Aggression in children. Aggression in young children can be caused by problems in the family. Exercises for aggressive children

Often, parents notice what they think is aggressive behavior in a child aged 5–6 years. It can manifest itself in different ways, for example, in excessive touchiness, a tendency to quarrel with adults and children, and intemperance. The task of the parent of such a child is to understand the reason for his aggressiveness and reduce such behavior to nothing.

However, first of all, you need to understand what the concept of “child aggression” is? How is it different from ordinary anger, which every person experiences from time to time? How to recognize aggressive behavior in children? BrainApps will answer these and many other questions.

What is aggressiveness?

The word "aggression" is of Latin origin and literally means "attack." Aggression in children is not uncommon, but adults are also susceptible to similar behavior. Its main problem is an acute contradiction to the norms established in society. Aggressive behavior causes psychological discomfort in others and often causes physical, moral and material damage. The aggressiveness of children is something that cannot be tolerated, because the behavior of young children can be controlled, but growing up, an aggressive child turns into an aggressive adult and poses a threat to others.

How can you tell if your child is aggressive?

He often behaves unrestrainedly, does not know how or does not want to control himself. In some cases, an aggressive child tries to control his emotions, but nothing works.
Likes to spoil things, gets pleasure when he breaks or destroys something, for example, toys.
Constantly gets into arguments with peers and adults, swears.
Refuses to comply with requests and instructions, knows the rules, but does not want to adhere to them.
Commits acts out of spite, deliberately trying to provoke a negative reaction in the people around him: irritation, anger.
He does not know how to admit mistakes and offenses; he makes excuses until the last moment or shifts the blame onto others.
The child remembers insults for a long time and always seeks revenge. There is excessive envy.

Please note that children, especially those aged 5-6 years, have bouts of disobedience. Anger caused by a serious reason, such as resentment or unfair punishment, is an absolutely normal reaction. You should only sound the alarm if you have been regularly noticing at least 4 of the listed signs in your children’s behavior for more than six months.

Reasons why aggression occurs in young children:

Aggression in young children can be caused by problems in the family.

Most of the reasons for a young child's abnormal behavior must be sought in his environment. The environment in which children grow and develop is of great importance in the development of personality. Children form their own behavior based on the behavior of loved ones, that is, parents and relatives.

A common reason why children behave aggressively is a tense environment at home. It is not necessary to show aggression towards children; it is enough for parents to often quarrel among themselves. If a child sees aggression from his parents, is present during altercations, or hears screams, this cannot but affect his emotional state.

Quite a few 5-6 year old children form their own behavior patterns by looking at their parents. If mom or dad exhibits aggressive behavior outside the home, for example, in a store or clinic, this can cause children to become aggressive.

Aggression in children caused by socio-biological reasons

As we have already said, aggression in children aged 5 years old appears due to the environment in which he grows up, so aggressive behavior can be caused by misunderstandings. What do parents talk about among themselves when they think that the child does not hear or does not understand? What views on life do they hold and how are they voiced? Let's say mom or dad express disdain or hostility towards people who earn little money.

In such families, young children are aggressive towards, for example, peers who have shabby clothes or old, cheap toys. For the same reason, children 5 years old can show aggression, for example, towards a cleaner in a kindergarten or on the street.

Aggressive behavior in children as a consequence of lack of attention.

When a small child shows aggression, the reason for this behavior may be a banal attraction of attention. If parents do not spend enough time with their child and are indifferent to his achievements and successes, this often becomes the cause of deep resentment in children and, as a result, aggression.

The less attention a child receives, the more likely it is that he will begin to show signs of aggression. There is a fairly clear connection between lack of attention and lack of education. Perhaps the child was simply not explained how to behave with adults and peers? A 5-6 year old child does not yet understand how to behave in society if his parents do not help him, he chooses a model of behavior intuitively and does not always do it correctly.

It is very important that parenting for children aged 5 is consistent and unified. Parents should have the same views on education. When mom and dad cannot agree on the upbringing and behavior of children, everyone pulls the blanket over themselves, and as a result, the children get confused. Ultimately, this results in a lack of education and aggression in children.

Another common reason for aggressive behavior in children in the family is the presence of a favorite among their parents. For example, my mother is constantly strict, forces her to follow the rules, help her around the house, and often scolds her. Dad, on the contrary, behaves kindly with the child, gives gifts, and allows a lot. Children aged 5–6 years are already able to choose a favorite among their parents. If parents suddenly start to quarrel, the child will most likely show aggression towards the less beloved parent, defending the favorite.

Aggression in children caused by personal reasons

Sometimes an aggressive child shows signs of an unstable, unstable psycho-emotional state. There can be quite a few reasons.

In some cases, the reason for such aggressive behavior is the presence of fears. The child is tormented by a feeling of anxiety, tormented by fears and nightmares. The aggressiveness of children in this case is just a defensive reaction.

If parents have not instilled in the child a sense of self-respect, a child under 6-7 years of age may express dissatisfaction with himself and his own behavior through aggression. Such children perceive failures acutely, cannot come to terms with them, and often do not like themselves. Such an aggressive child experiences negative emotions towards himself, and at the same time towards the world around him.

The reason for aggression at 5-6 years old may be a banal feeling of guilt. The kid has unfairly offended or hit someone, he is ashamed, but for some reason he cannot admit his mistake. As a rule, this is excessive pride and an inability to admit one’s mistakes. By the way, parents should teach this skill to the child. Often the aggressiveness of such children is even directed towards children towards whom they feel guilty.

Aggression in children caused by physical health problems.

The causes of aggression do not always lie in the psychological state of the child or his environment. Aggression and aggressiveness are often associated with somatic diseases, for example, with disorders of the brain. They can be caused by severe head injuries, infections, and intoxication.

Remember, if aggressive behavior began to appear after a traumatic brain injury, for example, after a concussion, the cause of aggression may be precisely this injury.

Sometimes the cause of aggressive behavior in children 5–6 years old is heredity. Often, the parents of a 5-6 year old child who shows aggression abused alcohol, narcotic and psychotropic substances before conception.

Could the cause of children's aggressiveness lie in their passion for video games?

Scientists have been arguing for quite some time about whether the cause of aggressive behavior can be a passion for violent computer games. In fact, games themselves rarely cause aggression. Involvement in games with a lot of violence and cruelty is more likely a consequence of aggressive behavior. Of course, such games affect the human brain, making him less compassionate, but this is not enough to turn a peaceful, obedient child into an aggressive one.

How to deal with a 5-7 year old child who is showing aggression?

If you notice aggression in the behavior of a child under the age of 6–7 years, and then were able to identify the reason for this behavior, you need to learn how to behave correctly. Child psychologists and teachers have developed a whole list of recommendations on how to behave correctly with an aggressive child. These rules will not only prevent children’s behavior from getting worse, but also correct it.

1. Don’t react to minor aggression from children.

If children show aggression, but you understand that it is harmless and caused by objective reasons, it is most reasonable to behave as follows:

pretend not to notice the aggressive behavior;
show that you understand children's feelings, say the phrase: “I understand that you are unpleasant and offended”;
try to switch the child’s attention to an object far from the object of aggression, offer to do something else, play.

The aggression of children, and adults, can accumulate, so sometimes you just need to listen carefully to what the child wants to convey to you. In addition, do not forget that a child aged 5–6 years critically needs the attention of an adult, which means ignoring is a powerful and effective way to correct behavior.

2. Assess your child's behavior, not his personality.

Stay calm and speak in a firm, friendly voice. It is important for you to show your child that you are not against him, but against his aggressive behavior. Do not emphasize that similar behavior has already been repeated. Use the following phrases:

“I don’t like you talking to me like that” - you show your feelings;
"Do you want to hurt me?" – you show what aggressive behavior leads to;
“You are behaving aggressively” is a statement of incorrect behavior;
“You are not behaving according to the rules” is a reminder that aggressive behavior leads to violation of the rules.

After attacks of aggressive behavior, you need to talk to children. Your task is to show that aggression harms the child himself most of all. Be sure to discuss behavior and aggression, try to imagine with your child how it would be better to act in such a situation.

3. Keep your own negative emotions under control

Aggressive behavior in children is unpleasant. Children's aggression can manifest itself in screams, tears, swearing, and it would seem that the natural reaction of an adult to disrespectful treatment is retaliatory aggression. Just don’t forget that you are an adult who is able to control your own emotions.

If a child at 5-7 years old shows aggression, try to remain calm and friendly. Your goal is harmony in the family, a calm, obedient child, and this is not possible without establishing partnerships between children or parents. Therefore, do not raise your voice, do not shout, control your own gestures. Clenching your jaw, clenched fists, and a frown are signs of aggression that should be avoided when interacting with children. In addition, avoid making value judgments about the personality of the child and his friends, do not try to lecture, and of course, do not use physical force.

4. Take care of your child's reputation

Aggression in children often leads to moments when it is difficult for children to admit that they are wrong. It may seem that a child of 5 years old is small and does not yet understand anything, but this is a sufficient age to feel the desire to maintain a reputation. Even if the child is wrong, try not to condemn him publicly, and do not show others your negative attitude. Public shaming is not very effective and will most likely lead to even more aggressive behavior.

Also, learn to make concessions. When you have found out the reason for aggressive behavior, offer your child a compromise way out of the situation; when raising children 5–6 years old, this is the best option. In this case, the child does not feel the need to completely obey, he obeys “in his own way,” which will more likely help resolve the conflict.

5. Choose the kind of behavior that you expect from your children.

You should always remember that when children 5 years old show aggression, you must overcome yourself and, no matter what you feel, show a non-aggressive behavior pattern. When children display aggressive behavior, pause, do not argue, and do not interrupt. Remember that sometimes children need some alone time in moments of aggression to calm down. Give your child this time. And most importantly, express calm with your gestures, facial expressions, and voice.

We have already said that children tend to adopt the behavior of their parents. Friendliness and non-aggression are inherent in children by nature, so they quickly adopt a non-aggressive model of behavior from their parents.

If you adhere to the listed rules, sooner or later it will help overcome aggressive behavior in children. You, however, can speed up the process and help a 5-6 year old child get rid of aggression more quickly. For example, children's aggression in some cases is eliminated by physical activity. Send your child to a sports section so that he can throw out excess energy. If you notice the beginnings of aggressive behavior in children, ask them to talk about their feelings, offer to draw emotions or model them out of plasticine. This will somewhat distract the child from anger and, perhaps, reveal some talent in him.

Thus, to summarize, we can say: the most important thing when signs of aggression appear in children is to remain calm, to be an understanding parent who seeks compromises.

Young mothers, observing manifestations of aggression in their babies, often do not know how to react to it. In most cases, everything ends in a prolonged tantrum of the child after a “deserved” punishment. We have collected information that will help parents of brawling children aged 3-5 years identify the causes of aggression and correctly respond to its manifestation in children.

Why children fight: causes of aggression in children 3-5 years old

It is generally accepted that aggressive behavior is a child’s reaction to external stimuli. In most cases it is difficult to disagree with this. In those moments when a child is just learning to interact with the world and people around him, aggression serves as a certain defense mechanism. Therefore, its manifestations are natural, but should fade away within a short period of time. If attacks of uncontrollable rage become more frequent and last for an unreasonably long time, then experts diagnose a pathology in the child’s social development.

Causes of aggression in children 3-5 years old:

A unique exploration of the world. It is with the help of hitting or pushing peers that the child learns the reaction of parents, just adults nearby and the “test subjects” themselves to such behavior. It defines the boundaries of what is permitted and these manifestations should not be called aggression. Usually, during such experiments, the child’s mood does not change, that is, he remains calm.
Manifestation of aggression and anger. Often, aggression in a child appears when what the toddler wants is not achievable. Find out the child’s need at the moment and explain why it cannot be satisfied or, conversely, satisfy it if possible. Offer a replacement; such an exchange can calm the child and show that his opinion is important to the parents. Children easily agree to compromises proposed by adults who are authoritative for them. Do not try to respond to displayed aggressiveness with your own irritation, as this will develop into a discussion of “who is in charge,” and the suppressed emotion will serve the child poorly in later life.
At the age of 3-5 years, when expressing his opinion, the child is very egocentric. That is, he still cannot agree with his peer, and generally needs clear guidance from his elders. Planning the situation and seeing the future are not worked out, the line between fantasy and reality is erased. A child, seeing on TV how an adult defends his territory, believes that he should do the same. Aggression in this case is just a sneaky skill. Next, we will tell you what methods of explanatory work will be effective in this case.
Misbehavior of parents and adults that are near the child. A child can be negatively affected by inappropriate behavior of parents at home, in front of the baby, dislike expressed by parents too clearly, grievances arising through the fault of parents or circumstances, insults from elders or threats.

A small child fights: what should parents do?

To help a child overcome aggression, parents will have to learn to be patient and talk correctly with their child, listen to him until the end and use simple methods of distracting attention. The practical tips presented below were developed by specialists in working with aggressive children. All of them have passed the test of time and are recognized as the most effective for solving such issues.

To prevent aggressive behavior in a child 3-5 years old, experts advise:

Teach your child to express irritation , choosing an acceptable form for this (we work with manifestations of aggression).
Show your baby how recognize your own anger and control yourself.
In a playful way develop empathy and compassion for other people.

These general recommendations are implemented in a variety of ways. Conversations and games, modeling similar situations using favorite toys or fairy-tale characters, sports games and switching attention - each of these methods is effective in combating aggression in a child.

Examples of effective methods for eliminating aggression in children:

When a child feels irritated, angry, offended, invite him to draw what he feels. But at the same time, be sure to ask him to tell you what he is doing and feeling at the same time. Most likely, the story will be about the real reasons for the child’s aggression. Focus your child’s attention on feelings so that you can later help him identify and control them on his own. By diverting his attention, you will prevent scandal and hysteria from breaking out.
Sew a pillow and declare it an “anger bag.” Ask your baby to hit her as soon as he gets irritated, that is, put the bad stuff in a bag. This will protect him from injury during a hysteria and will prevent him from hitting or throwing dishes or things.
Explain that in the long run pugnacity is not beneficial to him personally . If he beat a peer, he will no longer play with him. If adults are hit, they will not want to communicate with the one who hurts them. As a result, it will be much more boring alone than in the company. You can go up to the child who is being hurt by your baby, hug and kiss him. This way the attention is not on the fighter, and he will quickly realize that he can be left alone.
Be sure to convey to your child the rules of behavior in the house and on the street. For example, “when we don’t fight, they don’t fight with us either,” “if we don’t offend, then they won’t offend us,” “toys can be taken when they are free.” Children strive for order and instructions because it is difficult for them themselves. So use persuasion with words and rules.
Praise your child if he listened to your instructions , but do not use the word “good” (according to the observations of psychologists, children do not respond to it). Focus on how much pleasure he gave you with his restraint.
Come up with fairy tales together where he is the main character . This will help you better understand the feelings, like when drawing and sculpting. By using effective methods, you will help your child understand how to behave and how not to behave.
Participate in competitions and organize sports games more often, physical fatigue leaves no room for mental irritation.
Leave paper or old newspapers within reach for your child to tear. Explain in advance that this way you will know about his anger, and he won’t break anything. Stomping of feet or strong inhalations and exhalations during an attack of aggression, as well as boxing with sofa cushions and rubber toy hammers, are considered similar in strength.
Recognizing anger can be taught with the help of posters or drawings that the child himself will draw. Ask to depict different emotions and do not remove the drawing. Agree that the baby can show you on the poster what he feels. This will help prevent outbursts of aggression.
The baby will be taught to sympathize and empathize through performances that he will conduct together with his parents. Any toys and objects will do, since children’s imagination is much more developed than adults’. Ask him to invent and talk about fictional characters. Discuss with your children who is right and wrong in the situations they have invented. During the game, information is perceived better than during a lecture about incorrect behavior.

Sometimes allow your child to make noise, run, jump and scream. It’s better to let your baby burn out his energy under your supervision than in a fight with other children.

It is necessary to show the child to a psychologist if fights and manifestations of aggression continue regularly for six months.

How to stop a child from fighting: opinions of psychologists

Anna Berdnikova, psychologist:

Before you react in any way to your child's aggressive behavior, listen to your feelings: what are you experiencing? This is important because the feeling you experience will determine what is really happening and how to react to what is happening.
During the next outbreak of your child’s aggressive behavior, listen to your feelings. What do you feel? Bitterness and resentment? Or anger and desire to defeat this little villain, to show him who is in charge here? If the latter, then you are firmly trapped in a power struggle.
What to do in this situation? The very first step is to try to avoid fighting as much as possible. Because by continuing to fight, you start the situation in a circle.
If you feel offended, then you need to ask yourself: what made the child inflict it on you? What kind of pain does he have? How have you offended or are you constantly offending him? Having understood the reason, we must, of course, try to eliminate it.

Child psychologist T. Malyutina:

If (a child) bites or hits you, an adult, stop it. Don't be patient! Show that you are hurt, scream, cry. And then explain. If a 2-3 year old child hits a child in the sandbox, take him by the hand, apologize to the victim’s mother, and take the child away. But don’t forget to praise when the child plays calmly and shares toys. Show that feelings can be expressed in words. Until the baby himself learns to explain what is happening to him, do it for him. “I don’t like that you hit me, it hurts me, but I understand that you are angry because I forbade you...” When the child grows up, just ask: “You don’t need to hit me, better tell me what you don’t like?” Until the age of 4, until the child is aware of his feelings, speak for him, and then he himself will be able to express dissatisfaction with words, not fists.

Psychologist Olga Tseytlin about fights between children in the same family:

Often parents protect one of the children, usually the weakest or youngest, and ask the children to do as he wants. In older people, this causes resentment and a desire to take revenge on the younger one. They can do this without adults noticing. If parents protect the youngest, he feels like a winner, and he continues to pester his brother or sister. Parents do not understand that with such actions they only fuel rivalry between children. Parents often do not notice the provocations of a “good” child who provokes his brother or sister by kicking him under the table or whispering insulting words.

E. Komarovsky regarding the aggression of children towards their parents:

Again, my attitude to how to correct this behavior does not correspond to what psychologists recommend. My opinion: if a child shows aggression towards adults, then this is the realization of certain instincts, but he also has another instinct: the child gives in if he sees that the one against whom he uses physical force is stronger. Therefore, whenever a child raises his hand (or foot) towards his mother, he must allow himself to respond with controlled aggression. Not a single aggressive physical action of a child towards adults should go unpunished. Adults have a huge number of ways to control the behavior of children, because the whole life of a child depends on an adult. It is you who give your daughter sweets and treats, buy toys, perhaps turn on cartoons - and in all this you can limit the child if he does not behave the way you want. In any case, the topic raised is not pediatric, but definitely psychological. What I mean is that everything you’ve read now is not expert advice, but the opinion of your doctor friend, who is not an expert in child psychology.

What could be the causes of childhood aggression? What to do if a child behaves aggressively?

“He got into a fight!” - the kindergarten teacher exclaims in a dramatic voice. Under barely restrained maternal annoyance, the little man returns home. There, at a family council, his fate will be decided: the fate of a man who committed an unforgivable aggressive act.

Modern society dictates its own rules of the game to us. And what 100 years ago a father would have praised for, today causes parents to panic. What is childhood aggression? Is it worth fighting it? And if so, then how.

Types of aggression in children

According to the most common interpretation, childhood aggression is behavior directed at others or at oneself and associated with causing harm. Depending on how this behavior manifests itself, the following types of aggression are distinguished:

Verbal- the child screams, swears, calls names, verbally abuses. Depending on whether the baby reprimands the person who angered him or complains to a third party who had nothing to do with the conflict, aggression is divided into direct and indirect, respectively.
Physical- here there is causing material harm to the object of anger.

Such aggression can be:

straight- children fight, bite, hit, scratch. The purpose of this behavior is to hurt another person;
indirect- the move involves causing harm to the offender’s belongings. A child may tear a book, break a toy, or destroy someone else's sandcastle.
symbolic- constitutes threats to use force. Often this type of aggression develops into direct aggression. For example, a child screams that he will bite you and, if intimidation does not work, he puts it into practice.

No matter how a child’s aggressive behavior manifests itself, it always causes stupor and bewilderment in parents. Where did this come from? What to do about it? Ordinary conversations about how fighting and swearing are bad do not help.

Causes of outbursts of aggression and aggressive behavior in children and adolescents

Family members are especially sensitive to aggression directed at them. Why a child is aggressive with other children can be understood, but at home the child is treated well. So what causes outbreaks of aggression and aggressive behavior in children and adolescents?

The most common group of reasons can be classified as “Problems in the family.” Moreover, these can be both difficulties in the relationship between parents and the child, as well as problems of adults who are not directly related to the baby: divorce, death of a close relative
Children, just like adults, have their own individual characteristics. Therefore, the second group of reasons can be attributed to “Personal characteristics”. The child may be easily excitable, anxious, and irritable. He finds it difficult to control his emotions, so every little thing can make him angry
And the last group can be characterized as “Situational reasons”. Fatigue, poor health, heat, long monotonous pastime, poor quality food. Such things can infuriate not only a child, but also an adult.

Diagnosis of aggression in children

All these factors can intersect and overlap each other. A qualified psychologist will help to identify what caused the child’s aggressive behavior in a particular case. Diagnosis of aggression in children is carried out over several meetings, based on the results of which the specialist analyzes the problem and suggests ways to solve it.

The choice of methods for correcting aggression depends on many factors. But parents need to be prepared for the fact that there is no simple way to treat aggression. To help a child you will have to work hard, including on yourself

What should you pay attention to first of all, what recommendations should parents of aggressive children follow? Here a lot depends both on the reasons for such behavior of the child and on his age

Aggression in children aged 2-3 years

During this period there is a crisis of 3 years. Kids are selfish and are not used to sharing. If they disagree with something, they may hit, scream or break something that does not belong to them.

It should be remembered that children do not yet know how to control their emotions, so this behavior is more the norm than a deviation. Do not scold the child, it is better to try to distract him from the object of his bad mood with something.

Being too strict can make the problem worse. Take your child aside, gently tell him that this is not the way to behave and suggest a new activity.

Aggressive preschool children

Most often, aggression in children for various reasons occurs in preschool age. At this time, the little man still does not know how to express his emotions and feelings and tries to express them precisely as aggression.

Aggression in children aged 4-5 years

At this age, the child begins to settle into society. He checks and examines how his behavior affects other people, including his parents.

If his actions do not harm others, give him the opportunity to build boundaries for himself. It should be understood that this does not mean permissiveness. You need to make it clear to your child what is possible and what is not. How he can express his anger (words) and how not (physically).

Aggression in children 6-7 years old

Children of older preschool age are not too often aggressive. They have already learned to control themselves, they understand what is good and what is bad. If a child behaves aggressively and cruelly, you should think about the reasons.

Perhaps he lacks independence or finds it difficult to communicate with peers. Now interaction with other children comes first for the baby.

Aggression in schoolchildren

Schoolchildren also do not yet have a fully formed psyche and most often express their feelings towards peers and teachers as aggressive self-defense.

Aggression in children aged 8-9 years

The child is actively growing, expanding his knowledge about the world and himself. Both boys and girls begin to pay attention to the opposite sex. The authority of the adult is questioned.

It is important for parents to understand that the child is no longer a baby. From now on, children demand to be treated as equals. Aggression among schoolchildren is often associated with adults’ rejection of this fact.

Aggression in children aged 10-12 years

Early adolescence prepares parents for the crisis and complexity of adolescence. Already now, the authority of peers is more important for a child than that of the parents. Aggressive outbreaks cannot be avoided now.

It is important not to respond to aggression with aggression and not to enter the slippery slope of confrontation. It is better to try to build a partnership with your child. Spend more time with him, talk about adult topics. Of course, there must be boundaries and limits. After all, you are a parent, not your child’s friend.

In any of these periods, one should understand when aggression is only temporary, situational, and when it threatens to turn into an accentuation of character. If the problem of child aggression in your family is quite acute and you feel that you cannot cope with the situation, do not be afraid to ask for help. Raising aggressive children is not an easy task. And the work of a psychologist will not be superfluous here.

How to relieve aggression in a child? Treatment of aggression in children

There are various techniques to relieve aggression in a child. There is a large amount of information on this issue on the Internet.

Video: Children's aggression. How to help a child get rid of it?

You can try to apply all these activities and developments in life. Some of the children do not like to draw, but will be happy to compose a story with fictional characters. Some guys love to build and destroy. And someone simply feels the need to shout, thus releasing their anger.

Aggressive child recommendations for parents

Whatever method you choose, you should understand that this is only a transitional stage for your child.

Games and exercises can relieve stress, but they are not a panacea.
The child must learn to deal with his emotions constructively, expressing them in words. Having spoken about the true cause of his disorder, he will experience relief and will be able to start looking for solutions to his problem. Agree, when everything inside is bubbling with anger, it’s difficult to find a way out
Perhaps, during classes with your child, you will understand that the problem of childhood aggression lies in yourself, in the parents
It's hard to admit this, but it doesn't mean you're a bad mother or a bad father. This speaks of you as an adult, responsible person. With some effort, you can change the situation. And no matter what your child does, remember, he expects you to love him no matter what.
Confidence in your need and value for the most important people in your life - your parents - can work wonders even with the most notorious hooligans

Video: How to teach a child to manage his emotions and express his feelings?

Games for aggressive children

The life of children, especially younger ones, consists of 90% of games. Through them, the child experiences the world and learns to live in it. Therefore, often when there are not enough words to explain to a child how to cope with the passions raging within him, game situations can and should be used
Hit each other with pillows, have a “war” with snowballs in winter and water pistols in summer, play darts, cheering loudly with each hit, run races, play sea battle
This will help the child relieve internal tension. Remember the films in which the hero, angry, threw a cake in his opponent’s face, and it all ended with laughter and amicable eating of the remaining sweets

Exercises for aggressive children

In addition to simple games known to everyone since childhood, in interaction with children who are often prone to display aggression, they use exercises developed by psychologists.

Video: Games to reduce children's aggression

Classes with aggressive children

During all the games and exercises mentioned above, it is important to let the child understand that with their help he can cope with his emotions without your direct help
During a quarrel, you can, for example, say: “We are both very angry now, let’s take pillows and fight until we forgive each other.” Thus, you will not only relieve tension, but also show how the conflict can be resolved without casualties
Another important point in any activities with a child is to set the boundaries of what is permitted: during a pillow fight, it is necessary to stipulate that hitting can only be done with a pillow, without using the legs. If you need to cope with verbal aggression, then you can call them names, but not offensively, for example, with the names of vegetables

Raising aggressive children

Necessary components of the educational process for children who cannot express their emotions constructively are reflection and personal example.

The concept of reflection implies the ability to analyze one’s feelings. When a child screams or hits other children, he does not always understand what is happening to him. It is important to talk to him about this so that he feels your participation and support in a difficult situation for him.

Children learn all the ways they interact with other people primarily in the family. Pay attention to how you and your loved ones deal with anger. Maybe your baby is just copying adults? And before you change his behavior, you need to change yourself?

Video: Children's anger and aggression. Why do our children become evil?

Why is a child aggressive with other children?

It is not uncommon for parents to learn that a child is behaving aggressively from third parties. Complaints from a teacher or educator are puzzling. What is the right thing to do in this situation? What measures should be taken
First of all, you need to take a deep breath and understand the situation. What exactly happened? Under what circumstances? The child shows aggression towards someone in particular or towards all children
It is also important to find out the child’s opinion on this issue. Try asking him. But don't push. Children cannot always talk about their experiences
You should pay attention to what he does in the evening. Did you tear off the doll's head? Talk about what the doll did, whether it was good or bad, and why it needed to be punished. You can draw together and use the drawing to act out a situation that happened during the day

Psychologist's work with aggressive children

If you can’t figure out the reasons for your child’s constant aggressive outbursts on your own, you don’t need to let the situation take its course. In some cases, consultation with a psychologist can be equally useful for both parents and the child.

A specialist will help you understand what is behind this behavior and give recommendations on raising your baby. In some cases, psychocorrectional work is necessary.

Correction of aggression in children

When the word “psychocorrection” is mentioned, many parents have a panic attack: there’s something wrong with my child, he’s not normal, how did it happen, that others will think, they’ll suddenly think that my child is crazy. But don’t avoid asking for help because of your own fears.

Thanks to the fact that you and your child do not visit a psychologist, the problem will not disappear. Think about what is more important: how you will look in the eyes of others or the health of your baby.

Depending on the type of child problem, correctional work may be:

individual - the child works with a psychologist one on one. More suitable for older teenagers who are not ready for group work
family - when classes with a psychologist are attended by the whole family or one of the family members and the child. This type of activity is ideal for younger children. He is able to teach not only the baby himself to cope with strong emotions, but also help mom and dad correctly understand and respond to their child’s emotional outbursts
group - the child attends classes together with peers. Through play situations and communication, he learns to better understand himself and behave in society in an acceptable way, without humiliating or offending others.

Prevention of aggressive behavior in children

Parents' fears that their child has serious problems are not always justified. Often, seemingly insurmountable difficulties turn out to be not so terrible in reality.

Still, it is important to listen to your children and understand what is happening in their lives now. With the right attitude, you can easily prevent an aggressive outburst, direct strong emotions in the right direction and reconcile the child with his own feelings, and therefore with the whole world!

Video: How to extinguish aggression in a child (S.A. Amonashvili)

« What is aggression in children 2-3 years old?»

Shaulina Irina Vladimirovna, GBDOU d/s#26, teacher, St. Petersburg.

At the age of 2.5 years, the child has not yet formed as a personality. And he can scream, stomp his feet, bite, throw objects. In such a situation, the child needs to be helped, understand and understand the child’s behavior. After all, a baby is not born aggressive. And we adults need to help us find a middle ground so that it is acceptable to those around us and the child himself.

(aggression from Latin addredi - to attack)

A baby was born. He is sweet, affectionate, kind, smiling. Now he is already sitting, which means he has grown up. Aggression in children can manifest itself very early: already in the crying of a baby it is not difficult to hear anger and indignation if no one comes to him and this irritates him. By the age of one year, the baby begins to walk on his own, and his range of interests expands: learning to communicate with people, getting to know the world around him, becoming familiar with the rules of behavior in society. Having matured, he begins to push his peers and take away toys.

Both at home and on the street, the child stamps his feet and shouts: “Don’t touch what’s mine.” And when he is forbidden to do something, he gets angry. And at such a moment he might bite or throw an object.

Your child may show aggression if he is offended or humiliated. Unfair treatment can cause healthy anger, which often allows the child to protect and defend himself. Someone violated his personal boundaries: took his toys, caused him physical pain, interrupted a game, a conversation, etc. He was tired, sick or very scared. Anger can be an expression of powerlessness. You pay little attention to him. He lacks love and warmth, and uses anger to draw your attention to himself. Someone in the family is hidden or openly aggressive. A child, copying the behavior of adults, may believe that behaving in this way is natural. For some reason he doesn't feel protected. He may attack others in an attempt to "get ahead" of an imaginary aggressor. He is used to considering himself bad because he is often dissatisfied. A child cannot carry someone else's criticism and dissatisfaction within himself for long; he tries to get rid of them by condemning and criticizing others. He experienced some kind of traumatic event: grief, change of residence, severe fear, violence, stress.

Every kid strives to insist on his own. This means that there is a certain amount of aggression in the behavior of each of them.

All this is aggression, or more precisely, aggressive behavior.

Aggressive behavior is the most common way of responding to the disruption of certain activities. In society, such behavior is called inappropriate. Its goal is to remove obstacles. The most acute period in a child begins after a year and approximately lasts until 2-2.5 years. This is the period when he acts maliciously. A one-year-old child throws a toy on the floor if he cannot understand how to handle it. Aggression can be directed at surrounding objects, at someone who interferes with the achievement of a goal, who simply fell into the hands, and at those who are not at all to blame. And here the prohibitions begin. Therefore, a difficult period begins for the child. And he needs the help of an adult.

Easy practical tips:

Follow the established rules in the family and in society.

Watch your behavior and actions, set a positive example for your child.

Ignore mild manifestations of aggressiveness, do not focus on them.

Teach your child to feel sorry, he must understand that his behavior causes grief.

Direct his energy in a positive direction: football, hockey, boxing, swimming, singing, drawing.

When presenting your demands to your child, consider his capabilities, not yours.

When talking to your child, be on his level.

Include your child in joint activities.

REMEMBER THAT YOU NEED TO FIGHT AGGRESSION WITH PATIENCE, EXPLANATION, AND ENCOURAGEMENT.

And yet, if a child has a need to throw out aggressive emotions, then you can play with him:

Sing your favorite song loudly.

Throw the ball against the wall.

Tear the paper.

The games can be very diverse, but the principle of action boils down to the fact that with the help of physical action one breaks away from negative tension.

"AMBULANCE" IN COMMUNICATION WITH

AN AGGRESSIVE CHILD"

The best way to prevent your child from becoming overly aggressive is to show him love. You love your children, but you don’t always show your care and love and therefore the baby does not feel it. If your child is acting aggressively:

Stop your raised hand to strike, take them by the shoulders and firmly say “no”;

Distract the child's attention with an interesting toy, offer to play something;

Create a situation for the child to transfer his anger to a safe object (rubber toys);

Use gentle physical manipulation (take you away from the conflict to another room);

Learn to express anger in words, in a polite manner;

A FEW WORDS ABOUT PUNISHING AGGRESSIVE CHILDREN:

1. Do not suppress aggression with force, do not respond to it with outbursts of your own anger (the child will learn this and apply it in future behavior)

2. When punishing a child, do not threaten him.

3. Do not try to instill anything in him during moments of his aggression - cursing is useless. Swearing is pointless, spanking will excite you even more.

REMINDER TO PARENTS:

1. Find out the root causes of aggressive behavior yourself or with the help of a psychologist

2. Be attentive to the needs and requirements of the child. Realize that in reality aggressive behavior is sometimes just a desperate attempt to win your place in the sun. The child does not know how to protect himself or attract attention in any other way. A child's anger does not make him bad; it is usually a natural expression of his displeasure; energy to protect yourself.

3. Know that strict suppression of aggressiveness does not eliminate this quality, but only strengthens it. If you do not pay attention to aggressive reactions at all, the child begins to believe that such behavior is permissible, and single outbursts develop into the habit of acting aggressively. It is important to be consistent and learn to respond firmly but non-aggressively to your child's unwanted behavior. The action should be discussed, not the child as a whole. The child must understand that you love him, but you are against the way he behaves.

4. Understand that frequent punishments, orders and prohibitions force a child to suppress his anger, and unexpressed, constantly suppressed aggression can turn into auto-aggression (aggression towards oneself), which is expressed in nail biting, injury, and constant illness.

5. Be calm about what is happening, in case of minor aggression, ignore it if possible. If a child expresses anger within acceptable limits and for understandable reasons, you need to allow him to react, listen to him and redirect his attention to something else.

6.Control your own negative emotions. When a child shows his aggressive behavior, it causes strong negative emotions in parents: irritation, anger, indignation, fear. BUT try

8. Understand that when you forbid a child something, he has the right to subsequently express anger about it, just as you have the right to express yours.

9. Avoid watching aggressive television programs.

10. Teach him to understand his own emotional state. Understand other people's feelings. Defend your personal boundaries without attacking others. Empathize with other people. Be aware of responsibility for your actions.

11.Have a positive attitude towards the world around you and your baby.

Aggression is most often part of the normal growth and development of normal children and it often appears in young children and preschoolers. Babies do not yet know how to speak and express their dissatisfaction or their desires, so aggression is the only way to express them.

Even if a child’s aggressive actions are “normal” to a certain extent, it is still necessary to react to attacks of aggression and try to stop them. An aggressive act in an 18-month-old child will not have the same meaning as in a 4-year-old child. Interventions to prevent aggression will also vary, but are necessary to demonstrate to the child that his actions are unacceptable and that there are other ways to express his emotions, and to prevent these episodes of aggression from happening again.

To control their aggression, children need active support from their parents. Effective measures taken in connection with aggressive behavior in young children have a positive impact on their subsequent social development and adaptation.