Noticing changes in the behavior of her husband, many women suspect the presence of a mistress. Groundless doubts about the fidelity of the spouse will not only deprive you of peace, but also create additional tension in the relationship. It also happens that all the secrets have long been revealed, and not only you, but also those around you know about the current love triangle. In this article we will talk about explicit and indirect, as well as what line of conduct is best to follow in a similar situation.
Maybe you are wrong
Phenomena such as lipstick on a shirt collar and the smell of someone else's female perfume from a husband are most often found in series with a simple plot. Of course, this happens in real life, and this already confirms not only the fact of infidelity, but also the complete lack of respect for you from your spouse. Most married men hide their relationship to the last on the side, but if this relationship is not fleeting, an attentive wife will definitely notice that something has gone wrong. On the other hand, changes in behavior do not always indicate the appearance of a mistress.
If you constantly blame a person for what he did not do, sooner or later he will get tired of it. Jealous wives themselves, without suspecting it, push their husbands into the arms of their mistress, while men, meanwhile, think this way: it’s not so insulting to endure nit-picking if they are on business ...
Unreasonable reasons for doubt:
- Husband looking for excuses. If so, then think about your attitude towards him. A man disappears with friends, or on the Internet, if communication with his wife bothers him. The reason may be not only in the new novel, but also in the lack of mutual understanding, common interests and topics for conversation. In the end, each of us needs personal space and rest from the whole world. Few people are satisfied with a secluded lifestyle - there are still friends, hobbies, and just a desire to be alone with their thoughts;
- Loss of sexual interest. Lack of sexual desire is an alarming sign, but this does not guarantee that the husband has a mistress. If he has cooled off towards you, this does not mean that someone has appeared on his side. There are age-related changes in the body, fatigue from work, or just an unsuccessful period in life when you don’t want anything at all;
- Indifference. Not all men like to talk about their failures, but it is quite difficult to hide their presence. If a person is depressed, and at the same time does not go to talk, this does not mean that the reason lies in the appearance of a mistress. There are some topics that he does not want to discuss with you, and you can hardly blame him for this. Let's say you have high demands, and your husband has financial difficulties. He has a hard time anyway - so he hides his problems from you so as not to listen to reproaches once again. A man with a strong character will not tell his wife about nagging from the authorities, because she sees support and support in him, and he does not want to disappoint her. If the husband is depressed by something, it is better to let him know in time that he is dear to you simply because he is. Perhaps after that he will want to be frank with you. Unconditional love works wonders, and even the strongest men need understanding;
- Flirting on social networks and watching erotic films. You will not believe, but this sign is rather favorable. Your husband simply relaxes in this way - he is inclined to communicate, but does not move on to active actions, so there is nothing to be afraid of. Behind the avatar of a pretty girl, anyone can hide, even an old woman or a homosexual, and he, one might say, communicates blindly. The best thing you can do is pay attention to his erotic fantasies before a woman is ready for anything. Family and life is certainly a lot, but sexual dissatisfaction can bring your loved one to betrayal. Unfortunately, lasting relationships can start with noncommittal sex, so draw your own conclusions.
Real cause for concern
- strange phone calls. The husband’s phone rings periodically, but he behaves stiffly during a conversation, or even worse, goes to another room with the phone, for a smoke break, etc. At the same time, the caller in his phone book is signed by a male name, that is, it does not cause external suspicion ;
- Unfounded jealousy on his part. In psychology, there is such a thing as the projection of feelings. The one who changes himself usually does not have a better opinion about his woman. He is looking for a reason for suspicion even where there is none, and there cannot be. It has already been proven that people who do not have the strictest rules are very prone to, because they judge others mainly by themselves;
- Unexpected manifestations of attention. Experienced psychologists say that a cheating wife becomes more irritable because she decides to have a relationship with her lover most often when family life has long exhausted itself. For the same reason, the initiators of divorce in most cases are women. Things are different with men - most of them, having relationships on the side, do not plan to divorce their wives. Have you heard the expression: "The cap is on fire on a thief"? The one who lies, tries with all his might to convince his wife of the opposite, and therefore surrounds her with attention and becomes softer. Feeling guilty (in the presence of conscience, of course), a person ignores nit-picking on trifles, makes excuses where there is no need for this, and tries to emphasize the strength of his feelings with various external manifestations. As a rule, a husband who constantly repeats how much he loves his wife tries to convince either her entire environment or himself of this.
These signs apply to people who are prone to cheating, but they do not completely clarify the situation. The general impression is made up of little things, and if the wife feels that something bad is happening, but does not see specific facts confirming the betrayal, you will not envy her.
How to know the truth
You can arrange total surveillance for your husband, crack the password on his account, look for signs of infidelity in his pockets, phone, etc., but if he is interested in hiding the relationship with his mistress, all your actions will not bring results. It will be much wiser to arrange him for a frank conversation and find out what exactly he lacks in your marriage. You need to act gently and without reproach. If he feels like he is being interrogated, then involuntarily he will begin to defend himself so as not to provoke a scandal. Most men can't stand women's tantrums, because talking on emotions is completely devoid of adequacy. How to persuade a spouse to be frank, only you can know, since all people have their own weak points, and you have probably known each other for more than a year.
If the husband has a mistress
A husband who does not hide the presence of a mistress clearly does not value his marriage. If your beloved man is not worried about the love triangle, then he is not able to understand what he really wants, and therefore shifts the responsibility onto the shoulders of the women to whom he is dear. It may also be that he does not go to his mistress and does not leave his wife just because he does not care at all who he will stay with. The essence of this does not change - the husband and mistress behave impudently, and you need to do something about it.
What can you do
First of all, evaluate the situation. You are not in a tug-of-war contest, so brute force won't solve anything. Showdown with a rival can only humiliate you even more, and if you overdo it, it is likely that the husband and mistress will unite against you. There is no such man who would not want to dominate in a relationship with a woman, so the one that is softer and weaker will cause him to want to protect her. If the forces are equal, then the situation will suit him exactly as much as it will suit you.
Options for action:
- Give an ultimatum. This is done out of a desire to clarify the situation at a moment of despair, but the problem is that even if the husband chooses you, doubts about his fidelity will forever settle in your thoughts. You will constantly wonder if he continues to secretly meet with his mistress, and even if she moves to a permanent place of residence in another country, this will not insure you against the appearance of a new rival. The statistics are disappointing: having wiped the nose of their competitor, most women soon decide to divorce their husband, whom they can no longer trust;
- Give him the choice. Pretty humiliating position. You agree to forgive him anything, as long as he does not leave you. If you are ready to take such a step, you need to work on it, because it is hardly possible to respect a woman who does not respect herself;
- Make it clear that you are fine without him. A powerful act that not everyone is capable of. Falsehood will not help here - you need to maintain your dignity, and not look in a panic for a suitable candidate for a random romance, in order to provoke jealousy. If your husband has cooled off towards you, it is unlikely that you will be able to arouse his interest in this way, and if not, then you will ruin your reputation and miss the last chance for a truce.
Is it worth it to forgive betrayal
First, decide if you can soul. Your husband and mistress have pretty much ruffled your nerves, and your life will never be the same again. If you are strong in spirit, or marriage with this particular man is beneficial for you for some reason, you will be able to survive the betrayal, and at the same time get to know your own spouse better. This has its obvious advantages: firstly, now you clearly know that from now on you can only rely on yourself, and secondly, if your husband’s mistress is left out of work, then for you this becomes a kind of quality mark.
There is also a completely non-standard approach to the situation - the husband and mistress decide to get married, but the wife is in no hurry to break off relations with the ex-husband. Dating an ex, already as a mistress, is not as humiliating for her as being the wife of a man who is cheating on her. As a rule, such relationships are not capable of long-term existence, but they can at least be because the former rival was in the place of his wife, and she feels everything that she experienced.
It is worth considering all the options, why do people think that it is necessary to believe that a drunk person or, on the contrary, cannot.
Some women are sure that all the words spoken by a man under the influence of alcohol may well be true. But to find out for sure, it is advisable to ask the person sober again, perhaps with the help of leading rather than direct questions. Very often a sober person refuses what he could say under the influence of alcohol.
Some unpleasant facts about drunken delirium
If you doubt the sincerity of the words spoken by a drunk man, try to pay attention to the degree of intoxication of a person.
Very often, people around note for themselves some facts from what a drunk person said, they may be interested in some information that they will try to verify in the future.
A person who is in a state of alcoholic intoxication should remember that no matter how native the company is, you still need to adhere to certain limits of behavior, know when to stop when uttering certain phrases and confessions.
Some people are sure that one should listen to drunken conversations only if this person is very reserved in a sober state, silent, like a fish, tends to remain silent in any situation. Any person who simply talks a lot of superfluous things can talk soberly.
If a drunk person starts talking too much, he should generally stop drinking alcohol, because the information said may well turn against the person himself.
Crazy love and resentment
You should not trust a drunk person when it comes to feelings for another person. In such a situation, a feeling of extraterrestrial love very often appears, which will also inspire and intoxicate him. You should also not take seriously all the drunken grievances of a person.
Sometimes you can meet such a rather unpleasant habit in a person as a desire to call absolutely all your friends, especially your former lovers, to start declaring your love again.
Another not very explainable fact is such a phenomenon as constant complaints about life and constant crying on the part of the drunk. You shouldn't believe this.
Of course, everyone can have their own opinion about whether or not to believe a drunk man, but one thing is for sure - you should not trust everything that you hear from a person in such a state.
You like this person just like that, you chose him, you feel good with him, you have the most pleasant feelings for him - why doubt, expect something bad, create a problem for yourself? We, women, know how to do this, we live by sensory, we are guided by it in our choice, it determines the motivation of our behavior, all problems are always only in our heads - we will create for ourselves, check, feel, and then heroically overcome, spending a lot of energy. Spend yours on creating a common prosperous and peaceful existence with a man. Yes, he has his own principles in expressing emotions, his own character, this is largely due to his upbringing, the environment in which he grew up, family relationships. Men generally see and feel this world, relationships, people in a different way. Their focus of life is shifted to how to make money, make a career, provide, they live by logic and often cannot experience, let alone express their emotions (alcohol helps to remove internal barriers), but this does not automatically mean that yours does not love you. is not tied to you. Why did such thoughts arise at all and what do you want to know from experts? No one will give you any 100% guarantees for a happy joint future with any person, so why not be with this one, who has already become close to you, who has shown himself on a good side? There is such a thing as living here and now. This is the main thing that happens to us: consider that today (every day) is the best day in your life, put all your energy into it, to create this particular day, believe me, then it will be like that, every day of yours. Why live with anxious expectation, while also setting yourself up for the bad? Remember this expression - a person is happy or not, depends on what he himself thinks about this? You do not know what will happen tomorrow, but now you already have a relationship and a loved one. Take care of the good that is between you, appreciate and develop. Enjoy these relationships, build them according to your ideas of happiness, only calmly, gently, accepting a person with all the advantages and disadvantages, without trying to remake him. Just be there, add all the missing things yourself - emotions, joyful events, small holidays, delights, traditions, words, drive and positive. This is what will be the unifying thing that your couple needs. We organize our little world ourselves, attracting events and people to it with our own thoughts, words, actions and even appearance. Think only about the good, do what is pleasant for both of you, then everything will be fine. Communicate softly, easily and openly. You provided very little information to advise something more specific. If you want something with all your heart - strive for it, act and everything will work out. Do not be afraid of anything, do not be guided by social stereotypes, you do not owe anything to anyone, you are not obliged, especially to explain something, justify yourself or live by common standards. Your life is only yours. I see no reason for you to expect an unhappy future, do not program it in a negative light, on the contrary, create it, happy, in the present. A relationship with a loved one is an island of comfort, warmth, tenderness, security - strive for this, make your relationship the way you want to see it, constantly express feelings with words, touches, actions, pleasant little things, and over time, perhaps a man will become a little more open emotionally. Everything will work out for you, everything is in your hands. If you want to understand yourself and the situation, please contact me for a detailed consultation - I will be happy to help. Good luck to you, mutual understanding and love. I would be grateful for the answer.
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Discuss with an expertThere is an opinion that a drunk man calls that girl who is not indifferent to him and is dear, so many of those who are drunken guys pester with calls "under the fly" want to know what makes them do it and how to relate to it. If a man calls drunk, then what does this mean from the point of view of psychology - in this article.
Why does a man only call when he's drunk?
If a sober man does not have such a desire and in general, a woman practically does not see him and does not meet him in the usual state, but only hears a voice on a “drunk bench”, then this is a reason to think. Most likely, a man does not appreciate her and does not respect her if he can afford to wake her up with a night call and force herself to listen. makes a person liberated and courageous, removes all the brakes and most often the next day a man feels awkward and regrets what he has done. Those who are interested in why a man only calls when drunk can be answered that the reasons for this may be different: he feels lonely, wants to talk out and hopes that at the other end of the phone they will take pity on him and listen to him.
Sometimes he wants to find out something, but in any case, he is sure that they will pick up the phone on the other end of the wire, because they also want to talk about painful things, put an end to relationships, or have long been waiting for a declaration of love from a partner. Yes, under the influence of alcohol, a man is ready to scream about his people right and left, but it is up to the woman to decide whether to believe his words. If this becomes one of the weighty arguments, then one can only feel sorry for her, because a truly loving partner not only calls drunk, but also comes sober, and also does everything in ordinary life that a lover is supposed to do - takes care, takes care, spends time with his beloved and makes plans for the future. If a man calls drunk, annoying by talking about nothing and disappears until the next drinking bout, then you can safely delete him from your life and have nothing to hope for.
I recently found out that my husband has a mistress. Once I called the number that was displayed by my husband every hour. Number one, but the husband says that this is either one or the other acquaintance. This gave me the idea that something was wrong. It was a female voice. She didn't talk to me, hung up. I tried to talk to my husband, but he denied it. He says that it was his friends who called that he had no one. But I see that he is lying, making excuses, not recognizing. Then I threw off the SMS to clarify the situation. She answered me. After that, everything in their relationship became clear to me. Only my husband doesn't want to admit it to me. He is so attracted to her. I feel it. After the SMS, this girl stopped calling him, and my husband walks around on his own. I see how he suffers without her, hides his feelings, but does not let me leave either. We have a child (1.8 years old). We've only been married for 2 years. I love my husband very much, I don’t want to give in to this girl, let her destroy our family. Tell me what to do?
Aelita, Moscow, 27 years old / 06.07.06
Opinions of our experts
Alyona
It is difficult to advise something in such a situation. If everything is exactly as you described, then your husband is probably really in love with this woman. Another question is that he is also a coward, since he does not want to admit this to you, and even broke off relations with her when you found out about it. Reaction like an ostrich. Head in the sand. Like there was nothing, and you dreamed everything. You know, I remembered the movie - "Beware, the doors are closing." There was such a character. depended on his women. He lived with one, and could not get away from her out of a false sense of "moral responsibility", but in fact because of the convenience of living with her. And he met with the second, but could not decide to leave her, just as he would leave the first for her sake. So he rushed between two fires, until the first one found out the truth and put him out the door. And, of course, he immediately went to the second. Morality? There are some men who can't decide anything on their own. They are waiting for their women to do it for them. Infantile and personally not at all attractive to me representatives of the "stronger sex". Do you need one like this? Consider that you almost won it back. If his mistress does not take the initiative again, then your husband is unlikely to return to her. But if she becomes naughty, then it's a bad thing. What to do in this situation? Firstly, to organize a family trip somewhere, for example, abroad. Relax there together. Take lots of happy photos. Return home with fresh feelings. Print photos right away. Using the mobile phone number, find out the address of his lady of the heart and send her these photos of a happy family. With a wish to her the same family happiness, but not built on the ruins of yours.
Sergey
Well, what do you suggest? I can only sympathize. If a man after two years of marriage, having a small child, already suffers from another, nothing good will happen. The thought that maybe he will go crazy is only good for complacency. Don't get carried away. It's strange, really, that you'd marry someone like that. After all, these guys are immediately visible. And the girls who communicate with them know and understand everything very well. So if anyone is to blame, then you too. Judging by the fact that he does not want to confess and does not want to leave, it can be assumed that he is either morally or financially dependent on you. By "moral" I mean the attitude of relatives, acquaintances, friends. Not everyone is able to appreciate the positive side of leaving a wife with a small child. Most likely, he is afraid of this, which once again speaks of cowardice. I myself am a man and I communicate with men. So, I know such personnel and I can say that they are not loved and appreciated, in general, nowhere. I feel sorry for you in this situation, but I will not predict anything good for your relationship. If you stay together, then be prepared for his constant betrayals and life on several fronts. He just can't do it any other way. If you love it, take it the way you are. It is quite possible, and even certain, that he will not leave you for anyone, but, here, how many side wives and children will be - this is a question without an answer. Until you count. And about the fact that the girl does not want to give in - it's useless. With this break off, find another. Excuse me.