Difficult situations arise in the life of every family. As a rule, they are resolved by the world. The worst scenario for the development of events is when contradictions lead to an insoluble ending, and parting is inevitable. This is where a woman must solve the most important question: how to break off relations with a man?
It is desirable to do this in the most dignified manner and at the same time with less moral loss.
Modern women often entrust their problems to experienced psychologists who delve into each specific situation in detail and give professionally competent advice.
However, a woman who decides to part with a man will inevitably have to go through several stages of this rather painful process herself.
Understand themselves
You should not act in a hurry, in an emotional fever. It is best to calm down, give yourself time for analysis, for the opportunity to look at your relationship with a man, as if through the eyes of an outsider. Then the picture will be more reliable. Questions will arise by themselves: do the existing relations have a future, can the current situation be considered the end? And remember: was there inner comfort, a sense of security? If this was not the case, such an alliance will not last long, the couple will part sooner or later.
This primarily applies to lovers, one of whom is married (married). As soon as the threat of parting arises on the horizon, you can no longer hope that the partner will ever leave his rightful half. The first call sounded: it's time to put an end to the relationship, part with the man and move on.
Will parting be the last
And this should be thought of by a woman who has gathered determination to break off relations with a partner. Perhaps there have already been attempts in their lives to stop meeting or end their family life. In an emotional outburst, a woman more than once said the “last” word ... And then a hope was born for another chance - and everything went in a new circle of misunderstanding and mutual claims. These "games" can continue indefinitely. Therefore, when making a difficult decision, a woman should think: can she continue to live without a man, although all his shortcomings will continue to be with him.
How to announce your decision to a man?
A firm point in relations is put only if a positive development of events is categorically not foreseen. In this case, the woman will have to be decisive.
First of all, it is worth interrupting the relationship for a while. To avoid painful meetings, it is best to leave the city for a while, take advantage of a business trip, an unplanned vacation. This time will help a woman think over and over again how to break off a relationship with a man, and prepare for a conversation.
No words will reach the partner if he sees an opportunity to convince a woman or pity her. Often a man simply manipulates her, urging her to remember the best moments of life together. A woman who has made a firm decision should not succumb to mental hesitation.
At the moment of a decisive conversation, a woman should be calm. This is not the case when tears, complaints, emotions help. Memories of past love will also not help in this situation.
You should announce your decision - firmly, confidently, in a voice that does not allow objections and disputes. Otherwise, a man may simply not take his partner's words seriously.
The conversation should not contain ambiguous phrases: “We can remain friends ...”, “I have never loved anyone like you ...”, etc. Often women try to soften the effect of unexpected news for a man in this way. As a result, the principled conversation flows into a discussion of petty family quarrels.
The parting of people who were once united by love is a painful process, but also delicate. It requires not only determination, but also tact and accuracy.
This difficult conversation is inappropriate to conduct by phone or, for example, via Skype. Only a personal conversation will not reassure a man, convince him of the seriousness of the intentions of his former lover.
How to break off a relationship with a man and not give up
The first days, weeks after breaking up with a man, a woman, as a rule, is not in the best shape. Still tormented by doubts and memories. Here are some tips from psychologists about this.
You should not respond to letters, phone calls from the abandoned man and his messages on the social network, so as not to give hope for a resumption of relations.
There may come moments of despair, when there is a desire to return everything. You need to gain inner strength and give up unnecessary hopes and memories, although there will certainly be tears, and suffering, and regrets about failed love.
It is impossible to end a love story painlessly. You can help yourself during this period by compiling a list of the main reasons that destroyed love. This will give confidence in the correctness of the decision and will allow you to clearly explain to the man if he decides to find out again what exactly led to the breakup.
You must not lose faith in yourself, in your feminine virtues, in the possibility of a new happy love story. After all, dreams tend to materialize.
Well, if you don't like him, what's wrong? This is life, and it must be adapted to oneself, and not to bend under someone else's opinion. Egoism is a healthy feeling that allows you to save yourself, to get a more favorable environment than before. In short, if you want to leave - leave, but beautifully, civilized and without acute pain. Otherwise, the situation will be incredibly angry, and the step will seem wrong. And then - frustration, depression, insecurity. Do you need it? Learn to break relationships the right way.
How to break up with a guy and how to break up with a girl?
These methods are universal for both sexes, so they can be used not only by girls, but also by boys. They are built on the most typical schemes.
The first is gradual. It is built on the fear of informing a person about extinct feelings, so it can last from several weeks to months. It is the most deceptive and painful, because then the partner will understand: you have been deceiving him for a long time, hiding the truth. In addition, such a method does not bring one step closer to a break, delivering only suffering.
The second is unexpected. This is the complete opposite of the first. But it is also not fully justified, since surprise can do no less harm. After all, according to the partner, it takes place against the backdrop of an “idyll” and is groundless. In such a situation, the former will not leave you alone, will begin to bother, persuade, as he will think that what happened is just an unfortunate mistake that needs to be corrected immediately. Indeed, it was only you who were ready for parting and did not consider it sudden.
The third is mysterious. It is accompanied by an imitation of disappearance with a change of SIM card, landline phone, apartment or even city. Yes, it hurts, yes, it is difficult, but not as painful as in the forehead with direct indignant words. And so, it was - and no. The main thing is not to write letters, messages, not to call and not to make themselves felt. Anger will arise at you, but it will gradually replace falling in love. Suitable for unregistered couples who are not bound by a stamp in their passport with the need to file a break.
The fourth is electronic. If it’s already unbearable, you can send a couple of words by e-mail, ICQ or any other messenger that “sorry, goodbye, we are not a couple and we can’t be together” or “it’s better to stay friends.” And then never see each other again, do not meet, do not sort things out, and so that the ex-lover does not solicit a meeting, blacklist him everywhere.
Fifth - network. It differs from the previous one in that the culprit or culprit of the break makes a post on his/her social network page that he/she is free for a new relationship. And at the same time posts a message on the wall of all friends. Ironic, fast, without the need to speak in private to your face. In addition, there is no need for a sentimental meeting.
The sixth is telephone. Call when you know for sure that the person is not at home, and say words about parting on the answering machine. And then disappear from his/her life. It's not as painful as with the third method, when the rupture occurs mysteriously, without warning. In this case, it is, and personally brought to the attention. But a forced meeting for a final explanation is not ruled out.
The seventh is parental. If you are in a trusting relationship with your parents, you can ask them for a favor to tell your partner that you do not want to see each other again. You can say this gently when he comes to visit. To say with apologies like, “what to do, this is how she was born to me, look for someone better, you will definitely be lucky.”
The eighth is friendly. In this case, girlfriends / friends should contribute to the break. How? Send a note with farewell words, a video on a disk, or just your words, without going into any other details.
The ninth is solemn. The desire to leave is reported at any holiday party, right in the midst of fun or during a dance. So the partner can at least drown out the pain that is cutting at first or immediately switch (albeit in revenge to you) to a new object. 
How to break up with a man and how to break up with a woman?
If you are not a husband and wife, then the gap will be less acute than if there is a family connection. In this case, it is important to behave honestly and with dignity, choosing the right course of action. And there may be several.
Do not be jealous and remember only the bad. To tune in to the negative, it is enough to imagine an unpleasant picture that is associated with your former half: hair sticking out of your ears, champing at the table, shuffling gait, inattention in everyday life. This causes dislike and extinguishes attachment.
Don't bring up the past. Put an end to the relationship once and for all, never returning to the past, not looking for meetings, not calling and not being interested in business. An abandoned person is a cut off piece, which others should now take care of, because from now on it is their problem, not yours. Free yourself mentally and do not reach for the departed.
Take up some hobby. This will help get rid of the obsessive state of tearfulness and the feeling of uselessness. You need! At least for yourself, beautiful and unique! Therefore, take up an interesting business that you could not start being paired with an ex - fill this gap in your life, make it complete.
Show selfishness. In such a situation, it will be useful, because you will put your own person in the first place. Go to the store, stock up on beautiful or tasty things. Treat yourself to something that you couldn't get by living together because you gave your best to him/her.
Don't be afraid of loneliness. This approach follows from the previous principle and consists in a wonderful life alone, at least for a short time, until your potential soul mate is found. Convince yourself: from now on, you need to cook, wash, clean up half as much, so you can devote more time to your beauty and health. Go to hairdressers and salons, change your image, apply masks at home, read more, chat with friends, watch on TV what is interesting to you, not to someone else. In general, live fully, for your pleasure.
Before breaking up, introduce him/her to a good person. Of course, if you are the initiator of the breakup. This approach will minimize the oppressive feeling of guilt, help to set up the former / former for a new relationship in advance. 
How to leave your husband and how to leave your wife?
This is the most difficult type of gap, because there is also a third party who, in any case, will remain the loser. Of course they are children. But if they are not there yet, parting will be much easier.
Be alone in the company of friends or girlfriends more often. This is not only a reason for jealousy, but also a direct hint that "I'm bored with you, but it's interesting with them." Encourage the person to leave.
When reporting a breakup, blame yourself. Yes, it’s better to scold your own person, say that you are not worthy, that you are ruining his / her life, that such a good person should have someone else.
Don't ask outsiders for advice. No matter how sympathetic friends may be, do not tell them about the desire to leave your wife or spouse. Because they will dissuade them in order to "save the family." As a result, you will go on about and will not be happy.
Choose a frank conversation tactic. In this case, do not break off relations “on the phone”, but talk calmly heart to heart. Do not blame the former partner, do not be rude, do not humiliate, but do not give hope either. 
"Love lives for three years". Someone agrees with this statement, many consider it wrong. One way or another, but feelings also have a “shelf life”. It also happens that lovers, moving into the category of the former, break off relations. But how to break up with a guy in a civilized and, if possible, easy way?
Responsibly, honestly and without SMS
How to do it right? Is it possible to part with a beloved man if the relationship began to deliver only irritation and boredom, and not joy and happiness? The first rule of a competent break is a frank dialogue. As a rule, it is very difficult for women to decide on a serious conversation. After all, even little girls are taught the idea of their responsibility for creating comfort and complete mutual understanding in relationships. What happens when a lady initiates a breakup? She is accused of leaving a man, regardless of how he behaved with her. She is told that they don’t leave the good ones if the chosen one is constantly cheating.
That is why it is so important to part with a man without offending him. That is why you should not use instant messengers, phones, social networks and email for this.
Do not communicate your decision by SMS. This is incredibly embarrassing and ugly! Numerous advice from psychologists boils down to the fact that you need to part beautifully and competently, trying not to underestimate your own self-esteem and not humiliate your partner. If the relationship has ceased to bring joy, the union is unpromising, you should part with the man you love.
Open and calm dialogue
It is worth thinking over the conversation in advance and designing several options for the development of the conversation. In the event that you have to break off relations with a married man, be prepared for accusations, aggression, negative reactions, insults that are caused by emotions (no more). Remember: many representatives of the strong half tend to stick to the tactics of attack, considering this the most effective defense. Most likely, the partner will try to make you not in the best light.
Be prepared for this and try to emotionally gather yourself. Do not respond to negativity and aggression with the same actions. Remember that you are a fragile lady. When it is simply impossible to stop the flow of negative emotions from a former lover, end the conversation. Do you feel guilty about breaking up the union? Never let anyone humiliate you. Return to the conversation when the man calms down.
Maximum argumentation
When informing your ex-partner about your decision, try to be reasonable, calm, wise. When you decide to leave a man and are preparing for a frank conversation, try to find good arguments for parting. Men do not understand empty excuses. Often, a lady needs to change everything and complete the novel for a long time. In her head, she scrolls all this every day, and therefore she only reports her conclusions to the man.
To help your ex understand you, share your thoughts with him. Explain why your novel seems unpromising. At the same time, try to avoid mentioning past grievances and do not point out the shortcomings of a man. Psychologists recommend focusing his attention on the fact that you need a completely different person nearby. Tell your ex-lover that you cannot imagine a joint future with him. At the same time, try to give the maximum number of specific reasons: different views on the place of residence, opposing opinions about the importance of registering an official marriage, the degree of readiness for the appearance of children, polar thoughts about a career and material security. In each case, the list of reasons will be individual and different.
Down with pity
If a man is ready for a constructive and calm dialogue, talk to him as carefully and thoughtfully as possible. Some of them may try to press on pity, which leads to a new round in a relationship that does not bring joy and cannot get a chance to "tuning". Centuries ago, treatises were written on this subject, in which wise philosophers confirmed this point of view. Remember the proverb. "You don't step into the same river twice."
Once you have made a decision, follow your tactics to the end. When an ex-lover asks if he can count on friendship, remember: most likely, the question implies the possibility of returning the relationship and resuming it. Are you a supporter of obsessive courtship? Then don't promise anything. Be direct and honest. Tell me frankly that right now from the category of lovers to go to friendship will not only be difficult, but truly impossible. Several years must pass between these steps. Perhaps, years later, you will really become friends or good buddies.
It can be difficult for those ex-lovers who have common friends and one company. In this case, you should also talk with them or change your circle of friends if you do not want to have fun and constantly meet at parties with someone with whom you were once connected not by friendly, but by more intimate relations.
Ending the relationship correctly, try to do without accusations and reproaches. On the contrary, remember all the good things that you managed to experience and feel next to this man and thank him for happy days or years.
Having started dating a guy, getting married, we are sure that we have finally met our soul mate. We expect to live with our beloved man happily ever after, giving each other joy. We are convinced that the husband will show tenderness, attention, care and will carry it in his arms. We are sure that we gave our hearts to the most beautiful prince in the universe.
However, time passes, and the fairy prince turns into a wet amphibian creature. We, against our will, found ourselves in a gloomy sobering-up center, feel pain, disappointment, hopelessness. We feel sorry for the fact that with good intentions we ourselves paved the road to hell. It is disgusting that they gave their heart to be torn to pieces by a soulless selfish tyrant. It is a pity the time spent in the hope of change, and the energy wasted in vain. It is scary to realize that the sun is unlikely to rise in our family firmament. We understand that there is only one way out of the impasse - this is to end the relationship with the guy. How to end a failed love affair that causes suffering will be discussed further.
How to break up with a guy: the pitfalls of the moment of separation
Ending a romance between a man and a woman is never easy. The decision to separate emotionally exhausts both partners. Before you put an end to it and say goodbye forever, you need to weigh all the pros and cons. Only after serious reflection and a sober assessment can we reach the final verdict that it is necessary to end the relationship. To make the right decision, which we will not regret later, we must discard emotions and maintain a clear mind.
Indeed, often the desire to leave arises as an affective outbreak: in a fit of rage and anger, at the moment of a showdown. Hints to a man about ending a relationship is not always a true cry from the heart. Ideas that we need to break off relations can arise in our heads when we are very tired after an exhausting work week. Thoughts about the need for a new life may be the result of banal dissatisfaction in other areas of life. For example, when a promotion up the career ladder was covered with copper basins, we begin to look for a scapegoat. And the best candidate for this role is our husband. The "necessity" of breaking up with a man may reflect the existing tension due to the eternal lack of money. And again, we make the spouse the culprit of need.
When we reflect on a shared past, we often hang unfair labels on a person. We forget that just about a former boyfriend was most recently the most expensive, respected and beloved person. Therefore, when we decide to end the relationship, we should not blame the man for all worldly sins. It is necessary to give an impartial and honest assessment of what is happening.
To make the right decision, our heart must be free from resentment and hatred. Even if there was a terrible and bloodthirsty vampire next to us, we should not become a cruel and vindictive barbarian. We must remember that decisiveness and ruthlessness are two different things. Therefore, having decided to break off relations, it is not necessary to humiliate and insult the dignity of another person, even if he is an alcoholic and a parasite. We have the right to condemn his actions, but not to destroy his personality.
Often the difficulty in making a decision lies in the fact that, despite the suffering that a man causes, we continue to love him. Despite the heartache and burning resentment, we remain hopeful that everything will come to its senses and get better. We deceive ourselves and flatter our hopes. After the next flight, we give the guy one more chance to fix it. We do our best to knock the nonsense out of his head: we persuade, explain, cry, threaten. However, years fly by, and everything changes only for the worse. Instead of settling down, the husband begins to drink even more often, work even less, trail more skirts. It is necessary to stop flattering yourself with hopes, gather your thoughts and put an end to the relationship.
Very often it is not possible to end a relationship with a man once and for all, because we are confused and do not understand what exactly we want. We are like paper boats sailing in the same direction on the ocean of life. We have no prospect that the wind will change, and we will see a different landscape from the round windows. In such a situation, we urgently need to drop anchor so that the ship moored on a deserted island, where we can sort out our inner world without interference. We must clearly define what our global goal in life is. Think about what resources are needed to achieve it. Think about who a partner is for us: a stimulus for achievements or a brake on undertakings.
Sometimes, to understand that the decision to end a relationship is the result of a sudden insanity or the result of a distorted perception of reality, you just need to talk to your husband. We must muster up the courage and organize a frank conversation with a partner. In a quiet and calm environment, we must explain to the man that the current relationship does not bring joy and satisfaction. It must be remembered that many spouses are unhappy in marriage only because they do not discuss emerging problems in a timely manner, preferring to remain silent when something bothers them. Lack of openness and trust inevitably leads to a breakdown in relationships.
Without reproaching and without indulging in accusations, we need to point out to the man specific aspects that do not suit, annoy, hurt. It is necessary to tell the guy that we respect his desire to be independent and independent, but we also have personal needs and dreams. We should firmly state our opinions, desires, plans. Briefly describe your experiences. Talk about what hurts. Explain why some actions are unacceptable for us. We must be prepared for the fact that a man will express his claims. However, to prevent a scandal is in our power.
During the dialogue, we need to unobtrusively and politely suggest ways to correct the situation. Moreover, such options should be a compromise. It is necessary that they include both the wishes and the real possibilities of both spouses. This approach gives a man the right to choose. The boyfriend can either agree to the change and do something new, or refuse the offer, thus agreeing to end the relationship. However, such a constructive dialogue is possible only between those spouses who know how to control emotions and are ready to hear the opponent's point of view without hysterics. It is impossible to talk heart to heart with proud and selfish tyrants.
There is the most dangerous and skillfully disguised pitfall in the depths of the waters, which does not allow you to decide to end your relationship with a man. They are the accustomed role of the victim. Often, women continue to tolerate a partner whom they not only do not like, but also hate. However, they voluntarily agree to the continuation of humiliation, insults, bullying. They have chosen for themselves the role of an uncomplaining victim and are not able to understand why they are in such a powerless position. In such a situation, young ladies are not able to end their relationship with a tyrant on their own, since they need professional help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.
What guys should end a relationship with: signs of male danger
How do you know if you really need to end a relationship? We must look at our lives from the outside and find the "harmful elements" that do not allow us to be happy in marriage. Moreover, such aspects should be a real problem that cannot be eliminated. What are good reasons to kick your husband out of your life? Psychologists believe that one should definitely end the relationship with a man whose character traits and behavior meet the following criteria.
The most dangerous sign indicating that it is necessary to end the relationship and run away is a demonstration of physical strength on the part of a man. We must remember that if a person even once raised his hand to a weaker person, in the future he can cause serious harm to health and life.
How to end a relationship: time to act
So, the choice is made, and the decision to end the relationship is made. What do we need to do to end an affair that hurts? We follow the steps below.
Before the final conversation with a partner, you do not need to inform even the closest friends and beloved relatives about the decision to leave. Our sincere confession can be deliberately or unconsciously distorted. Confessions made to friends can reach the boyfriend in the form of rumors distorted beyond recognition. Then it will be very difficult to set up a husband for a constructive dialogue.
We must choose the appropriate time and place to talk to our husband. It will be wrong and humiliating for a man if we announce the decision to say goodbye in the presence of strangers. We must respect the boyfriend, so we should not shock him with the news if he has some important event or a responsible task ahead of him. Territories that were previously favorite places of dates will not be suitable for the final meeting. It will be very difficult for a man to adequately perceive the news of a breakup if we meet him in a cozy cafe where we met.
On our part, it will be a demonstration of obvious disrespect for the partner if he finds out that we were going to break off the relationship from a phone call. No less strange and unpleasant will be the sent message with the text: "I'm gone forever." The top of indecency is to put a man before a fact by writing to him on social networks. Thus, we will consolidate a negative opinion about our person in a man.
We inform the husband that we have firmly decided to break off the relationship. We do not arrange a soap opera, but briefly explain the reasons. We say that our verdict is final and not subject to appeal. It is impossible to allow a man to influence his decision with his persuasion. We don't let sweet words and false promises confuse us. We do not mumble, we speak clearly and calmly. We don't beat around the bush. We do not create false hopes with the former partner.
We must be prepared for the fact that our news will be followed by a negative reaction from a person. If a guy is trying to drag us into a showdown, we should ignore and stop such attempts. If he begins to reproach us for all the Greeks, we should not blame him in return. Debriefing deprives composure, introduces doubts about the correctness of the decision, makes us sentimental and delays the moment of farewell. A man, being confused, can get angry and begin to show aggression. If he starts screaming, we don't need to yell back. We continue to state our arguments in an even, calm voice.
What to do after telling your husband about the decision to end the relationship? Logically, the next step is to stop living together. If a man lived in our apartment, we must stipulate the time frame for him to leave it. We should not act impulsively, exposing a boyfriend with a suitcase over the threshold. It is necessary to allow the guy to collect personal belongings on his own.
In order to free your legal territory from a sticky man who does not want to end the relationship, you need to demonstrate to him every moment that he is superfluous in this apartment. We can offer a talkative mother, always sticking her nose into other people's business, to stay with us for a couple of months. It is in our power to invite friends to visit each evening, who will discuss aloud the dubious merits and obvious shortcomings of the ex-husband. We can rent out two of the three rooms in the apartment to novice pop stars who enthusiastically perform masterpieces of rock music hated by a man around the clock. 
If it is not possible to voluntarily expel the annoying gentleman, you can use the principle: they knock out a wedge with a wedge. We start flirting openly with other guys. We start on our territory a young, energetic, self-confident person. It is unlikely that the ex-husband will like to be in the place where a new love affair is spinning before his eyes.
How to expel an ex-partner if he does not want to voluntarily leave our own housing? The easiest option is to pick up the moment when the man will be absent for several hours and change all the locks on the front door. In this case, we will have to pack his belongings ourselves. We should inform relatives and joint friends about what is happening in advance. After we have collected the things of the ex-husband, we ask his relatives to pick up the bags and boxes, or we take them to the man’s new residence.
It is much more difficult for those ladies who live in a spouse's apartment. Before you tell the missus about the breakup, you need to think in advance where to go. Having decided to end the relationship, a woman should clearly know where she will spend the near future. Here it is necessary to consider various options and choose one that is both convenient and appropriate for financial capabilities, and that saves you from meeting with your former betrothed. If a woman does not have her own housing, she can live in her parents' house, rent an apartment or rent a room, stay for a while in a hostel, demand that the enterprise help her with solving the housing problem. The main thing: to take the last decisive step, you need to take care of the roof over your head in advance.
In the case of a formal union, when both partners have agreed to divorce, you need to contact the registry office and write the appropriate statements. If the other spouse objects to the dissolution of the marriage, it remains for us to hire a lawyer and go to court. The most difficult thing is to solve the housing issue, when the real estate is the joint property of both spouses, or when the apartment is taken on credit. In such a situation, legal advice is indispensable.
Another issue that arises after parting with her husband is the division of property. Despite the fact that, according to the law, all property acquired over the years of living together must be divided in half, some men believe that they are the sole owners of all equipment and furniture. What to do in such a situation? There are three options. The first is to negotiate in a good way and come to a common denominator. The second is, again, to share the acquired belongings with the help of the courts. The third is to step on your throat and leave all the junk to your ex-husband.
Sometimes it happens that the ex-boyfriend begins to threaten and create trouble. To protect personal interests, we need to collect evidence of his lawlessness. All sound threats must be recorded on a voice recorder. All impudent encroachments should be recorded on camera. There is no need to be afraid of the police: if a man pursues and threatens, we need to involve representatives of law enforcement agencies to calm him down. As witnesses, we can call friends or neighbors.
There is no need to be afraid of the threats of the ex-spouse, even if he is a titled boxer or has strong connections. It must be remembered that for every animal there is a hunter. There is always a person who can tame an annoying and stubborn guy. We can talk to his friend, who has authority, and ask him to calm down the annoying boyfriend. Notify his parents, who will reason with their importunate son with their weight. Ask for help from the boss who reports to the former spouse. Find a protector in the person of a stronger and more influential colleague, friend, classmate. If verbal measures do not bring the desired results, and the ex-husband continues to persecute, the best way out is to sell the apartment and move to another city without informing mutual acquaintances about his new place of residence.
Advice to all ladies who have made the decision to break off relations: do not try to remain friends with an ex-partner. An attempt to transfer a love affair into the status of friendship immediately after the end of a life together is doomed to failure. It is best to limit contact with your ex-husband for some time after the breakup of marital relations. After some time, when the pain of a failed marriage subsides, you can try to resume communication as friends. We must be respectful of the other person's feelings and consider that they may need more time to regain their peace of mind after a breakup.
To put an end to a love affair, we need to learn how to enjoy a new life. For the first time after the end of a relationship, it is advisable not to visit places that remind you of past moments of happiness. We need to make positive changes in our lives: expand our social circle, try ourselves in a new role, show our abilities in previously unknown areas. The main thing is not to look back and not live in the past. We must rejoice at what we have here and now, and confidently pave the way to a happy future.
This is a continuation last article about an unfinished breakup.
Here we will talk about how to break off relations and how to forget the past. Psychological techniques and exercises are presented to help get rid of mental pain and painful suffering.
Greetings,
Dear readers and guests of my blog!
In we have determined that unfinished relationships lead to very serious consequences.
First, it is the pain and suffering that causes rejection and.
Secondly, these are difficulties in establishing new contacts and acquaintances.
This is because His / Her image intrusively invades new relationships and constantly spoils them with the next ones.
It is obvious that in such moments a person is tormented by one single question: how to end the past and everything connected with the relationship that brought pain?
Let's find the answer to this question!
But before….
Attention!!!
The main problem is that…
…it is impossible to forget the pain and suffering of the past without painful consequences and internal conflicts.
It is impossible to "forget"!
Sounds strange, doesn't it? But let's see what that means.
In fact, there is a confusion in words.
Remember how you consoled your friend or girlfriend who (who) had just broken up (broke up) with her soulmate.
The most crowning phrases: “Forget it all! Never mind! Don't screw yourself! ! Fight fire with fire! Take a vacation and have a good rest!..” etc. etc.
Do you think it helps? No, not a bit. Why so?
The answer is simple: the advice “to forget, not to think about it and not to wind it up” is simply fundamentally wrong, because it ignores the key laws of psychology.
And all the other tips are not timely, and at an early stage, the experience of parting is only annoying and easy to do.
But let's go in order...
Concerning advice
"Forget! Get it out of your head!"
Many who have experienced and are experiencing a breakup in a relationship sincerely believe that “surviving” means forgetting everything that happened in the past.
But that's not the case at all.
“Forgetting” means to suppress, to take away deep inside, to isolate all experiences, thoughts, feelings and emotions related to the breakup.
In this case, while suffering, we do not let our feelings and experiences out, suppress them, strive to drive them as deep as possible, forget about them and not notice them at all.
And that adds to the suffering.
Therefore, the only and adequate way to get rid of pain is
it's not to suppress it, but to survive
A person suffering from a breakdown in relationships should not be forgotten and thrown out of his head, but experience these sufferings.
Don't play strong. Do not suppress emotions and feelings. They are not weakness - they are the cry of the soul. She needs to be allowed to scream.
You will learn about what it is to “experience” and how to do it by reading this article to the end.
Regarding advice
“Take a vacation and relax!
Fight fire with fire! Go to the gym! Etc."
The tips are good, but they only work at a late stage of the separation experience, when the process of this very experience is already over or coming to an end.
So, …
How to forget the past
And how do you end a relationship?
(Basic techniques and techniques)
In its most general form, the process of working through a breakup goes through two large stages:
- The stage of immersion in the problem
- resuscitation stage
Each of these stages includes three periods or phases.
But we will talk about these intermediate phases in the next article. So far, only about the stages.
1. Stage immersion in the problem
Here one has to face pain and suffering.
And also with other emotions that accompany the breakup.
Such, for example, as: guilt, anger, resentment, rejection, loss, etc.
A person must meet his pain, and not drive it away and suppress it.
He must reach the very bottom of his pain, in order to then push off from it and swim up,.
What needs to be done at this stage in order to overcome the pain and finally break off the relationship?
1. Worry
♦
That is, do what actually involves the process of mourning and grief - experience deep and painful feelings and emotions.
Mourn loss and rejection. If everything is annoying, give vent to rage and anger. If you are tormented by longing, close yourself alone and yearn.
For an adequate and civilized study of these feelings, use the exercises and techniques that are presented in the following articles:
Allow yourself to grieve.
The process of grieving after a breakup is a normal and necessary reaction to severe stress.
2. Ask for help
♦
Don't be afraid and don't hesitate to ask for help. The world is not without good people, and there will definitely be someone who will at least listen to you. It can be a friend, acquaintance, teacher, priest.
Talk to him, pronounce everything that boiled in your soul. This process is called the verbalization of suffering.
Sometimes the most effective way to deal with a problem is to
This will speed up the healing process of the wound.And will not let the problem go inside and cause irreparable damage to your
In addition, very often only a psychologist can adequately respond to your suffering, accept it uncritically and empathize with you.
Unfortunately, not all of our acquaintances and friends can do this correctly, without causing additional pain with their categoricalness and the imposition of their decisions.
3. Talk to yourself
♦
If there is no one to turn to, then use a very effective psychological technique called freewriting or free writing.
Spontaneous written telling yourself about your experiences allows you to get rid of emotional stress.
This is what can be called "we pronounce on paper."
You can read about freewriting and the rules for conducting it at.
A very good way to work through the states of loss and rejection is to
This is a very effective method of psychological self-help for mental pain and severe suffering.
It allows you to quickly overcome the gap in a relationship than if you keep everything in yourself and do not let it out.
By keeping a personal diary and/or using the freewriting technique, describe your feelings and states as they are.
Give yourself free rein, give the paper everything that has accumulated and boils in you.
Swear, swear, call names, insult, apologize, ask for forgiveness or curse - ALLOW YOURSELF THIS!
Paper will endure everything - and you will get rid of unnecessary emotional stress and quickly pass
♦
4. Make a final decision
♦
If it becomes obvious that you can’t return anything, that the restoration of relations is no longer possible, then accept the breakup as a breakup, and the breakup as a breakup.
That the verdict is final and not subject to appeal.
Don't play the game: "He/she will change his mind and come back! Everything will be fine and will be as it was before!
Accept the idea that now you will live separately, each with your own life, that there is no turning back.
If you feel the need for this, destroy photos, delete contacts from social networks.
Divide the property, give away or throw away everything that can connect you with this person.
Try to get rid of things that will remind you of him/her.
Change the environment, for example, make repairs or change your place of residence.
Complete all common affairs with him/her. Set boundaries in the relationship.
Prevent all attempts to violate these boundaries and interfere in your life in any way.
And don't do it yourself.
Additionally, to stabilize the state of mind at this stage of working through the gap in a relationship, I recommend the psychological techniques and techniques presented in this article.
As well as various breathing techniques that are actively used to treat complex emotional states, which you will find at:
2. Stage of resuscitation
♦
5. Realize that not all gold and happiness is left behind.
♦
Gradually get used to the idea that past relationships, no matter how wonderful and exciting they were, are not the only possible happiness.
If it has passed, if only pain and bitterness remain, then so be it. So this is not exactly what you need. So it's not your happiness. And yours is yet to come. And you will also find answers to the question:
And if the wedge is a wedge ...?
♦
6. You can, of course, but ...
... you risk stepping on the same rake. As I wrote already in, emotionally unfinished relationships interfere with establishing, maintaining and developing new ones.
However, there are exceptions. Sometimes, "wedge by wedge" helps. But it is better to do this when you have already "cooled down" a little.
Feelings and emotions have already subsided a little and become less acute.
Otherwise, everything will look like an attempt to compensate for past failure, like revenge and acting out resentment.
Also, repeated failure can trigger .
And it is better not to do this, because it is very difficult to get out of the vicious circles of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
7. Don't rush
♦
Do not strive immediately and as soon as possible from the whirlpools of pain and experience of unhappiness and rejection to get into a state of calm and balance.
Hasty and chaotic striving by man can set in motion .
And too much motivation leads to the opposite effect.
So don't rush.
8. Forget about the game: "But, if ..."
♦
This game is familiar to anyone who has ever experienced a breakup in a relationship and sought to forget the past. This is some:
“But if I did / did this, then everything would be different!”. “If only we could reach an agreement then…” "If he/she hadn't told me this, then...". “If everything could be fixed now, then…”.
Don't haggle anymore. Fate has already made its next turn. There is no turning back, and there cannot be.
9. Fill the void. switch
♦
When feelings and emotions are at least a little in order, subside and subside a little, you can start switching to something that can distract you.
It can be any hobby: knitting, sports, dancing, or fishing, reading, movies, etc.
Some are life changing. From changing hair and lifestyle, to changing profession, and moving to another city.
Set . Start plan your future. Start doing what you have long wanted to do, but put off.
Sign up for master classes, webinars, sections. Learn to improve your skills.
In general, open up new things in yourself and in life, fill the void, stop.
However, remember!!!
As I said above, all this only helps if you have already gone through the stage of immersion in the problem of separation.
If you have grieved enough and experienced your feelings and emotions.
Otherwise, by switching, you will drive the unexperienced deep inside and thereby interrupt the process of mourning and breaking emotional ties.
10. Grow
♦
To work out negative feelings, to increase self-confidence, for self-knowledge, use psychological techniques and techniques that you can choose for yourself in the rubric:
These are 10 steps to get out of the impasse of a painful breakup. These are the answers to the question: How to forget the past and how to break off relationships forever?
Only now it sounds different: How to survive a breakup and mourn over relationships that have long been left behind?
That's all.
In the next article, we will take a closer look at the stages of experiencing a breakup.
I look forward to your comments and feedback!
© Sincerely, Denis Kryukov
Psychologist in Chita
Read along with this article: