“If you don’t know what to praise your child for, come up with it!” - every teacher should arm himself with this simple recommendation from psychiatrist and psychotherapist V. Levi. How to praise a student correctly? We propose to look into this issue together.
The value of teacher praise
Let's start with the fact that it is imperative to praise the student! Why? To evaluate the student’s efforts, support him, increase self-esteem and increase motivation to study the subject. A teacher's approval can work wonders! Water falling on a fading flower has the same effect as a kind teacher’s word on a child who needs his support and attention.The main function of praise is to convey the teacher’s sincere faith in the capabilities of his student. But every student needs positive assessment and approval of his activities and achievements. This is the only way to learn and have fun. The teacher's task is to constantly find good reasons for verbal encouragement of his students.
Golden rules of teacher praise
How to praise a student in class without doing him a disservice? To do this, it is important for the teacher to follow the following rules.
1. Praise for diligence!
The student should be praised for the effort and diligence he put into completing a task or assignment, and not for the good abilities and intelligence given to him by nature. For example, you can praise a student in a Russian language lesson for an excellent dictation like this: “Well done! You read a lot, carefully prepared for work, repeated all the rules!” In this case, it is not entirely correct to say: “You didn’t make a single mistake in the dictation! You have innate literacy! And in an English lesson it will be a good motivation.
2. Praise actions, not personality!
In praising, it is very important to express approval of the student’s actions and achievements, and not to evaluate his personality. Otherwise, the student may develop biased inflated self-esteem and self-esteem. And this, as they say, is a topic for a separate article.
3. Be clear about what you are praising for!
It is important that the student understands why exactly he was praised, what exactly he managed to do well. General praise has low effectiveness and raises doubts about its sincerity. For example, if you want to praise a student in a drawing lesson, you can pay attention to the details of the drawing: “What a beautiful bowl of fruit you managed to depict!” It is recommended to avoid general phrases: “You are smart! A real artist!” If appropriate, try to emphasize the difficulty of the task successfully completed by the student.
4. Praise in moderation and to the point!
Teacher praise should be sincere, deserved, moderate and justified so as not to cause envy on the part of other students. Immense praise loses all value and meaning and accustoms the child to cheap success. A student who is praised for every little thing subconsciously expects approval for almost every action he takes. And when he doesn’t receive it, he is sincerely perplexed. In addition, praise without measure is a direct path to arrogance, the cause of laziness and indifference to other subjects.
5. Praise not only your “favorites”!
Every classroom has an informal hierarchy whereby some students are considered more worthy of praise than others. How can you praise your students who are not popular with their classmates? Insistent praise towards them can only worsen the attitude of the class towards them. It is important to reasonably support such students and pay attention to their successes in academic and extracurricular activities. To praise his “favorites,” it is advisable for the teacher to choose the most appropriate moment for this.
6. Stick to the good stuff!
How easily, with the help of verbal approval, a teacher can increase a student’s self-esteem! But just one extra sentence can ruin everything. For example, if a teacher wanted to praise a student in a math lesson for an interesting solution to one problem, he should not point out that he was unsuccessful in the rest of the work. An unsuccessful example of praise: “Well done! You solved this problem in an unusual way! And I don’t even want to look at the other examples!” In this context, the last sentence should not have come from the teacher’s lips.
Teacher praise should not contain reproaches, conditions and clarifications; it must end on a good note. After praising a student, you should not after some time dissuade him of the significance of this personal achievement.
By the way, it is no less important to teach parents to their children.
7. Don’t pit one student against the whole class!
You cannot praise one student if the group does not support him. Even if he did the right thing. For example, how to praise a student in a chemistry lesson if he completed his homework alone? It is best to do this alone with your child. After all, praise in front of the whole class (albeit well-deserved) in this case can generate not so much envy among classmates as aggression. But this student is not to blame for anything!
8. Praise without comparison!
It is important that teacher praise is unconditional and does not contain comparisons. Do not compare the student’s successes, results and personal qualities with the achievements of peers. Don’t say that Fyodor is great because he coped with the task better than his classmate Ivan or Nikolai.
9. Reinforce praise!
Praise supported by approving nonverbal components (smiles, facial expressions, open gestures) is more powerful and effective.
10. Stock up on “I-messages”!
More effective is the praise when expressed by the teacher using the “I-message”. For example, you can praise a student in a literature lesson like this: “I’m very glad that you managed to learn and expressively recite this difficult poem.” Such praise helps bring the teacher and his students closer together.
Praise is a very effective, important and subtle tool in the proper upbringing of children. Teachers are reasonable and have reasonable expectations, and most students will be able to meet them. It is important for a teacher to remember that the most valuable and effective praise for a student is well-deserved and moderate. Look for a reason to praise your students, and you will definitely find it!
Photo: Ekaterina Pashkova.
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Good afternoon everyone, today’s topic will be of interest to those parents who are thinking about how to praise their child and whether it is worth doing it at all. And how to make sure that praise is appropriate and does not harm the child. So, as you already understand, the topic of the post is always relevant and it sounds like this: how to praise a child correctly?
Praise is approval of someone's actions. She is pleasant, and everyone without exception needs her. But children especially need encouragement. Parents, approving the child’s good deeds, provide him with support and confidence. After all, praise brings with it a surge of strength, inspires and motivates for further positive actions. Moreover, approval correctly guides the child and helps him understand that he did the right thing. But praise is a delicate thing, so you should know how to use it. Because instead of positive results, it can bring obvious harm.
Let's look at some tips to follow when raising children.
Praise your child more often! Express your respect and admiration to him!
I hope my advice will help new mothers in their difficult work of being a loving and fair mother. If you have anything to add, do not hesitate to leave comments and share information with friends using the social network buttons. Love your children, and they will definitely be kind and sympathetic people. See you soon, Natalya was in touch with you.
Praise is not always useful for a child. This positive reinforcement can even harm children and develop complexes in them.
The most important rule: praise, like punishment, must be fair and deserved.
- Specificity in praise. Express your admiration clearly and clearly. Avoid the words: “What a great fellow you are!”, “You are your mother’s assistant!”, “How neat you are,” “You behave well.” This is impersonal and even indifferent praise. If you point out specific actions your child has taken, he will feel proud and will try harder in the future. “The flowers in your drawing turned out great, good choice of colors,” “You washed the dishes so clean, they look like new now!”
- Evaluate the deed, the action, and not the personality of the child. Expressing praise with comments: “Clever girl,” “You’re neat,” “A real artist!”, the child is more likely to want to refute such remarks. He will think: “What if I don’t do well next time, will I no longer be smart?” or “Others have better drawings. Are they lying to me?
Thus, the child begins to doubt the sincerity of his parents, his strengths and abilities. He becomes embarrassed, he feels shy.
Or vice versa, this will cause habituation to praise. A child will do something only out of a desire to receive words of praise addressed to him. This addiction follows a person into adulthood. A person depends on the opinions of others and is very sensitive to even constructive criticism.
Note specific actions. “This toolbox is so heavy. You deftly put it in place”, “Your embroidery turned out very neatly. Not a single missed stitch." This is how the child will evaluate his work. And not personal qualities (neatness, strength, perseverance). - Praise for really high quality work. Parents sometimes applaud their child and admire ordinary actions and actions. I made a bun out of plasticine, climbed up the ladder, and drew a blot. And the parents here do not skimp on emotional words of approval: well done, smart, artist, and genius.
Very quickly such praise depreciates. The child stops striving for improvement: he is good at any job. He doesn't need approval for what he does as a matter of course. There is nothing surprising in the fact that a 3-year-old child climbs a hill on his own or makes an easter egg out of sand. But neatly folded toys or dressing yourself should be noted: “Thank you for putting everything in place. Now the room is so clean!”, “It’s great that you managed to put everything on: the buttons were fastened correctly, and the laces were tied. You did a great job!” - Praise efforts. If the child did not cope with the task very well, there is no need to praise him as a consolation. But don’t rush to criticize right away. Start with a positive program, only then make comments. But only if the child really tried.
Note the pros and then the cons. Without any “Buts”: “You prepared a delicious breakfast, but there are shells...” This will discourage any desire to cook next time. “The scrambled eggs turned out quite cooked. And enough salt. Here the shell comes across. Fell, right? Nothing, it comes with experience. There is one secret on how to carefully break eggs..." - You may not say anything at all. But you definitely need to react. You see how a child diligently does homework, cares for animals or plants, and washes the floor. The reaction can be expressed in a smile, a gentle touch, a hug.
Then the child will not constantly wait or demand joyful exclamations from adults for what he does in everyday life. He learns to take responsibility for his work, feels that his actions are appreciated and you care about him. Good deeds and behavior are not taken for granted, but are accepted with gratitude.
Praise is important and needed by children (and adults too). Its deficiency affects adults in the form of rigidity, increased demands, or, conversely, a permissive attitude towards life, work, and people. Praise should not be neglected, but you should not be too zealous either.
Many people wonder: does a small child need praise? There is sometimes an opinion among parents that children should not be praised, as this leads to arrogance. They raise the child in strictness and do not praise the child even for the slightest achievements, thereby developing an inferiority complex in him. Such children are very eager to receive a kind word from their parents, thereby losing themselves in the midst of their desire to achieve favor.
Especially if they are praised by teachers, grandmothers or other people. They don’t understand why their parents treat them this way and distance themselves. And answering the question whether a child needs praise, we say it is necessary. Most parents still understand that children need to be praised, but not every dad and not every mother knows how to do it correctly.
Does a child need this?
Children need praise, if only because it helps them understand whether they are doing the right thing or not. For example, a mother tells a child: “You can’t do that, it’s wrong, ah-ah.” And the baby understands his mistake. Sometimes not immediately and one phrase is not enough. But praise helps the child understand how to correct his behavior. If, after painting the wallpaper, the mother swears, then the child wants to find a way out of this situation, he will apologize to the mother by drawing a picture on paper, or maybe even decide to help the mother clean up after herself. This is where praise will do its job.
After punishment, you need to explain to the child that you can’t do this, you need to do it differently. For example, do not throw toys around, but put them away in a box after playing. And when we send the child (or he goes) to do the cleaning, we use praise: “What a smart girl! Helps mom! He cleans it himself!” By encouraging the right actions, we guide the child on the right path.
There is a carrot and stick method in education. It is this method that helps the child navigate the norms of life in society. The child begins to understand what is bad and what is good. It is the approval of their parents that helps them in this.
What does praise affect?
- Praise helps a child in many situations in life. With the right praise:
- The baby understands what is possible and what is not;
- His self-esteem is formed. He understands that “I’m good at this.”
- The child feels his importance and, if he does not overdo it, he will be satisfied with himself only in the case.
- Self-motivation is formed.
You should not overdo it with praise; this can, indeed, lead to inflated self-esteem. This is why it is so important to be able to praise your child. But constant scolding and criticism also affects the child in the worst way. The child begins to think badly about himself, that he is a loser. And he doesn’t want to strive for anything. This is why it is so important to praise your child correctly.
How to praise a child correctly
First of all, there should be a different approach to each child. Some children relax after praise, others are motivated by it. But more often than not, praise acts as a motivational support. However, whatever the approach to the child, there are general criteria that determine the correct behavior of parents when they need to praise the baby.
- Praise/action ratio
Be sure to praise your child for a specific task, and most importantly for something real! For example, if we actively praise a child for starting to walk, then after 5 years this is no longer appropriate. The skill has become stronger. And if there are no problems, then praise here, at least, will look strange. At the same time, praise should be very emotional. Praise your child not because he is doing well. Because he drew a beautiful drawing. Not because he is generous, but because he shared the candy with a friend. The child must know what exactly he did correctly and understand exactly why he is being praised.
- What do you say and how
In addition to words, during praise, emotions, facial expressions, gestures, etc. also play an important role, which become part of the whole picture of correct approval of the baby’s actions. The same phrase can sound completely different. And the child is also influenced by the emotions that you put into praise.
One word will not be enough. “Okay,” said the mother when the baby brought her a new fake and continued reading her book. Yes, this is praise, the mother approved of the child’s actions. But she didn’t support his motivational part. A child may simply give up making fakes because he couldn’t surprise his loved ones.
It’s another matter if the child, for example, learned a new poem. “What a smart girl you are! “I’m so proud of you,” my mother exclaimed and added a kiss and a hug to her words. A happy baby will definitely want to receive such praise again and expect another achievement in the near future.
Emotions are a very important part of approval, as is tactile contact. When praising a child, use a hug and a smile. It is important for a child not only to hear that he is doing well, but also to feel his parents’ pride in him and to see happy eyes. It's much stronger than words.
The method with emotions is especially good if you want to teach your baby a certain skill. Add brightness to your praise, the child will definitely want to receive it again.
- Praise your child not only for the result, but for the process itself!
Let's take, for example, homework in kindergarten or school. Does a small child need praise for such achievements? After all, he can do it wrong.
Of course, a child may make mistakes, but that's normal. Not everyone always succeeds in everything at once. And if the child works hard on a task, then he definitely needs to be praised for his efforts. Not only the result is important, but also the process to achieve it, but only if the child is really trying to figure it out and is not in the clouds.
Not every adult is able to achieve the best result, and even more so, not every child is suitable for the role of an excellent student. If a child is praised only for what he has already done, he may stop loving the process and give up what he was so good at.
And for some children it is very difficult to achieve the final result. And without support, he becomes deflated and abandons what he started halfway.
How to choose the right words?
Praise is divided into two directions: “You”, “I”. In the first case, it means “You are so smart!”, “You did very well!”. Secondly: “I’m so proud of you!”, “I’m pleasantly surprised!”, “I’m so happy for you!”
When mom or dad praise through “You,” the child perceives it quite well (“I did well,” “I did well”). This is, of course, nice. But praise through the “I” carries a greater emotional outburst, and, consequently, greater value for the child.
But here it is necessary to use each form appropriately. For example, when you use the “You” form, fueling it with emotions, the child perceives this as something he did well, and the parents see it, they appreciate it. If the “I” form is used, then you need to understand that the phrase “I’m glad you put your toys away” will sound better than “You are such a helper.” The first phrase in this form sounds more specific. And the child feels respect in these words.
But you can use any form in education. Moreover, each family has its own characteristics of praise. Some people gather at the table every Friday and sum up the week, praising the child again, reminding him of his exploits. Others use kind words. All this can be used, the main thing is that children feel feedback for their actions. This helps the child develop and become happier.
How often and for what should you praise your child?
It is better to praise a child for a process not after he has finished, but when he is in the middle of doing it. Those. if you saw a child doing something very hard and well. Encourage him “here and now.” The effect of praise will only increase.
Praise also depends on the age of the baby. Toddlers (preschoolers) need any kind of praise to make them want to develop even more. But with older children it is more difficult, since you need to take into account some features.
- Praise the student for creativity and new approaches to solving a problem. This will help and motivate him to look for ways to solve problems next time. Praise here should be like an impetus for further action.
- Most often, children are praised in a certain way, using certain phrases:
Good girl! You are the most beautiful, smartest, most talented girl in the world. You are the best at making appliqués (singing, dancing).
And it seems like wonderful praise, but there is some danger in such a formulation, which consists in the fact that the personal quality of the child is being assessed, and not his action. A child may do something very well today, but poorly tomorrow. And it will be difficult to explain why he is not the best today. Children quickly get used to the phrase “You are the best” and simply expect it from their parents as something obligatory. And if you don’t praise him like that again, the child may be offended.
- Children get used to this formulation, and such phrases already sound like a standard to them. That is, children get used to praise and expect it as a reaction from their parents. What if you don't praise? How will he react? He'll be offended. After all, before this he was praised all the time.
Why wrong praise is harmful
- Getting used to praise
By encouraging our baby and approving of his actions constantly, we give the child a guideline that he is the best and can do anything. The child constantly waits for the parent's reaction and their approval. Moreover, this also spreads to other adults. The difficulty is that when a child becomes an adult, he may still depend on the approval of others and praise. The danger is that he may become dependent on the opinions of other people - Losing interest
When a child constantly receives praise, he no longer tries to do anything for the sake of the result. He does this for the sake of his parents’ “well done.” And he will show his best qualities only for the sake of good words, and not because he wants to. This will definitely leave a mark on his future. - Manipulating with praise
When we praise a child with the words “well done”, “good”, we provide him with significant support. Thus, we “reinforce the action.” Some people use a method called “praise manipulation.” The child is constantly praised for certain behavior, thereby imposing his will on him. The correctness of his actions is cemented in the child’s consciousness. And this seems to be an effective method, but it is not reasonable for the child himself.
The unreasonableness of the method is that the child can be scolded for running around, but praised for calm behavior. Most often this is what happens. But the problem is that the child accumulates a large amount of energy and it is natural for him to want to frolic. But because of the punishments of mom and dad, he suffers painfully and sits quietly, just to get approval. At the same time, thoughts about why such positive actions cause disapproval from parents hide and accumulate in his head. Contradictions begin to awaken in him, and this can harm the psyche.
- Not happy anymore.
Some parents may be quick to praise their baby. Every step a child takes should not be praised. Since, in this way, the child is focused on success. After all, the baby needs space to independently rejoice at his successes. Therefore, do not be surprised if instead of the question “Did I do it well?”, you hear “Am I great?”
- Motivation disappears
If a child is constantly praised, he will have problems with motivation in the future. It is better to praise for effort than for the fact that everything works out. Today everything will work out, tomorrow it won’t. Children relax when they are told that they do something better than others.
15 phrases for praising a child
- You're on the right track!
- Well done for figuring it out!
- I am proud of you!
- Every day you get better and better!
- You did so much today!
- Even better than before!
- Teach me to do the same!
- I knew you could do it!
- I'm proud that you succeeded!
- I couldn't have done better myself!
- You did it very well!
- You are so smart that you managed to do this!
- I had no doubt that you could do it!
- Well done for doing it yourself!
- You can be proud of yourself!
- Praise your child for specific actions.
Remember that you need to pay attention to the action, not the person. Add to the word “You’re great!”, a definition of why he’s great. The child must hear what exactly he is being praised for.
- Praise emotionally, adding gestures and facial expressions.
Sincere joy is accompanied by gestures and facial expressions. Smile, hug your child, let him hear not only the words, but also see the joy and pride in your actions.
- Don't compare with others
Many parents don’t even notice how they compare their child with others. This is a bad habit in raising children, and you need to get rid of it. You should never compare your baby with other children, especially focusing on the things he does better than others. This is how the child develops a sense of superiority. And if praise comes only from his parents, in the future it will be difficult for him to accept the fact that others do not consider him so great.
- Don't criticize other children
Don't put your children above others, especially in front of everyone. The child will always try to do everything better than the one to whom he was praised. At the same time, he will not blame himself for failures, but precisely this “rival”.
- Don't compare with yourself
- Don't mix criticism and praise.
There is no need to say after bragging that something could have been done better.
- Don't expect perfection. Nobody is perfect. And the child certainly won’t be able to do everything completely as you wanted.
- Praise, but in moderation. Excessive praise can cause conflicting emotions in a child
For a child to be happy, he needs to be praised. But you need to choose the right words, not over-praise and restrain your pressure. In any case, praise with the right intonation will lift the child’s mood and motivate him to new achievements.
Hello, dear parents!
Education cannot be imagined without praise; it acts as a stimulus, encourages and draws attention to good, correct actions. To the question whether children should be praised, the answer will be positive.
Yes, it is necessary, but it should be done according to a few simple rules, so as not to encounter the other side of the coin. By overpraising, parents risk raising an infantile, spoiled person with high self-esteem.
And if you don’t celebrate your child’s successes at all, then uncertainty, anxiety and constraint can accompany him throughout his life.
What is praise for?
Agree that it’s nice when efforts and good results are noted by others, even if a person is not looking for praise, in any case it pleases and leaves a warm memory.
Coming home from work and having prepared a delicious dinner for the whole family, mom will be pleased to hear “Thank you, mom, it was very tasty, you are so wonderful!” and fatigue disappears as if by hand. A child needs praise, especially in preschool age. It is very important for children to be liked by their parents and others.
Praise suggests that he is on the right path, gives confidence in his abilities, motivates, and, most importantly, teaches reciprocal feelings.
As an educational method, the right kind word will be much more effective than punishment or reproach, since it causes...
What you should pay attention to
1. It is important to find a middle ground . You shouldn't praise every little thing. Cleaning up a plate or collecting toys are good deeds, they need to be noted in a positive way, but constant and excessive admiration is useless, it will devalue the action and, in the end, will look like mockery.
To remain silent and hold back your pride in your child or to make do with dry phrases in those moments when the child performed well at a school concert, drew a good picture, helped a friend, did something meaningful and valuable to him, will be absolutely wrong and will kill all future impulses to action.
2. Praise in non-generalizing phrases . You are great, you are the most beautiful, you are the best in the class or in the world - such phrases are not complete and effective praise. They lead to setting a bar that the child will have to reach throughout his life so as not to disappoint loved ones. Abstract praise does not give the child an understanding of why he is being praised, what he is doing well and correctly.
3. Praise must be directed towards something specific. . “You did a beautiful drawing, I especially like the way you drew the tree/dog/house/sun, it turned out great,” “I like your choice of color in this drawing,” “You read the poem with expression, you did a great job,” and etc.
4. Praise, comparison and "BUT" are not compatible. “You made the pie well, but if you added chocolate it would be even better,” “It’s great that you cleaned the room yourself, but Petya does it every day, maybe you should too.”
It is important for parents to stop such impulses in time to “motivate” the child; these phrases are likely to cause completely opposite emotions - disappointment and a feeling of underappreciation.
5. Emotional coloring of words very important. Smile, hug, pat on the head. Imagine that your child diligently puts together puzzles, brings you the result of his work, and you say “Well done!” while continuing to read a book or watch TV, this can hardly be called praise.
But if you get distracted, look at the picture and say “Wow! There are so many details here, but you have completely figured it out, this is painstaking work that requires perseverance and attentiveness, you are so good! I really like it!”, you will sincerely smile back at him - this is praise that will really inspire further action.
6. Nothing to praise for . Quite often a situation arises when parents do not know what and how to praise, especially when it comes to “problem” children. From parents you can hear “Why praise him? He doesn’t do his homework, he studies poorly, his behavior is worse than ever!” In this case, there must be a place for kind words.
Children perceive everything much more sharply, and often it is the “losers” who lack support and participation; it is impossible for a child in the family to feel like an outcast and be constantly subjected to reproaches and moralizing. There can be only one piece of advice - you should start with the little things. Notice the basic things.
For example, he got up when the alarm clock rang without much persuasion, collected his school bag from the evening, or became interested in some topic in a school subject.
7. Parents should also remember about the importance of praising not only for a specific result or school grade, but for the path that the child has taken to achieve success.
Diligence and effort must be celebrated. You can say: “Kolya, you work so enthusiastically, your diligence makes us very happy.” This approach will encourage learning and knowledge, not just evaluation.
8. One of the main points is sincerity of spoken words . Children feel emotions, so if parents begin to speak artificially and forcefully, this leads to isolation.
9. Share praise and reproach . There is no need to say “What order did you put in the room, cleaned everything up, it’s very clean here, well done!” You’re usually such a mess.” Be sure that only the last phrase will be remembered. When you decide to praise, just praise.
10. As for rewards as a sign of praise and gratitude, they are possible, but you should not be zealous, so as not to turn your actions into a race for the next gift.
Let's sum it up
Thank, encourage, praise - this will help create warm, trusting relationships. Don't be shy to show love and care - this is very important.
Keep a balance, be sincere, don’t compare with other children, don’t say “but you could do better,” use detailed phrases that point to the actions you want to celebrate.
By doing this you are helping your child. You develop confidence, self-sufficiency and will definitely hear words of gratitude and approval addressed to you from an already matured person.
I hope you found the article useful.
Until we meet again, write comments and go to social media. networks!