Age differences have never been uncommon in relationships. Previously, this happened often when girls were married to older men due to their financial wealth and ability to support their family. Now the popularity of such an “unequal” union is influenced by freedom of choice and many other factors. It is not uncommon for a woman, on the contrary, to be older than a man. Let's consider in the article why this happens, why people choose those who are younger/older than them or are the same age, the pros and cons of such unions, as well as the most important question - does the age difference matter?
Peers
This type of relationship is considered the most common. The easiest way to meet peers is at school or any other educational institution, often at work, among acquaintances and friends. Such unions have significant advantages:
But there are also disadvantages. In such unions, due to immaturity, a man and a woman can get tired of each other and separate without seeing a way out. At the same time, an older person who has already gone through a lot, including crises in relationships, can direct his significant other in the right direction, understand how to act in a given situation, and strengthen the relationship. Another minus is peers treat their love as an equal. This, of course, in most cases is an advantage of this type of union, however, when equality is felt, then in the event of quarrels, often everyone believes that his point of view is the most correct. Whether such people will find a compromise or not depends on what kind of characters they have.
If the man is older
Such relationships are also not uncommon. Society perceives this very favorably if the age difference between a man and a woman is no more than 10-15 years. Such marriages can be very strong. Young girls are still inexperienced and free (unmarried), while men 10 years older already have life experience behind them, a stable job and independence from parents and friends, and they are also ready to start a family. For the female half of humanity, choosing an older partner has advantages. For example, you can start a family with them and not think about the fact that you need to “wait a little more” to save money for this together, since the stronger sex is already able to support a family. Also, with such partners, many of the girls allow themselves to be “weaker”, more inexperienced, since there is always someone who will support.
But men see the advantages of relationships with younger ladies, because they seem to them not yet bothered by life, they have a sparkle in their eyes and, of course, youth and beauty. Even with a small age difference, gentlemen perceive such women as someone who is younger, and therefore healthier. Of course, this does not mean that peers are worse, rather the opposite. However, with younger girls, to be frank, it’s easier, even if there is no work, property, etc. behind them, because they still perceive older men as more experienced.
The advantages of such marriages:
- Convenience according to age, because girls want to start a family early and are already ready, while their peers at this time are not yet thinking about it, and those who are older have already had time to “walk up” and are eager to settle down.
- Sometimes it is easier to come to compromises, because partners often give in and accept the point of view of their other half.
- Another plus that follows from the previous point is that many men think that it is easier to “blind” a girl younger than them to suit themselves.
- However, in cases where the other half is much older than the woman (more than 20 years), then there is almost a clash of two different generations. It is already more difficult to understand each other, there may be different interests.
- A man may not take a girl’s opinion seriously.
- Sometimes it is not love that takes place, but commercialism. It's worth taking this into account.
- If the intimate components of relationships are important to you, then, unfortunately, the peak of female sexual activity occurs at the age of 30, but male power begins to fade after a certain age.
- It is worth considering that a man may want to arouse the envy of his friends by boasting about his young wife. The age difference in this case is his choice to be wealthy in the eyes of society. But such cases are rare.
An age difference when the guy is younger is also not uncommon these days. Older women seem more experienced, they already know what they want from life and from relationships, they are often more interesting due to their broader outlook, they already have a job and ground under their feet. They also have a very good understanding of the male half of humanity and understand them.
Everyone, even a man who has achieved a lot, sometimes wants to be childish in a relationship, and such unions are very favorable for this. The advantage is that the intimate side of the relationship in such cases is very bright: the lady is experienced and already more sexually liberated. There are, of course, disadvantages. If the age difference is large, then society may begin to put pressure, but this rarely happens anymore. Often, such pressure is a signal not that you need to end the relationship, but that you need to change your circle of friends, because if the relationship is good and you are happy with everything, then you should not follow the opinions of your friends.
Ideal age difference
There have been many studies done on the topic of relationships. Many psychologists say that the ideal age difference between partners is when the man is 3-7 years older than the woman. It is believed that girls mature morally earlier than men, especially in terms of desire and readiness to start a family. And men settle down a little later, and also gain independence and stability at work, and this is also enough to start a serious relationship.
Why do people enter into relationships with those who are 20-30 or more years older/younger than them? Nobody will answer for sure. These are probably the cases when all ages are submissive to love. But such couples should follow some recommendations in order to maintain their relationship:
Factors influencing choice
Many psychologists identify reasons that are not equal to them. Firstly, for many, the prototype of an ideal relationship may unconsciously be the family. If the parents had a marriage in which there was a large age difference, then there is a chance that the children will unconsciously want to implement just such a model. Secondly, relationships in a person’s family and his childhood also influence. For example, if a daughter grew up without a father, or had one but did not pay enough attention to her, then she will probably want a father-daughter relationship to make up for it with an older man.
Vivid examples
Among celebrity or simply famous couples, there is often an age difference.
Instead of a conclusion
So does the age difference still matter? Probably not, if both people love each other and are happy together. And there can always be pros and cons, no matter how younger or older the partner is. Couples with age differences can be very happy. This is more influenced by the character of people than by the numbers in the passport.
Why do couples sometimes have to justify themselves to everyone when they have a “strange” age difference: a large gap of decades or the woman is older than the man? It seems that this is not accepted - there is some kind of age misalliance. But who came up with such a framework?
No, no one really racked their brains about this, it’s just that sometimes life proves that age can still be a hindrance. So what should it be - this very ideal age between a man and a woman?
Psychology of a young girl
When a little girl lives in a complete family and loves her dad, she is terribly afraid of losing him. The girl naively believes that she will grow up and marry, if not her dad, then exactly a man like him.
But the girl grows up, and her father grows old next to her. Dad remains just as adored, but his peers do not seem so attractive to her compared to the young men.
The attraction to the male sex is completely different, that’s how nature came up with it. If a young girl is not materialistic and is absolutely adequate, then she will be drawn to the same young male body - this is normal!
When a very young high school student dates a guy two or three years older, she already considers him an adult man; at that age you can still feel a difference of even a whole year. Classmates are classified as “bros”: the class is like a common family; high school girls do not take “their” boys seriously.
When spouses are the same age
A marriage entered into at a young age by two peers is almost 50% doomed to failure. The couple does not yet have experience in family life, and most often they are both students. What kind of family is it if your head is filled with both studying and partying at the same time?
In addition, youthful egoism kicks in for both, each pulls the “blanket over himself,” and there is an explanation for this:
They are both “yesterday’s children.” Even reaching adulthood does not release them from childhood. Therefore, the phrase: “I need it more and more important” is also “echoes of the sandbox.”
Their parents still consider them children. They interfere in the lives of the newlyweds, and the newlyweds themselves run to them to cry at any trifle. The umbilical cord has not yet been cut.
The spouses have not yet acquired the qualities of compliance and sacrifice. Well, where can this come from yesterday’s children? There are, however, rare cases when one of them had to mature beyond his years.
Even sexually, conflicts sometimes arise. In young guys, testosterone does not give rest, but women in this regard “bloom” at the age of 30, when they themselves “really want” to be outrageous.
But even at the threshold of 30 years and above, peers are not so comfortable together. Men begin to experience a terrible midlife crisis. Do you remember in the film about Bridget Jones there was a plot when she found her Daniel with a young colleague? And this is how he later justified himself to Bridget:
Understand, you and I are over thirty. We are the same age, and it is sometimes difficult for peers to find a common language. Lara is very close to me in spirit, this is the whole essence of the problem.
Everything is clear in one sentence. Although, of course, it is not worth saying that every single one of these marriages is doomed to failure, but most often the outcome is as follows: they sat at the same desk, got married, youth was stupid, got divorced and went their separate ways.
When a wife is older than her husband
In principle, in the modern world there are fewer hypocrites, and therefore condemnation of such marriages has become less and less common. Although not everyone can still cover their mouths: the article describes some cases of discontent among spiteful critics, although most often this gossip is the result of envy.
Such an alliance has its advantages, but there are also plenty of disadvantages. Especially when the age difference is 10 years or more.
Advantages:
She knows how to be grateful and give all of herself to the young guy. An insufficiently spent maternal instinct attracts her to such a “boy”, taking full custody of him. In turn, the “boy” gladly places himself in her care, especially if he himself is infantile and has only recently been “cut off from his mother’s umbilical cord.”
Flaws:
Even if a woman looks young and fresh at 30, over time the years still take their toll. At the age of 40, she can easily become a grandmother, and her chosen one is still in his prime, and young girls already like him.
Women who are “mommies” tend to be bossy, but this can make a guy nervous. After all, he understands that he is not only her pupil, but also a man - the head of the family. Conflicts begin on this basis.
No matter how young a woman gets, she already looks a little ridiculous in a crowd of young girls. No woman would like to be a laughing stock among her boyfriend's friends.
Therefore, such marriages are most often temporary - while passion rages, while the guy gains experience and needs the care of his wife. As soon as all this calms down, nature again takes its toll: the young body is drawn to the young. Law of life!
When the husband is older than the wife
Well, from this point we can go into more detail, because such a union is the best. And it is no coincidence - a man really should be older than his chosen one. At the beginning of the article, it was said about the girl’s dream: to marry a dad like her. So, a slightly older man is a kind of compensation for a childhood dream.
An older man is much smarter and wiser than a girl. He has already achieved something in life, so in terms of wealth in the family it will be easier.
He already has a lot of experience. He has gotten into trouble in relationships with other women, and therefore his male hormone has subsided a little, which means he won’t go out much.
The girl herself is still young and beautiful. Therefore, she can count on sincere love and tender treatment from a man as if he were an adored girl.
And yet, you need to understand where the border is that can be dangerous for marriage. A large scale of decades causes conflict among different generations, and you can read about this in.
The most optimal age between spouses is considered to be up to 10 years, or more precisely around 7-8 years.
But a little more about this:
The difference is 1−2 years almost the same as that of peers, although there is more romance and passion in marriage. But for how long?
3 years difference can bring spouses many emotions - both joyful and non-negative. Scandals occur when both partners are stubborn.
5 years difference quite successful, especially at a young age, because girls are developmentally ahead of men by an average of 5 years. So time will equalize them.
The difference is 7−8 years the most ideal: a man is superior to a woman in everything, and it is then that that most reliable male shoulder “appears.”
10 years difference and there is that very border, because further on comes another generation with its passions in all directions.
Yes! There are exceptions in everything - after all, love itself is sometimes contradictory, and one does not care about all the laws of life and nature. The law of soul kinship simply works: when a man of an older generation has a young soul, and a girl has more wisdom than her peers. But that’s another story, which you can read about in the article.
Surely on the Internet you have more than once come across a video with the fiery dance of a gray-haired Italian and his young model wife. 50-year-old millionaire Gianluca Vacchi is 18 years older than his companion. Despite the fact that he is in good physical shape, dresses stylishly and dances fieryly, the age difference is still visible. But is it really that important?
Is it true that the age of love is not a hindrance? We figure it out together with psychologist Anna Kiryanova and get to know couples with an age difference of 5, 9, 17 and 30 years.
Gianluca Vacchi is 18 years older than his wife. Photo: Instagram Gianluca Vacchi.
— Anna Valentinovna, in your opinion, how much is the “big difference” in age?
— We are talking about different generations. It’s not for nothing that there are expressions “fit to be a father” or “fit to be a mother.” When this kind of comparison comes to mind, we can talk about a large age difference. In the modern world, of course, people began to look better and live longer. If previously the age difference of 3-5 years was a reason for discussion and even condemnation, now even 10 years is not scary.
Agatha Christie was 16 years older than her second husband. They lived their whole lives happily and prosperously, because they were connected not only by love, but also by common interests. They went to archaeological excavations together, belonged to the same cultural class of society, so they understood each other perfectly. In one of her novels she wrote: “the most important thing is not to love each other, but to like each other.” This is the key to a happy couple.
But, for example, in the case of Isadora Duncan and Yesenin, everything ended tragically. Despite the fact that she was older than Yesenin, both of them were big children who never grew up and did not accept their age.
Obviously, a large age difference leaves an imprint on the relationship. Because it is difficult to satisfy the needs of a person who is 20 years younger than you. It is naturally difficult to keep up with the rhythm of life, physical, emotional and intellectual demands. And here everything, of course, is very individual, because you cannot judge people who met each other at different ages.
Bradbury has a very sad story about an old woman. She met a young and handsome young man when she was already completely decrepit. But they realized that they had already been together once. This means that in earthly life we can meet a soul mate at any age, and that our biological clocks do not always run the same. And remember, after all, it was not about sexual attraction, but about the fact that people met their love. Therefore, where there is true love, age is not perceived as tragically as in the case when we see only selfish relationships.
— You gave so many literary examples. Have couples of different ages approached you personally?
- So many. We often have to deal with situations where women are older than their chosen ones. And this worries and frightens them, because those around them do not miss the opportunity to say that such relationships are short-lived. But according to my observations, such relationships develop steadily. If a man is morally mature, if he is older than his biological age, and the woman looks good, then everything is fine. If gaps did occur, it was not due to age, but to exactly the same problems as peers.
According to Anna Kiryanova, in relationships where true love reigns, age is not perceived tragically. Photo: Alexander Mamaev
Anna (23 years old) and Kevin (53 years old). Together - 9 months. The age difference is 30 years.
— My husband is American, we met him on the Internet. We found out about the age difference when we booked a trip and saw each other’s passports. She didn't bother either of us. Rather, I was surprised that he looked younger than his age. At first, my mother was very wary of the whole situation, but then, seeing that I was truly happy, her heart thawed.
Age is just a number. On the other hand, there are objective differences between people of two different generations. But here, too, there is a harmonious, healthy exchange of energies: in our relationship, I charge my husband with the energy of youth, and he gives me his knowledge and experience. My husband acts as a kind, lenient teacher who allows me to make mistakes and forgives me for them. And all because he remembers himself as young and sometimes reckless.
My husband often takes me down from heaven in the good sense of the word. We love to travel to mountainous areas. I love challenging my own fear by getting close to the cliff. My husband doesn’t do this and constantly tries to warn me. If I had such a reckless companion with me, we would both have fallen down long ago.
Anastasia (37 years old) and Alexey (46 years old), together for 16 years. Differenceat the age of 9 years.
— We met at my brother’s housewarming party. The age difference didn’t bother me; he looked younger than his age—he was 28 at the time, and I was 19. I think it didn’t bother him either—a young, beautiful girl rarely bothers anyone. My mother was more alarmed that he had a child from his first marriage. Likewise, his parents were worried about the “burden of the past.”
For me personally, age matters. I don't perceive men as younger or my own age. Older men are more suitable for creating a family and serious relationships. They know how to show care and look after a woman.
The disadvantages are also worth noting. Sometimes an older man is not interested in the entertainment of his younger half. Since he has already passed this stage and the next period of his life has begun.
Christina and Bastien now live in France.
Christina (26 years old) and Bastien (43 years old), together for 3 years. The age difference is 17 years.
— We met on the Internet when I was 23 years old and he was 40 years old. He is French, but that didn’t stop us from finding common themes. In the future, there were days when we talked for 10 hours on Skype. I didn't notice the age difference, we just chatted about everything.
It was a long distance relationship for several months. Later I introduced him to my parents, who live in a village in the Sverdlovsk region. I asked my mother: “Is the age difference visible?” To which she said: “Don’t worry, daughter, you complement each other. Next to him, you look a little older and more serious, and he looks younger.”
In the beginning we had some differences in terms of age. He told me that our relationship was like a father-daughter relationship. But this is due to the fact that I was not independent after moving to Europe: I did not speak French and he had to go with me everywhere. Now I’m trying to mind my own affairs, I want us to be equal, and he doesn’t feel like a “daddy.”
Sometimes there is a lack of enthusiasm and rash actions. Everything is too correct. There are moments when I think: “Oh, I wish I could go to the club until the morning, and then dance on the bar.” But then I remember all the good things my husband does for me and I calm down. Family life is much better than all the stupid things we do in our youth.
My husband has a lot of life experience and I have a lot to learn from him. He helps and supports me in everything, gives advice. Young guys under 30 are more unstable or something...
Nastya and Yasha work together in health camps.
Anastasia (24 years old) and Yakov (19 years old), together for 2 years. Difference - 5 years:
— There is a big difference in who exactly is older in a pair. If the man is older, everything is simple - the girl remains a girl, surrounded by the care and every support of her experienced companion. But if the girl is older, then, of course, it’s more difficult. She must wait until her young man becomes not just a young man with whom she feels good, but a reliable, strong rear.
When Yasha asked me to meet, I was very surprised. After thinking a little, I agreed and have never regretted it. For the first 2-3 months, the age difference was strongly felt. But after carefully building relationships, everything became much easier.
Now there is a lack of financial support. He does not yet have the opportunity to get a job because of his studies, which, of course, is a priority. I understand that this is far from the most important thing in life, but the man should still be the breadwinner in the family.
He feels like a leader in the relationship and tries to solve all my problems. He knows a lot more about some issues than I do. And, of course, it seems to him that he is on an equal footing with me.
I know how to wait and believe that everything in his life will turn out exactly as he dreams. Therefore, I enjoy his company, ease next to him, warmth, boundless happiness and bright, sincere love.
Love each other at any age and be happy, like the heroes of our material.
84 comments
But for me it’s the other way around. After 25 years of happy family life, my husband just went crazy and found himself 14 years younger. As he said, she’s so unhappy, we need to help her, she’s an alcoholic and has been going out, but that’s because there wasn’t a real man next to her. I kicked him out without regret. Now I have a boyfriend 15 years younger. I don’t like men over 40, they have no life, they’re all lazy, they can’t get you off the couch. Yes, I am an older lady, already a grandmother twice, but only now I live as I want, I am active, cheerful, mobile. Only now I realized how complex my ex-husband was, everything was wrong with him, don’t laugh, don’t walk, don’t dress, don’t put on makeup. I don’t regret anything at all. My dear girls, meet and love those who you like first of all , don't listen to anyone, life is one
All this is nonsense. The age difference does not matter. If the marriage is not about money. My husband and I are 16 years apart. We have been living for 8 years already. No problems. Neither he nor I are from a rich family. We both work. The main thing is to have a soul the man is young.
A woman is such an animal that equality with her is impossible, the man will be poor, a woman can only be happy looking up at the man, equality will turn her into a powerless and reckless car-Aleva who can do anything.
Oh god, no, you're wrong. At all. I'm 32 and I generally don't like people my age. Why do I need these narcissistic, spoiled boys. I like respectable men, much older, whom I can respect.
Have a good time everyone. I'll be brief. I am 41, my wife is 24, we have been living in perfect harmony for 5 years and the love does not fade. We're not rich, but we don't hang our heads. I took her with my daughter, she is already 5 and she also gave birth to my daughter, she will soon be 2 and I don’t like them at all. Listen to your heart, it will not deceive you. And most importantly, give birth to your future children consciously! Sincerely.
A strong marriage is not always mutually happy, and how can you rejoice in the hugs of an old man’s paws? You can love at an age, but it’s disgusting to be ashamed of your “maturity” next to a wonderful young man. I agree with the author.
Indeed - not an article, but some kind of nonsense! My husband and I are 18 years apart. I fell in love with him at first sight, and when he began to look after me beautifully, I realized that I would always be with him. We have been living together for 11 years, of course, things have happened... but I never stop loving him. And as the comment “const” wrote... according to some theory, how the ideal age difference between a husband and wife is calculated using the formula... so this is exactly how it is with us! My husband is 51 this year, and I will soon be 33... THAT'S IT!!!
My husband and I have an age difference of 28 years, when we met I was 22, he was 50, and yes, I fell in love!!! We have an 11 year old son. This year he passed away, since 2015 he had been ill for me this is a blow
name at least 1 reason that is not common among peers. Health? - now hypertensive patients and ulcer sufferers and 25 are not uncommon. Energy? - young people brought up on technology and a bunch of bells and whistles will often be lazier, Psychology? so do peers with diametrically opposed views. Beauty? Apparently you haven't seen 20 year old beer bellies.
I do not approve or condemn marriages with a huge difference, it’s just that everything is individual.
some kind of bullshit. We have a lot of examples of strong marriages with a large age difference and the same lot of examples of complete collapse among peers. Naturally, we will also find examples of the collapse of a family with a big difference and the preservation of a family with no difference. It's not about age, it's about people. questions in the priorities of specific people - someone likes a young woman and she, in turn, likes an accomplished man. and someone likes a man of the same age or even a young macho, and a macho loves a mature woman. It is impossible to draw conclusions on these issues, especially based on personal preferences. Personally, both my wives are 7 years younger. and we ran away from the first one because her roof went crazy. she lives alone now. in general, there is a certain theory (like the Chinese one) that the optimal age difference between spouses is determined by the formula - the wife’s age should be equal to half the husband’s age plus 7 years. from here it follows that the older the husband, the greater the difference.
A big difference is more of a problem for the “younger” spouse, especially in families with little income, when people simply have nowhere to escape from the “submarine”, live in the same apartment (shared housing), have common children, work, everyday worries - they get used to the best in the worst case, scandals, divorces, exchanges and other troubles..... The wrinkled body, unkempt appearance, behavior and grumbling of the “oldest one” bring to the boiling point...... and they boil in one hated cauldron..... there is nowhere to escape....
The author is approaching 40, IMHO, and is desperately afraid for himself and his friends) And rightly afraid. Because at 40 years old, there is no point in marrying a man of the same age. Or older, so as not to give birth (role of mommy?) or younger, respectively, at the peak of fertility 25-30 years. Hence the differences here and there. Of course, marriages with age differences carry risks (and I observed this in my family), but from a man’s point of view... especially in matters of beauty and sex, it’s hard for a 40-year-old to compete with a 20-year-old... Add to this the elusive fact that a woman is getting married marry a man, and the man marries a woman and her family (children) and the advantages on the male side are obvious. As for women, of course weigh the pros and cons, but age is not the main thing. In addition, for my part, I will say that only at the age of 40 did I personally “go crazy” and understand what a family is and how to build it and not break it. Before that... um... was decent)))
No, Alena, it’s not like that. Do you consider yourself an expert on love? If you want my example, I’m 34, my husband is 49, we’ve been together for 16 years. I earn more, so it’s not about money at all. And this is not an end in itself, neither for me nor for my husband. I'm not going to get a divorce because I love her. But a bunch of my peers have already run away with their halves several times. But it’s also not an indicator. There are many who will live to old age together. This is very individual and age has nothing to do with love.
Well, you people are so stupid. If there is love, then age is not a hindrance. When I decided to live with my wife 25+ younger than me, I decided for myself that if this woman lives with me for three years, I will let her go on all four sides if she wishes. She didn't want to, and we've been together for 10 years. I'm happy.
I have a lover who is many years younger than me, we have been dating for 4 years. The relationship is excellent, I am very glad that I have him. But of course we don’t have a future. But for a woman my age, meeting him is a great happiness, but you also suffer from the thought that this will end someday and jealousy torments you. In this sense, of course it is very difficult.
A large age difference means theft from the next generation. And the more of this, the worse. And then women whine that there are no men, their peers are not the same. Of course, if there is an uncle who is lenient towards girls' troubles.
Together for 11 years. I'm 45, he's 7 years older. I’m slim, very pretty, “everything is with me.” I earn many times more and provide for him. Does the theory not work? Love???!!!
Nonsense! Feelings do not depend on age. And not all women whose husbands are older are materialistic. I got married for the second time at 35, my husband was 48. Out of passionate love. We still have tender feelings for each other, although I am already 60 and he is 73. He was not rich at all: then a leading engineer, over the years he rose to chief designer, and I became chief economist (of another plant). At times my salary was higher than his. We are interested in each other, we help with work, we love sports, theater, exhibitions... We raised two children: my daughter and our common son. So, dear psychologist, gain life experience before writing articles!
Of course, the stereotypes and far-fetched rules of some sub-psychologists rule the world. But my opinion, verified by experience: true feelings and happy relationships do not depend on age, absolutely.
Hmm, this is how we live, according to stupid stereotypes, according to some far-fetched rules of some sub-psychologists and other “life gurus”. Feelings and happy relationships certainly do not depend on age and are not measured in numbers.
Not necessary. At 18-19, I developed a passion for my future husband. At 52, he looked surprisingly youthful - no dry skin, a clear chin, a straight neck... Of course, he didn’t look 30, somewhere around 40-45. And you know, as if with an internal Photoshop, I filtered out the silvery temples and some signs of age. I was in love with the shape of his eyes, long eyelashes, boldly tender lips, facial expressions and so on. The posture and slenderness of the legs negated other shortcomings such as a small belly. For me. Moreover, I completely saw him as a whole, like others - a man and a man. But the details were simply mesmerizing. And my dad is the same age as me (the relationship is good), but my father is strikingly different in appearance.
We turned out to be similar in temperament (sensitive choleric people), he retained youthful values in love, activity, a lively mind, and was never a bore. And I’m more of a Turgenev girl. In our relationship, he is the leader, but only when I agree with him - he does not dominate or indicate, and in general he is not very similar to his typical peers.
We have known each other for 6 years, together for 4 years and in the office for 3 years. married, a beautiful child is growing up, they have become strong friends (not in the sense that the attraction has passed). Outwardly, he has aged a little, but still does not look like an elderly man.
But. But. But! His past experience hit him very painfully simply by the fact itself, although it was natural that all this happened. He still admires me very much in many respects, which has almost smoothed over the wounds (this is patience! Although we fought terribly in the first year, I was driven by jealousy about the past, I painted some scenes for myself, broke dishes, I couldn’t do anything, so It was painful - precisely because of the strength of the passion that I felt for him. He just said too much at once, I didn’t immediately understand that a bomb was brewing inside me. It was almost a collapse. But we were able to cope with our mutual efforts). My exes suggested that I would leave him in a few years, but no. At least I am honest with him and directly express my doubts that at 65-80 I will be attracted to him, but I will not stop being a friend and will not betray him. Wait and see.
There is no need to react to differences in age. and adhere to the statistics of rag psychologists. Time and feelings will put everything in its place. and no smart people will resolve this issue.
The lover is 19 years older, oh, and boring, boring and boring, and I think I’ve started to look older, my energy is draining, I’m putting everything on the brakes.
Yes, the difference may seem nonsense...But my first husband was a year older, my second was 6 months younger...I am dating a man 8 years older...Another world...Alas
The author seems to believe that you can only join your destiny with an older man for money. I feel really sorry for her. I got married at 25, my husband turned 40. Financially it was quite difficult. But the love that covered us swept away all barriers. We have been together for more than 20 years, the intimacy keeps getting sweeter. There are no health problems. Financially it’s also not bad. I don’t work, my husband provides everything. We have 4 desired and beloved children. My husband will move mountains for our sake.
My second cousin left a man of the same age for a man who is only a year younger than her father. This was 12 years ago. She earns more than him and understands/accepts his age. They look much happier than the rest of my friends.
Dear blogger, people don’t look for happiness by looking at the experiences of their neighbors) And it’s not for us to choose how and for whom to live correctly)
I know a couple who are the same age. We got tired of each other after 2 years and started walking around. So what now?) Should we conclude from this that marriage with peers is bad?) We ourselves are responsible for our relationships and relationships always require a lot of work, patience and mutual respect. You can equally build strong relationships with a peer, with a partner of the same sex, and with a person 20 years older than you.
Until the end I hoped that they would still voice the reasons why the age difference is bad. Alas, my expectations were not met.
It's not primarily about the age difference! In general, in the grandiose natural deception - everything, everything in the world has a finite duration!!! And life, and love, and marriage, and winter, and summer... When entering into marriage, we must clearly imagine - For what period do we count on happiness in this marriage? The answer is surprisingly simple - the most lasting happiness (if it suddenly happened in marriage) awaits peers! With a big difference, no matter who is older, the Time of Happiness Will Be Short! …If it will be. “Can a marriage of convenience be happy? Of course, if the calculation is correct!
We got married when I was 18, he was 40. Now I’m 45, this year we’ve been married for 27 years. I never regretted a minute, I was never unhappy for a minute. I sincerely sympathize with everyone who is unlucky, but it’s not your age, but something else.
The wonderful film “Love with or without rules” is another confirmation that age skew in one direction or another is bad. Yes, you can become lovers, but marriage... This is a serious matter. Too big a difference will create additional difficulties. And yes, we must take into account that men never grow up. And they will always look for the one who will take care of them in their legal wife. What if he’s already wowed, and she’s still quite young! My husband is only five years older than me, and even then...
I totally agree. I always believed that the age difference should be no more than 5 years in one direction or the other (i.e. 5 years older or 5 years younger). Any marriage or any relationship is primarily about communication. if you have nothing to talk about in the evening, then there will be no family. never. It’s just a convenient cohabitation of essentially strangers. I’m 40 now, I have nothing to talk about with guys of 25 years old, as well as with grandfathers of 60-70 years old (to be honest, with 50-year-olds too), but for some reason all these men consider it acceptable to offer me a relationship. I understand perfectly well that hanging out in nightclubs with a young man is no longer my thing, but collecting sand from an old man is also not the limit of my dreams. or listen to his complaints about his health/small pension or hang around with him to clinics. and male peers are now in a midlife crisis and are chasing young twenty-year-old girls to prove to themselves that they are still wow. Some kind of sad picture emerges.
marriages with a large age difference are mercantile and all talk about love is empty chatter, you don’t have enthusiastic feelings for your grandparents and you have different worldviews, I agree with the author that money and comfort are at the forefront
What nonsense and strange examples?! Why is it believed that if a man is much older, wealthy and does not spare money for a girl, she will be with him for the money? Of course, you need to marry someone your age and then see whether he will someday earn decent money or remain a “poor student” throughout his life)) And people, unfortunately, start to get sick at any age. Yes, the older you get, the more fragile your health is, this is understandable. But if you really loved a person, age, illness, etc. are unlikely to destroy love. And any negative qualities, inconsistencies in interests and characters appear at any age over time. And, as already mentioned in the comments above, there are no less divorces among peers. And they also leave the family, get bored, begin to irritate and move away. It's not a matter of age at all.
I’ve lived with my husband for 25 years. He’s 18 years older than me. And it’s terrible. first a fairy tale. now p...... he is sick, old, fucking my brain. and I work like a horse to pay the bills. and now there is no sex or love. nothing.work…. but I don’t want to go home, the children are grown. and he is in ambush with another portion of claims.....this is such a terrible ending to a fairy tale about love
My husband and I have been married for 18 years, the age difference is 28 years. At first there was great love, like in a fairy tale. Now the horror: jealousy, selfishness, his attention only to himself, stinginess, distrust in everything.
It's even worse. My husband is only 12 years older than me. In the first years, the age difference did not interfere much, but every year it became more noticeable. Now I am 59 and my husband is 71. Without me he is like a helpless child. When I come to the clinic with him, I see many of the same elderly couples, where the woman carries the entire household on herself, works despite her age, helps the children, sits with her grandchildren on weekends, while looking younger than her age and full of energy, while the decrepit The husband is not able to even get to the doctor without her, let alone anything else. Moreover, even in couples where the spouses are the same age, the same thing happens. Despite my age, men much younger than me still try to court me, but I am faithful to my husband and will be with him to the end. However, if I could start my life over, I would choose a spouse 5-10 years younger than me, since in fact men age inside much earlier. Outwardly, they may look good even at 70 years old, but at the same time they behave like helpless children, and you will have to be a nanny for an elderly child for the rest of your life. At the same time, don’t be surprised if this “child” farts loudly in front of strangers, becomes capricious if his wife comes 15 minutes later than usual from work and demands extra attention, etc. And if the husband is more than 20 years older than his wife, then the woman will encounter all these senile quirks when she is in the prime of her femininity and attractiveness. Therefore, I advise all young girls to weigh the pros and cons before deciding on such a marriage. It is clear that there are no rules without exceptions, but the chances that you will be lucky are very small, and becoming a nanny for your husband at 40 years old is still a pleasure!
I think...that the percentage of happy and unhappy people does not depend on age....according to statistics, there are even more divorces in equal-aged couples
A friend of mine, younger than my daughter, is married to an 82-year-old man. She got divorced and came back again. He says he loves. He is seriously ill. The heart is stuffed with all sorts of electronics and shunts, stents, etc. Not the slightest material gain. Unrecognized poet, not a bad publicist, not a lot of money.
She says she's happy...
What about “100 Hours of Happiness”? It is happiness, and not “smoking the sky” with someone who understands your diabetes and gives you a glass of water and carries out the vessel... “The artist lived alone. He suffered a lot of troubles, BUT there WAS (!!!) in his life...” People born to make a fairy tale come true are often not understood by the gray crowd, for whom coziness and comfort and no mutual impulses of the soul 😉
Really nonsense! A couple of peers can have the same stupid relationship with grumbling. Naturally, if you marry for money, and not for a person, you will get what you deserve! I am now 58, my husband is 76. We got married when I was 23. The passion, of course, has long passed, but the interest in each other has not disappeared, because there has always been not just love, but responsibility and respect, even if it sounds pompous. The main thing is to have the desire not to turn into classic harmful old people and to live actively. By the way, when I got married, my dear and beloved did not even have his own home. We earned everything together.
and I agree with the author. my first husband was 9 years older than me...we lived for 7 years, the passion was strong at first (I was 20, he was 29 years old at the time we met), but then it passed after 4 years, and mutual understanding never happened, he believed I was a little stupid girl, and I made all the decisions single-handedly regarding our common life (how to do repairs, where to go on vacation, or not to go at all, what to buy for dinner), at the age of 27 this stopped suiting me, especially since we didn’t have children, but We both worked, and I, at 27, earned more than he did at 36. We got divorced. Now I’ve been living with someone the same age for 6 years, and in the official I’ve been married to him for 3 years, the mutual understanding is complete. There are many more common interests. I'm 38.
Reply Let the passion pass, but affection, support, mutual respect, and an established life remain. Everything is individual.I recently ended a relationship with a 48 year old man. I'm 29. We lived together for 1.5 years. The man is not rich at all, he managed to spend his entire salary in 2 weeks. I never paid rent or even bought food. I supported both of us... At the same time, he very beautifully explained what bad women he had before. He presented himself as a victim, but I believed. I didn’t think that I would come across a gigolo. They say that now the generation is not the same, but before there were men... All this is nonsense. As you can see, men were different before. When we were dating, I gave him gifts. He came to me like a whip, wearing shorts with a hole in the butt. And he left like a dandy. Fashionable clothes, a good phone, expensive perfume - and all these are my gifts. And after a year and a half of living together, I received a gold pendant as a gift from him and a bunch of promises to give me something from household appliances. Interests are also, of course, different. He didn't understand my jokes, because... does not know modern trends. But I couldn’t watch movies with him, because... usually these were war films or films about the Don Cossacks. Rest is the same - I would like to walk around the city together or ride bicycles, and fix his car, lie on the sofa, drink with men in the garage. So, of course, if there is no material interest, then you should not 100% associate your life with the old one. By the way, when we broke up, he told those around me the same tales about me as he told me about his exes. Made me look bad. He now lives with someone else, at the same time tries to return to me, cheats on her, and his conscience does not torment him, because he also has a purely material interest in her. He has nowhere to live. That's all romance. All his life he wanders around among women, because he simply has nowhere to live. This is already a thing of the past for me, although I only now, six months later, stopped crying. With so much baggage in life, people are probably not capable of love, but are simply looking for
It is believed that a man should be older than his companion, but the optimal age difference is quite difficult to determine. If a couple of Perminova(29) and Lebedeva(56) everyone admires (and they have an age difference of 25 years), then Dmitry Dibrov (56), who married a young girl for the fourth time, for some reason everyone condemns him. What are the pros and cons of dating someone who is much older than you? I tried to figure this out PEOPLETALK.
Gave comments about all the pros and cons of such relationships PEOPLETALKpsychologist, author and presenter of trainings on the psychology of gender relations Mark Barton.
Plus: financial condition
No matter how trivial it may sound, you cannot close your eyes to the material condition of your narrowed eyes. If a man is 15 years older than you, then he most likely has a stable financial situation. If not, this raises questions. An excellent example in this case is the pair Perminova And Lebedeva. Alexander By the age of 56, he had earned more than a billion rubles!
Mark Barton:Of course, in the relationship between a man and a woman, the material side plays an important role. If your chosen one does not strive for anything, and certainly is not able to provide for you and your future children, you should think about developing such a relationship. And of course, you don’t need to focus on millionaires and billionaires; there won’t be enough for everyone. Choose worthy and purposeful people.
Plus: wisdom
An adult does not always mean smart, but if you are lucky, then he will definitely share his wisdom and experience with you. You will be interested in him: he will explain what “ Yarovaya package"Why the last film Tarantino called " The Hateful Eight", and will introduce you to many interesting people who will definitely be found in his environment. Surely Dmitry Dibrov he has something to tell his wife, whom he met at a competition Beauty of the body(By the way, she won it), - after all, he is the host of the program “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”!
Mark Barton: Being next to a wise man is really very comfortable, stable and reliable. But in such relationships there is a danger of ending up in the role of a daughter with a husband-father. In a relationship where the man is significantly older, the woman perceives him as a mentor and over time may face the problem of compulsive correction. Sometimes even very wise men begin to carry out educational work with their young wife. It is good if these instructions do not infringe on the woman and develop complexes in her.
Plus: your youth
Against his background, you will always be young and beautiful. And he, in turn, will glow with happiness, introducing you to his friends. Like, look how beautiful the lady is next to me! Just remember the union Amber Heard And A. Their romance began on the set of the film " Rum Diary" I think (40) in the background Sean Penn(55) during their romance, which began in 2014, she looked even younger and sexier.
Mark Barton: Women's youth has only advantages, and there is no point in arguing here. But in a marriage with a man much older, this can play a bad joke. A man's physical activity may not match that of his young wife. I'm not even talking about the sexual side of relationships. As soon as a woman begins to feel a lack of attention in her intimate life, bad thoughts will involuntarily begin to enter her head.
Plus: experience
A grown man is an experienced man. If he chose you at the age of 40–50, it means that you are a much more worthy match than all his previous ones. Moreover, most likely he views you as his potential wife and mother of his children. An excellent example in this case is Jason Statham(49) and (29), who met at a music festival Coachella. Despite the fact that the actor and model have a 17-year age difference, he proposed to his lady love and is preparing for the wedding.
Mark Barton: As a rule, men by the age of 40-50 already have children and have had experience of family life. At this age, men analyze and draw conclusions, and these conclusions are not always positive. Why did he allow the family to fall apart? Why are children not raised by their father? And so on... There are many questions. Therefore, talking about experience and the role in which a man imagines his chosen one in the future is only possible on an individual basis.
Cons: public opinion
If a man is an adult and wealthy, then there is a high chance that his acquaintances will only talk behind his back that you are with him because of money, connections and fame. It will be quite difficult to prove the opposite, because evil tongues are worse than a pistol. Actually, that's why Amber Heard(30) can’t wash off the dirt that the public poured on her as soon as the girl accused Johnny Depp(53) in domestic violence.
Mark Barton: Public opinion is a powerful and effective weapon. People tend to rely on what their family, friends, and acquaintances say. But if we are talking about relationships that are based on spiritual intimacy and cultivating love... rely on your feelings and reason.
Cons: companies
He may not be interested in what those around you are interested in. He won't carry on a conversation with your friends and won't want to go to the same bar with them. But you can look at it from the other side: you will have time to take a break from each other. For example, while the owner of the concept store “ KM20» Olga Karput(33) hanging out with Gosha Rubchinsky, her husband, developer Pavel Te(53), goes fishing with three children across the seas and oceans.
Mark Barton: The personal space and interests with which we live are quite normal and understandable ( if they don't harm your relationship). Spending time in different companies is acceptable if your significant other is not deprived of attention. Otherwise, such a pastime may end in tears.
Cons: different lifestyle
You're young, you want to party. " Dear, today in " Strelka» Deep fried friends! Let's go to?"He is not interested in this, he will go to the Lighthouse"and will have a glass of cognac there with his old friends. This is what happens: while (30) is doing cardio training with a friend Polina Kitsenko, her husband Sergey(43), with whom she has been together for nine years, rocks out on stage with two hot beauties from the group “ Leningrad».
Mark Barton: I'll be short and straightforward. If a girl wants to hang out, let her do it. When it comes to starting a family, you need to forget about parties. It turns out conveniently... A woman is looking for a successful, rich, mature, wise man, she is ready and even willing to take advantage of his achievements and successes. At the same time, he forgets about his needs. This smacks of a lack of love and respect. Sooner or later, such a girl will be left with nothing.
Cons: family attitude
Perhaps your mother dreamed of a young, handsome son-in-law, and not of a man who was slightly younger than herself. Yes, disagreements with your parents may arise, but you may still be able to avoid them. The model is trying to cope with this Nina Agdal(24), beloved (41). Nina’s grandmother threatens him: “ I haven’t met the actor personally, but I hope he has a good attitude towards Nina, otherwise I will have to intervene, and the young man will have to deal with me!»
Mark Barton: It is important for parents to live with confidence that their daughter is with a reliable man. Maybe in the first stages of the development of a relationship, the age difference will be a reason for conversation, but as soon as the family sees the happy, shining eyes of their daughter and everything that precedes and accompanies this, they will calm down.