In the first months of life, it is through crying that the baby tries to communicate with his parents. Thus, he signals that he is hungry, that he is hot or cold, sick or lonely.
There is no need to be afraid of children's crying, the main thing is to identify and eliminate its cause. Over time, many mothers and fathers begin to understand what their baby is “talking about”. The most common causes of infant crying:
- hunger;
- pain, most often colic in the abdomen;
- discomfort;
- fatigue, desire to sleep;
- fear and loneliness.
Newborn nutrition
The most common reason for a baby to cry is a feeling of hunger. As soon as the baby gets hungry, he screams to signal his parents that it is time to feed.
Babies have a very small stomach, so they need to be fed often, but little by little. There is an easy way to check if your baby is hungry. Bend your little finger and gently touch the corner of the baby's mouth. If the baby turns his head towards the touch and opens his mouth, it means he is hungry. Listen to the crying, the “hungry cry” is louder, longer and more intense.
Usually, after receiving food, the baby calms down and may fall asleep. But if “hungry crying” repeats too often, you should contact your pediatrician. Perhaps the baby is not getting enough nutrition and needs to be fed more often, or the mother’s milk is “empty” and the baby is simply not getting enough. The main problem for children on artificial nutrition is the selection of a suitable formula for them.
Even with good nutrition, a newborn may experience pain in the abdomen (colic). Their main reason is the functioning of the baby’s digestive system that has not yet been adjusted and the accumulation of gases. With colic, the baby turns red when crying, squeezes his legs, and then sharply stretches them, he has a tense, hard tummy.
Give your child a massage and give him medicine; fortunately, there are now many medications on sale that will help relieve a newborn from colic.
Additional problems of poor appetite and crying of the baby: unpleasant taste of mother's milk, inappropriate formula (for bottle-fed babies), ear inflammation or stuffy nose in a newborn.
Discomfort
The baby may cry due to physical discomfort. Unpleasant sensations include: wet diapers, rough seams on clothes, too tight swaddling, uncomfortable position or incorrect temperature in the room.
If the baby fidgets when crying and tries to change his position to the best of his infant abilities, most likely he needs to be swaddled or placed more comfortably.
If your baby cries immediately after changing clothes, you should inspect his clothes for rough seams.
Another significant cause of discomfort can be incorrect temperature conditions in the room. Try to maintain an optimal temperature of +20-23°C. Buy a hygrometer and monitor the humidity level in the house; this is an important indicator on which the well-being and health of all family members depends.
In addition to physical discomfort, there is psychological discomfort. A baby may cry to get their parents' attention if they are scared or lonely. “The calling cry is short in duration; the baby begins to cry and immediately calms down as soon as an adult approaches him. Some experts do not advise taking the baby in your arms at the first sounds of crying; it is enough to simply talk to him gently or stroke him.
There is also protest crying; if the baby doesn’t like something, he angrily notifies about it. He may be unhappy when his nails are cut, his nose is cleaned, or other grooming procedures are performed.
Sometimes a baby cries from overexcitement if he is in an unusual environment, or if there are a lot of strangers around him. Try to maintain a daily routine, stick to the “plan” and the given order of actions. “Regular” children are calmer and more balanced, they feel protected.
"Painful" crying
Baby crying can signal health problems. Carefully examine the baby: monotonous crying, lethargy, pallor or excessive redness, fever - a reason to consult a doctor.
Also, the baby may be capricious and feel unwell after vaccination or with skin damage (chafing, redness, diaper rash).
Postpartum injuries should not be discounted; if they occur, the baby needs regular medical supervision.
"Toilet Matters"
Sometimes babies cry while defecating and urinating. It happens that kids are simply scared of the process, but more often such behavior signals health problems:
- genitourinary system infections;
- problems with the location of the foreskin, resulting in congestion and pain;
- gases and constipation;
- poor nutrition;
- inflammatory bowel diseases.
Observe your baby carefully; if crying repeats with each bladder or bowel movement, and there is mucous or bloody discharge in the stool, contact your pediatrician and get the necessary tests.
Baby crying while bathing
Not all newborns like water treatments; there are babies who throw real hysterics in the bathroom. There are several reasons that influence a baby’s behavior when bathing:
- fear of water;
- bath too big;
- uncomfortable water temperature;
- skin lesions or rashes;
- uncomfortable position.
Before bathing, ensure comfortable conditions in the bathroom. The optimal water temperature for bathing a newborn is 34-37°C. Buy a special thermometer and be sure to measure the water temperature before swimming.
If parents decide to harden the baby, the water temperature should be lowered gradually. The main condition is not to overheat the baby and not to scare him by immersing him in too cool water.
The baby may cry from fright if he is basically afraid of water, and the bath is too big and seems like a real sea to the baby. Another reason for a child’s dissatisfaction may be an uncomfortable position. Inexperienced parents often get nervous and hold their baby too tightly in the water, which can cause him discomfort.
In addition, even minor skin injuries can cause discomfort during bathing.
Children's cry in the night
If your baby often cries at night, but has no health problems, you should first examine his “sleeping place.” Perhaps the baby's mattress is too hard or the blanket is too warm.
Also, the reasons for crying at night can be: a bad dream, hunger, absence of parents nearby, anxiety or nervous fatigue, the child is too hot or cold.
Dress your baby “according to the weather”; don’t wrap him up too much. Monitor the temperature and humidity level in the children's room, regularly ventilate the room and do wet cleaning.
There is no need to wait until the child is exhausted and falls asleep; go up to him, pick him up or sit next to him, stroke him and rock him to sleep. Follow a daily routine, this will reduce the likelihood that the baby will confuse day with night.
If all else fails and your baby cries for hours on end, don’t delay and contact your pediatrician. You may need to undergo testing to determine the cause of your newborn's distress.
There are many reasons why babies may cry during bath time. This question often turns out to be the most difficult for young parents raising their first child.
Finding and eliminating causes
Firstly, it is important to remember that children of any age suffer from fever, acute infectious diseases, as well as a number of other diseases.
If there is even the slightest doubt that the child is healthy, it is better to postpone bathing.
For some, swimming, according to some experts, can be quite a stressful situation. In this case, parents need to be patient and have a thermometer to clearly know the temperature of the water. Perhaps the baby’s discomfort is related specifically to the temperature of the water; it is worth raising or decreasing it by 1-2 degrees, and this will help the child get used to bathing.
There is also a diametrically opposite opinion, according to which water is a “completely natural environment” for children, and everyone experiences true bliss in the bathroom. Unfortunately, in reality everything looks a little different, and many parents are faced with the fact that their children cry while bathing.
A gentle voice, a favorite toy, and the warm and caring hands of a mother will help to overcome psychological discomfort.
It is very important not to go too far when teaching your child to bathe, so that a negative reaction to water does not take hold. Otherwise, the baby may simply begin to be afraid of water. If problems with the baby’s health are excluded, it is necessary to carefully analyze the daily routine. Perhaps the baby is overtired or hungry, or perhaps, on the contrary, too little time has passed since the last feeding. In this case, experts recommend slightly shifting the time of bathing or feeding. If the situation continues to repeat itself, you need to look for the true cause of the problem in something else.
The first bath is stressful for parents too
Parents also need to remember that young children, not yet understanding words, perfectly capture the mood of their mother and father - by the timbre of their voice, intonation, and even (as recent scientific research has shown) by the rhythm of breathing and heartbeat. Therefore, before starting, it is very important for parents to put themselves in a good mood, to be calm and confident that everything will work out.
For older children, you can come up with a fairy tale story related to taking a bath. In problematic cases, psychologists recommend not putting pressure on the child, but trying to interest him. For example, today they won’t wash Masha in the bathroom - she will wash her doll Polina herself. Mom, naturally, should prepare for this scenario in advance and prepare a suitable toy.
If, despite all efforts and adjustments to the daily routine, the child continues to cry during bathing, parents should consider visiting a specialist. Firstly, it is necessary to exclude all physiological prerequisites (for example, skin diseases or any individual health problems), and secondly, an experienced doctor, having assessed a particular situation, in most cases is able to give good advice to young parents.
Video on the topic
For every family, a newborn child is an extraordinary surprise and a reason for joy. But besides this, the baby is a big responsibility, so it’s natural for new parents to sound the alarm even for minor reasons, if it concerns their child. One of these reasons is the constant crying of the child. It is especially recommended to pay close attention to this aspect.
Good to know: perhaps all the fears will be in vain, but the constant crying of a newborn may also indicate a number of certain diseases that are simply unacceptable to ignore.
Everything related to newborns is important and cannot be missed. Therefore, for complete peace of mind, it is better to play it safe by consulting with a specialist.
Causes of newborn crying
There are more than enough reasons for a newborn baby to cry. Therefore, young parents are strongly recommended to familiarize themselves with the most common possible reasons for a baby’s constant crying.
Below are possible causes of constant crying in newborns and tips on how to eliminate them at home:
- One of the main reasons why a baby cries is hunger. It is advisable to feed a newborn on a schedule. But each organism is individual and requires a special approach. Most often, if a baby cries because he is hungry, he will pull his arms and may blush slightly. In such cases, you should simply feed the little one (despite the fact that the time for the next feeding has not yet come).
- Newborn may cry due to dirty diapers or nappies. This causes discomfort and irritates his delicate skin. In this case, the baby cries continuously, but with changing intensity (sometimes weaker, sometimes stronger). The way out of this situation is very simple. Keep it clean by following all necessary hygiene procedures. Change the diaper or diapers after wiping or rinsing the areas of your baby's skin that have been soiled. Make sure your little one does not develop irritation or rash.
- It can also be a reason to cry normal discomfort. It can be caused by anything (improper swaddling, uncomfortable clothing, wrinkles in clothing, uncomfortable crib, etc.). This also includes the possibility that the child is simply stuck in one position and wants to change it. In such cases, the child whines rather than cries. The whimpering gradually turns into a scream. The baby may begin to wave its arms and legs, as if trying to roll over or change its position.
- Temperature discomfort may well make a newborn cry. In this situation there are two options.
If he is hot, the child begins to whine, the skin may turn a little red, and a rash (heat rash) may appear. In such cases, the baby tries to free the body from clothes or diapers.
The temperature may jump to 37.5 (if higher, immediately take the child to the doctor). Initially, a possible negative factor should be eliminated (for example, if this happened during a walk, then take the baby to the shade). Do not dress your child too warmly (especially in the hot season); also, during the warm season, it is better not to use reusable diapers, but to use thin diapers. At night, you should not wrap your baby in five blankets (this is unnecessary and can lead to discomfort for the baby). If the situation is the opposite and the child is cold, then the crying can be shrill, then quieter but longer (hiccups may begin). A child who is cold may have cold limbs, back or tummy. In such cases, simply dress the baby warmer.
- The baby may cry during feeding. There are many reasons for crying in such a situation. If your baby has a runny nose and a stuffy nose, this may indicate that it is simply difficult for him to breathe during feeding. But a baby's crying during feeding can also occur due to more serious factors. For example, various inflammatory processes (inflammation of the mucous membranes or middle ear). With otitis media, it is painful for a baby to swallow. Even a hungry child, after the first sip, will immediately begin to turn away from the breast and cry. In such cases, you should consult a doctor. In addition, crying during feeding is observed in babies who have increased intracranial pressure, which is the result of birth trauma. In this situation, consult a doctor immediately.
- Very often a newborn may cry due to colic.
Basically, colic occurs due to the not yet fully formed digestive system in newborns. Also, colic may appear due to a change in the diet of a nursing mother. This is an age-related difficulty, and over time the newborn will simply outgrow it.
This is a natural process in the baby’s body and cannot be prevented, but the pain can be reduced. You can slightly warm up the baby's tummy (for example, by placing his tummy to yours). You can also consult a doctor about taking certain medications (there are now many medications in pharmacies that help overcome intestinal colic).
- Baby may cry after feeding. This is due to the fact that it has captured some air along with the food, which in turn can cause pain in the tummy. In such cases, the child may tuck his legs or frown. In this situation, ensure proper feeding. If a newborn is breastfed, then it is necessary to ensure that he takes the nipple into his mouth along with its areola. After feeding, walk around with your baby (carrying him upright) for 10 minutes or until he burps.
- Newborn may cry due to diaper rash- skin irritation, which most often occurs due to wet diapers. It is necessary to regularly ensure that the baby is dry and comfortable.
- Crying in a child may occur during urination. This indicates inflammatory processes in the urinary system (may be accompanied by elevated temperature). In such cases, you should immediately consult a doctor.
- Baby crying may occur for constipation. It is best to breastfeed your baby, but if this is not possible and the baby is formula-fed, you should ensure that he drinks plenty of fluids. Let him drink water or special teas. Make sure that the mixtures are prepared correctly, excluding the preparation of thick versions. Constipation can also be caused by irritation of the anus. Take care of your baby's hygiene and wash him (after each time he has done his business).
- Fatigue as one of the reasons for a child's crying. Newborns also tend to get tired. Help your baby fall asleep (rock him in your arms, sing softly to him, etc.).
Advice: it is advisable to exclude irritating factors (very bright light, loud TV, etc.).
Sometimes the opposite happens. The baby doesn’t want to sleep yet, although the time has already come. In this case, you shouldn’t force the baby to sleep, but it’s better to unwaddle him and let him walk a little more (just not for too long, so as not to get too behind schedule).
- Boredom is also characteristic of a baby. The child may want simple attention or communication. Just hold him in your arms, talk to him, sing to him, etc.
- If there are no visible reasons for the baby to worry or cry, then he may have excitable nervous system. In this case, the baby needs frequent walks. You should also exclude irritating factors (bright lights, loud music, etc.).
Protect your baby and monitor his health from the very beginning of his life, which will allow you to raise a healthy and strong baby.
Video why a newborn baby cries
In this article:
The most common problem new parents face is the constant crying of a newborn baby at the age of 1 or 2 months. The child is very small and he cannot yet express in words his feelings and needs for anything. Maybe something hurts him? Or does he just want to eat? How to learn to determine why a newborn is crying? Why does a 1-2 month old baby cry in his sleep? How can I calm him down, and should I see a doctor about this?
Reasons for crying
In fact, there are many reasons why newborn babies cry a lot. The most common of them are:
- hunger;
- colic;
- climatic conditions in which the child is located.
Basically, the baby cries because of the hunger that he experiences. Today, most inexperienced young mothers adhere to a strict feeding schedule, which they believe has a beneficial effect on the functioning of the digestive system. Perhaps they were told about this in and upon discharge from the maternity hospital. Yes, that may be true. But the problem is that the newborn’s ventricle is very small and, accordingly, he eats little. And sometimes he does not have enough milk that he consumed during feeding in order to wait for the next “portion”.
Therefore, it is extremely important to feed the child not according to time, but according to need. If a newborn baby is crying, checking whether he wants to eat or not is very simple. It is enough to place a bent little finger on the corner of his mouth. If he starts turning his head towards the finger and opening his mouth as if he wants to grab it, it means the baby is hungry. It's time to calm him down and put him to the chest. A baby who is 1 month old will eat, quickly fall asleep in his mother’s arms, and hunger will not bother him in his sleep for the next couple of hours.
Colic is the second reason why an infant cries. His digestive system has just begun to master its “new role.” As a rule, colic bothers the baby during the 1st, 2nd and 3rd months of his life, in some cases it can last up to 6 months. If a child who is 1 or 2 months old constantly cries, know that the whole problem may lie precisely in this.
Identifying the crying of a colicky baby is just as easy. It is impossible to confuse it with any other. The child screams very loudly, kicks his legs and literally chokes from crying. The face becomes red, almost blue. In this case, in order to calm the crying baby, you need to give the baby a massage and give medicine (today there are a huge number of medications that help relieve a newborn from colic), or give him dill water.
Another reason why an infant cries is the climatic conditions in which he is located. Small children sometimes cry because they cannot stand extreme heat or cold. Each child is individual, so it is necessary to create exactly those climatic conditions in which your baby will feel comfortable.
The following method will help you determine whether your baby is hot or cold.:
- take the child by the hand;
- place your fingers on your wrist;
- if the wrist is cold, then the baby is cold, it needs to be wrapped up more tightly; if it is hot or wet, it is hot, the baby needs to be undressed.
Another reason why a baby cries is the negligence of parents who are simply too lazy to change the baby’s diaper once again. An adult feels uncomfortable in wet clothes, and a baby whose diaper is full also feels discomfort. Check frequently to see if your baby has had a bowel movement. If an “accident” occurs, deal with it immediately to calm your baby. By the way, for the same reason, a child may experience irritation in the groin area and in the folds, which can cause the baby not just discomfort, but severe pain and itching. If there is redness in the groin area, try to minimize the use of diapers and treat the baby's skin with special creams more often.
Also, postpartum complications can cause crying. Often, young mothers during childbirth cannot direct their strength in the right direction, that is, when they push, they begin to sulk, but in the wrong direction (in the face), which increases the time the baby passes through the birth canal. As a rule, at this moment in most cases the child experiences anemia (lack of oxygen), which negatively affects his nervous system. Because of this, the newborn may sleep poorly, flinch at every rustle in his sleep and constantly scream. In this case, it is necessary to contact a neurologist who will conduct a thorough examination of the baby and prescribe appropriate treatment. After completing the medication course, the baby’s nervous system will improve, it will be easier to calm him down, and crying will not disturb the parents so often.
Very often, parents are faced with such a problem when a newborn baby cries every time he urinates and begins to sound the alarm. In fact, there is nothing scary here, this is a child’s usual fear of what is happening. He cannot control the process itself; he gets scared when he starts writing, as a result of which he begins to cry. But you still need to consult a doctor and take urine tests. Because sometimes there are cases when a baby cries due to pain when urinating, which may be associated with:
- with infectious diseases of the urinary system;
- or with an incorrect position of the foreskin.
Painful sensations when urinating may also indicate a high concentration of urine, which, passing through the urinary canal, causes irritation and burning.
When an infant cries and has a frequent increase in temperature (the norm for a newborn is 37.2 C), it is necessary to urgently go to the doctor. Perhaps the reason lies in an infectious disease that requires urgent treatment.
But our children do not always cry because of hunger or pain. Sometimes they just need their mother's presence nearby. Before birth, the child was one with her, and now it is very difficult for him to get used to the new life. The baby needs his mother's presence nearby and feels her warmth and care. Therefore, do not be afraid to spoil your child, take him in your arms more often, put him to your breast more often, put him to sleep in your arms to calm him down, talk to him. This will help the baby calm down and fall asleep quickly. Your care and warmth will definitely return to you in the future!
Why does a newborn cry in his sleep?
If a baby constantly cries in his sleep, then you should first inspect the baby’s sleeping place. Perhaps something is preventing him from sleeping, for example, the sheet is twisted under him or he is lying on the pacifier.
Also, the reasons for crying in a dream can be night colic, which prevents the baby from sleeping, teething (for some children, teeth begin to erupt at 3.5 - 4 months), or the banal absence of the mother nearby.
If a child constantly cries in his sleep for 1 - 2 months, but nothing bothers him, maybe you should think about co-sleeping? The baby will feel calm next to his mother, especially since he will always be able to eat without forcing you to get up if he is breastfed.
How to calm a crying baby?
First, you need to find out why the baby is crying, and only then begin to calm him down. If the reason for crying is a feeling of hunger, feed him, even though not even 2 hours have passed since the last feeding.
If colic is the cause, give your baby medicine and massage. And it is done as follows:
- put the child on the bed;
- put your hand on his stomach, your palm should completely touch his stomach;
- mentally draw a horseshoe on his stomach, the ends of which are directed downwards;
- With smooth hand movements, follow the trajectory of the horseshoe clockwise.
If this massage does not help your baby, then you can use another massage. However, it can only be performed from 1 month:
- put the child on the bed;
- bend both legs at the knees so that they touch the stomach;
- With smooth movements, move the child’s legs first to one side, then to the other. The legs should be pressed tightly against each other and against the stomach.
If these methods do not help, you can use a gas outlet tube. However, you should not abuse it, since the body can get used to the mechanical method of getting rid of gases and then it will be difficult to establish this process.
If a baby who is 1 or 2 months old is crying and you have tried everything possible, but nothing helps, perhaps the reason is not colic. Try placing a heating pad on your baby's tummy, making sure it's not too hot! Give your child dill water or fennel tea.
Carry the baby in your arms, press him with your stomach. Sometimes both gentle rocking and “dancing” can calm a crying baby. Some children find relief from waltzing, while others find relief from marching. Try holding your baby in different positions - vertically, horizontally, belly down. Perhaps you will find exactly the position in which the baby will feel relief.
But remember that the reason a baby cries a month may not only be colic or climatic conditions. If your child is restless and cries frequently, it is best to take him to the doctor. At an appointment with a specialist, you can find out why your infant is crying and make sure that there are no or no diseases.
Useful video about the reasons for a newborn's crying
The long-awaited meeting between mother and baby took place, everything seemed to go as it should. But why is the baby crying? It’s not always clear to a new mother. Only after some time will the mother be able to understand her baby by intonation, duration of crying and other criteria. Already in the second week, you can notice that in each situation the newborn cries differently.
Very important Reasons for crying a lot
miracle hiccups
Newborn Baby suffers from hiccups
There are many reasons for crying. Here are just the most basic of them, which do not relate to problems with the baby’s health:
- hungry;
- wet diapers, diaper, clothes;
- inconveniently positioned, clothes or seams are tight;
- cold or hot;
- there are diaper rashes on the skin;
- tired, wants to sleep;
- wants to chat;
- scary when peeing or pooping - an incomprehensible process;
- they put him to bed, but he doesn’t want to sleep;
- just to attract attention.
It is very important to determine the cause of crying
The following table will clearly show why a newborn baby cries and how a mother or nanny can help him. Here are the most common causes and their main symptoms.
| Reason for crying | Symptoms | Help |
| Baby is hungry | Such crying is accompanied by a prolonged cry, and the child may blush and usually pulls his hands towards his mother. | Feed, caress |
| Wet diaper or diaper | The baby whines, now stronger, now weaker, the whimpering is continuous. Hiccups may occur | Change the diaper, change into dry clothes, warm your arms |
| Uncomfortable position | Such crying begins with a whimper, then the child begins to scream, wave his arms and legs, trying to shift into a more comfortable position. | If the baby is in a swaddle, re-swaddle. First you can try to simply change his position |
| The baby is hot | The child whines, the skin may turn slightly red, and a rash may appear. The baby is trying to free himself from diapers or clothes | Remove one layer of clothing, remove the cap, and in hot weather wipe with a wet diaper |
| The child is cold | In this case, the newborn cries piercingly with gradual calming, and hiccups may appear at the end. Another sign is that the skin of the abdomen, chest or back is cool. | Dress warmly, cover with a blanket |
| The newborn cries a lot during feeding (otitis media, inflammation of the oral mucosa, stuffy nose) | He swallows the nipple greedily, immediately begins to cry sharply, throws his head back | For all three reasons, a doctor is called. And nasal congestion is removed with the help of a “pear”, then you can continue feeding. |
| Newborn cries a lot after feeding | Bends his legs to his tummy, frowns, frowns, and screams pitifully | First, you need to check whether the baby is attached to the breast correctly. Does it cover the entire nipple areola or just the nipple? When he eats, no loud smacking should be heard. Secondly, after each feeding you need to carry it in a column for 15-20 minutes. |
| Newborn crying from intestinal colic | Accompanied by a very high-pitched scream with intervals of 5-20 minutes. | The baby's tummy needs to be warmed by holding it to your stomach or placing it on a heating pad. You can fold it several times, iron the baby diaper and also apply it to the baby’s tummy. After feeding, the baby is given dill water or special children's medications to drink, which can be bought at the pharmacy. |
| Diaper rash on the skin | Redness, sores, peeling in the groin area or butt | Treat with special means (oil, powder, cream). Change diapers or diapers more often |
| Newborn cries before going to pee | He calms down a little, as if listening, and immediately begins to cry. | Call a doctor |
| When to poop | The process of defecation is accompanied by severe redness of the face along with loud crying | Give water during the day if the baby is mixed or bottle-fed You can help cope with constipation by irritating the child's anus with the sharp tip of a thermometer lubricated with sunflower oil. You can enter a maximum of 1 cm! |
| Baby is just tired | It sounds less like crying and more like whimpering. | Rock, put to sleep |
| Teeth cutting | My mouth is watering. Bites fingers, refuses to breastfeed, loss of appetite, disturbed sleep | Gently massage your gums, let them chew a cold teether, and lubricate them with special ointments for gums. |
| Wants to chat | Then the newborn does not cry constantly, but as soon as the mother disappears from sight, he immediately calms down when she appears | Take me in my arms and sing a song |
| Doesn't want to sleep | Cranky, gets out of the diaper | Unwaddle and let him walk for a while |
| Easily excitable nervous system | Crying for no reason | Remove loud sounds, bright objects, and walk outside more often. Contact a neurologist |
Suffering from colic?
Colic is one of the main causes of baby crying. There is still no definite opinion why they occur in a child. What is it: gas formation in the digestive system or the baby simply cannot control his emotions, maybe he is overly sensitive to everything around him.
The main sign of colic is that the newborn strains and immediately cries. Crying continues continuously, for a very long time, for no apparent reason. This anxiety begins mainly in the afternoon, it lasts until the evening, but it may well be around the clock. Therefore, speaking about why a newborn baby constantly cries, we can safely assume that the reason is intestinal colic.
From external signs you can notice that:
- the baby presses his knees to his tummy;
- his fists clench at the same time;
- he begins to become very active.
The child's eating and sleep patterns are disrupted; we are no longer talking about how to calm a awake baby; the newborn is already crying in his sleep. Sometimes he wakes up and looks for the breast only to give it up crying as soon as he starts eating. And having fallen asleep, he wakes up with even louder screams.
This painful period begins when the newborn’s crying occurs with or without cause at approximately 2-3 weeks of life and lasts up to 2-3 months. By the end of this period, the crying gradually disappears, everything miraculously calms down, and a calm life begins.
When to see a doctor?
Very often on women's forums, mothers are interested in why their newborn baby cries while urinating. Of course, there may not be a problem - often crying during this process is due to the child’s fear of everything new and unknown. But the reason could be much more serious:
- infectious diseases of the genitourinary system;
- incorrect position of the foreskin.
The baby's reasons can be completely different.
In one situation or another, you need to see a doctor, who will probably send you for urine and blood tests, and only then will he make a diagnosis.
You should also see a doctor if your newborn strains and then screams. Perhaps he suffers from constipation and gas formation, and the doctor will help you choose a diet for your mother or baby food for your child. You definitely need to pay attention to the baby’s stool and compare it with the food he eats.
Symptoms of gas formation along with loose or sour stools that last several days are a serious reason to consult a pediatrician.
Why can't it be ignored?
There are so many child psychologists in the world, so many opinions about causeless crying in children and methods of dealing with it. The best thing to do would be to figure out why a newborn is restless while playing or sleeping, while eating or walking.
Our grandmothers were advised not to approach a crying child for 20 minutes so that he could cry. Today's pediatricians are convinced that when a child cries, a stress hormone is produced, which has a detrimental effect on his brain. Scientists in this field tested the saliva of a crying baby and found in it a large amount of the hormone cortisol, which is very dangerous for the baby’s fragile brain. Nature conceived of crying as a natural way for a child to attract attention during that period of his life when he does not yet know how to speak.
(28 votes: 4.0 out of 5)Your child often cries, but you see no reason for this. Believe me, this doesn't happen. There is always a reason for tears. You will learn about why a baby may cry, how to find out the reason, how to prevent tearfulness, from the wonderful book of practicing child psychiatrist Alevtina Lugovskaya. Using her advice and recommendations, you will not only change your baby’s character, but also learn how to become both a mother and a true friend.
Chapter 1. Why is the baby crying?
Let's first, dear parents, figure out what baby crying is and what can cause it. Finding out this is important, because only by knowing the roots of tears can both be eliminated. And I also want to say that parents who, not understanding why a child endlessly sheds tears, think wrongly and therefore consider crying to be causeless. Believe me, this doesn't happen.
Crying is a signal that occurs reflexively in infants due to feelings of hunger, thirst, desire to sleep and the urge to recover naturally. Subsequently, crying signals any unpleasant, unbearable feeling that reaches the level of affect: acute anxiety and fear, sadness and melancholy, irritation and excitement.
The various functions of crying - whim (hysteria), protest, request, demand, complaint (resentment), crying-signal, crying-release - constitute a complex psychological structure, that is, a unique language.
For outsiders, a child's crying is an unpleasant irritant. Mom always knows how to catch notes in it that indicate what her baby wants. If adults try to use any means to stop a child's crying, they risk not only increasing the distance between themselves and him, but also erecting a real wall of indifference and misunderstanding.
However, there are children who clearly cry more than others. They shed tears for every reason: sympathizing with their favorite fairy tale characters or seeing a dead butterfly, hearing screams and loud voices, experiencing physical pain or entering into conflict with someone.
Crying is a strong mental experience, a kind of emotional shock that occurs against the background of previous tension, excitement or inhibition.
It can be the result of a release of tension, like an overflowing thundercloud from which rain pours down. The relief experienced after crying to some extent helps to improve mood, thus representing a means of regulating emotional tone.
Sometimes crying indicates a limitation of vital interests and needs that the child cannot reconcile with, a humiliation of his self-esteem, insult and resentment. Often it arises as a way of attracting the attention of parents, as a kind of request for help, intervention, or resolution of one or another troubling problem. For emotionally indifferent parents, the baby's cry in this case reaches the gradation of a cry of despair, as if calling on them to be more responsive to him. He thus complains about the one who offended him, about his poor health, pain, and inability to realize his desires.
Many parents complain about the restless behavior of their children: whims, irritability, tears over every little thing, turning into hysterics when the child falls to the floor and starts kicking or kicking. We must try to find out the reason for this behavior and try to eliminate it.
Especially often, a mother is alarmed by the inexplicable cry of an infant. In such cases, if you are convinced that there is no visible reason for concern, and the doctor, having examined him, concluded that he is healthy, you should not run up to him at his every cry, pick him up and please him, feed him at the wrong time, just to calm him down. . Otherwise, the baby will get used to the fact that by screaming he can achieve everything he wants. Incorrect techniques will only calm him for a short time.
Let's start with the fact that when we cry in the first years of our life, the baby expresses natural needs, that is, he wants to eat, drink, relieve himself, or he is uncomfortable in wet clothes. The child does not yet know how to speak and expresses all his desires through crying, thereby attracting the attention of his parents.
Later, when the baby learns to pronounce his first words and, it would seem, should already express his desires with them, he still cries and is capricious if he wants something. This happens reflexively, because the subconscious contains information about this method of fulfilling desires.
Nervous irritability often arises in him if he persistently demands the impossible. Sometimes he doesn’t need this object at all, he’s just used to getting his way with screams and tears.
It is also possible that already at an early age a child is taught to be calm and cheerful only in the presence of adults. He feels comfortable only when someone is nearby and they pay attention to him. And this is undesirable, as it is fraught with unpleasant consequences.
If the baby does not find something to do and feels the need for direct contact with his parents, he can express his desire in order to attract the attention of adults by crying, whining, complaining about various misfortunes and thus achieve his goal. If he is very small, they will pick him up and try to calm him down, that is, they will show him some attention.
Communication means a lot to a baby. Those parents who pay enough attention to this do the right thing. But you shouldn’t indulge and fulfill all your whims: give everything you ask, constantly take him in your arms and constantly be near him, throwing away all your affairs and worries.
Around the sixth week of life, often when evening falls, the baby begins to cry, writhe, and show signs of illness. At the same time, he is clean, he has drunk enough water, he is not hot... This condition is called “evening restlessness.” Don't be alarmed. This often happens, but passes, as it corresponds to the phase of restless awakening, which disappears by the third month of life. He has no other way to discharge the tension accumulated during the day, and he discharges himself in this way. Consider these to be the difficulties of a newborn adjusting to the rhythms of day and night.
When a baby starts teething, he becomes very irritable and whiny. Teething is a very painful process: the gums swell, itch and hurt, saliva runs heavily, and the temperature rises.
Crying can also be a consequence of an emotional disorder, when the baby is afraid or is unable to express his feelings and desires out loud. This is possible when in contact with strangers, people unfamiliar to him. Often on the street or in transport we hear the following expressions: “Stop squealing, otherwise I’ll give you to your uncle!” or “If you kick your aunt, she will take you with her!”
Usually such threats produce a negative result. But there are children with a very sensitive and vulnerable psyche; such warnings make a very strong impression on them and cause fear. And the words “Come on, come on, I’ll take her to my place!” can cause panic at the prospect of spending your whole life in the company of strangers. After all, the baby takes everything said at face value.
Such threats develop in children a persistent rejection of strangers, and in the future they feel free and at ease only in familiar surroundings, in the circle of loved ones and relatives.
If a baby is cold or hot, and he doesn’t know how to say it, he naturally starts crying. He also expresses his emotions when he gets into his pants. Of course, who would like to walk around in wet clothes! And the baby loudly calls for correction of annoying misunderstandings.
Irritability, tears and whims are sometimes the result of an overload of impressions when you take him shopping, visiting, walking in the park, going to the zoo or riding on a carousel, where there are a lot of people and noise. Kids react differently to noise and large crowds of people: some quickly get used to it, while others are very afraid and may even get sick as a result.
The baby does not want to go to bed, so he begins to be capricious and cry. All your tenderness may not be enough if the child does not want to go to bed; his crying fills every corner of the house. Resolving this situation will require a lot of patience. Such crying should be treated as a process of gradual re-education, like breaking the habit of a bad habit.
Children, like adults, also have dreams. But since the child cannot yet find an explanation for many objects and phenomena, they naturally frighten him. As you know, we most often have dreams related to previous events. And if he dreams of something unfamiliar, incomprehensible, this causes his fear and, as a result, tears. In other words, the baby had a nightmare.
He may cry not only because of a bad dream. There is a lot in the world that the child does not yet know and cannot explain, hence the strong fear, and the baby begins to cry to the point of hysteria and painful spasms.
When a child gets sick and cannot explain what hurts him, he begins to cry in pain, be capricious, refuse to eat, and sleep restlessly.
In the first years of his life, he is under constant supervision of a local doctor. It is very important that he is not afraid of his visit. Usually children associate a white coat with pain, injections, an unpleasant sensation when they listen to it or look at the neck, and they begin to cry, even to the point of hysteria, resist, fight, do not allow the doctor to do an examination, and push away his hands.
Crying is a natural reaction if a baby falls or gets hit. Of course it hurts him. Children generally take their failures very seriously. Even if he hit himself slightly, he will still make a whole tragedy out of it, because it is important for him that they pay attention to him, sympathize with him and feel sorry for him.
Sometimes children do not want to wear what their parents offer them - and again there are whims, tears and other actions, including throwing away clothes.
Not all children quickly get used to kindergarten. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort and patience to adapt to a new environment and get used to other children. After all, the child considered it natural that his mother should always be with him. Finding himself in an unfamiliar environment and losing sight of his parents, the baby gets scared and begins to look for them, expressing his dissatisfaction by crying.
He may cry if he is hurt by other children. For example, he was pushed, a toy was not shared, a book with interesting pictures was taken away...
By crying, he expresses dissatisfaction when something doesn’t work out for him. For example, a child tried to put on socks on his own, but unsuccessfully. The toe turns over, the foot does not want to get into it. The baby begins to get nervous and cry, as if attracting the attention of adults to help him.
In the first years, children sweat a lot and wear diapers or onesies. All this negatively affects the condition of their skin. Therefore, it is very important to bathe them regularly. But not everyone likes water procedures and expresses their dissatisfaction by screaming and crying, organizing “concerts”, attracting the attention of not only family and friends, but even neighbors who listen in bewilderment to the loud screams behind the wall and painfully wonder what they are doing to them. a child, since he cries so hysterically.
Tears may be the result of punishment. In general, they greatly influence the mental development of the child. He can withdraw and become embittered, as he sees connections between his behavior and punishment, assessing it only as violence from adults.
Punishment for no reason seems especially offensive to a child when he is not at all to blame. For example, while walking, someone pushed him into the mud, naturally, he got dirty, got scared and burst into tears. Arriving home, he looks for sympathy from his mother, and she starts yelling at him because she will have to do the laundry again. She didn’t understand the situation and didn’t ask him about how it happened. As a result, the child, crying and offended, stands in the corner, serving his punishment.
A crying child, being in a state of passion, does not perceive comments, advice, orders well, which means that it is useless to educate while crying. It is unacceptable to punish him when he is crying, since he can easily forget what he was punished for, and the very state of crying is inherently a punishment for him.
There is a common belief that children's tears are easy to dry. Indeed, the duration of the emotional state in children under five years of age is relatively short, but the strength of emotions is not inferior to, and sometimes even exceeds, a similar state in adults.
The grief of a child over the loss of a beloved kitten is no less great than the grief of an adult who has lost a loved one. And it’s simply impossible to brush him off in such a situation, even if he forgets about it in two weeks. What about the fear of being abandoned in the kindergarten locker room? Adults think that 15 minutes will not change anything, and they are wrong.
Experiences and emotions require a lot of energy, so don’t oversaturate your baby’s day with a complex of events, even pleasant ones. This can cause unexpected vomiting, fussiness, tearfulness, and sleep disturbances.
Chapter 2. What should parents do?
You can’t ignore the crying of your son or daughter at all. This can cause irreparable damage to trust in adults. When the crying is clearly hysterical, the best thing is not to reinforce it with increased attention, but to provide an opportunity for the release of nervous tension. In other cases, crying should be dealt with, which is only possible with confidential contact and a guarantee of no punishment.
First of all, the baby cries, expressing natural needs. This is very easy to find out by offering him something to eat or drink. He cries and says that his diaper or clothes are wet. Check and change them. An older child may be asking to use the potty. Acting in such a situation is as easy as shelling pears: put him on the potty and stay with him, distract him with conversation or show him a toy.
He may cry if he is hot or, conversely, cold. You will determine this by the condition of his skin: the skin will be wet, sweaty if he is hot, and cool, with pimples (goose bumps) if the baby is cold. Having found out the reason, try to eliminate it. In general, it is very undesirable for children to overheat; this is worse for them than cold. Don’t make him a sissy, don’t wrap him up, turning him into cabbage, this will lead to diseases faster.
Tearfulness and moodiness are most often the result of illness. He may cry out because his tummy hurts or he has been missing stool for more than the allotted time. To eliminate discomfort, use a light abdominal massage. The massage is performed clockwise with stroking movements. Make sure your hands are warm, use baby cream to better glide your hands over his body.
If there is no effect, remove the gases. To do this, place the baby on his left side and bend his legs, pressing them to his tummy. You can use another method - insert a gas outlet tube. The last resort, if there is no positive result, is an enema. Place the baby on his left side and give an enema with warm boiled water.
If any serious illness occurs, do not self-medicate under any circumstances, because you do not know what the child is sick with. Call your local doctor at home. The first symptoms of the disease, as a rule, are lethargy, drowsiness, and refusal to eat. Pay attention to the condition of the skin, look at the neck, check the stool. Be sure to measure your body temperature.
As you know, when a child is sick, his appetite decreases, so do not force feed him, do not give him as much food as possible. Another important point: even if the baby is sick, do not force him in bed. Since constant stay in bed is accompanied by crying due to the reluctance to lie down, know that the baby will spend no less energy on tears than on walking.
Dress it appropriately for the temperature, but in no case should you dress half of your wardrobe - overheating is very dangerous for children, especially when they are sick.
It often happens that even after recovery a nervous and tearful state persists. Be patient. Do not respond to him with your irritation and screams, but first of all, take care of strict adherence to the established regime in accordance with the condition and age of the child: put him to bed on time, feed him properly and spend time in the fresh air more often. Give your child as much care and affection as possible, because even an adult, when sick, requires increased attention. Try to distract him from the consequences that the disease has led to (weakness, imbalance), do not disturb his usual routine, this can only do harm.
The child cries, is capricious, and does not want to go to the doctor. First of all, you need to talk to him, explain why you are going to the clinic and how this visit will go. The relationship between the child and the doctor develops through the parents, because it is they who bring him to the appointment, explain the reason for the visit, the symptoms of the disease. Therefore, it is very important to explain to him that there is nothing terrible in such a visit, that he will not be hurt there. Under no circumstances should you frighten a child with injections or going to the hospital. Imagine that you can instill in your child fear and hostility towards people in white coats for the rest of his life.
The child is capricious, cries, and does not want to go to bed. Of course, from the first days of his life he got used to your constant presence, he doesn’t want to part, leave his toys and go to bed. He needs you to be around for a while. Sit on the edge of the bed, tell him some good story, fairy tale, read a book or just look at pictures with him. You can quietly sing a song or just talk about your day.
This will allow the baby to finish his day calmly. Ask him about what interesting things happened, share your affairs with him, but do it in a way that he can understand. His favorite toy should be nearby so he can reach it. After all, children love to sleep with toys. At this moment, you should give your baby maximum attention and affection, as this is very important for him and for you and helps strengthen your relationship.
Sometimes the baby, on the contrary, is capricious because he wants to sleep, but cannot fall asleep. Soothe him, caress him, give him a relaxing massage. Stay with him a little, try to get him to sleep.
To teach your baby to go to bed voluntarily, the first step is to calm him down. Let him cry for a few minutes, then go over and cuddle him. Gradually increase the time gap before coming to him when he begins to cry. Over time, he will understand that he was not abandoned when he sleeps, his loving parents are nearby. You will let him know that you love him, that you are always with him. This way he will calm down, get used to it and fall asleep without whims.
If your baby refuses to eat, do not force-feed him or yell at him. Be patient. Tell me what you need to eat to grow big and healthy, like your dad; Place the toy on the table and “feed” it, alternating one spoon for the doll, the other for him. There is another well-known way - to eat a spoon for each family member: for dad, for mom, for grandma...
Your baby does not like and does not want to bathe. What to do in such a situation? First of all, try to explain to him why this is being done. Tell us how important it is to keep your body clean. Remember the fairy tale “Moidodyr” about a boy from whom all his clothes ran away because he was dirty. Remind him how sick he has been lately, and try to convince him that if he takes a bath, he will never get sick.
Use a variety of washable toys. Now there are many wind-up waterfowl toys that can distract him while swimming. Blow soap bubbles together. The most important thing is that you should be nearby; under no circumstances leave the baby alone in the bathroom, because he may not only choke, but also be very frightened by the water.
Sometimes the reluctance to bathe is due to soap or shampoo getting into the eyes. He continues to have unpleasant sensations, so he begins to cry. Use special detergents for children that will not cause irritation if they come into contact with the eyes.
The baby becomes stubborn and does not want to get dressed, begins to get nervous, cry, and throw his clothes around. Find out why he is protesting. Maybe he wants to wear his favorite thing, let him make the choice himself, if possible. Or, after showing the item, interest her in some pattern, say that the blouse or pants are beautiful, warm and comfortable.
Sometimes a baby doesn't like clothes because he feels uncomfortable in them, but he can't express it in words. If you go outside and your child objects to a warm jacket, explain that it is cold outside and show that you will also dress warmly. But under no circumstances should you start screaming or forcefully dress the child. This will negatively affect your future relationships.
The baby grows, develops, learns, and acquires some skills. When something doesn’t work out for him, he may burst into tears and throw objects and toys around. In this case, when we cry, he calls you for help, since he cannot cope on his own. Find out what he wants. Help him do this, but don't yell at him, and certainly don't help him silently. It might look something like this: “Let me help you. I’ll show you how to do it, and you can repeat it” or “Let’s do it together.”
The child does not want to go to a nursery or kindergarten. Keep in mind that he finds himself in an unfamiliar environment and the period of adaptation can be very different - some people get used to it very quickly, while others will need more time. After all, the baby is deprived of your presence and is very afraid to be left in an unfamiliar environment without you.
Explain to him why you are sending him to kindergarten. Try to convince him that you are doing this not to get rid of him, not because you are tired of him, you are tired or you have more important things to do, but to help him spend his time more interesting and richer.
In order for the baby to adapt faster, effort and patience are needed. Under no circumstances should you force a child into kindergarten, yell at him and scare him that you won’t take him home if he doesn’t stop crying. Try to ensure that going to kindergarten does not become a psychological trauma for him, but, on the contrary, turns out to be a joyful event. He should be prepared for this in advance.
Arriving at kindergarten, the child should already have the skills to wash himself, dress independently, and sit on the potty. Therefore, instill in him the necessary household skills in advance so that he has more time for games and does not have annoying problems associated with the inability to do something on his own.
Tell us more about the kindergarten and what the child will do there. Be sure to tell him that he is already big and you are proud of him, because now he can go to kindergarten, just like you can go to work.
Try to convince him that they won’t hurt you in the kindergarten, that there are other children and toys there. You can take his favorite toy with you to make him feel calmer, since a piece of home and everything he is used to is with him. Don't run away as soon as you bring your baby. Slowly undress him and lead him by the hand into the group, interest him in something so that the baby is distracted.
There are children who cannot get used to kindergarten for a very long time; they are afraid to go there, resist, and cry. In a group, they hide in a corner, don’t play with anyone, and avoid teachers. First of all, try to talk with the child, establish the reason, maybe the teachers treat him badly or are offended by other children?
In kindergarten, during communication, children, like adults, may experience conflict situations. Most often this happens because of toys. They may push him, offend him, or take away the toy he wanted to play with. Talk to him and, having found out the reason, try to eliminate it, but this does not mean that you urgently need to transfer the baby to another nursery or kindergarten. Be patient, act gradually, ask him in detail about what he did and who he played with. All this will help him believe that he will be fine in kindergarten, and he can play perfectly well with other children before his mother arrives.
As you know, children are very fond of outdoor games, they love to run around and very often fall and get dirty. You can’t punish or shout for this. This is natural for his age and very useful for his development. Imagine what will happen to a child if he sits quietly on a chair, losing his usual mobility? Muscle weakness may develop, he will be more prone to diseases, and lag behind his peers.
If your baby falls, gets hit hard, or scrapes his knees, don’t yell at him, he’s already scared. Try to calm down, distract, and carefully treat the wounds. Explain that it is not so scary and will heal soon.
If the baby is “overloaded” with impressions, it is difficult for him to understand and perceive the large amount of information received, to “digest” it, he begins to be capricious and cry. You need to talk to him about his impressions, try to find out what annoys him or, conversely, interests him. If he doesn’t understand something, don’t brush it off, try to explain it to him so that he understands.
Under no circumstances should you frighten or deceive a child. The shock caused by fear can have a detrimental effect on his psyche; he may begin to stutter, twitch, and will be afraid of the dark, loud sounds, or a room in which no one is present. If the baby is capricious and crying, do not under any circumstances scare him with wolves, witches and other scary characters, this can lead to the development of mental illness.
Sometimes a baby may cry because he is simply bored. Try to cheer him up. Offer him something to do, do something together. Get your child interested. Look at a picture book, play something, and ultimately just talk to him. Very often, parents brush off their children, citing their fatigue and busyness. All this can end quite badly. He will withdraw into himself, harbor a grudge, and you risk losing not only his trust, but also the child as a person.
There is no simple and universal recipe here. However, we can say with confidence that sensitivity and vulnerability are signs of the mental makeup of such children, properties of their nervous system. You cannot change these innate characteristics at will. Moreover, such means of educational influence as persuasion, reproaches, punishment, shouting, ridicule will not help here, and will most likely even bring a negative result. Any violent measures will cause an increase in tension and anxiety, will further weaken the baby’s nervous system, and will take away strength and self-confidence.
Even the most loving parents will not be able to protect their child from life’s troubles, because you cannot keep your child under a glass bell all the time. Therefore, the simplest tactic in dealing with such children is not to get annoyed by their crying. But being with them is the best way to calm them down. Let him feel that you are ready to help him, because this is so important to him.
Try to switch his attention to something else, give him some specific task so that it interests the baby and, of course, is within his power.
In short, the most important thing that is required from parents is patience. Do not forget that high emotional sensitivity is closely related to responsiveness, kindness, cordiality, willingness to help, to defend the weak, and these are very valuable human qualities!
Therefore, no matter how strange it may sound, listen to the child’s cry, delve into its meaning, and do not try to interrupt it as quickly as possible, to dry the child’s tears. Crying and tears are the language of children's communication, so do not be deaf to it just because you have forgotten how to speak it yourself.
If a child is afraid of strangers, of course, he expresses this through tears. Fear of strangers is a typical form of maladjusted behavior in a child. It is at this time that he very urgently needs your support, understanding, and protection. A calm, friendly family atmosphere helps relieve stress and makes it easy to cope with the problem.
The child’s world is still mostly limited to the walls of the house, courtyard or kindergarten, so the appearance of an unfamiliar face makes the child wary. If a stranger behaves harmlessly from his point of view, for example, does not touch his toys, does not grab his parents in his arms, the wariness gradually disappears. Otherwise, it can develop into panic fear and even persistent phobia.
It’s good when parents are understanding about this problem. This means that they will not allow themselves to commit violence against a child just for the sake of demonstrating to their friends their achievements in the field of educating the younger generation.
If your baby is crying, do not rush to call a doctor or stuff him with pills and mixtures, just pat him on the head. The mother's warm, soft hands touched the baby, stroked the back, tummy, chest, lingered a little longer on the forehead, and the baby calmed down.
Amazing effect, right? But this is nothing unusual. It has been known since ancient times that massage has a calming effect, especially if it is done by the mother. She seems to convey her warmth and calmness to the baby, and he stops crying and being capricious. By showing maximum patience and attention, in the future you will be rewarded for this with the health and well-being of your child.
Chapter 3. Mom + baby = friendship
How to gain a child's trust? How to get him to open up? Parents very often ask themselves this question, but sometimes, unfortunately, it is too late, when it is very difficult to regain lost trust, respect and authority.
First of all, there is no need to lose this trust. After all, from the very first days of his existence, the baby sees his protection in you and always runs to his mother when someone offends him or something doesn’t work out for him. So do not rush to disrupt the physical and emotional unity that arises between you and your child. Smile, talk to your baby, and it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t understand the meaning of your words, the main thing for him is that you communicate with him, the intonation with which you pronounce the words matters.
The unity established between you and the baby from the very first days of his existence will, of course, change over time, but will still remain the unity of mother and child, only transformed into a new, meaningful quality. You will get rid of many problems if you become not only a mother to him, but also a friend.
A child is able to feel and understand whether he is loved, whether he is happy, and whether he is treated with respect. This means that it is not enough to tell him that he is loved, he must fully find confirmation of this, so that it does not turn out that you tell him about your love, but in fact he feels very lonely.
Deception leads to the child gradually losing trust in adults, because he expects danger at any moment. Constant vigilance unnerves him, makes him fearful and whiny. Under no circumstances should you fraudulently obtain anything from him.
For example, if mom went to the store, and dad says that mom will be back soon and bring something sweet, the baby starts running from window to window in anticipation. And when mother finally comes and does not bring the sweets promised by father, he becomes disappointed and cries out of resentment. If this happens repeatedly, the baby will stop trusting you.
The lack of maternal love and attention leads to the fact that the baby withdraws into himself and becomes lonely next to loved ones. But childhood loneliness is a pretty scary thing. Parents are engaged in solving their problems: career, finances, personal life, leaving the child to his own devices, limiting the relationship with him exclusively to issues of care.
Communication with peers is very important. And if the child is embarrassed to make contact with other children, he needs help. Adult help is invaluable here. He needs to be introduced to other children by name, asked what they are playing and whether they will accept another participant. Usually among the guys there is always someone who takes the newcomer under his wing and helps him get used to the new company.
But sometimes it happens that they can offend him, call him names, or come up with an offensive nickname for him. After such incidents, the child withdraws, preferring loneliness.
It may turn out that he was made unsociable by his own misconduct, which caused severe emotional stress. While playing with other children, the baby could inadvertently drop his friend or get hit by a snowball... The sight of blood and inconsolable sobs can have a strong impact on the baby’s psyche. As a result, he gives up his usual games, does not communicate with friends, does not go outside, sits at home for hours, and responds to all persuasion with a stream of tears.
In this case, you cannot persuade him or swear. You can help him restore his peace of mind by talking and explaining the situation so that his guilt complex dissipates.
The busyness of modern adults is one of the signs of our time, when parents manage, in addition to their main job, to run part-time jobs, have two jobs, and take work home. What if a child is raised by a single mother? Here the issue of raising a normal, full-fledged person is very acute.
The decision to have a child is associated with the acceptance by adults of responsibility for its fate. But it is by no means wrong to consider oneself the root cause of everything that happens to him. The child is able to take responsibility for his actions. Once you ask him to do something himself, he will understand that he must be responsible for his actions. Endless instructions and parting words, and even more so, complaints and lamentations after his unseemly act, will lead him to aggression.
To understand your child, change his behavior, establish contact or regain lost trust, you must first change yourself. Open your eyes. After all, you were used to forbidding him from everything and demanded unconditional submission. It's convenient for you. But try to understand that the child has his own “I”, his own affairs, aspirations, needs, independence. Once you realize this, you will be able to soberly assess your relationship with him.
Analyze your behavior, your attitude towards the baby, every gesture, word, action, put yourself in his place, and this will allow you to establish mutual understanding.
It is important to understand that education is cooperation, interaction, mutual influence, mutual enrichment (emotional, moral, spiritual, intellectual) between adults and the child.
In order to successfully raise a child, parents must certainly correct their behavior, engage in self-education, and not set bad examples. If you want to get him to unquestioningly fulfill your demands, which you don’t actually follow yourself, this will only be possible through coercive measures: the child will fulfill the demands formally, out of fear of punishment. This fear ultimately gives rise to deception, hypocrisy, cunning...
Do we understand our children? To understand a person means to see the reasons for his actions, to explain the motives that prompted him to act in a certain way. To learn to understand, it is necessary to reduce the excessive demands that he simply cannot fulfill.
You can explain a child’s behavior by analyzing the conditions under which his development occurs. If a child is constantly shouted at or used physical punishment, he will most likely develop a need to avoid such shocks and, as a result, such negative traits as deceitfulness, timidity, distrust, aggressiveness will appear...
If the child was protected from work and adults did everything for him, the child becomes lazy, weak-willed, will avoid any business, which means he will pretend, ingratiate himself, deceive, deceive.
Another option is when the baby was simply spoiled: they bought expensive things and toys, and did not deny him anything. Such a child develops exorbitant claims, but at the same time the inability to take care of things and appreciate the work put into them. Remember that the lack of communication cannot be filled with expensive toys, things, or unquestioning fulfillment of all his desires.
The baby’s intelligence, thinking, ability to worry, and interest in knowledge will develop poorly if you haven’t read books to him or talked to him a little. After all, intellectual inclinations are laid in early childhood, so communicate with him, teach him to love books, but do not force him to read - you will get the opposite, negative effect.
Sometimes parents are very zealous in their children's education. From an early age they hire tutors, send him to prestigious kindergartens and educational institutions with special interests, load him up with music schools, dances, etc. But somehow they forget to ask him whether he likes all this. Please note that a very small number of children enjoy singing, dancing, and music.
Don't overload your baby with things he isn't interested in. Try to find out his passions and choose an appropriate activity. Give him the right to choose, the right to decide for himself what to do.
Develop your children's abilities from early childhood. Awaken attention in their souls, arouse ideas and observation. To do this, use a variety of objects, teach them to describe them, talk about their purpose. Develop mental abilities that will help your child find himself in the future.
To develop a sense of love and compassion in your child, you can get a pet. He will proudly tell everyone that he has a hamster or a kitten. Show your child how to properly care for him, what to feed him, and how to handle him in general. If you notice that he is offending the animal, explain that it is also alive and in pain. Tell them that the animal has lost its parents, it is very lonely, and it needs someone to take care of it.
Teach him to take care of the animal himself, and you will see what the result will be. This will instill in him not only a love for nature and animals, but will help him understand his importance, his necessity for someone, and relieve him of the feeling of loneliness. The child will look at your relationship with him with different eyes, which will help strengthen it.
Understand that what the baby is doing is extremely important to him, even if it seems to you that this is not the case. Let me give you an example from my practice. A young mother came to my appointment and told me: “One day my son came up to me and asked me to play with him. At that time I was watching an interesting program and explained to the baby that I was busy now and would play with him later. After some time, going into the child’s room, I saw that he was putting a toy under the bed, then taking it out and putting it back again. I called the child for lunch, to which I received the following answer: “I’m busy right now, I’ll come back later.”
The woman did not know how to react to such an answer. This happened repeatedly. I explained to the young mother that the child imitates her in everything, and, in his opinion, what he does is very important for him. Therefore, he does not understand his mother’s indignation at his behavior. After all, he was waiting for the program that was important for his mother to end. So why doesn't she want to wait?
Sometimes, in order for a child to understand what care and respect are, he himself needs to take care of someone. For example, you came home from work, you’re tired, you have a bad headache, there’s trouble at work. The kid looks at you inquisitively, wondering why you are in such a state. Ask him to bring you something to drink. Tell him, without going into details, that you were offended at work, let the child show sympathy, let him feel sorry for you. This way he will understand that you need him and cannot live without him.
If you notice your baby has a tendency to lie, try to discover the reason. Lies often arise from fear of punishment. Do not punish him too harshly, especially since corporal cruel punishment should be avoided. Try to find out why the child lied, delve into his problem. Maybe by talking to him, you will save him not only from this vice, fear, but also from other complexes.
Allow the baby to show his importance, take into account his desires (reasonable, of course!). After all, self-expression is the main, urgent need of human nature.
Allow your baby to participate in your activities, no matter what you are doing - mopping the floor or preparing breakfast. It is very important for him to feel that he is trusted to do something on an equal basis with adults. After all, children from an early age begin to imitate their parents, very quickly absorbing everything they see and hear. Involving a child in some activities not only accustoms him to work, but also brings him closer to his parents. Such a child will treat his parents and what they do with respect and understanding.
It is not necessary to entrust your child with something difficult that he is not able to cope with. Give him a task that he can complete: wash his cup, wipe the dust off the table, and finally put away his toys. Praise him, tell him that he helped you a lot and you couldn’t have done it without him.
Do not scream under any circumstances if your baby tries to do something he is unable to cope with. See how he tries to do it, help him. Tell him he's great.
If, for example, you decide to sew something for yourself, and your daughter is hanging around with a doll, involve her in your activity. Give him scraps of fabric and let him do something too. If something doesn't work out for her, help her. Don't forget about praise, because it means a lot to a child.
Or another situation: dad is making a shelf for the hallway. My little son is spinning around nearby, grabbing tools and nails and getting underfoot. Don't shoo him away, don't be afraid that he will hit his fingers with a hammer or drop a tool on his foot. Let him help, tell him that nothing will work without him. Give a task that he will happily complete and that it will be safe for him. You will see an amazing result when your son proudly tells everyone that he and his dad made a shelf.
Joint games, which bring not only pleasure, but also educational information, have a very beneficial effect on the relationship with the child. Children's games are their main occupation, but they should be directed in such a way that they stimulate the harmonious activity of all the child's mental abilities, avoiding one-sidedness.
Offer him a speed game, for example, who can assemble a pyramid faster. Of course, you should give in, and when the baby proudly shows that he was the first to do it, praise him.
By playing with your baby or doing something, you get closer to him. The child is interested in you, you are one whole.
Walking has a very beneficial effect on family relationships. You've probably often seen a picture where a baby, holding tightly to the hands of mom and dad, proudly walks along for a walk. Run with him, play some games, swing on a swing, roll in the snow or throw snowballs at a target. Walking together not only lifts your spirits and promotes better physical development of the baby, but also strengthens relationships.
Small children, it would seem, at such an unintelligent age, surprisingly subtly perceive any, including the most intimate, feelings of their parents. Under normal conditions, it is the harmonious combination of these feelings that creates a child’s feeling of confidence and happiness.
In order for mutual understanding and trust to exist between you, you must give all your love and attention to the baby, teach the child to work, respect adults, and value friendship from early childhood. Give him as much attention as possible, do not brush off his childhood problems like an annoying fly.
Try to become a true friend to your child, and then you will see his shining eyes and understand that for him you are not just a mother, an object of adoration and admiration, reliable protection and support, you are his most faithful and reliable friend.