Young children, when communicating with their peers and with adults, love to tell fictitious stories that they pass off as reality. Thus, a person develops imagination and fantasy at an early age. But sometimes such stories worry parents, because over time, adults begin to understand that the innocent inventions of their child gradually become something more, developing into ordinary lies.
Of course, few parents will look at such a phenomenon calmly. To prevent their child from becoming a pathological liar, adults try to wean him from this habit. What to do for this? Find out the reasons for deception and change your own approach to education.
Are children's lies normal?
Psychologists are convinced that, to some extent, the tendency to deceive is a normal stage of child development. Everything that a baby feels, hears and sees in the very first years of his life is incomprehensible and new to him. The baby is forced to process large amounts of information and use it every day. And if an adult understands what is true and what is fiction, then a child has yet to learn how to do this.
The baby's logical thinking is just developing. That is why he sincerely believes the fairy tales that adults tell him. If something becomes incomprehensible to the baby, then he begins to use his imagination. At some moments, fantasy and reality begin to intertwine. This is the main reason why parents hear lies from their children. However, the child is sincerely convinced that he is telling only the truth.
But sometimes children deliberately begin to lie. This happens, as a rule, in cases where parents prohibit them from doing something. In this case, the baby begins to look for ways to achieve what he wants. The most obvious way to do this is through his cunning. This is why children begin to lie consciously, while manipulating adults.
Sometimes the origins of such behavior are hidden in self-doubt or in the desire to increase one’s self-esteem. Sometimes lying allows you to avoid punishment, and the child, realizing this, continues to lie for any reason.
Children's deception can hide quite deep psychological problems. That is why parents should carefully understand each situation. Modern psychology has identified a number of prerequisites that encourage children to lie. Let's consider the main ones in more detail.
Fear
The child begins to constantly lie out of fear of punishment for his actions. This behavior is typical for those families where parents are overly strict and place excessive demands on their children.
If a child lies, what should you do? To solve the problem, psychologists recommend that parents remain calm in their relationship with their child. Adults should punish liars not too harshly and only for serious offenses. If you yell at a child for the slightest offense, frighten him with spanking, and constantly deprive him of watching TV and sweets, then he will begin to be afraid of his parents. By strictly and often punishing the child, adults provoke in him the desire to avoid this in any way. Psychologists recommend making the right decision based on the current situation. So, if a child breaks a cup, then let him remove the pieces; if he breaks a toy, then let him try to fix it; if he got a bad grade at school, then let him study more and correct it. Such conditions will be the most fair for the little person. They will not insult his dignity, because of which his need to lie will naturally disappear. Otherwise, as they get older, children will constantly protect themselves by shifting the blame to others. This will make it difficult for them to find friends and lead to problems communicating with peers.
Increased self-esteem
Sometimes children begin to talk about being endowed with superpowers in the form of incredible strength, dexterity, intelligence, endurance and courage, or claim that they have an unusual and very expensive toy or an older brother who is a famous athlete. Of course, for adults it is obvious that the child is wishful thinking.
If a child lies, what should you do? How should parents react to this? Psychologists say that such deception is an alarming signal. Of course, if such stories are rarely heard, then there is no need to worry. They can be considered a child's fantasy. However, in cases where incredible stories are repeated regularly, then, most likely, the child is consumed by uncertainty, and in this way he is trying to gain authority among his peers. It is quite possible that he feels bad in the children's group.
Is your child lying to his parents? What to do in this situation? Most likely, fictional stories are a way to interest loved ones. Consequently, the child lacks the attention, affection, warmth, understanding and support of his parents. What to do to get rid of constant deception? To do this, it is enough to make the baby feel that he is truly loved by paying him more attention and trying to develop his abilities. Psychologists recommend that parents read children's encyclopedias and books with their children, communicate more and go for walks. It’s worth taking your child to a sports section or some club. There, under the guidance of professionals, the child will begin to develop his abilities, gain self-confidence, and then be able to talk about real achievements.
Inconsistency with parents' aspirations
This type of behavior usually occurs among schoolchildren. Having reached adolescence, they seek to escape parental pressure and control. For example, a mother wants her daughter to be a musician, but the girl likes to draw. Or a boy dreams of a radio club, and his dad wants him to become a translator. When their parents are not at home, these children design and draw, and then say that they studied English or music. Sometimes a child with average abilities, whose parents want to see him as an excellent student, also lies. Such a student constantly makes excuses, talking about the bias of teachers.
What to do if a child lies because he does not fulfill the wishes of his parents? Adults need to understand that they most likely dream of their children doing what they themselves once failed to do. Or maybe such expectations contradict the interests and inclinations of the child? In addition, you need to understand that a son or daughter will not be able to achieve success in an unloved business. In order to correct the situation, psychologists recommend giving children the opportunity to go their own way. In this case, there will be much less deception in the family.
Self-justification
All people make mistakes sometimes. But if a child has acted badly and at the same time tries to justify himself, finding thousands of reasons and blaming others, then parents should seriously understand the situation.
What to do if a child is lying? According to the advice of a psychologist, with such a problem, parents need to support their child. In order to eradicate children's lies uttered as self-justification, you will need to constantly discuss with your child everything that happens to him in life. If a child, out of pride, does not want to admit he is guilty, then you will need to talk to him, and do it in a friendly and gentle manner. Parents must explain to their child that they will not stop loving him, even if he was the first to get into a fight or took a toy from a peer. Seeing that adults support him in any situation, the child will begin to trust them more.
Setting Personal Boundaries
During adolescence, some children feel that their parents should not know much about their lives. That is why they do not tend to talk about their friends and actions. The teenager is silent about who he communicates with and where he goes for walks. Often parents justify this behavior when their child is rude, secretive and gradually moves away from the family during adolescence.
If a child starts to lie, what should parents do in this case? In order to gain mutual understanding with your daughter or son, you will need to win their trust. At the same time, adults should not overprotect their child or try to influence him in an aggressive way. In this case, the teenager will have an even stronger desire to gain independence and get out of control.
Lies and age
Psychologists note that a child uses his first skills of simple and easy deception starting from six months of his life. Typically, this is laughter or crying used to attract the attention of adults.
With age, deception begins to take on more sophisticated forms. How can this be explained? The fact is that at each age certain difficulties arise in the formation of a child’s character. Parents who set out to wean their child from constant lies and deception should take this into account. The first step to achieving your goal is, of course, eliminating the reasons that provoke lies. Next, it is recommended to take the advice of educational psychologists who offer educational methods in accordance with the age of the child.
Lying at 4 years old
Sometimes children at this age begin to come up with ridiculous excuses for their unseemly actions more and more often. If a four-year-old child lies in this way, what should you do? According to the advice of psychologists, parents should not punish their child for this. First of all, you need to explain to your child the following: what he says is absurd. The child must know that this is bad and stupid. But parents, constantly hearing new fairy tales from him, should think that maybe the baby simply does not have enough adults?
What to do if a child is constantly lying at four years old? Reading bedtime stories is a fairly effective remedy for children of this age. In addition, psychologists recommend that parents take their children to puppet shows.
Cheating at 5 years old
At this age, the main reason for children's lies is the fear of cruel punishment. If a five-year-old child lies, what should you do? Advice to parents of such children concerns reviewing their parenting methods. It is quite possible that they should be replaced with more friendly, loyal and democratic ones. Adults must rid the preschooler of the fear of punishment. In this way they will eliminate the very motive that provokes deception. Parents need to praise their child more often and less often put him in a corner as punishment. When a child feels the love of his parents, he will trust them more.
Lies of first graders
At this age, children most of all begin to imitate adults. The first grader already has concerns about his parents' behavior. If adults deceive each other in the presence of a child, then they should not be surprised that their child is telling a lie.
If a child is lying at 6-7 years old, what should you do? To eliminate this problem, parents should set their own example of behavior for their child, where there are no omissions, lies, deception and evasion. A child living in a sincere and trusting atmosphere will have no need to lie.
Cheating at 8 years old
Children this age and older can lie very convincingly. Starting from the age of 8, the child gains greater independence and begins to strive for freedom. And if parents continue to overprotect their child, then he will begin to actively avoid control over his personal life.
Sometimes the reason for deception at this age is the child’s fear that he will not live up to the ideal created by adults, that he will anger them with bad grades at school or with his behavior. If a child lies at age 8, what should you do? In this case, psychologists recommend that parents pay attention to the atmosphere in the house. Most likely, their son or daughter feels uncomfortable among loved ones who are not interested in the opinion of the little person and do not trust him.
Psychologists say that children will not deceive their parents if they know that the family will take their side in any situation and support them, no matter what happens to them. If the child is confident that if he is punished at all, it will only be fair, then he will have no need to lie. To create a trusting atmosphere, parents should be interested in the affairs of their child and tell him about the events of their day.
What to do if a child lies, despite all attempts made? In this case, psychologists recommend telling him about the consequences that deception can bring. After all, lying will only solve the problem for a while, and after that it will be easily detected. It is also recommended to ask the liar whether he himself wants to be deceived. At the same time, adults must make it clear to the child that his constant lies will lead to a loss of authority among others.
Lies of nine-year-olds
All of the above reasons for deception affect the behavior of children entering adolescence. However, in addition to this, such a child has another reason to hide the truth until the beginning of adolescence. It is from the age of 9 that children begin to create a personal territory, and they have a desire to go beyond the boundaries set for them by adults. The consequence of this is a change in the behavior of adolescents. They become uncontrollable and disobedient.
What should parents do in this case? The main thing that psychologists advise is to remain calm. And don’t allow yourself to get irritated with children, because it’s also very difficult for them at this age. Moms and dads are encouraged to spend as much time as possible with their child and trust them to do important things on their own. In order to improve children's behavior, it is advisable to ensure that the son or daughter follows the daily routine, family traditions and generally accepted rules of life.
Lies of a teenager 10-12 years old
What are the reasons that a child at this age deceives his parents? He is sometimes forced to tell lies by the aggressive behavior of people close to him. Thus, in some families, physical punishment is used against a child for any offense. For not taking out the trash, not making the bed in a timely manner, or not collecting the briefcase, aggressive parents can give their child a slap or slap in the face. It is the fear of reprisal that forces the student to hide the truth.
What to do? A child lies at 10 years old! Sometimes a teenager begins to lie because his parents are divorced. After all, parting with a father is a severe trauma, which is primarily inflicted on children. And if at 2 years old the baby still does not realize what is happening, then a 10-year-old teenager is already very worried about the family drama. In addition, mothers often take out their anger on their children, blaming them for what happened.
If a child lies at age 10, what should you do? In this case, parents should analyze their own behavior. It is quite possible that they want to see their child as a winner of sports competitions or Olympics. According to psychologists, children are afraid of disappointing their families and therefore begin to lie to them. If the deception is discovered, the teenager immediately shifts the blame to his desk neighbor.
If a child lies at age 11, what should you do? Parents should also reconsider their behavior. After all, children often deceive when they see their family members lying.
If at 10-12 years old a child lies that what to do to teach him to tell the truth? Sometimes this phenomenon becomes a consequence of excessive guardianship. In this case, lying is a means for a child to fight for his rights. Reconsider your behavior - and the situation will be corrected.
Stealing money
A person is capable of committing an illegal act at any age. But when frank and friendly kids suddenly steal something, it greatly upsets their parents.
It often happens that a child steals money and lies. What to do in this case? Parents should have a conversation with their child to rule out material gain. As a rule, the child cannot explain his action. And if the offender is punished without finding out the reason, then at the age of 13-14 the situation may worsen. The child will begin to steal money regularly. What should parents do to prevent this? First of all, think about your relationship with your child. Divorce, as well as coldness or hostility in the family, could have a negative impact on the child. In order to eliminate the cause of money theft, adults need to start with themselves - improve the atmosphere in the house, shout less and show as much love as possible to their child.
Lies in their various manifestations are an integral part of human social life. It’s worth remembering that so many times during the day we deceive someone, tell half-truths, withholding part of the information. This behavior is considered quite normal. And really, is it worth honestly telling a colleague that she had a bad haircut, or telling an elderly relative that she has bored you to death with her conversations about health?
But if adults treat their own lies quite normally, then children's lies cause a sharply negative reaction. Having discovered that their son or daughter is telling a lie, mothers and fathers often panic and begin to frantically search for an answer to the question of how to stop a child from lying?
First of all, it is worth distinguishing between fantasies and lies. The first ones are completely harmless and, on the contrary, even natural for children. By imagining, the baby develops his creative abilities. And, according to K. Chukovsky, the age from 2 to 5 years is the greatest flowering of creativity and flight of imagination.
- Various tricks during the game. Carried away by the game, the child may believe that the designer part is a secret device, and the matchbox is a carriage for the princess.
- Fantasies on various harmless topics. Kids often tell all sorts of incredible stories, however, it would be wrong to call them lies.
- Fears. Preschoolers often experience a variety of fears. A child who is firmly convinced that “Babai” is hiding under his crib in the dark is not lying at all. If such fears are intrusive and do not go away after 7-8 years, parents should definitely consult a psychologist.
Read also: How to get your child to do homework without unnecessary problems
Lies, unlike fantasies, are always selfish. When trying to lie, a child pursues a specific goal: to avoid punishment, to get something, etc.
Toddlers are incapable of consciously lying; a child can begin to lie consciously at the age of about 6 years.
Reasons that encourage a child to lie
To wean a child from lying, you need to try to find out exactly what reasons prompt him to tell a lie. Most often, this is:
- fear of punishment;
- an attempt at self-justification after committing a bad act;
- the desire to look more significant in the eyes of others;
- the desire to perform an action that is prohibited by parents;
- conflicting expectations.
Sometimes there are cases of pathological lying; it is better to deal with such problems in tandem with a psychologist.
Knowing the reasons that motivate you to tell a lie, it is much easier to fight this habit.
How to wean it?
If parents undertake to wean their child from telling them lies, they must understand that there is nothing more effective than their own example.
A child must definitely trust his mom and dad, knowing that his parents will not deceive him under any circumstances. If it is customary in a family to make promises and not keep them, or to deceive a child “as a joke,” then it is difficult to expect that the child will grow up to be a model of truthfulness and honesty.
The following advice from a psychologist will help you cope with the problem of a child’s deceit:
- If a child begins to tell his parents obvious lies about his incredible abilities, it means that he wants to seem better to others than he really is. It should be noted that this is a rather alarming sign. It’s worth thinking about why a child has to attract attention and earn praise with inventions? Perhaps he receives little attention in the family or are his parents very stingy with praise and encouragement? It is worth convincing your son or daughter that his parents love him for who he is.
- A common reason for lying is the desire to avoid punishment. You should think about whether the family is treating the child too strictly? For example, it is pointless and even harmful to punish a child for something he did accidentally. And if prank or laziness led to unpleasant consequences, then punishment should be based on the simple principle of eliminating the consequences: “I broke a vase - remove the fragments”, “received a bad grade at school - sit down and study the topic you missed”, etc.
- Often a child begins to come up with self-justifications for himself if he realizes that he has done something bad. For example, he unfairly offended his younger brother. In response to their mother’s reproaches, many children begin to look for excuses for their actions: “He was the first to come at me!” etc. It is very difficult to fight such lies, since they are aimed at restoring one’s own self-esteem. In no case should parents punish a tomboy without understanding it. You need to calmly and exclusively in a friendly tone sort out the situation.
- Children, when they find themselves in a new team, often begin to invent various stories about their family. For example, they say that they have a lot of different electronic gadgets at home or that his mother is a famous actress. Such lies, as a rule, appear at about 7 years old, that is, when the child enters school. Its appearance indicates that the child is not satisfied with his position in the team. How to deal with such fairy tales? First, you need to try to explain that owning all the toys in the world does not bring happiness. And for friends to appreciate and respect, it is enough to be a good and friendly person.
- Very often lies arise in response to overly strict demands from parents. For example, if a child of 7-9 years old is strictly prohibited from doing what his peers are allowed to do (walk independently in the yard, go on an excursion with the class, etc.). In this case, the desire to be no worse than his comrades usually overpowers, and the child composes a “tale” for his parents. For example, he reports that he went out into the yard with his grandmother, although in fact she was out doing some errands. The only way to wean yourself from such lies is to reconsider your educational priorities. The word “no” should not be the most popular word when a child communicates with his parents. Prohibitions, of course, are necessary, but they must be justified, and not like this: “I forbid it, that’s all!”
- The child does not live up to expectations. Often parents try to realize their own dreams through their children. For example, a mother persistently takes her daughter to figure skating, although she likes to draw. In this case, at the first opportunity, the child will begin to evade the need to do uninteresting things, coming up with various reasons. In this case, the only way to wean yourself from lying is to learn to listen and take into account the wishes of the child himself.
Children sooner or later learn to lie. Everyone lies, but those who are not confident in themselves lie more often than others. A child lies to avoid punishment or to add value to himself in the eyes of his peers or elders. Each problem that children's lies hide requires a special approach from parents. Psychologist Lawrence Kutner, author of five books on child psychology, lists 5 reasons that encourage children to lie.
1. Fear of punishment
Children are afraid that they will be punished. Especially if parents can't let go of unrealistic expectations. For example, a mother wants her five-year-old daughter to neatly fold her clothes and clear the table after eating without being reminded. When asked if she did it, the girl answers “yes,” even though she actually forgot about it.
As a result, the mother complains that the child is lying, but underneath this lies a completely different problem - high expectations for her daughter. The child copes with the situation as best he can. Considering that the girl does not yet know everything and she does not have the right to vote in the family, lying is simply a way of adaptation.
2. Increased self-esteem
Schoolchildren lie to improve their status and look better in the eyes of their friends. For example, they say they met a rock star, famous athlete or actor, or exaggerate their parents' income. If this happens rarely, you don’t have to worry about the child lying: bragging and “playing Superman” are commonplace for children.
But if a child exaggerates his social status again and again, this means that he is seriously dissatisfied with himself. In such a situation, you can find out why he feels worthless or humiliated. Maybe they don't pay attention to him? Maybe they laugh at him and humiliate him?
3. Protest
For many children, lying is a way to go against restrictions, to challenge the authority of their parents. At the age of 10–12 years, they feel that there is no longer any need to tell their parents everything.
Therefore, children may lie in response to a question that they perceive as a manifestation of parental power and pressure.
4. Setting personal boundaries
As the child grows up, he becomes keenly aware of the importance of independence, privacy and personal space. And the more parents try to look after and control him, the more the child lies or doesn’t say anything. Often children are also rude, emphasizing the desire to be left alone with themselves.
"Where are you going?" - “Nowhere.” "What are you doing?" - "Nothing". "Who is this?" - "You do not know him".
5. Family problems
When a child lies too much, it is a sign that something is wrong in the family. This is especially true in cases where theft and vandalism are added to lies. If other family members become victims of children's dirty tricks, this deserves special attention - often this is a gesture of despair, a cry for help, much more expressive than words.
This often happens to children whose parents are thinking about divorce. Stealing or damaging a parent's item - often these types of actions hide an attempt to force the parents to unite again, at least for a while. This motivation is not consciously realized by the child, but his actions clearly indicate his needs.
It is not always possible to foresee everything in raising children.
Sometimes, for example, it may turn out that the child is addicted to lying. What to do in such a situation?
What to do if a child bites his nails? will help you!
Psychology and reasons
Why do children lie?
In order to overcome children's lies, first of all, it is necessary to understand its reasons.
Of course, each case is individual, but psychologists were able to trace common features. Let's look at the most common reasons for a child to lie:
How to understand that a child is lying?
Recognize lies in a child much easier than for an adult. The thing is, he's not that experienced at hiding the truth.
Adults have already learned various techniques and know how to behave so that the lie is not discovered. But the child doesn’t know how to do that yet. Therefore, you can simply watch him and everything will become clear.
First of all, you should pay attention to the following signs that indicate that your baby is hiding something or deceiving you:
How to stop a child from hitting his head? you will find on our website.
What should parents of a teenager do?
What to do if a child 8-10-12 years old lies all the time? As we noted above, each case is individual. And first of all, it is necessary to understand the reason for children's lies, and then only take action.
Let's look at examples:
Understand also that it is most likely unpleasant for the child to lie, since he understands that it is bad, and he feels very uncomfortable at this moment.
And since he resorts to such a method, this means that the problems are really serious.
Treat him with understanding, try to find out the reasons for this behavior and work through them.
If you were unable to deal with children’s lies on your own, then it makes sense see a psychologist for advice.
He will talk to your child and help you solve this problem.
How to deal with lies?
How to punish a liar?
All of the methods listed above do not always help to reach the child. Yes, the educational process cannot consist only of rewards, sometimes must resort to punishment. But you need to be able to do it correctly.
The most important point is that any punishment must be fair. You shouldn’t swear emotionally and put your child in a corner. First, think about whether he really needs to be punished for his misdeeds?
In addition, the child must clearly understand why exactly he is being punished. Otherwise, your actions will not have any educational value.
So explain first(don’t shout and swear, but calmly and in detail tell him what the child did wrong), and then only punish him.
Do not inflict physical violence under any circumstances.
Better put the baby in the corner leave without sweets or watching your favorite programs.
This way he will understand that there is no point in lying and at the same time you will not harm his psyche with your actions.
Some psychologists are inclined to believe that you should not punish a child at all, everything can be solved just talking. In any case, the decision on the methods of the educational process is yours.
What does a pediatric neuropsychologist treat? find out right now.
How to stop lying?
In order to stop your child from telling lies, you should listen to the following tips:
- Build relationships with the child so that he is not afraid of you and knows that you can punish him only according to the case.
- Be patient in relation to your children, do not scream just because you are tired from work.
- Take it easy on his failures. Explain that you love him despite his bad grades and reluctance to participate in the city Olympiad.
- Talk to your child. You can even directly say that you caught him in a lie and ask him to explain why he did that.
The relationship with the baby must be trusting so that this problem does not arise at all.
- Don't forget about yourself. If you often deceive, then the child may simply copy you - and no educational methods will help.
- It is necessary to instill the concept that lying is bad from a very young age.. Just give it a gameplay, you can, for example, tell a fairy tale or parable with such a moral.
Find out about the symptoms of cerebrasthenic syndrome in children from ours.
A parable about truth and lies for children
Here is an example of a parable, the moral of which is that it is better to tell the truth:
“Three boys went for a walk in the forest. We were so carried away by nature, berries and birds that we didn’t even notice how the day passed. They realized that they would be scolded at home. What to do?
They stand and think what is better: to confess honestly or to lie?
The first boy speaks:
“I’ll say that a wolf attacked me in the forest.” Mom and Dad will be scared for me, they will worry and will not scold me.
The second thought a little and said the following:
- I will say that I met my grandfather and did not notice how time flew by. Mom and Dad will be pleased and calm that I spent the day with him and they will not scold me.
The third thought and said:
- And I’ll tell the truth. I'll be honest and there won't be any need to invent anything. It's easier to tell the truth.
So they went home.
The first boy came to his parents and told them about the wolf. And then suddenly a forest watchman passed by, heard his story and said:
- There are no wolves in our forests.
The boy's parents were angry with him. They were angry for the wrongdoing, and twice as angry for the lie.
The second boy told his parents about his grandfather, and then he himself came to visit. The parents found out the truth. They were angry for the wrongdoing, and twice as angry for the lie.
The third boy came and immediately told everything honestly, as it was.
His parents grumbled at him a little, and forgave him.
And so it turned out that it really was easier.
Of course, no parent would like to face the fact that their child is lying. But if this happens, there is no need to immediately scold and punish the baby in your feelings. Understand the reasons for his behavior and think about what you can do about it.
Why do children lie? Find out about it in the video:
Most likely, many mothers and fathers have had to face the fact that their child does not always tell the truth. Children enjoy embellishing their stories a little and imagining things. Parents are worried: why do children lie? And if you don’t pay attention to this, then an incorrigible liar may grow up in the family. Our article is about how to stop a child from lying. You will also learn what to do if a child is lying, and read useful advice from a psychologist.
Where does deception begin?
Children's lies: norm or deviation?
It is interesting that some psychologists consider children's lies to be the norm and do not consider them as a negative phenomenon. From what? In the first years of life, a child develops rapidly, receiving a large flow of varied information: he processes it, learns to use it daily. He begins to understand what is reality and what is fiction. When developing speech, the baby relies on his logical thinking. He forms a certain impression about the world around him, and what he cannot find an explanation for, he completes using his imagination.
Little children begin to be cunning when adults forbid something. This is where logic kicks in again and the kid thinks: “If this is not possible, then if I say something else, will it be possible?” And the child begins to select options on how to get what is forbidden. This is where the deception begins.
“As a child grows up, a child’s innocent lies can develop into the habit of getting what he wants through deception, and this is no longer good.”
The main reasons for children's lies
Children lie for a variety of reasons.
Among the main reasons for children's lies are the following:
- desire to get what parents forbid
- desire to appear better than he really is
- fear of punishment
- self-justification
- improvement of social status
- contradiction of the child's expectations
- lies of a pathological nature.
Let's consider each of the reasons separately in order to understand what to do in this or that case.
The desire to get what parents forbid
How does this happen?“Dad let me take the candy!” (and dad wasn’t even at home). “I didn’t know what time it was, so I was late home,” etc.
What should I do? If in your family the word “impossible” is repeated more often than others, then the child will be forced to defend his rights and interests with the help of lies. It is better to reconsider your prohibitions and reduce their number. Leave those related to the child’s safety, his diet and dietary traditions, as well as some educational issues. Having gained a little more independence, the child will feel freedom and will develop a sense of responsibility for his actions. In addition, explain to the child that what he wants can be obtained through other means, for example, by asking and explaining why he needs it, as well as by following the rules outlined by the parents.
The desire to appear better than one really is
How does this happen? A child may begin to talk about his extraordinary strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance, although it will be clear to adults: he is trying to pass off wishful thinking.
What should I do? How to treat this - as a lie or as a fantasy? This symptom is very alarming. The child lies to interest his parents. Why? Maybe he doesn’t have enough warmth, affection, attention, love, interest, or real support. One of the main tasks of parents is to stimulate the development of their child’s abilities and explain that each person has his own talents. Some are good at skateboarding, some sing or dance great, and some know everything about the Egyptian pyramids or space. So you need to develop and show your real abilities, and then no one will consider you a liar or a braggart.
Fear of punishment
How does this happen? If a child understands that for accidentally breaking a cup he can be deprived of something good or, worse, beaten, he will try his best to hide the “traces of the crime.”
What should I do? By punishing the child too often and severely, parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. It’s better to make decisions about punishment after the fact: if you broke it - you need to remove it, if you broke it - you need to fix it, you got a bad mark - you need to study and fix it. This will be fair, since such an attitude will not offend the child’s dignity, as a result of which he will not want to resort to deception.
Self-justification
How does this happen? Sometimes a child realizes that he has done a bad thing, begins to mutter something, say a lot of things, tries to explain himself in order to justify himself, for example: “He started it first!” After which a story is given about how the offender started first, what offenses he caused, etc. Note that the “offender” tells a similar story.
What should I do? Such lies are the most difficult to eradicate. This lie, like a stain remover, is designed to bring the “victim’s” self-esteem back to normal. Try to make it clear to your child that you still love him, even if he was the one who “started it first.” Discuss what happened on a friendly note, and then there will be less deception.
Improved social status
How is it happening?Sometimes d Children tend to invent simply incredible stories about their parents: about their wealth, about toys that are given in tons, about trips to distant countries, about how dad appears on TV almost every day. These dreams of a better existence indicate the child’s dissatisfaction with his social status. A child can understand such things already at 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already have a good understanding of who is rich and who is poor.
What should I do? If the child’s deception is “status”, you need to think about whether it is possible to give him at least part of what he so dreams of? Maybe not “just like that,” but so that the child puts in a little of his own effort. Regarding “greedy” preschoolers who uncontrollably want to get all the toys on earth, explain that this is unrealistic, but it is possible to receive good gifts from time to time.
Conflicting child's expectations
How does this happen? Let's say a girl loves to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; the boy wants to enroll in a radio club, and his dad sees him as a talented translator. While their parents are away from home, they draw and design, and then lie that they were diligently studying music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom his parents want to see as an excellent student, talks about the bias of his teachers, justifying his low level of success.
What should I do? Unfortunately, it happens that the expectations of parents are a heavy burden for children. This is an alarming symptom. Think about whether your expectations contradict the child’s inclinations and interests? It is dishonest to force him to show abilities and achieve goals instead of you (in accordance with your unfulfilled childhood dreams), “for you in childhood.” Understand that your child is on his own path, and if you create favorable conditions for the development of what he does best, there will be less deception.
Pathological children's lies occurs infrequently, and it requires consultation with specialist psychologists in each individual case.
Lies of children of different ages
It is difficult to distinguish lies from fantasy in preschool children.
“Children can lie for the first time when they are 3-4 years old. And at the age of 6 years, the child will already clearly understand that he is deliberately lying.”
Let's see how children's lies manifest themselves at different ages:
4-5 years. Preschoolers can confuse reality with a fictional world, so they wishful thinking - these are the features of their development. The lies of children of this age cannot be perceived as the opposite of the truth. It's more of a fantasy.
7-9 years old. In the minds of younger schoolchildren, a line between the real and the fictional world already appears. Children experiment with the possibilities of lying, knowing that what they are saying is not true. Parents should know that behind frequent lies there may be more serious problems that are better understood.
How to teach a child to be honest
If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it.
"Advice. There is no way to do without prohibitions in education, since permissiveness is not a way out of the situation.”
How to explain to a child that any lie is a bad quality?
- If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the situation and find out the reasons for dishonesty. After all, children usually don’t lie just like that: their circumstances provoke them to do so. By calmly understanding the reasons for the lie, it will not be difficult for the parent to achieve a positive result.
- You need to talk with your child more often on topics of good and evil, analyzing various situations, using examples of children's films and cartoons, and fairy tales.
- Showcase your positive example. For example, when dad is at home and you say on the phone that he is not there, you show your child that lying is not a bad thing.
- Tell your child that there is a “polite lie,” which involves treating people tactfully in order not to offend them (for example, when you didn’t like a birthday present).
Watch a video about manifestations of children's lies and ways to eradicate them
Useful advice from a psychologist will help you organize the educational process correctly:
- Don't punish people for cheating. Your indignation and screaming will only tell your child that the lie should be hidden more strongly. At the same time, the child will not stop lying, but will only become more secretive.
- Learn to distinguish between children's fantasies (which can be useful) and lies. Children are prone to inventions. If you hear them more often than you would like, try to diversify your child’s leisure time.
A child will be honest if he is confident that his parents will never humiliate him.
A child will be honest if:
- will be sure that his parents will never humiliate him
- will not be afraid of the anger of dad and mom or be rejected by them
- will know that he will be supported in a difficult situation and given good advice
- will be confident that if they punish it, it will be fair
- will know that in a controversial situation his parents will be on his side
- will be sure that there is trust in the family.
Do you want your child to be honest? Make truth a cult in your family. Praise your child for being honest. It is better to teach a child not to lie than to punish him all the time.