of how the most desperate womanizers became loving and gentle husbands; nothing is impossible! But, if you decide that this is not suitable for you, then... In fact, your feelings and desires are important, which means the choice is yours.
4. It is very possible that he will be subjected to the same “psychological attack”. Meaningful grins, smacking and coughing of the male part of the team during general smoke breaks will make anyone nervous. Well, be calm and firm. Nothing worth your excitement is happening. Even if you’ve already had a couple of office romances, so what? He might actually ask you about it. A good answer to the question posed may be your absolute confidence that there is a real man next to you who will not listen to all the nonsense that his less fortunate competitors utter. Each of you had your own life before you met, what’s reprehensible about that?
5. Unfortunately, management sometimes also considers it possible to warn the lucky ones. Of course, any boss will say that you are adults and he cannot dictate to you or him how to behave, who to date, who not to date. but... But labor discipline, but the moral climate in the team, but labor productivity! In this case, easily, without bothering too much, I would answer that creating happy couples is one of the areas of Western corporate ethics. And don’t doubt that you will now have to work “for two.” Now you are under constant close surveillance, be prepared for this!
6. He may turn out to be deeply married. Life is life, and there's nothing you can do about it. In this case, I cannot guarantee thunderous applause from colleagues, especially female ones. There is something in which the notorious female solidarity is still manifested - in hatred of adultery and “cheaters.” I promise that you will taste this very hatred in full. However, I will repeat it again. If a married man is in no hurry to go home, but prefers to stay late at work, this is worth thinking about. And to him, and, of course, to you. By the way, it may very well happen that a “well-wisher” will inform his other half about the impending adultery, because most women have a negative attitude towards other people’s office romances, since their husbands also work somewhere. I think you shouldn't worry about this. If she has created such an atmosphere at home that her husband does not want to return home and he delays this moment until the last moment, if you were able to make communicating with you a pleasant necessity for him, what is your fault in this? All adults and everyone gets what they deserve.
7. Always remember that you will have to maintain your work pace. At least until you hear the wedding bells ringing. Then it will no longer be so significant, at least you will already have a husband, and you can find another job. I repeat, every communication you have with your lover will magically be multiplied by three in the heads of your colleagues. That is, if you were away for five minutes, upon your return you risk being accused of being absent from work for a quarter of an hour. And so on. The greatest danger is posed by shared lunches, since the lunch break is generally quite a long period of time. You can easily be accused of being absent from work for more than three hours.
8. If your romance succeeds and receives a logical continuation in the form of living together, then most likely you will still have to change your place of work. Causes? They have already been written about above.
Is it worth hiding the beginning of an office romance?
First, let's define what it means to hide. You have started a serious relationship. When going to work, he doesn’t try to take you “to that corner over there,” and then pretend that you came from different places, and he doesn’t greet you joyfully, trying to convince everyone (and maybe himself?) that you just see you. In this case, of course, you should not play intelligence officer, observing passwords and appearances. But this is an ideal case. However, in this ideal case, it seems to me that you should not do the following things:
1. Constantly hint in the presence of colleagues that you spent the previous evening (and (or) night) together.
Statements like: “We are late because nothing can be found in his house. It took me thirty minutes to find a Turk for coffee, and another ten to find the coffee itself.” You can say goodbye to him after such a phrase. Or almost like that.
2. Even if you are in the stage of romantic love, you should not look into his office every minute, blowing kisses, and look passionately in his direction. Why so open? On the contrary, business relations during the working day, languid anticipation of its end, restraint in words, a shy smile in response to his secret inviting gaze - this is what is needed. Waiting for a holiday is already a holiday, right?
3. Don't be surprised or indignant if he decides to go to lunch with a friend rather than with you. And what? Is a step to the right or a step to the left considered an escape? You have so much time ahead of you, there is no need to rush so much. It will also be useful and pleasant for you to sit at lunch with your girlfriends, chatting about this and that (just not about him!). The less reasons and information you give your colleagues to discuss, the faster people will get used to it, calm down and leave you alone.
4. If you can’t hide anything or you don’t think it’s necessary to do it, then you definitely shouldn’t openly tell your friend from the next department anything. Don't make a panopticon, don't wake up the trouble while it's quiet. No matter how sincerely your colleagues are happy for you, keep them at a distance. The ancients said that aggression becomes possible only when the parties learn each other's secrets.
The main myth about office romances
The main myth about office romances is that they don’t end well. It turns out that this popular belief is wrong. According to statistics, two thirds of women have (or want to have) a romantic relationship in the service. And 21% (!) of office romances end with a white veil (metaphor), a black limousine with a charming baby doll on the hood and loud cries of “Bitter!” I must say, when I started working on this chapter, I had no idea that such a large number of women found their other half at work. But nevertheless, you can’t erase the words from the song - that’s how it is. Upon closer examination, it turned out that the majority of those who answered the question in the affirmative did not, in fact, marry company shareholders, not large oligarchs, or even hired managers - executives. The majority linked their destinies with “mere mortals” like themselves. So, the simplest thing to do, the easiest and the safest in office romances is...
An affair with a colleague, if you want him to marry you and you live happily ever after in love and harmony. Read this chapter carefully again, look in the mirror, shake your curls and - go ahead! You, like no one else, are worthy of simple female happiness, love, admiration and this Prince who sits at the next table and (now) does not take his admiring eyes off you!